Oily Journey

Forest: Nanay, i-post mo, "Forest is a doctor in school."

This, when I asked if she still has her oil stash. She related how a classmate often has tummy pain and how she administers the oil to her. Which, consequently makes her think she is a doctor :) Funny kid.

It made me think though that when we embarked on this oily journey, it was merely to be in keeping with our desire for what is healthy and good for the children. Without intending to, it allowed us to demonstrate just how concerned we are about their well-being. Administering the oils on the soles of their feet, at their back are really way more caring than giving a pill to drink.

If this oily journey would awaken the healer in Forest, I would be so much grateful for it. If it would reinforce her already caring attitude, what more can I ask for/

Just earlier, she talked about the oils as if she knows them intimately -- Panaway, Digize - making reference to what her Lola use. And last night, when I told her she ought to have Raven to counter the beginnings of colds and cough she is feeling, she looked for it in her Lola's PSK right away,saying "Rrrrrr" the whole time, attempting to read :)

Oh I miss you a lot, Forest. Every single day. Tonight, I watched her sleep as she had requested. I told her a story first and then I sang to her, until slowly her eyes closed and her breathing became much deeper. I did not stop singing even then (our version of Rock a-By which i sing to her since she was a baby and our latest craze, "A Million Dreams" from the Greatest Showman). It was as if I was thinking that if I sing longer it would make up for the absence that a real hug would bring :( I will be going home soon!

And So We Talked Again

I'm so happy today since Kuya Rod indulged me with a Skype conversation that stretched minutes and not just a few seconds as before.  While he still refused to look at the camera, he was chatty as he used to be with me.

Well, it had been awhile.  Him become a teen (and most likely trying to find himself as well), Rod is more intent about being on his own, being glued to his phone.  He even refuses to go out with us on occasions, often just opting to be at home. Even if it means he would be left there on his own.  It is breaking my heart, missing how we used to connect in the past.  He is after all my best friend before (even when he was merely 3).  We never talk down on him and even early on, he showed every indication of being such an old soul.  So when he was merely a toddler, he acts as if me and my friends (his Tita's Candy, Jeni, Rochelle) are his circle of friends as well. 

But yes, it felt great to be talking again and to have him "ask my permission" on whether he ought to buy bluetooth earphones or not.  That he did not insist and listened to what I had to say were to me an indication that he still values my opinion although at times, these days, he could be pretty stubborn. 

I had to give a lecture on burn brain cells and had to assure him I'll pay for standard earphones when he needs one (his argument had been -- Nanay, earphones are very expensive! Blue tooth ones cost half of it!).  I had to strongly tell him to take care of his earphones though so we would not be throwing good money away. 

We got to talk about musical instruments as well to which he strongly voice his objection.  Haaaaay.  I could not force the issue though.  He mentioned how costly it is to have lessons and I had to tell him Nanay doesn't mind having to scrimp on some things so we could afford him one.  He said he would rather pay for wifi as nowadays, kids are pretty high-tech already.  I was indignant of course and told him as much (although now I suspect that he was just saying that to get the exact reaction from me).

So yeah, I'm praying the relationship would continue, teenage angst notwithstanding.  I guess it helped when I texted him last Thursday as to how I thought of him that day (and everyday) and how he can always count on Nanay to fight his battles for him as well, in a way he would want me too.

Well, that is true, Rod. Nanay might not be always at your side now.  Please know that I am always thinking of you and pray for what is best for you.  If I have such heartfelt well wishes for friends and others, so much more for you, my children.  I love you to the moon and back, Kuya. Always remember that.

Bangladesh Chronicles: "Data Gathering"

The silence in the room was palpable.  I was conducting an FGD with women-- both representatives of the Host Community and refugees.  As in every FGD I facilitate, I tried my best to explain the purpose of the discussion and asked if they have any questions.  When there was none, I proceeded with the first question on my list -- "What are your priorities now?" And the answers came pouring in -- food, proper shelter, gas stoves, medicines, toilet...

Then came the next question, "How about three years from now? Do you think your priorities would change by then?  What would they be?"

I knew when I finalised the questions for the FGD that this is a question I had to handle carefully.  After all, how could  one ask them to think of something far beyond their current situation?  But nothing prepared me from seeing the shocked expression from their faces after I asked the question. Indeed, from the looks on their faces, it is something that they never thought about up until I brought it up.

Perhaps, in their case, they are still coming to terms with their immediate past, the horrors that they had faced. Perhaps, they are being weighed down by their day to day concerns-- where to get their next meal; longing for a better house than what they currently have; how to address the needs of ailing family members; or wishing and hoping that things are safe enough back home so they could go back.

Who are we then to ask them about tomorrow, plans for the next three months.. for the next year when everyday that comes is uncertain in itself?

Anniversary

So we're pretty sleepless today, really.  Because late last night, we were still awake. Well, at least I was fully awake and I kept waking Tatay up (who was tired from a soccer game earlier that afternoon) so we could mark the day.  I'm in one of those stubborn moments. 

And so, we ended up talking for a while.  Yesterday, I was actually feeling a bit resentful and yet apathetic.  We've been fighting a lot lately I wasn't feeling excited about celebrating the anniversary at all.  For one, we're apart. And, lately, I'm really at that phase wherein I feel totally unappreciated and taken for granted.  Come to think of it, that, I think is one of the reasons for our constant "encounters" lately. 

We got into talking about our first... well... I just had to log it in (was looking for a particular post in this blog earlier and got to rid some snippets of logged event that I could not for the love of me even remember at all!  But I wrote them and there they were.  They did happen.  I just could not remember.  So, here I am then... Logging in something a bit.... err... intimate... lest, I forget in some distant future)  So, I'm saying.  I've always have this pet peeve about our first.  For all my formative years (and beyond) spent reading (and around 50% of them, romantic novels), I always have this notion about making every "first" special.  It has to have all the works.  However, our first was not exactly marked with all the special effects, or fireworks or anything of the sort.  When I asked him about it he said, "Alangan, palangga gud kaayo ta ka. (So I did not force it)." And that set the tone for the rest of the day.

He, Rod and Forest went to church to light a candle and say a prayer.  He bought cake.  Forest sang us a "Happy THIRTEENTH anniversay" in a cute, sing-song voice.  (Which totally amused me).  So what more can I ask for? 

Thank you, God.  Thank you, B.  For making all the effort and for making me feel loved today.  I love you, hurot!

Orbital Blog 2018

I just gotten off chat with Ate Gaga.  On her part of the world, it was already midnight and so she greeted me.  But yes, even this morning, I already got some advance greetings from high school friends. 

And finally, I was able to talk to Tatay and the children. We were able to pray together as well.  It had been a trying three days of not being able to talk to each other. It drove me nuts and made me truly depressed.  It was not a nice feeling to have.  It is difficult being alone and away from family.  The only source of my strength and re-charging at the end of the day is when I get to talk to the children.  It doesn’t have to be a lengthy conversation.  Just praying together would be enough.  But yes, talked we finally did and everything is just good from there.  Tatay and I ended up talking till midnight (2 am at his end).  He patiently waited for midnight to greet me and I guess we also made up for the three day “missed-communication.” 

This morning, I was awaken quite early (4 am my end, 6 in theirs) by a skype call. I know it was around the time that Kuya and Tatay are on their way to school.  I missed it though because my phone konked out, failing to charge the entire night.  It took forever to open to my laptop and get Skype running. By the time I was able to get through, Tatay and Rod have already left for school.  I tried getting back to sleep but my brain was already awake so I just laid there not quite asleep but not awake either.  Then Skype rang.  It was Tatay (back from Kuya’s school and Forest, singing me a happy birthday with our traditional small cake to blow.)  Forest was so cute my heart was filled to the brim. 

It was all love and well wishes from there.  From messenger, fb, skype, they came pouring in from loved ones and dear friends from all over.  It was a nice feeling to have.

It was a working day for me and I thought it was meaningful to have been able to contribute again in my own little way.  The past months have really been trying. I had to combat bouts of depression (which blew me away, knowing that I always have such a positive disposition) and it is only faith that is keeping me centered and away from thoughts of self-harm. Today, being able to finish what I did from work and having had all the fuss being thrown my way, I was affirmed.  I am loved.  

Thank you, God.  Thank you, family, friends and loved ones, for taking the time out to show me just how much.  I love you back.