Morning Walk

This morning Bolo and I did our morning walk after a long time of not being able to. As usual, our destination was the market to buy some stuff for the house. We like the idea as it is like hitting two birds with one stone. It allows us to accomplish our marketing for the house while at the same time give us the opportunity for exercise.

What’s different about this morning though was aside from engaging in just senseless chatter, we playfully talked about our plans and dreams. At the start of our walk, I told him that he help me in visualizing that we are driving our dream car. I asked him what type of car he wants and what color. He played along with me and said he wanted an “off-road” type in black color. I scoffed and said he should concentrate instead on a particular type of vehicle since we have very recently participated in a raffle draw and the grand prize is far from being the “off-road” type he wants, hehehe Talk about being purposive and particular :)

He must be in a good mood that morning since he took my hand and told me he’s imagining that we are cruising along. Then he looked down on my feet and pointed out we’re walking at a rather slow pace so what kind of driving is that? Hehe

For the rest of our walk, I was the one who did all the talking with him just commenting every now and then. I launched on a long speech about a make-believe-life which includes moving out of the country, taking annual out-of-the-country trips and taking our respective families for travel abroad. Every now and then we would talk about the realities that our families face and how we want to change that for the better. Then I would again talk about “our”…err… “my” fantasies and dreams…

Moments like this are what makes me appreciate what Bolo and I have. While our relationship is definitely not “fight-free,” moments like these makes up for the time when we’d be fighting tooth and nails. It makes me appreciate our being friends other than being sweethearts.

I guess it’s really inherent for Filipinos to include in one’s grand plan also the well-being of the entire family. We are just brought up that way – to be inclusive, to think not just of our own but the entire family, if not clan altogether.

In a way I envy a friend who really pursued her plan of working abroad just to help her family. Back in my younger days, when I’m still the idealist that I was (I still partly am), it never occurred to me to pursue life outside of Mindanao. For me, I feel some kind of tie to this land I’ve called “home” ever since I could remember. And for the longest time I desired nothing but to dedicate to it the whole of me and what I’d become. I used to tell my Mom before, every time she would ask me if I have plans of going abroad, how my talents and my brains would be for Mindanao alone.

Now, however, having a family of my own, I feel that I have changed a bit and have reordered my priorities. Now -- while the desire to serve is still there -- I have slowly began to dislodged my head from the cloud I’ve been in for the longest time to direct my eyes and heart closer to home.

Lately, I’ve been noting how my Mom is getting old. More than ever, I’m thinking now of how I could give back to her all that she had given me, us. Mama is one of the most self-less person that I know. Well, to some extent. She gives her all to the persons that she loves. And by all, I mean everything.

I see her now, taking care of Janin and I say to myself how I admire her for taking on the role of a parent to Niño’s daughter without any hesitation. She had done that long before Niño’s death. I’m thinking, now should be the time that she would just think about herself and pursuing things that she really wants to do with her life. But no, she just continues to give herself and her support to her family – to us, to her sisters, to her nephews and nieces. Even Papa was like that – very inclusive. I guess some of that rubbed on me too. Well, I would like to believe so...

So in view of all of that, I now find myself directing my eyes outwards, mulling the possibility of looking for opportunities outside this country. I feel a part of me grow sad at the thought. I wish things were different, that I’d still be able to work for my country and for development while at the same time be able to give my family and my extended family the good life that they truly deserve. In an ideal world, such should be the case. In an ideal world, that is very much possible… I hate to think that life in this country is now far from being ideal… But that is how it seems like. Just read today’s headline…

Ah, but that’s an entirely different topic altogether. Life is short. There is no room for negativity in my thoughts and in my life. I pray that I’ll be able to achieve all that I’ve dreamt about this morning. Most of all, I pray that I maintain my attitude of always taking a positive outlook in life...

The Broom Incident (Awakening to the Challenge of Being a Parent and Running a Household)

“Where there are challenges, that’s where there is life…” the priest said during the homily. Bolo turned to me and with a smirk on his face told me, “See?!” He did not, but still I felt as if he stuck his tongue at me.

Yesterday was Mama’s 59th birthday and we went to hear the 7 AM mass at the Shrine. It meant getting up to get ready real early. But it was all worth it. There’s something about being able to start one’s Sunday with an early Mass. Somehow, one is able to relax and enjoy the rest of the day more. Maybe because it meant we don’t have to think about rushing to the church anymore.

Anyway, the smirk on Bolo’s face was in response to the long “lecture session” I had with him the day before that. Sigh. We were discussing some marital woes, our responsibilities and what our attitude should be about them. By lecture, it meant, it was I who was doing all the talking most of the time har-har-har-har :) Probably, Bolo was seeing it as me, bemoaning the difficulty of it all thus the "see-stuck-his-tongue-at-me" gesture of his.

I guess the homily sort of served as a reminder for us both. It’s really not easy being married and becoming parents. It’s such a far cry from one’s being at the receiving end when we were yet young and under our parents’ care. Being parent meant, one is now responsible for the providing part. And Bolo and I - and Candy too, Jeni, Rochelle and the rest of my friends – are finding out everyday how exactly difficult that is.

I remember this one incident that really drove home that very point to me. Mama came to visit one day. She was still living at the Empress home then and there was just Bolo and I living at home. Anyway, she pointed out to me that I needed to buy a new broom as what we’re using could now hardly sweep anything.

Really, that sort of struck me. I was like shocked at having found out that now, even that has become my responsibility. I mean, I never thought about broom replacements at any time in my life before. It simply was never a concern of mine. Until that day when Mama pointed it out to me.

The following days after that I became aware that I am also responsible for all the minute details involved in running a household. I’ve been so dependent that I’ve always taken all these things for granted. Mama was always there to be on top of everything. Should I forget anything, she was always there to remind me. After that broom incident, it dawned on me that I am now the “Mom” in the little “household” that Bolo and I are now sharing and building everyday. Funny how it took a broom to let everything finally sink in all at once.

The minute I become a parent, I immediately made some adjustments to fit the role. I did everything I thought a mother should do… but I guess it never really dawned on me (completely) that it includes running the household too and being on top of it.

I guess the reason for this was that I got a bit of a pampering when I have just gotten birth – from Bolo, from my Mom, my aunts and even my cousins. Somehow, there was always someone to assist me in everything that I had to do… So now that Baby is grown and the support has somewhat been slowly withdrawn… I’m slowly finding myself at the very helm of “household management” – with a broom for a scepter Hahaha What a thought!

Saying Hello Again

Finally, here's a break in the "goodbye" posts. Dane's flight to Dubai was at 11:30 AM yesterday, Sunday. At around that time, I arrived at Paradise Island with Bolo, Baby and Janine to meet up with Candy and Durly. Yup, Durly and her family is in town for a vacation. They are going to be here for a week.

It's been what? 5 years, since Durly left for Manila? Maybe even more. I remember we had a Christmas-Party-cum-Despedida at their house in Mandug. Candy was still very much pregnant with Asia then, her second child. China was a mere toddler. Durly's daughter then -- Lei -- was I think barely 1 year old. Now all kids are grown. Durly now has a 3-year-old son and I have a son of my own. How time flies and how life evolves. It seems only yesterday when we would sit in the 2nd floor "stairwell" in Ateneo, exchanging notes and agonizing over our grades in Calculus. Now, we're all faced with a hurdle of a different sort -- that of married life and being full-fledged adults.

I remember one conversation I had with Candy over YM (yeah, conversations nowadays are coursed through YM and not over coffee and cake. there's just barely enough time left for such get-togethers. YM, on the other hand, are right in our own bedrooms... and err.. desk at the office hehehe). We were lamenting how this time, things like paying the bills, sustaining our family's needs, being in-charge with "adult" stuffs are no longer the concerns of our parents but our own. If before, we are always at the receiving end, now it is our turn to do the providing. And we're finding out how difficult it can be. Well, adulthood sure sucks hehehe

Come to think of it, it's funny how before we all can't wait to be adults. We always hated it when we could not do our own thing, we had to undergo the agony of having to ask permission only to be turned down by our parents. Little did we know that great responsibilities come with such "freedom" too. Looking back, I think I would give up to be a kid again and be free from all these worries hehehe

Baby just came in, dressed in his complete England jersey uniform and playfully handed to me his soccer ball. He turned to me with his ever-present beaming smile and "gurgled" something he only could understand. I guess God just delivered me a message right there hehehe So okay, I take that back, adulthood is not really that bad hehehe

But anyway, it sure was fun seeing Durly again. We are set to meet on Wednesday for a dinner get-together. Hopefully other classmates could get to join us =) Below are some of the pictures we had at Paradise.