My Entrepreneurial, Five-Year Old Son

I was bent over my laptop trying to work on a report and totally exhausted when my five-year old son approached me and said, "Nay, Lola and Ate gave me money!" He then laid down next to my laptop a five peso coin and one peso coin. Without missing a beat he spread out his three-compartment small bag (an attachment to his Tatay's mountaineering backpack) in front of me and began his litany: "Nanay, this one (his lola's pau de arco ointment) is 5 pesos; this one, (efficascent oil) is 2 pesos; while this one, (a varop rub) is only 1 peso! Pa-haplas ka na, Nay. I know you're tired. Bayaran mo lang ako!"

I smiled wryly at him and asked if I could get it for free as I was indeed very tired and I'm his mother after all. He paused for a minute, probably thinking things through before saying, "Ay! bayaran mo lang ako!" When I did not say anything, he let out a sigh and said, "Sige na nga. Pero sandali lang ha? Kasi tired naman ako hilot kina lola." Huh!

I remember that only that morning, he and his cousin Janin, again set up a DVD-for-rent stall in front of our house. I watched in concern as they amateurishly tied our only umbrella to our gate just so they would have some sort of a shed as they diligently "manned" their stall.

He had tried it twice before and there were no takers. I have prayed hard in those instances that he would be able to make a sale so that his little entrepreneurial heart would not get broken. Still, the afternoons have come and gone and still not a single customer. I think it was not helpful that there are just 6 occupied houses on our street. And, most of the house owners were gone for the day. It could also be that no one really took him that seriously, thinking he's just playing pretend. On those times I wished that I could just rent out the DVDs for his sake but I hesitated, noting how smart he is and that he might not appreciate the gesture.

When he set it up again that morning, I felt relieved at the thought that the previous experiences did not discouraged him at all. I certainly admired his fortitude. The admiration soon doubled when out of the blue I distinctly heard his loud voice, calling out in a "sing-song" manner, "DVD's for rent!" I almost toppled over in laughter. I remember thinking, "This kid is really something." He wasn't discouraged at all. Not only that, he also thought about changing his "marketing strategy" hehe I suddenly had to remind myself that my son is only five years old.

I tried to recall what got him into it when I remembered it all started two Christmases ago. At that time, thanks to his Lolo (father side) and Lola (mama), he discovered the wonderful world of... "retail." I was adamant at not introducing him to the "power" of money so I never gave him any. I try to anticipate what his needs would be and so I had them at hand at home. That way, I wouldn't have to visit a nearby sari-sari store and have him see me buy stuff. But lo and behold! I did not know until it's too late that every time he visits his Lolo, one of their favorite past time would be to go to a sari-sari store so he could choose anything that he wants and have his Lolo buy it for him. On top of it all, he would leave the house with some "baon" in the form of money in his pockets. Always, his Lolo's parting words would be, "Yan ang money ha? Bili ka kung anong gusto mo!" Huh! Mama was no different. A bit subtle but equally as damaging.

And so, that Christmas, he had been asking me to buy him some stuff and more. It's either this toy or that, this candy or that. Wanting to educate him on the value of money, I introduced him to the concept of "earning" them. I told him I'd buy him the things that he needs and some of his wants as a gift. For all the other things that we wants, he would have to earn money for them. Recalling that now, I'm not so sure if it was the wise thing to do. He was only a little over three years old at that time. That would have been too early for his young mind to absorb. But, I knew I had also tried my best to be subtle about it.

Christmas is usually the time when we'd go to DAP office where his Godparents mostly are. We would usually go there so I could leave my gifts for my own inaanaks. That is also the time when we'd find his gifts already waiting for him, some from Ninangs in the office and some, left by his Godparents that were former DAPpers . I thought it perfect to have him bring a bag of candy with him so he could "sell" these to his Ninang's for a small amount. I knew my former colleagues would understand and would play along.

We had a field day then, trying to pick up from the grocery his "perfect" product. I thought candy was inappropriate. At the same time, buying biscuits would be too bulky and too expensive. In the end we settled with "Flat Tops," a chocolate candy hehe And so there he was, not shy at all, approaching his Ninang's to sell them chocolates. I guess he enjoyed the experience so much that it got stuck.

Haaay, I don't know where all these would lead to. I just hope that I could guide him along accordingly. He knows about the value of saving and he's good at it as well. I just hope that I could educate him on how other kids don't have it quite easy. I also certainly hope that he wouldn't grow up to be so gungho about money. I love the fact that he's entrepreneurial even at an early age. I'm just not too crazy at the thought of having him like money too much. What I really want is for him to appreciate how working hard has its rewards. So, help me Father God!

Baby Overspends

Today, all Level 1 “babies” went to SM as an extension of their lessons on fruits and vegetables. They were brought to the fruit and vegetable section of the grocery. The teachers walked them through the aisles, telling them the names of the fruits and vegetables displayed there.

Prior to the activity, a letter had been sent to the parents to inform us of it and to ask our consent for the activity and for allowing the kids to make a purchase. When it was settled that they would be making purchases as well, Tatay and I sat Baby down and tried to set some limits. The letter had said to put money in the pocket of the child and to be on the safe side, Tatay and I agreed that 100 would suffice. But, at the same time, we also agreed spending the whole of that wouldn’t be good either. We don’t want Baby to associate “buying” with spending everything that he has. We want him to experience paying and then getting some change back.

However, it wouldn’t be the first time for Baby to experience paying for purchases. I’ve allowed him to do that several times in the past. Those times when what we were paying for were items that he chose by himself – some biscuits, choco drink, milk, or carefully-chosen toys. In all those instances, he had gotten some change back and every time, he would give it back to us. (He isn’t this good at all times though since while he does return the change every time and readily gives me his baon every time I ask for a loose change for fare, he has this bad habit sometimes of picking up coins lying in the house without asking permission and take it as his own. Tatay and I are working on it.)

Anyway, I had a training and had to work so I was not able to go with him today :( Tatay was there though and I insisted about his bringing the camera. Last night, we sat with Baby and told him to limit his purchase to just two – one fruit and one vegetable. Since his favorite fruit is mango, we agreed that that is what he would buy. One mango. For the vegetable, his favorite is squash but thinking it might be too heavy for him to carry, I asked him to just buy ampalaya for Nanay to which, he agreed.

When I came home for lunch today, Tatay told me how the teacher had to call on him to augment Baby’s money since his purchase totaled more than a hundred. I was surprised to hear about it. Our conversation had been clear. I wondered what happened.

Tatay told me that instead of mango, Baby purchased a pack of fresh strawberries. We had feared this would happen and made it clear beforehand to Baby that he should purchase his favorite fruit, mango, regardless if his classmates would buy strawberries. And yet there he was. When I asked him about it, he immediately reasoned out, “Mango man sana yun Nanay pero nagliko naman kami (with matching hand gesture of “liko”), malayo na sa mango kaya strawberry na lang.” Tatay told me his classmates also bought strawberries so I figured they probably stopped there and so he opted to buy one also.

As for the vegetables, true enough, he bought ampalaya for me hehe Tatay told me he saw him picked the strawberry and thought that was the end of it. He was surprise to find out at the counter that he indeed bought ampalaya and a pack of large onions, the type we usually use for cooking pasta at home. When I asked him how he managed to carry all of it, he gestured, “Ganito, Nanay,” interlacing both of his arms, holding them close to his chest and crouching over them. It wasn’t hard to imagine how it must have been hehehe

Haay I was really sorry to have missed another milestone of Baby’s because of work but I’m glad Baby is so expressive, I have the pleasure of sharing good “after-the-event-conversations” with him each time this happens. Thank you, Father God that my little one enjoyed his trip to the grocery today, for how Baby is turning out to be, and for that little conversation he and I shared. Oh, and for Tatay who is always there to lend a hand :)

All About Baby

Baby came home yesterday bringing with him a small plant sowed on a clear, plastic cup. We were having lunch, me making the most of my time with him before I return to the training. His Tatay urged him to show me the different parts of the plants. Tatay related to me how Baby had been talking non-stop on their way home from school about the different parts of the plants.

Baby then turned to me and said, “Nanay roots ito,” pointing at the roots visible from the plastic cup. I nodded in response. Then Baby added, “These are the leaves,” this time pointing at the plant’s clump of leaves. Noticing that he missed out on the stems of the plant I asked, “What are these then?” Without missing a beat he answered, “Tingnan mo yung folder ko, Nay. Nandun kung ano tawag dyan,” making reference to their assignment folder which outlines the lessons they have every week. Hahaha!

These days, how Baby could communicate so well never fails to amaze me. There was one instance when I called home to ask Tatay something when it was Baby who answered. It turned out that somebody called me up at home and he very clearly told me, “Nanay, may tumawag sa ‘yo kanina dito. Sabi ko wala ka, nagwork. Tawag daw siya ulit.” It completely blew me away. I know it’s expected of three-year olds to be able to express themselves already. Still, hearing Baby communicate sans his usual, broken lines but still in his cute, baby voice could really tug at my heart. It must be a motherly-thing.

His logic is also faultless. One time I got irritated to find out the laundry is all over the floor and was urging him to help me put them all in the hamper. He readily helped me but while he was stuffing in the laundry he told me in his cute voice, “Nanay, sunod, sabihan mo si Tatay siya magpasok nito kasi siya man nagkalat nito, hindi ako.” Imagine that, coming from a four-year old.

He also has perfect taste (hehehe). I was tying my hair, getting ready for the Christmas Mass when Baby came inside the room and told me, “Wow! Nanay, ang cute mo.” He was looking at my dress. It was a new dress, bought with my “newly-acquired” pregnancy in mind. It had spaghetti straps and a very low neckline. To cover up, I put on a tube blouse underneath. The dress was really pretty, completely feminine and I was surprised at how he openly expressed his appreciation for it.

I was wearing the same dress last week but at that time donned on a short-sleeved tee-blouse underneath. I was tiptoeing inside the bedroom so as not to wake him up when I heard him say, “Nanay, sando lang isuot mo inside, ‘wag yan.” I nearly jumped but was really amused to hear him “advise” me on what to wear. ‘Seems like, I now have an in-house fashion consultant. And a four-year old at that.

Baby is indeed expressive and I find it truly refreshing. Last Sunday, we were settling down to sleep when he turned to me and said, “Nanay, masaya ako kanina sa binyag ni Baby Koi2x.” Eric’s youngest got baptized and the family spent lunch together at the reception. The venue’s ground was large, covered and with huts dotting the place. He and Janin had a field day running all over. When I asked him why he was happy, he replied that it’s because he was able to play with his Ate.

I am truly grateful for moments like these with Baby. I am grateful knowing how he’s turning out to be. I love the fact that Baby is open and expressive about his feelings. It is telling me that somehow, we did something right in rearing him up since he had no qualms about expressing anything to us. To me it means he feels confident enough to do so.

I am wondering how he is at school though. His teacher had told me he appeared shy and reserved. I guess it’s understandable really since he is not so used about being with other kids. He’s more used to hanging around adults. In fact he feels so much at home with my friends and showed every indication of how he considers himself very much part of the “barkada.” And yet I would very much want that to change. I want him to be confident around his peers as well. That is another reason why I’m grateful for this pregnancy since it’ll definitely be helpful to Baby to have another sibling.

Oh, and one last detail.. last night while lying in bed I told Baby how his Teacher Rose congratulated me for my pregnancy when his Tatay and I went to pick up his card for the 3rd grading. The smile he gave me was so huge, obviously happy at the news. He then sat up in bed and stoop to my bulging tummy. Making sure that his mouth is where my navel is (he believes this is where he should talk so his baby sibling could hear him), he whispered, “Baby, teacher ko yun siya, kaya huwag kang matakot sa kanya ha?” hehe Baby’s really so sweet and smart. I’m so grateful I have him.

Bread and Cheese (On Motherhood As Well)

“Di ako kain kanina Nay, nagcolor lang ako.”

When I heard this, I immediately hugged Baby out of pity. I felt so much for him. I figured (knowing full well his impatience when it comes to coloring) that he probably did not finish a coloring activity and thus was asked to finish it before given snacks. And by the time he had finished with the coloring (if he had), it was probably time to go already.

They are given free snacks in school. It is such a relief since it spares me the everyday task of thinking of suitable snacks for him, not to mention additional cost. And it is usually part of our everyday, “How-was-school-conversation” – what they had for snacks.

While I told him he ought to learn his lesson and finish his coloring so that he could eat along with his other classmates, my heart was actually breaking. Especially so when I learned he was the only one who was not able to eat. My heart broke again when he answered, “Bread and cheese” to my inquiry as to what his classmates had.

I knew he ought to learn his lesson about completing his tasks and yet, I feel somewhat bothered that he was made to feel left-out. That and the fact that he probably felt hungry by that time already.

It breaks my heart to picture him totally left out. It would have been better if he had another classmate with him… Arghh… Baby has really started with his journey. While I may want it differently, it is impossible for me to be with him every single second of the journey. I could only hold his hand at certain times. At this moment, it meant for the most part. But somewhere down the line, he would be all grown up and would be on his own… While I could insist to be always in the picture, I know I wouldn’t really dream of doing so. It is why I am adamant about “training” him, teaching him independence, giving him every opportunity to make use of his initiative… It is because I am preparing him well for the time when he would want to venture on his own… Now, why is my heart breaking at the thought?

If I could have my way, I would always want to be a part of his life. I would want to be a part of every milestone he may take. Not that I want to be in control of everything but that I would very much want him to ‘invite” me to be a part of it all… to share “almost” everything with me. If only as a confidant, a sounding board, a consultant, a friend… a person whose opinion he values the most…

I am now forced to look into my own relationship with my Mom. Do I invite her to be a part of my life? Or do I go my own way, insist on living my life my own way? Mama and I always have such phenomenal disagreements. And time and again it is always due to how she could be overly critical of everything. That and the tendency to just dwell on the negative, on the shortcomings and the worries. I love her very dearly and understand her most of the time but it had also been a constant wish that she sees past the negative… Mama is not quick with the praising. Sad, but I could not recall a single compliment coming from her. I would like to stress that all this is written in an “observing” manner. There is no censure or any bitterness for my part because certainly, while “very good! Well done!” might not be a part of her vocabulary, she is one of the most selfless person I have ever known. She always overextends herself… she would do everything she could for the persons that she loves… There is no tirelessness in her. Her demeanor when it comes to her family is always that of servitude. And for that I am and will forever be grateful.

I am just made to reflect on the being “overly-critical” part because it is the primary reason why I always hesitate to share with her my innermost thoughts or take steps at making her one of my confidants. It’s because I fear being criticized again or be misunderstood and be reprimanded instead of being encouraged… I wouldn’t want to have that with my son. I want him to see me as someone he could totally trust with anything. I want him to feel that he could be very raw with me, be at his worst and know full well that I love him no matter what. I know that this love I feel for my son is the same love that Mama feels for me though I may see it differently at times.

It takes reflecting on the matter to put everything in the right perspective. As always, writing and reflecting makes me understand things the more, and enables me to look at every situation objectively. Now, an earlier disagreement with Mama is slowly being devoid of its “sting.” I understand her more fully now. And I value her more fully now that I am a mother myself. Her being who she is – both the good and the “not-so-good” traits – is teaching me a great deal about being a mother. It is guiding me as to what I should aim to be, hope to be and work out to become…

Here’s a toast to all the mothers in the world. I know that while none of us may be perfect, nothing could ever compare to the kind of love we feel for our offspring. I think it’s a sliver of God’s love personified…

Organizational Skills

Baby is such a naughty three year old. It concerns me at times, observing how he derives so much amusement at making fun of people. By “people” I meant his lola’s, his cousins, his Tatay and myself. His laughter (which is so amusing in itself) would fill the house after he’d pull a prank at any of us. At times like this, I would tell myself how it all seemed so cute now, hearing his laughter, watching his face fully lit up by mirth because he’s still a three-year-old kid and looks totally adorable. How about when he is much older? Would I find it amusing by then?

And yet, on the other hand, there is also no denying how Baby is also displaying everyday how he is a responsible, dependable person. At his age, he is able to dress himself up everyday for school. He puts on his socks, shoes… insists on putting on his sando and buttoning up his polo. When he arrives home from school or from outside, he knows where to put his shoes or sandals, and where to look for a change of clothes. Also, I think one of the first words he ever uttered was “LAUNDRY” hahaha! After changing out of his clothes, he goes straight to the hamper with them. There were times when he gets distracted by play and would just drop everything but these cases are more of a rarity than the usual.

There was this incident one time wherein I was picking up after him in the car. He sometimes has this habit of spreading his toys in the backseat and play while we are mobile. At that time we were nearing our stop and I was in a hurry to get moving. He was coloring then and I immediately scooped up the box and placed it inside his backpack. He was probably watching me intently, noticing how I did not insist on his picking after himself. He scolded me – imagine that – and pointed out how the crayons should be placed at the outside pocket of his pack and not inside. He said that his extra clothes are there and might be soiled by the crayons. I felt sheepish and resolved not to let my work or appointments distract me least I would not be able to set a good example again.

The other day, he asked for some pretzels after spending half an hour at a kid’s playroom. I was hungry myself so I relented. Again, I was on my way to another appointment. I was distracted, my mind already getting ahead of me. I stopped short when he called after me and said, “Alcohol please Nanay, kain na ako.” (I want to eat already)

Earlier tonight as well, I was cleaning up the shoe rack and he was right beside me, excited with rediscovering his old slippers and shoes. When I noticed Tatay’s carelessly discarded used socks, I groaned out loud but did not say anything. I just continued with the cleaning. We found his old pair of Crocs and were in a “negotiation” mode as to whether or not we give them away to any of his cousins. Knowing him, he had attachments to his things. He is always loathe to part with them. I had to reason with him patiently why they would be put to good use when given away than just wasting away. At these moments, I am also somewhat reluctant to insist about giving them away. I feel that I also ought to honor his feelings. When he is really adamant about holding on to a thing, I would always let him have his way and yet firmly pointing out to him that he would have to part with it when he is already ready to let it go.

I was already preparing him for bed when the “socks incident” surfaced again. I was surprised to learn (though by now, I should have known better) how he seemed to notice everything. He suddenly said – “May isabi ako sa ‘yo Nay” (I have something to tell you, Nay) He then stood up and leaned towards my ear and whispered, “Pagdating ni Tatay, pagalitan mo siya Nay, dahil sa socks niya.” (When Tatay arrives, you scold him Nanay for his socks.) He whispered it so softly that I had to have him repeat it to me. I was so amused by it. In response I asked him where Tatay should have placed his socks. And without missing a beat he replied, “Laundry!”

Again, these incidents have me feel so blessed to have Baby as my son. He does have his moments. He could be super hyper, being all-over the place and leaving me quite breathless and exhausted. He could also be quite a rebel too, insisting on not following the colors of his “Copy the Color workbooks.” Even when the page would scream “red” for the apple, he would insist about coloring it violet or whatever color he may fancy. Also he would give me the opposites of the answers to the question I would ask him, demonstrating to me quite clearly his intelligence. Like when we had discussed siblings and how a girl sibling is called a “sister” and ‘brother” is its opposite. When I asked him about it afterwards, he would insist that he is a “sister” to his “brother” Ate Janin, the whole time smiling mischievously.

Earlier also, when we encountered the word, “germs” in our reading and I asked him about it, he naughtily replied it meant, “malinis” (something clean) knowing full well it is the other way around. At moments like this, I am always torn between being amused and indignant. I know he is testing his limits with me, pushing further his boundaries.

Once again I feel blessed to have Baby. I could not thank God well enough…

Baby's First...

Yesterday marked another milestone in Baby’s life. He attended formal school for the first time. Long before yesterday, we were already all excited about it. The first time we brought his uniforms home, there were endless fittings after that. When we bought his shoes, there were fittings again – all by Baby himself, who seemed to be more excited than we are.

We had a hard time coaxing him out of sleep. His time is at 8:00 in the morning. And of course we wanted to make it on time or even a bit early. I got a bit worried when he cried and cried and keep saying, “Gusto ko tulog, Nanay!” hehehe really cute of him. But eventually he quieted down especially when he noticed Janin all dressed up and ready for school. We had a hard time feeding him breakfast though since he just had his bottle.

Nonetheless, we arrived in Ateneo early. His classroom was still closed. So we spent some time waiting for the teacher to come. We went to the library to check if he could spend some time there but changed our mind. We were thinking we might have difficulty prying him away from there when it is already time. When we got back to his classroom, the teacher was already there, coaxing the “babies” inside. Well, they were still practically babies at 3 to 4 years old – teeny-weeny, little human beings :) Some were in there school uniforms such as Baby was while some were in their casual wear.

I felt proud and relieved when Baby entered the classroom without hesitation. His voice was barely audible though when he answered his teacher who asked his name. I felt that we were able to prepare him very well for the experience. There were some babies who refused to enter the classroom even if the parent volunteers to accompany them inside.

Baby appeared very shy, barely responding when the teacher asked them to raise hands, clap their hands, etc. He would mimic the actions but his hands would remain in his lap. For the first part, he had been like that. But he was able to follow instructions well. They were taught how to carry their chairs silently; get, prepare, and return their playmats; wash their hands; use the spoon properly; and string some beads. Yeah, all that in two and a half hours time. There were only 7 of them after all, as it was still their orientation period.

Their whole section was divided into groups for different orientation sessions over the period of one week. So for this week, Baby’s sked was only that of Monday.
Actually, based on the alphabetical order of their surname’s, Baby’s sked should have been Tuesday. But, since I have a training and be lodged in Eden, I asked the teacher to move his sked to Monday so I would be there. Luckily, we were accommodated.

Next week, they will have another two-day session. That, and another session on Friday that all pupils in their section will be present. A week thereafter – on June 22 – will be the start of their regular classes.

So anyway, I got a bit concerned noticing Baby’s “shyness.” But later on, his confidence seem to grow by the minute. Then come the feeding time. Level one pupils were given free snacks. I was amused when I noticed they were being served munchkins. Another good thing about it is that it is his favorite flavor, “butterchoco” or something. That chocolate flavored munchkin sprinkled with orangy “dust.” Anyway, they were first asked to form in line, to take turns washing their hands. They were taught how to do it properly. Then, they were asked to get their placemats and carry them to their place on the table. When all the kids were seated, the teacher then proceeded to give them their share of iced tea, and munchkins. Each was given plates on which their munchkins were placed. They were given one munchkin each.

The funny thing was, when the teacher asked who wants some more munchkin, Baby – earlier, very shy Baby – immediately raised his hand. Haha! And he did it quite enthusiastically, no trace of shyness whatsoever. It was Tatay and I, looking on, who felt a bit ashamed haha! We were both so amused by it. And then, Baby did it again for the second time. He consumed a total of three munchkins in all. Haha!

After that, Baby began to grow more comfortable with the other kids and the teacher. In fact, at one point, he so boldly took the puppet used by the teacher… It was very much a satisfying experience. I felt truly grateful that everything went on smoothly…

The night before, we had prayed as one family – Tatay, Baby and I. We acknowledged that Baby’s first day in school is such an important milestone in his life. We thanked God for it. At the same time, we fervently prayed that it be a start of a good experience for Baby, outside of the home. We prayed that he’d be safe, protected from bullies, learn to love learning, learn about life, gain lasting friendships, have the best “teachers” that would be instrumental in his growth as the best person that he could be…

Yeah, it is only pre-school but it marked the first step of Baby’s journey outside of the home. This time, he will not only be learning from me or from his Tatay. He will be learning about a lot of things, about relationships outside of the family… It is a very important event and we certainly need God’s guidance and blessings...

Baby’s first day in school.

Well, officially, it is baby’s first day in school. Took him there today to talk the entrance examination. The usual, it is not without drama. Yesterday, coming from the snorkeling trip, I was hungry and too tired to do any thinking. Mama, whom we found at home suddenly announced she’s going to the downtown house. My mindset had been that we’d all be sleeping at the Empress home and just go downtown real early so mama would not be late for school. She had volunteered for enrolment to get some day credits which will surely come handy for out-of-the-blue family trips we might be taking sometime the middle of the year.

Anyway, since she was deadest about going home, we decided to just sleep at Mama Fely’s house as well. So with that, we had very little time to prepare. I just grabbed at some clothes I will be wearing for Baby’s big day in school the next day. What I forgot to grab was the plastic envelope wherein Baby’s entrance exam documents and some pictures are in.

So this afternoon, thirty minutes before our set appointment, I realized we had to drive all the way back to Empress just to get the documents. We also realized that mama had the key to the Empress house so we had to get it from her at school. It was such a mayhem. I’m pretty distracted these days with my mind occupied about beating deadlines. There are just far too many things too accomplish that I allowed myself to focus on just one report at a time. I refused to think about the other reports left to be accomplished. It’s the only way for me to keep my sanity. So naturally, I also neglected to think about some important domestic matters such as Baby’s documents.

Anyway. thankfully, I was still able to keep my cool – let Tatay go all the way to Empress while Baby and I just took the taxi to go to his school. Once there, I had to use my charm and negotiation skills to explain that the needed documents were not with me but is already on its way to me. Imagine that 

It was a disappointment to find out Baby will be taking the exam and interview without me. Well, it makes so much sense. Still, I had been looking forward to seeing how he’d deal with the situation. Haaay. And it’s doubly disappointing since until now, Baby does not show any sign of wanting to share with me what took place while he was taking the exam. I’ve asked him about it ever since he had stepped out of the examination room. Other than bits and pieces that he volunteered, I have no idea what happened. Well, knowing Baby I’d know he’d be telling us all about it in bits and pieces – on moments when he would be remembering any of it.

Funny, was it not only yesterday that I had to feel so at awed to see such a dependent, helpless, little baby in my arms? Now, Baby is shaping up right before my very eyes. His personality is becoming more apparent everyday. He’s becoming more expressive, more creative and more independent. I know being in school will transform him even more. I’m holding my breath, cant wait to witness his own unfolding…

Parenting Style

Baby was sick while I was preparing to go for another training. I was loathe to go. I did not want to drive home the point to Baby that my work is more important to me. One thing difficult about this job that I have is that schedules are set way, way beforehand and there is no such thing as taking a “sick leave” or an “emergency leave.” Commitments are commitments no matter if something else came up.

To compromise, I gave up a free ride to the venue of the training to spend another night with Baby. Good thing the organizers agreed that I would just report on the day of the training itself. I knew they would have wanted me to come earlier since there are still a lot of things that needed straightening out. So while I tended to Baby, I prepared him as best as I could to my impending absence for the next two days. I told him I wanted to be with him as he is sick but I had made prior commitments. I told him, I would rather be with him instead and that I would be constantly worrying about him where I am.

I made a deal with him. I told him, I needed him to take care of himself while I’m away. I told him he had to get better since he would have to fetch me where I’d be. I told him I would be staying at a resort and that on the day that they would fetch me, there would be a bird show he would be watching. I also told him we will be going to the eagle center which is just nearby, where we be seeing a real eagle first hand, for the first time. I told him I want him to have that experience and that I want to share it with him and so he really would have to get better.

The toughest part about it was that I also got sick while I was in training. While we were working sleepless over some of the training requirements, I was fighting down the beginnings of a bad case of flu as well. I shrugged it off, thinking only of Sunday when Baby would come and experience a bird show for the first time. Quite weird it might be, but it was what kept me going for the next two full-24- hours working.

Then Sunday came. I got a text from Tatay that Mama objected to Baby’s coming over as he is not quite well yet. I knew it made so much sense but I certainly felt as if a plug was pulled from under me. My intention was to have the olds come as well so they could enjoy the experience and the eagle trip. It had been a while since we had some kind of family outing. So when I got that text from Tatay, my immediate reaction was that it was Mama again and her tendency to object on just about anything. Hehehe that was fever and stress talking I guess. That, and being frustrated at having all my plans gone askew.

After a while, I began to see Mama’s intentions. Baby, probably is not feeling well yet. After all, the resort I’m at is quite a drive from downtown. To catch the bird show at 10:00 AM, they would have to leave the house at 8:30 in the morning. Well, that is how slow Tatay drives when he has family (esp. Baby) on board. It’s at a rate of the average time it takes to get there plus another 30 minutes or so, depending on the distance. Him driving friends or clients to adventure destinations, is a different thing altogether.

Anyway, so while I was downright drowning in my flu and my disappointment, I asked Tatay how well Baby is and that if he thinks he’s not well enough to make the whole trip then they would have to stay at home and I would have to catch a ride with the rest of the training team. Tatay’s response was that he would fetch me no matter what. I asked him to ask Baby how he feels about the whole thing. I told him to ask Baby if he’s feeling well enough for the trip to fetch me or that he would rather stay at home.

I was waiting for Tatay’s response when it dawned on me how today’s generation of parents (well, at least those I know personally) have really come a long way compared to our own parent’s parenting style. I mean, who would have thought of consulting a 3-year old on such matters? In the past, parents would normally just do things on the basis of their own judgments. There is no such thing as consulting the children no matter how old they are already. Well, generally that is. No one could blame them either since they also have learned that from the parents before them.

When Tatay texted me that they would have to push through with the trip since Baby is showing everyone he’s really trying hard to appear “not sick,” I was both overjoyed and concerned. I asked Tatay to bring pillows and do everything to make Baby really comfortable all the way. True enough, they arrived when I was just wrapping things up with the training. I was glad to see that the olds and my “niece-daughter” Janin came as well. The weekend was a blast. Baby and I were not feeling so well to fully appreciate everything but it is nice to hear him babble about the eagles and animals he saw back at the eagle center the past few days. It means the experience still made a mark on him. Lately he’d been so quick to tell everyone who cares to listen, that he was finally able to see a real eagle and not just the ones on the book or his DVDs. Also, what I particularly liked about that weekend is the “hito-stop” we made at the city’s “hito district” where rows of restaurants serving hito can be found. To save time, we ordered fried hito for take out and enjoyed it once we got home.

Back on parenting style, I could never claim to be the best parent there is. I certainly have my faults as well. I also have my own shortcomings that would have me cry silently in shame after an episode has passed. But this, I could certainly say, I try my best to be the best that I could be…

Amazing Three Year Old Logic

Last night, Mama wanted to check on the Empress House since its been a while since either of us have slept there. As usual, she worried over her plants. I just came from a training and was famished so we had dinner first and had to take care of the things that we needed to take home with us. So it took a while before we were able to go.

Baby was already sleepy so we gave him his bottle which his Tatay had thoughtfully prepared beforehand. He was with his Lola at the back but asked to sit on my lap while he took to his bottle. After he was done, we got into a conversation. He was always vocal about wanting an "Innova" because as he claimed, it looks shiny, sleek, and for sure the air-conditioning would be perfect. We also got to talk about “Kongkong” (Hongkong). Seeing pictures earlier of Disneyland gave him the idea. After that, he proceeded to enumerate what he wants me to buy when I already have money. It was a long list that started with “Chukie,” Hany, watch a movie, etc...

After a while I told him when I’m already old, it would be him who would be giving me all those things. I told him he would be the one to buy me food, vitamins, medicine, give me vacation money, my own car… From snuggling comfortably in my arms he sat up suddenly, looked up to me and said, “Bakit? Anak ka?” (Why, are you my offspring?) Hahaha! Amazing logic. I was so taken aback by his reaction that I could not stop laughing for a long time. Really amazing logic, “anak” indeed!

Saranggola

Some time ago - at the stage when I dabbled on art and sketching - I had this complete series on "Kites" which I did in watercolors. They showed a father and a son in different acts of flying a kite together. They were special to me and I imagined them to be something that will form part of my future.

Yesterday, owing to how hot it was at home, Tatay, Bolets, Janin and I decided to spend the afternoon at the tree-lined, four-lane, driveway of the subdivision. There were some shady parts there owing to the acacia trees and it was cool and windy. It proved to be perfect for what Tatay had planned of doing that afternoon - fly kite with his son.

Using old calendar sheets, some masking tapes and walis ting-ting, he managed to make two kites. One for Bolets and another for our niece, Janin. Just watching Baby helping Tatay create the kites was enough to make feel grateful for the experience. It was his little comments in that cute, little voice of his that made the experience special -- "Di bale Ate, maya di na mainit" (Don't worry Ate, later, it won't be hot anymore) when his cousin complained about how hot it was out there. Watching them fly the kites together - father and son -- gave me twice the fulfillment.

When I made that complete watercolor series, I was dreaming about my future, about what I hope my marriage would be like. I was wishing for a dotting husband and father to my son. Now, that I'm right smack in the middle of family life, I'm finding out it is not as "quiet," dreamy and as perfect as what the paintings had been. There simply are just realities that one had to contend with. Still, I'm not giving up on the dreamy, quiet part... or the "magical" part for that matter...

Baby's New Antics

Two weeks ago, I called home from a workshop to ask Tatay for something. It was Baby who answered the phone. After the usual greeting and exchange of "I love you's," I told him to give Tatay the phone and then in complete sentence, and without hesitation, he answered me, "Wala si Tatay dito." (Tatay is not here) I felt my heart expand. It was the first "straight" telephone conversation we have ever had. And I felt emotional realizing that Baby is really not a baby anymore. He really could communicate very well already. And it is becoming apparent everyday.

If before, I had to rely on mother's insticts and guess work to figure out what Baby is saying to me, now, there hardly is a need to. More often than not, Baby is straightforward in saying what he wants and in communicating his thoughts with me, with us. And I find that very endearing and refreshing.

And not only can he communicate well, he's logic is faultless as well.Just yesterday, we were having lunch over at the in-laws. Having finished first, I was served iced tea. Seeing it, he also asked for his share. I pointed out he could not have iced tea since he’s not yet through eating. When he got a bit noisy, refused to take another bite unless served iced tea, I got exasperated and told him he could have some but just a little. His rejoinder was quick. With a pout he told me – “Di konti! Marami! O, dami rice ko!” (Not just a little! Look, I have plenty of rice!) How do you argue with that?

We were on our way home after that lunch when we passed by where we usually take the turn for my former office. Good as he is with directions, he immediately recognized the corner and remarked: “Nanay’s work!” pointing at the corner. Then, holding out his fingers and counting them off he said, “Dami office ni Nanay!” (Nanay goes to a lot of offices!) This, in reference to the frequency of their taking me to hotels the past few weeks. Just this morning, dropping me off at this hotel, which had been and will be the venue of weekend workshops till next week, he readily took it for granted that this is my office as well.

There’s this one incident as well last week wherein I was admonishing him for something. I can no longer remember what exactly about. I could remember telling him about what he did was “Bawal!” (A no-no!) He appeared to have accepted my verdict and then grew quiet for some time. And then he said, “Sa ‘yo Nanay, di bawal?” (How about you, Nanay? It’s okay for you to do it?) Cute baby I have here. =)

“Office ni Nanay” (Mother’s Office)

This morning, even though it was a weekend, I had a workshop to document. I was tired, coming from another grueling workshop for the past three days. I would have just wanted to linger in bed. But work is work and in truth, I’m actually excited to be a part of that particular project. It concerns the family and business – the former, being my foremost passion for the moment and the latter, something I’ve been contemplating about getting into more seriously, one of these days. When I have the time that is hehe It’s going to be an engagement, spread out for the next two months. It’s going to take away my weekends for that long but I am certainly looking forward to learning as much as I can from it.

So anyway while I was getting ready, Baby woke up and immediately looked for his Tatay. I told him Tatay is getting the car ready since he’s taking me to work. He immediately got teary-eyed and told me it’s okay for him if I work but that Tatay should stay at home with him. I told him Tatay would have to take me to work but would be right back. That was not good enough for him though. In the end, we had to take him along with us. There is nothing new about that. Being without a nanny for a long time now, we had to constantly tag him along wherever we go. If I had to go to the gym, Tatay had to go some other time since he had to watch over Baby and vice-versa.

So anyway, it did not dawn on me that Baby has been taking note of the places we’re going to and have certain associations for them. Until this morning. The workshop was at a downtown hotel which is a common venue for training and workshops. And it wasn’t the first time they’ve taken or fetched me from there. Just as we were about to turn the corner where the hotel was, Baby suddenly exclaimed, “Oh! There! Office ni Nanay! Yehey! Ayan na office ni Nanay.” (Oh! There it is, Mother’s office!) I was so surprised but at the same time, was also greatly amused. Office indeed! Hehe!

So true, even when I was still working full time or now that I’m doing free-lance work, my world revolves mostly in hotels and training venues. And Baby had grown up spending time in hotels as well especially when the training would be “live-in” and would run for several days. When he was a mere six-month old baby, I had dragged him all the way to Legazpi because I had to be there for five days and I was breastfeeding him. A few months after that, I had to drag him again to Cebu and then Baguio.

It’s just funny how Baby readily associates the hotels as my office. He’d been to my previous office several times and yes, he would readily exclaim as we would drive towards it that there is Nanay’s office. It’s really funny how he thought of the hotels as my office as well just because I’d tell him I’m off to work every time they take me there.

The whole experience drove home the point to me that Baby is really at the stage now that he is taking everything in and associating situations and events with different things. He is really at such a vulnerable age wherein he is starting to define things based on his own experiences from it. Like love. Everything that he is experiencing with us as parents would be something he’d associate with love and how relationships should be. And that whole thing has a lot of bearing on his self-confidence, how he regards himself, and us as his parents. Imagine that. The realization is humbling and puts a lot of pressure on me. I am not perfect and I am afraid I have committed things and may still do things that could harm Baby for the rest of his life.

In one of the sessions this morning, the resource person gave emphasis on the point that a family is a very powerful force that can help build the individual and at the same time, could also be responsible for hampering his/her growth. And I think that “powerful force” is something that is completely in the parents’ hands. Well, at least when the children are still small. How that power is yielded depends solely on them and how they in turn were brought up as kids.

I look at Tatay and his dysfunctional family and I am very much worried indeed. And of course, there is also my own imperfection. But no, I refuse to dwell much on that. That is out of my hands already. It’s been done and there is nothing I can do about it now. However, Baby’s present and future is something that is now my sole responsibility. Definitely, there is something I can do about THAT. And of course there is God, who is the source of all my strength. I may be weak by I am comforted with the thought that He too has a plan where the life of son is concerned. I am not alone in this.

These days, realizing my role as a parent, I find plenty of reasons to be on my knees just to implore Him to make things right for my son and to protect Baby from my own mistakes and distorted take on some things. He had never failed me where providing for our financial needs is concerned. I am counting on the belief that He also would not fail to guide Tatay and I to make the right decisions for our son and to bring him up in the way that he should go. For that particular prayer alone, I put my whole heart and being into it. It is that important to me.

There’s this particular song I particularly liked because it serves as a prayer to me where being a parent is concerned. I have already posted it here but I'll post it again here soon.

Baby's Initiation to the Community

Just finished working on some PowerPoint presentations. It was the very first thing I did after waking up. It had to be rushed after all, owing to a 10:00 AM meeting I had that wherein I will be needing them. I wanted to do them last night but Baby had needed my attention and slept real late. By the time I managed to have him sleep, I was too sleepy to do the work and so I decided to just sleep and wake up early. And I did.

I was half-way through the task when I felt the need to look for my collection of gospel music and to listen to them while working. While doing so, I immediately remembered what happened last night.

Tatay, Baby and I attended a Charismatic mass. We had intended to attend the Saturday anticipated Mass but Tatay had other plans. So, we decided to attend an early morning Mass instead. But then, we woke up late. Then, just when we were getting ready to attend the afternoon Mass, I got a text message from Jeni urging me to go to the gym.

While I was having some misgivings at the thought of keeping on delaying hearing Mass, I finally understood in the end why it had to be so. We were on our way to the gym when I noticed a sign announcing the conduct of a CLSS that particular weekend. It meant that its last day will be capped by a Charismatic Mass at 6:00 PM. I got excited at the prospect. Aside from the fact that I really want to be a part of it again, I am excited to introduce Baby to the community’s way of worship. I was so looking forward to seeing him sing and dance to the worship songs.

And God did not fail me. I felt my heart expand when I saw Baby raised his hand, danced and mimicked what the rest of us were doing at the end of the Mass. He danced and sang along with the rest of us. It was a glorious moment for me…

Scare

Got a real scare today. Earlier this afternoon we had to rush Mama to the hospital. She collapsed while we were at the Shrine of the Holy Infant of Prague. Cebu was celebrating their Sinulog earlier in the day. Since we could not be there, we made up for it by going to the Shrine instead.

On our way there, we decided to drop by Bacaca to see if Mama Fely would be willing to join us. She was. We had to wait for a while for her though. That was already way beyond one o'clock in the afternoon and we haven't had lunch yet. We had a very late breakfast though and was not feeling any hunger yet.

While at the Shrine, it took us a while to finish the novena, light our candles and say our prayers. We were on our way back to where Mama was seated when Ms. Amparing who took the ride with us rushed to us to inform us that something happened to Mama. And there she was, utterly lifeless, white as a sheet. Looking at her, I felt my heart jumped to my throat. I feared the worst -- stroke.

Noticing her limp form, her seemingly distorted jaw-line, the fear I felt got worst. A thousand other things are running on my mind -- possibilities of Mama having a bad case of stroke and had to endure being tied to the bed.

She had our utmost attention. There were fellow church-goers who offered help. Somebody offered liniment, and someone was able to provide us a glass of hot water. I was so scared but was relaxed at the same time. I whispered soothing words to Mama telling her to relax. I repeatedly told her this and reassured her that we are doing everything to help her. I urged Tatay to get the car so we could take Mama to the hospital. Tatay took a while in coming back. It must have only been two minutes but to me it seemed like an eternity. Bee carried Mama all the way to the car, past the steps and the iron-wrought gates of the Shrine. I ran ahead of him with the car keys, so I could open the doors and fix the seats so Mama could recline comfortably.

Mama Fely and Mrs. Amparing took a while in joining us, probably with the old age and all. Tatay and I had been doing a lot of runs at the gym lately and being a lot younger, we managed to get everything settled at such a short time. And then, just as we were about to go, lo and behold, Janin cried asking her Lola Fely where she left Bolets because he was not with her. Imagine that!

I had to rush back inside the Shrine to look for him. He could be everywhere. I was not able to find him so I doubled back and asked if they have found him already. They said no so I had to run back again and retraced the places we have been to earlier. The panic and the crowd had me very confused. It was hard to keep track of all the kids there. I craned my ear for any sign of crying or any hint of "Nanay!" But every crying I heard were from babies, none of them my son. I was on my way back when I found him with Mama Fely. He was crying. Mama Fely informed me she found him walking towards the chapel from across the large expanse of the ground.

I deduce he must have walked towards the gate where the car was originally parked and retraced his steps when he found out the car was no longer there. (We were parked near the rear gate, farthest from the Chapel. When Mama collapsed, Bee had to drive all the way up to the entrance gate that was closest to the chapel.) I was so concerned with the time we've lost, Mama had to be rushed to the hospital after all. So while I was very worried about Baby and what happened to him, I knew that processing that particular experience would have to come later. Mama had to come first.

Bee and I were having a discussion as to which hospital is closest when Mama managed to speak and repeatedly say that she wanted to go straight home as she is feeling better. She said she just had a case of hyper-acidity and is starting to feel better. We had to argue with her telling her we could not take the risk with her history of hypertension. Why, on any given day, having a BP of 200++ over a hundred is somewhat "normal" for her already.

I asked her if she feel some numbness or distortion in the mouth and she said she does feel a bit numb in her limbs. That decided it for me. Her protests notwithstanding, we went straight to the hospital. Once there, I readily noticed that she had regained her color. Her lips are already turning red compared to its being as white as a sheet back at the church.

I'm not sure if it was just luck or our prayers. Remembering how Mama was at the church made me feel certain she really had a stroke. And she could have. And yet here she is feeling somewhat better. A bit weak yes, but definitely with some color now.

I do not dare think of what could have been's. I'm really just grateful that she was spared that. I could not imagine what being tied to the bed would do to her. And I can't bear the thought of losing her. There are still so many things I wanted to do for her and I wanted for her to experience. She had been through a lot. She had suffered several loses already with Papa and Nino... Plus she always have this pessimistic attitude over her person that I'm not convinced she had really been "very happy" for an extended period of time. I can't have her go that way. I want her to experience what it is to be truly happy, not having any worries of sorts.

Thank you God for turning what could have been the scariest point in my life into a point of salvation and gratitude. I know You again have worked Your wonders. What we had earlier was really a miracle. And I could not thank You well enough. Thank you for your faithfulness...

Swimming Shades

Writing is such an integral part of who I am. I write when something inspires me; when something upsets me or when something really nice happened. I love the opportunity it gives me to express and "find" myself as writing gives me the chance to sort out the million and one feelings I may be having at one time.

I have been writing for as long as I could remember that it had also become a second nature to coin terms that I think would best express what I'm really feeling. I love playing with words, and maybe that is also the reason why I love flirting over at YM hahaha! Shh... allow me to be a bit defensive though, I don't flirt to everyone at YM just one or a few...err.. select friends hahaha

Anyway, I'm digressing again. I was just made to think about this fun I have over coining terms because of what happened this morning. Bee and I are cleaning house -- part of our ritual of welcoming the new year. By the way, we bought Baby a new cabinet -- out of his earned gift check from the Johnson's contest. Well, I had to augment it in order to make the purchase but it was all worth it. So anyway, the first thing we tackled was Baby's very big carton of toys. We knew we had to get rid of some, as the closet could only hold so much. Some of the old toys were already broken anyway.

Baby was still asleep while we were at the task so it was pretty much dependent upon our judgment. I judged it on two things -- (1) the state it's in, and (2) remembering Baby's own attachment to the toys. Some of the "firsts," no matter how broken, got saved by reasons of sentimentality hehehe Anyway, when Baby woke up this morning and saw the big, clear plastic full of toys, he took a look at them and tearfully asked me if we are giving all of them away. I took pity on him knowing full well his attachment to the toys. I remained firm though and told him that they are all broken anyway and that some kids might enjoy them still so we will be giving them away. As way of processing, I told him to take a good look at the pile and say his 'goodbyes' to them. That somehow appeased him, especially when I told him he could take out anything he might still like since I did put in some really good ones but are no longer age appropriate.

So he took a good look and did take out some toys for his keeping. I was tempted to argue with some of his choices but i knew I had to honor his feelings as well. Besides, I was also busy with cleaning the house. Then at one point, I hear him say something in a tone somewhat akin to horror. In an incredulous voice he asked me, "Nanay! 'Bigay mo tong swimming shades ko?!" (Nanay, are you giving away my "swimming shades?!") I was like, "What the ---- is a 'swimming shades?'" I took a look at what he is pointing at and almost doubled over in laughter. He was crouched over the plastic while holding on to his old pair of "googles." Haha! Swimming shades indeed... really smart baby I have here... ;) I'm wondering if he would take to "writing" as well :) I would surely be grateful if he would but would not be upset either if he'd had other interests :)

But really, Baby is way, way cool :) "Swimming shades" indeed! Haha!

Post-Script: Baby's Certificate :)

See? Look at his picture, he's got the cutest smile, right? ;) haha! Spoken like a real Mom, huh? :)

My Celebrity Son

Well, all the sacrifices and money thrown into the event have finally paid off... and ended... last night. At last! :) The results were amazing. Imagine, the baby who won first prize threw in 23,000++ votes. Imagine that. A co-parent who sat in the same table as us (during the Awarding Dinner last night) told me she computed that for this week alone, the parent of that baby could have spent close to a million. Imagine that! Because you see, 1 vote means a 300 purchase plus 2 products of the activity organizer.

Well, the purchase, that can be done away with if you would just have someone ask for receipts. But, 23,000++ votes meant around 47,000 Johnson products. And being buyers ourselves, we knew that the cheapest product is at Php 15.75 each. That is, if you were lucky enough that VP have stocks for that product. In our case alone, the only available product during the last week was that of Php 35++ and above. So imagine that... Well, you do the math and that is around 800K++ hahaha

Well, I'm happy we made the right decision not to splurge this time and take it easy. We practically spent quite an amount of money making purchases and buying the products in order to raise votes for Baby. During the final round, we thought we couldn't waste our money when we are not sure if Baby could win at all or not. Tatay and I were contemplating about spending Php 50K on the products alone haha! What a waste it would have been. There were some parents who spent 200K++ and did not even make it to the top 3 since third place had a total vote of 16K++ so that's 32K of the products... around Php 500K hahaha!

Anyway, the whole experience really had me tickled pink. I totally enjoyed it. What I enjoyed the most was that Baby seem to enjoy everything as well. These days, everytime we get in our car, he would ask if we are going to "his" contest haha! And then this morning, he asked me where his certificate and his "tickets" are. He asked, "Where's tickets ko, Nanay?" in a very concerned voice that I was really amused by it. Btw, the tickets here meant the gift certificates he earned as one of the baby finalists. Well, yes, he was indeed one of the finalists and it is enough to make me proud. In fact, I have this feeling that if only the contest was about having the cutest smile, then I'm sure Baby would have won first place hahaha! I'm sure the other parents would think otherwise but hey, this is my blog after all hahaha!















That's Baby in the center. In a red shirt. So, I'm right, aint I? He's the cutest there is hahaha!

Plenty of food during the "Culmination Dinner."

With Ninang Jeni!

Parenthood and Baby Contest

I sat on top of the carton of soaps, trying to accomplish the tickets that would form part of Baby’s votes for the week. My mind is engaged, thinking a lot of things all at the same time. A part of me is feeling incredulous. I couldn’t believe what I just allowed to happen. I let Bee talked me into throwing a good deal of money intended to purchase a prepaid internet pack to buy 140 bars of soap. Hmm… actually, make that 160 cartons of Vitamin-enriched, Milk soap bar.

So in case any of my family or closest friends is reading this, I guess you know now what you are getting for Christmas haha! You would have to excuse me this year for shying away from tradition and from one of the things I like best about Christmas – hunting for well-thought of, individualized presents for family and loved-ones wahehe.

Another part of me was itching for my cell phone. I wanted to share my foolishness with Candy and Jeni, wanted to share with them how I found the whole thing amusing. Well, amusing doesn’t even begin to cut it -- this almost obsessive impulse to throw away every cent I have just to ensure Baby’s win. Well, to be honest, I’m not really concerned about Baby topping the list. Placing third would be good enough for me.

Ah… and there was this other preoccupation. Before the tickets came through, I was happy where I was, perched on the carton of soaps, totally enamored and amused as Jacob and Edward both tried to fight for a space in my heart. They are both so lovable, in their own, distinct way. I was so absorbed with “Eclipse” (third installation of “Twilight”) that I was reluctant to respond when Tatay tapped me by the shoulder to hand me a booklet of tickets to fill up. But that’s a different entry altogether.

Hmm… let me explain it first. On impulse, almost two months ago, I registered Baby in a Baby contest of sorts. We had him photographed and allowed a really good marketing team to suck us all in, as week for week we drive ourselves a little crazy purchasing mundane things just to secure a few votes. And that’s not even the worst part about it. It is swallowing one’s pride to approach strangers and ask them for receipts! Haha! Well, I have to thank Tatay for making sure I don’t have to stoop that low hehe!

All I ever did was look wistfully at the receipts hanging loosely from strangers’ purchases, wishing I could kick aside my ego in order to match the sacrifice Tatay is making at that same moment. I sort of “envy” some parents and the tenacity they’re showing as they approach total strangers, give a litany of sorts about the contest and ask them for receipts or to vote for their babies. I envied the dedication they’re displaying and thought how they are really making the most of the experience.

Experience. Jeni had teased me once saying I’m doing all these things for Baby’s shot at fame. I thought a lot about that too, before. I wondered if I really do want Baby to be somewhat famous and all -- thus this obsession. But nah, not really. I prefer not to call much attention to myself and for good reasons. I want the same thing for my son.

The truth is, what I’m actually paying for, is this particular experience as a parent. I saw it as an opportunity to discover who I am as a “stage mother” without necessarily harming baby in any other way like having to force him to audition or something. God forbid! I wouldn’t want such experience for my son or be the one to subject him to such a thing. At the same time, I saw it as an opportunity for Tatay and I to work together again as a team for Baby’s sake. I love the thought of how the experience is giving us both a shot at another aspect of parenthood, something we wouldn’t have if not for this contest.

That is why I envied all those parents and how they were really throwing all of themselves into the experience. Some parents (mostly mothers) whom I talked with, told me they spent most of their days in the mall just to chase receipts and votes for their babies. A particular parent told me she had spent a total of 40 thousand already from the first week of the contest up to now -- the final elimination round prior to the finals. Imagine that. Here I am, telling myself I’m in it for the experience and yet I am not as fully into it as they are. I truly envy their dedication and well, their time since I definitely could not afford just to hang at the mall all day.

But in fairness, I may not have spent that much money or time but I have gone far beyond my comfort zones. This week alone I had been visiting the mall three days in a row when I would normally just drop by once a week to make purchases, have Tatay’s receipts validated and cast our votes for Baby. Then we leave everything up to the fates. Tatay and I are quite strategic though. We look at the votes already in and “compute” how many votes would secure Baby’s making the cut that week, so we don’t necessarily stress ourselves out thinking that we might not have enough votes for the week. It also allowed us to save some votes for the weeks thereafter.

This last week is crazy though thus requiring those extra days spent at the mall. The other parents were all edgy, almost in a state of panic as they erratically drop coupons upon coupons up until the final hour. So it was pretty much unpredictable. It drove me a bit crazy haha I was tempted to “scold” them, thinking they shouldn’t waste that much votes since it wouldn’t be carried over on the final week anyway. I was tempted to give them a lecture about “being strategic” haha! But there they were, dropping as many as they could, forcing me to do the same. In the end Tatay and I dropped all our saved coupons. We can’t not have Baby in for the final week! By then, the organizers would have the babies’ pictures printed big and displayed in individual boxes. That particular experience, I wouldn’t want Baby to miss :)

Parenthood sure is a whole lot of experience to contend with and I’m truly glad I bought into it no matter how difficult it may prove to be sometimes. Just seeing Baby and the little antics he’s learning and showing me everyday is enough to make me think all the sacrifices are all worth it.

"Shallow Happiness"

It’s amazing how seeing Baby’s used shorts on the floor could fill me with so much happiness. Here’s the context – (1) the “floor” the shorts was on, was directly next to the laundry basket; (2) Since the day he was able to walk, I’ve already been asking Baby to put his used clothes to the laundry. So it really felt amazing to see him finally doing it on his own, without my having to remind him all the time. It filled me with a sense of pride and brought me so much happiness. It made me realize that mothers really have “shallow happiness” (mababaw ang kaligayahan hehehe).

It’s really amazing how Baby is starting to “shape up” under my very eyes. He had this tiny set of drawers that I also labeled. I always grew irritated before everytime I’d see Baby’s clothes are not in their proper places. So one day, I painstakingly labeled his drawers. I also drew on them. I’ve taken to putting in his pajamas on the topmost drawer. Another house his socks, shorts and nickers. The next drawer had his shirts and sando's while the bottom drawer is where his extra sweatshirts are. Each drawer had drawings on them, showing exactly what is in them.

It wasn’t really my intention to use the drawings for Baby’s benefit. When I was doing that, I was really paying homage to my artistic self more than anything else. What I did not know then is that it would come handy when it comes to “training” Baby.

Lately, he had been such a show off, always insisting on putting on his clothes himself, putting on his socks, etc. Every time he does that, I would have to “praise-overload” him least he would give up trying altogether. And it would always amuse me how his face would lit up every time I tell him how “very good” he is. It’s really cute.

So now, everytime I’d ask him to change his wet shirt or shorts, he would run to his drawer, point at the drawing on his drawer and say, “This one, Nanay?” or “Kani, Nanay?” And I would be grateful for the drawings. Just the other day also, while I was folding our newly laundered clothes, I let Baby take charge of his clothes. From where I sat, he eagerly got hold of his folded pajamas and ran to the other room only to come running back to get his folded shirts. When I checked, he had managed to put them in their exact drawers except for a couple of pajamas that strayed to where his shorts are. And while I was checking, he was eagerly waiting for my approval and it greatly amused me. I also felt my love for him doubled a hundred times over. Ah, motherhood truly has its rewards.

Afternoon Delight

One thing I’m enjoying about being on leave these past weeks is the time I spent with Baby in the afternoons. As is usually the case, I had to do a lot of “encouragement” before he agrees to take an afternoon nap. More often than not he would tell me in his trilingual tongue, “Play lang ako, Nanay. Dili ako sleep,” with matching flick of the eyelash and the pouting of lips. This would put me in a dilemma. Why? Because, I remember not so long ago how I also used to “despise” my Mom or whoever would “command” my cousins and I to take a nap in the afternoon.

I remember feeling rebellious at that time, thinking how I’d rather just play than sleep. In hindsight, I think it’s really a way for the kids to dispense with all that energy. Playing meant some kind of outlet. The funny thing is, I also remember telling myself then that when I would be grown up, and it’s my turn to become a parent, I would not force my kids to take an afternoon nap. Instead, I will allow them to play all afternoon because I know how it feels. Wahehehe I was that “forward looking” even then.

So one afternoon, I found Bee and Baby locked in an argument about taking a nap. I could see that Bee wants to take a nap himself and would want to feel secure about Baby by making sure he’s asleep as well. Isn’t this the real reason really? Hehe. And so I asked him if he had the same experience as I did -- despising naps in the afternoons and vowing not to subject my would-be kids to the same treatment. He looked sheepish for a while, smiled and changed his approach. Without changing a beat, he immediately told Baby that he could play all he want! Hehehe. Of course I admonished Bee for it. Baby would only be confused by the sudden change but I also appreciated the fact that Bee got the value of what I was telling him. What I appreciated more, however, was his readiness and willingness to “change tapes” at a drop of a hat.

Bee and I are serious about not making the same mistakes that our parents did. Of course we’re not saying that our parents are bad. Now that we’re parents ourselves, we recognize how hard it is to become one and be responsible for everything that concerns our child. We know that parents have unconditional love for their children and that at any given time was really only being the best that they could be. At the same time, we recognize that there are certain patterns – not exactly good – that are passed on from generation to generation that we would not want our child to inherent. Thus the “changing of tapes.”

Bee and I are really dead serious about changing our tapes. We would want to “break” the patterns and provide Baby with a relatively “clean” slate. We are not perfect. Bee and I recognize that he and I are also the product of years and years of conditioning – by our parents and by our own experiences while growing up. And so, we try our best to do two things: first, to always better ourselves in order to be able to give baby a good example and second, to constantly be in search of ways with which we could raise baby in a good way.


Hmm… but that’s not what I intended to write about in the first place. What I want to share really is this funny incident I had with baby very recently. As I said, urging him to take afternoon naps is really such a challenge. I had to be really creative about it, resorting to ways that would eventually induce him to sleep without my having to force him to.

Usually, I would insist he would have to take his “dede” first and play afterwards if he wants. The good thing is, there is a direct correlation between the decrease of the level of milk in Baby’s feeding bottle to that of the degree of the opening of his eyes hehehe. If that does not work, I would read to him or engage him in an “I-Ask-You-Answer” exercise. Well, my years of experience in training sure do come in handy on time like this : )

Anyway, here’s a transcript of one of those “afternoon sessions:”

Me: Baby, what do you call a baby seal?
Baby: Pup!
Me: What do you call a baby panda?
Baby: Cub!
Me: What do you call a baby pig?
Baby: piglet!
Me: What do you call a baby dog?
Baby: (It’s been a while since I last asked him this and he probably forgot already) Ah…dog, Nanay?
Me: Yes, dog. What do you call a baby dog?
Baby: Ah… puppy! Puppy!
Me: Very good! Puppy! How about the baby cat?
Baby: Cat? Meow, Nanay?
Me: No, that’s the sound a cat makes, Baby. I meant the name of the baby cat. What do you call a baby cat?
Baby: Call Nanay?
Me: Yes, call.
Baby: (putting a fist on his right ear) Hello! Hello! Nanay?

Waaaahhhhh! Hehehe

Here’s another:

Me: What do you call a baby elephant?
Baby: Haaachooo! (pretending to sneeze)
Me: What?
Baby: Calf, Nanay! (He meant cough!)

Waaaah! Matalinong bata hehehe. Able to make associations of words already. Calf (cough) indeed! Hehehe

Another one:

Me: What do you call a baby gorilla?
Baby: Di ko ‘lam, Nanay.
Me: It’s infant, Baby. Infant.
Baby: Infant Jesus, Nanay?


Hahahahaha!!!! Afternoon delight indeed!

Thank you, Father God for every moment of it and for giving me such a smart Baby. May you constantly sustain Loreto and I as we fumble and grope our way to being the best parents for our son. We make humungous mistakes every now and then, being a work in progress ourselves. For that I am constantly ashamed of and am sorry. Please help us train up Rod Lauren in the way that he should go. Amen.