Here, Finally

I almost missed the image because I was trying to follow the crowd and got distracted by the conveyor type of steps, leading to the main section of the church. A Mass was ongoing. When I noticed some people looking up and taking pictures, I followed their sight and there She was. 

The Basilica was designed quite interestingly. Coz entering into the main church you would pass by this miraculous image of the Our Lady of Guadalupe hung up the wall. Then you enter the main church and you see that the image is at the centre of the main altar.  

It was the exchange of peace taking place when we got inside. I felt the tears come, knowing how fortuitous everything is for me, being here. I felt the urge to take communion but that would not have been right. We arrived when it was already towards the end of the Mass. 

It is the jubilee year for when the Basilica was built. There were too many people. Some were lying on the church grounds, showing signs of having been there for days.  

We went to see the old church which is just at the back of the Basilica. I wanted to climb up Tepeyac Hill where the apparition took place and where there's another chapel, but I hesitated because my colleagues might have other plans. Good thing most of us decided to do so. 

It was quite a climb. For someone who's still jetlagged and have yet to sleep, it wasn't so bad. 

Midway, I made a wish for myself and for a friend's who specifically told me so...

There are several steps towards the top of Tepeyac Hill. I did not occur to me to count how many. 

The old chapel up the hill.

Miracle

So at mid day today, I sat for agonising hours as I waited for my most recent SoAs from the 2 banks I have accounts in. (Don't be quick on assuming they both have substantial deposits

Well, both do meet the ADB requirement so substantial might be apt but that's about it. I wish their combined sum could fill in a hand-carry-sized maleta but, no A regular-sized shoulder bag, perhaps!) But I digress.

I was actually calm and patient as I waited. At one point I worried about work as there was one online meeting I really wanted to listen in, but for once, I didn't have my laptop with me. I worried more about where to find/buy a "highlighter" in the middle of Makati CBD without incurring more time than what I could spare for. I have a flight to catch after all. The Embassy specified though that I have to highlight a particular item in the SoA. Good thing I asked the officer assisting me if he has one. He handed me a neon blue, Stabilo one. Perfect!

I hurried back to the Embassy when I got ally documents. I was surprised when I was asked to come back by 3 PM. No one is allowed to linger outside so I decided to look for food since I haven't eaten all day. I have noted when I booked my grab ride earlier that there's a Yardstick Cafe near the Embassy so I decided to look for it. I have always been direction challenged, even with Google map. So I got lost twice. In going to it and getting back to the Embassy. Amazing how confident I sauntered towards what I thought was the general location of the Embassy but I was completely going towards the opposite direction. (Palm on forehead moment).

When I got back to the Embassy, I was told they were looking for me as it was already 15 minutes passed. I was nervous because how come it is this quick? In a day? It took us ages to get a confirmed appointment. And we also had to comply with 101++ supporting documents, one being "wet-inked-signed." The hosting affiliate had to mail it to us, halfway around the world. And, I was asked for additional requirements from the banks. I've done countless visa runs (including for the UK and Schengen) but it was never this tough. Perhaps they have their reasons and their policies and we definitely honour that. So I thought, it must be a rejection then. Then lo and behold, the stamp reads, "multiple entries." I was pleasantly surprised.

But that was not what made it magical though. Awhile back, I was counting my blessings on having had the opportunity to visit Mary's House in Turkey, Lourdes, Fatima and the Black Madonna in Montserrat. Except for Turkey, I've been blessed to have heard Mass in all of them. Mass in Catalan in Montserrat; Portuguese in Fatima; and thankfully, English in Lourdes. And there had been other opportunities as well -- English Mass at Divine Mercy Shrine in Krakow; having been to Familia Sagrada twice, heard Mass in one of those instance; and having been to the Holy Infant Shrine in Prague, the convent of St. Teresa in Avila. So many blessings.

While in this line of thought, I told myself, how lovely to have a chance to visit Our Lady of Guadalupe too, but how? Mexico is too far away. It would require a visa and a considerable amount of money for flights and other travel expenses. Then something magical happened. In less than a month, I was surprised to learn that the Our Lady of Guadalupe is on pilgrimage and that her image would be visiting the city's cathedral. Less than a month when I've expressed that desire to see her too! It was a bit difficult to schedule but Forest and I managed to go hear Mass at the San Pedro Cathedral when her image was there. I even bought a pañolito with her image and prayer on it to mark the experience.

But imagine in a few weeks after that, I was told that a scheduled meeting in Bangkok was moved somewhere else? And that it is going to be in Mexico? It was surreal. It felt like God was telling me, "Kala mo yun na yun? Hindi pa. I'll take you to the country where the apparition happened. The way you were able to be at Fatima and at Lourdes."

Even then, I was too scared to even trust 100% that I would be able to go. (Yes, me and my little faith! I should be ashamed really!) I was thinking, there's the visa that had to be worked out still and I just might not get it. Even now, as I sit here on the flight back home, and knowing that in the overhead bin is my backpack that has my passport with the visa stamped on it, I still worry instead of just marvel at the miracle of it all. Such grace.

Thank you, God. I guess my fears are not because I am doubting You but more like I am doubting myself. Sino naman ako, Lord? To deserve all these? Sobra-sobrang biyaya! Siksik na siksik na at umaapaw. Everyday, when I wake up with a roof over my head, in a house where I could breathe easy and surrounded by the many testaments of how You're working wonders into my life.. I feel so unworthy. I know Your work with, and on me is not done yet. If it's not too much to ask again, do grant me the grace to be able to do justice to all these blessings. I know I'm still doubtful, Lord. But I am extremely grateful.

To be Present Once Again...

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/14qi1Q6DoZW/ 

"teaching people to look. Not to glance, not to observe from a distance, but to be present to the actual world with enough patience and humility that it shows you something you could not have predicted"

I have yet to read her books but what a legacy. Funny how this found me today. Of late, even on a busy mind for work, at some tiny portion of it, I'm bemoaning (perhaps even mourning) how the ability (art?) of really seeing is dying. Almost everyone is on their screens. Even the children when we are driving, we often have to urge them -- look outside, notice things... I'd be in a quiet corner of a cafe or a new place and notice, nobody seems to be "people watching" anymore... not the looking and judging kind but having that stillness to just look at how life flows, imagining where that guy with a backpack is hurrying to; or whether this new couple who just came in have been together for years or just recently, how they've met... I'd sit at airports these days and most people are just looking at their screens to while the time away. Even at home which is sad. In fairness, the children are on screens for school work like 75% of the time, but since they're already at it, it's so easy to switch to "taking the break" through doom scrolling for the rest of it. At these moments, the only conversation taking place is when I get a lliteral shoutout -- "Nanay, listen to this. Tell me what you think. Does it sound right?" -- for their homework. Or, "Nanay, listen to this. Do you know this song," which is often better because it leads to actual conversations.

Haaay.... these days my phone is often "lost" and "somewhere," (which makes third party authorisation requests a mini-adventure of treasure hunt of sorts); but it allows me that breathing space to just people watch and notice my surroundings. But even I, am guilty of doom scrolling on many ocassions.

So yeah... life is beautiful and magic are often found in tiny, simple moments. I'm also reminding myself this -- let's slowly and consciously do away with our phones to look up, notice the little things, let our inner world breathe and think... it's been slowly dying because we've been constantly bombarding ourselves with external content. Really notice our loved ones around us, their little quirks and authentic self that is for us to discover everyday, know and love... We've lost that. No wonder so many of us are depressed because we've lost that deep and real connection that can only be sustained by really being together, having that face to face conversation, and a little pat here and there... Everything comes and goes in a blink. Life flows. It does not wait on us..

Samutsari.

 Monday. Samutsari. It was her first day in school. We were not quite friends this morning because I "confiscated" her phone the night before. Good thing she finally understood why I'm doing it and trusted me when I said she would have it back by Friday. So when she came back from school, she was still cold but began warming up again by the time we did our evening run. I asked her how her first day in school was and then she started becoming all chatty again. And so friends na ulit kami haha

Then we tried restoring a certain rythm. Again. Tea after dinner and some quiet conversations. We agreed to start another round of tandem reading. But that was shelved (pun intended) in favour of discussing Jabidah massacre. I was reading an old travel blog of ours in Corregidor and I asked if she remembered the story behind it. She told me it did not ring a bell at all. I was aghast coz it was one of the stories we found quite interesting during that trip. So I did a bit of research and settled with an abridged version of it. She got confused with Ninoy-Noynoy, the father Marcos and the current president so I had to do a bit of side story too.I reminded her about out trip in Ilocos and seeing the "preserved" body of the former. (Made me think though about how she little she knew of the country's history and if she did, it doesn't stick and she soon forgets. Something should be done about it. I told her -- "how can you foster your love for your country if you knew so little about it?")

So anyway, she fell asleep soon after which was really the real intent behind the tandem reading. I've noticed that when I work through the night, I'd find her still awake even when it is already late. On worst days, I'd find her still glued to her phone.

After all that, I did not want to pick up work so I read a few of my older blogs which led me to a memory dump file I made for Tatay during my first deployment to Iraq. It was the first time that I'd be away for more than a month (3 months) so to cushion it for everyone, I made memory "bubbles" for each of them -- letters, journal entries for Rod who loves to read, pictures for Forest and Jade. They were all color coded and dumped in a memory jar for them to pick one on moments they would miss me. (It was a success and we still have the memory jar here at home). Apparently, I also made some for Tatay. I never got to print them because when I told him about it, he was quite frank in saying he would rather call me than read something out of a jar haha!

Anyway, so I came across the file tonight. I laughed at how intense I could really be and how intentional. Those memory bubbles were actually sourced from my journal. I print entries that are significant to them (a journal entry of a day spent with Rod; one on Forest and one for Jade). So they were quite personalised. I've had lots of entries about Tatay too, especially during our first year as a married couple. They were full of musings, reflections and "recordings" of special moments. By "intense-tional," it meant a memory bubble for Tatay which was an adaptation of a journal entry written in English but painstakingly translated into Bisaya because Tatay would prefer to read it that way. Haha!

So here's one mem-bubble to demonstrate what I mean exactly. Kataw-anan. Really, revisiting our old selves could be quite a laugh. But somehow, I love the old me who somehow always found the time to pen down things. Maybe I should revive this habit too. Perhaps if I write quickly as I did then, I could squeeze it in, in my already long list of to-do's. Well, I can be intentional, can't I? And time management is always key. Prioritising what matters most and letting go of the not so important pursuits like social media mindless gorging. So God help me with my many "intentions" :)

Memory Bubble #xx (from Apoligia journal entry of 2005):

To Tatay,

Palakaw ka sa Mt. Apo. Buntis pa ko. Fifteen (15) days ka didto. Ginaandam nimo ang mga gamit nimo sa bed. Sa Empress pa ta puyo ato. Ako naga-prepare pod ko para mag-office sa DAP. Daghan ka sulti sa ako -- mag-uban kay Mama pag-uli, dili magpagabii, magkaon gyud sakto, dili pakapoy. Maghinay pagtabok padulong sa DAP kay kabalo ka mahadlok ko magtabok. Feeling love kaayo ko nimo ato na time, Tay. Wala pa ka kalakaw, gimingaw na kaayo ko nimo ato. First time man gud to na nag-asawa ta na dili ta uban mag-uli sa Empress gikan sa trabaho.
Maalala nko, nagcompose pa ko tula ato habang naa ka sa Apo:

Blowing Kisses in the Wind (Nagpadala Kiss sa Hangin)
Blowing kisses in the wind,
Hoping they'll find their mark.
Blowing kisses in the wind,
bidding them to travel the distance
that separates me from you.
To hold you,
Watch you while you sleep,
Touch your hair and smoothen
them back from your temple,
mouthing good mornings,
exchanging smiles,
a quick hug before sluggishly
rising out of bed,
shared laughter,
quiet conversations,
Your hand touching mine,
all these would have to wait...
So for now, I'm blowing kisses in the wind,
knowing they'll hit their mark...
Blowing kisses in the wind,
knowing you'll feel them too...
Ingat ka rin lagi, B.

Bisaya na version: Nagpadala Halok sa Hangin
Nagpadala halok sa hangin,
Nangandoy na makaabot.
Nagpadala halok sa hangin,
Nagsugo sa ila na tabukon ang kalay-on,
Na nagbulag sa imo ug sa ako.

Na magunitan ka,
Lantawon ka habang natulog.
Gunitan ug hapsayon imong buhok.
Maghung-hong ug, “good morning.”
Mag-pahiyumanay;
Mag-gakos bago mubangon;
Magdungan ug katawa,
Hilom na pag-storyahanay,
Ang imong kamot nag-gunit sa akong kamot,
Kani tanan magpaabot usa habang layo ta sa usag-usa
Mao karon, magpadala lang sa ug halok sa hangin
Kay kabalo ko nga makaabot sa imo,
Kabalo ko na maramdaman pod nimo.
Ingat pod ka pirmi, B!

Hahaha!