Today

A lot of things happened today.  Forest throwing a fit every now and then, obviously seeking attention every time she sees me working.  This drove me a little nuts too, already pressured with work and having forced to do something I do not like -- seeing to reimbursements, liquidation and admin stuff. I find no joy in sifting through receipts, I'm afraid.

And I got irritated all the more as Tatay seems not helping at all and I had to prod him all the time as he was bent on doing his own thing while I balance both work and Forest's wanting some attention. (He must have noticed because he started making up for it in the afternoon)

Anyhow but there are two things that stood out for me today. It was Forest holding my arm as she ate her cereal for breakfast...

I just woke up and went downstairs with my laptop, plugged it in and settled to work.  I found her and Tatay preparing cereals.  Seeing me, she sat close to me in the living room and proceeded to eat.  Tatay on the other hand is close-by and also eating. I admonished them for again not eating at the dining table.  Tatay replied it's not a proper meal but a snack (rolling of the eyes here)/  They both went to the dining anyway.  To convince Forest, I told her I will sit with her and stay with her while she ate.  And so we talked. But it never escaped me that at one point, she was holding on to my arm while she ate.  It went straight to my heart.  She really must miss me.  All these tantrums (despite giving me more pressure than anything) are actually just her way of making sure I'm all hers.  That hand on my arm is like telling me that she wants to connect and that she's happy that I'm right there.  It's as if she is afraid I would flit off again any second.

And indeed.  While she was writing her journal (for her homeschooling session -- a situation that is brought upon us all by this virus), she wrote -- I'm grateful for Corona because Nanay is home.  She started with "Malipayon" and then not quite satisfied, she said she prefer to use "thankful." When I mentioned, "grateful." she wanted to use that word instead.  I was regretful I had to mention that as I did not want to influence her thinking.  I told her she should just use "thankful! as that was what she wanted to use first but then she whined and insisted she wanted to use the g word instead.  But yes.. my heart...

I'm just here, Forest.  While sometimes we might not be physically together, We're never really truly apart as I think of you and keep you close to heart all the time...

I'm Raising Good Children

I must admit there were a lot of instances of late that made me doubt that.  Seeing Rod's pre-occupation with his phone; his temper, answering back, throwing a tantrum and I'm beginning to think the opposite -- that Rod is turning out to be a horrible person; disrespectful and self-centred.  And then tonight, we picked Mama Fely up from her house.

Mama Fely called us up saying Mia and Eman has gone with their Mom and that there's only her and Nonon.  We urged her to just come and sleep with us here at the house for tonight.  As usual, she refused.  We compromised. We said we'd pick her up instead for dinner.  That way, I can also proceed with "bathing her in oils" (translation: haplas). 

I had some calls so while I got started with the "oil anointing," I had to stop.  I urged Rod to take over.  He was in a middle of an online game so I was expecting some "strong" resistance.  Instead, he put down his phone and spent a deal of time giving her Lola Fely massage.  It started with a back rub but I could tell he was doing it really well. It wasn't a "compliant" act at all, which was what I was afraid of.  I thought he would do a quick rub and then go back to his phone and his game.  Instead, he was really into it, talking to his Lola as well.  At one point, he stopped but only to put on "Moon River" and other old songs for his Lola Fely.  He then continued with the massage, accommodating Lola's request on rubbing it here or there, without complaint.  After a while, Forest joined.  They took one leg each and did a proper massage.  Ate Janin meanwhile was helping in preparing dinner.  We had imbao soup and some camote tops salad. 

Indeed, despite our "parenting a teenage dramas" of late, the kids are growing up with a good heart. It's there somewhere, beating warm and thoughtful, hidden amidst all these teenage angst and confusion. 

I'm hoping and praying they would trust me enough to listen to my "promptings" and urging (translation: nagging) and know deep down that I have nothing but their best interest at heart.

Thank you, God.