Morning Walk

This morning Bolo and I did our morning walk after a long time of not being able to. As usual, our destination was the market to buy some stuff for the house. We like the idea as it is like hitting two birds with one stone. It allows us to accomplish our marketing for the house while at the same time give us the opportunity for exercise.

What’s different about this morning though was aside from engaging in just senseless chatter, we playfully talked about our plans and dreams. At the start of our walk, I told him that he help me in visualizing that we are driving our dream car. I asked him what type of car he wants and what color. He played along with me and said he wanted an “off-road” type in black color. I scoffed and said he should concentrate instead on a particular type of vehicle since we have very recently participated in a raffle draw and the grand prize is far from being the “off-road” type he wants, hehehe Talk about being purposive and particular :)

He must be in a good mood that morning since he took my hand and told me he’s imagining that we are cruising along. Then he looked down on my feet and pointed out we’re walking at a rather slow pace so what kind of driving is that? Hehe

For the rest of our walk, I was the one who did all the talking with him just commenting every now and then. I launched on a long speech about a make-believe-life which includes moving out of the country, taking annual out-of-the-country trips and taking our respective families for travel abroad. Every now and then we would talk about the realities that our families face and how we want to change that for the better. Then I would again talk about “our”…err… “my” fantasies and dreams…

Moments like this are what makes me appreciate what Bolo and I have. While our relationship is definitely not “fight-free,” moments like these makes up for the time when we’d be fighting tooth and nails. It makes me appreciate our being friends other than being sweethearts.

I guess it’s really inherent for Filipinos to include in one’s grand plan also the well-being of the entire family. We are just brought up that way – to be inclusive, to think not just of our own but the entire family, if not clan altogether.

In a way I envy a friend who really pursued her plan of working abroad just to help her family. Back in my younger days, when I’m still the idealist that I was (I still partly am), it never occurred to me to pursue life outside of Mindanao. For me, I feel some kind of tie to this land I’ve called “home” ever since I could remember. And for the longest time I desired nothing but to dedicate to it the whole of me and what I’d become. I used to tell my Mom before, every time she would ask me if I have plans of going abroad, how my talents and my brains would be for Mindanao alone.

Now, however, having a family of my own, I feel that I have changed a bit and have reordered my priorities. Now -- while the desire to serve is still there -- I have slowly began to dislodged my head from the cloud I’ve been in for the longest time to direct my eyes and heart closer to home.

Lately, I’ve been noting how my Mom is getting old. More than ever, I’m thinking now of how I could give back to her all that she had given me, us. Mama is one of the most self-less person that I know. Well, to some extent. She gives her all to the persons that she loves. And by all, I mean everything.

I see her now, taking care of Janin and I say to myself how I admire her for taking on the role of a parent to Niño’s daughter without any hesitation. She had done that long before Niño’s death. I’m thinking, now should be the time that she would just think about herself and pursuing things that she really wants to do with her life. But no, she just continues to give herself and her support to her family – to us, to her sisters, to her nephews and nieces. Even Papa was like that – very inclusive. I guess some of that rubbed on me too. Well, I would like to believe so...

So in view of all of that, I now find myself directing my eyes outwards, mulling the possibility of looking for opportunities outside this country. I feel a part of me grow sad at the thought. I wish things were different, that I’d still be able to work for my country and for development while at the same time be able to give my family and my extended family the good life that they truly deserve. In an ideal world, such should be the case. In an ideal world, that is very much possible… I hate to think that life in this country is now far from being ideal… But that is how it seems like. Just read today’s headline…

Ah, but that’s an entirely different topic altogether. Life is short. There is no room for negativity in my thoughts and in my life. I pray that I’ll be able to achieve all that I’ve dreamt about this morning. Most of all, I pray that I maintain my attitude of always taking a positive outlook in life...