I did not have a decent breakfast so I was really hungry after the mass. We've agreed to walk all the way to Bankerohan from San Pedro. Owing to my hunger, we stopped at Dukin Donuts on the way. We had a donut each and an iced tea for me while she had a cup of hot choco. Before we knew it, we had an hour of "intense" conversation hehehe We were discussing some serious stuff about choices, writing, loving ourselves and growing old -- usual stuff where she and I are concerned :)
It was almost twelve when we decided to resume our walk. Just before the market, we passed by some "boutique-sort" of stall that sell a somewhat "more presentable" version of the Bankerohan ukays. Their stuff are laundered and were neatly hung. I knew it's going to be a lot more expensive there but we could not resist a few good finds. I was able to buy a "skort" for Janine -- a "Dora the Explorer" line -- at P 60 pesos. Expensive alright but it was really cute. I bought myself a brown "Xhiliration" skort too that is too short for comfort. I know from experience that Bolo would not approve but it was really cute so I decided to buy it anyway. For Baby, I was able to buy a really cute, red hawaiian-print polo at P 30.00 hehehe The material of the polo was really nice and it is not your usual loud, hawaiin prints. In fact, it looked real classy so I decided to buy it even if at first the lady there was selling it to me for P 45, which I think is too much for a tiny piece of shirt hehehe Luckily, I was able to haggle it for PhP 30 after I paid for the two skorts.
When we got to the market and found some stuff there -- Anne Klein, Prada, Mossimo, etc. -- at PhP 10 a-piece, I knew we certainly paid too much for our earlier finds hehehe Jeni was so pleased to have found a "Mary Kate and Ashley" really-cute-skirt for only ten pesos hehehe I was able to buy her 3 shirts also at five pesos each as my gift to her for her upcoming birthday.
We were enjoying ourselves so much we were pretty loathe to go when we both felt our stomachs rumbled in protest. It was already almost 2 PM and we haven't had lunch yet. So we decided to go home instead to have our lunch there. That's when Jeni asked me to text Candy to come over. However, when she called home she found out they are having some family-get-together so she went home earlier than intended.
By the time Candy got to the house, Jeni have already left. And so we kept ourselves busy by preparing some mini-pizza for our merienda. It turned out well and tasted quite good. Well, in my opinion anyway hehehe After some time Bolo arrived and served us fresh durian from Jeni. He went over there for some..err.. business transaction... and arrived with a tupperware full of meaty, creamy, really-sweet-and-tasty durian. As Candy would describe it, it was the perfect durian hehehe And it was.
Candy and I discussed some marital woes over our pizza and durian :) And I think it is a sensitive subject alright. I mean, of course each spouse ought to have our own personal time apart from the partnership we have with our husband or wife. But how long should that time be? Hehehe and does it have to fall on a Sunday when it would be best to spend it with the kids? I understand where Candy is coming from as I too have such concerns.
But Bolo and I already have an understanding where our Sundays are concerned. It had to be spent with the family with the stress on going to church together. There are times when he had activities at "work" that falls on a Sunday. Despite that, we had already agreed that we never miss Mass because of it. So we make compromises -- agree to wake up real early to attend the earlier service or that he had to leave early from his activity so we could attend the late afternoon service. It had to be that way. There had to be agreements and compromises. Otherwise, he'd have an incensed wife waiting for him at home who will make sure he'd have hell for a week hahahaha!
Well, not really. Looking back, it took a while really before I was able to impress upon Bolo how important Sundays are for me. I pointed out to him that it is important for me to have my Sundays right as it sets the tone for the week that will follow. I told him, if I do not hear Mass on Sunday and not be able to spend some quality time with him and Baby, I would feel as if my weekend was a total loss. And the feeling would haunt me for the rest of the week.
Actually, what tip it off for me really was when I pointed out to him how little my wants really are. I told him all I ask of him is that we hear Mass and spend our Sundays together. I told him that is enough to make me happy and nothing else. I also shared with him that nothing saddens me more than attending Mass alone and seeing families there. I guess he got my point, since after that he really makes the effort to go hear Mass with me. He also informs me beforehand if he had activities that fall on a Sunday and discuss with me what time we will be hearing Mass to accommodate his plans.
It's not always easy agreeing on things or to make compromises. Sometimes it's so easy to be really selfish and to cling on to what you want than to hear what the other wants. And I think there are really no formulas to a perfect marriage. We keep hearing from others that communication is the key. Maybe that's it. But I guess other than that, there's got to be empathy too and understanding -- knowing full well where the other is coming from and understanding why s/he is making such demands.
I guess it's really just a matter of laying down your cards, making clear what your expectations are and trying to reach at some kind of a compromise. I guess that is a tall order in itself. I think it works for Bolo and I because there is the genuine desire from both of us to make each other happy.
When I harped to him about hearing Mass and how Sundays ought to be spent with the family, I certainly did not win him over. He could only see me "nagging" him about it and not what I'm really trying to tell him. When I factored in the "making-me-happy" issue that's when he finally listened. And of course,there was sincerity for my part too. I did not dramatize the whole "happiness" issue. That would have turned him off completely.
Well, I guess the key really is this -- that each of you have the genuine desire to make each other happy. If you care enough for the person, of course you'd want him/her to be happy too. And of course you do not forget about your own happiness too. After all, if you just concentrate on the other's happiness and you forego your own because of it, pretty soon you'll be running on empty. Then you'd begin to begrudge the other person for that. Both of you will only end up losing in the end...
But then who would want to talk about "losing?" It makes marriage sound like some kind of a competition between husband and wife. And it's not. It should not be that way at all. How sad naman pag ganun :(
Haaay, marriage indeed is something you work at everyday... Bolo and I still have a long way to go where that is concerned. I just pray that we'll continue to be how we are to each other... So that no matter how big we're up against -- years of conditioning (from our childhood) and ghosts from the past -- we'd still be patient in dealing with each other, in helping each other become the best that we can be as a person. So God help us both!
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