Vegetarian Pasta, Anyone?

Bah! Guess how Bolo and I spent the 24th of December? Cooking, that's what! :) Nope, not for our own consumption!

Long before Christmas is due, I've already decide that we will just buy some cake, wine,and probably cook a little pasta if we are in the mood for it. It turned out, we got six kilos -- yup, six! -- of pasta orders. So Bolo and I practically did not sleep on the eve of the twenty-third just to get started on the project.

Vegetarian pasta -- well at least the kind that Bolo and I love to prepare -- is a very tedious job. This is so since we prepare the sauce from scratch. We make use of fresh , ripe tomatoes. In order to translate that into sauce for the pasta, one has to boil it in water for sometime, peel the tomatoes and run it through the food processor.

To make it more delicious, 1 kilo of pasta is equal to 2 and a half kilo of tomatoes. So given 6 kilos of pasta... you do the math and you could imagine how much work goes into preparing everything. And boiling the tomatoes is just but the first step in the entire process of coming up with the sauce.

Hmm... I'm not complaining though. In fact Bolo and I had fun preparing the whole thing. I felt excited about the whole project when the orders came in. Part of it is because we're earning from it. It is extra income and of course that is always welcome. The real reason for the excitement though was the shot at "advocacy" the project is providing me. It felt good knowing that some households will be eating meatless pasta because they will be having vegetarian pasta instead. That I saw Bolo real excited and pleased with himself at having cooked something really delicious (they all say so hehehe) is also an added bonus for me. It was fun seeing his beaming, albeit tired face.

But it sure was stressful though hehehe We've been cooking the pasta for several times now that we feel that we could do it in our sleep. We were not able to anticipate though that 6 kilos is 6 kilos. It meant roughly 15 kilos plus of fresh tomatoes. Even if we hardly had any sleep from the night before, it wasn't enough to make it to Dane's 9 a.m. deadline. (Sorry, Dane hehehe) We sort of wrapped up everything at around 11:00 a.m. Every time Dane would ask us if we're already through, I feel as if my blood pressure would shot up hehehe But we survived it fine and was pretty satisfied with the outcome.

Holiday Rush

Just came in from rushing for groceries. Luckily, Gmall's having a midnight sale otherwise, we would have been forced to do some last minute shopping. We could have done it a lot earlier but there was just Bolo and I. There were tons of laundry that needed to be taken cared of and a whole big house to set in order. We wouldn't have had this problem if our former housekeeper returned as she promised.

Baby was showing some signs of catching some cold but we had to tag him along with us. After all we couldn't just leave him at home like a rag doll. As expected, the grocery was full of people and the most crowded aisle? Yup, the ones that had the pasta and the accompanying ingredients. As in! I had to leave Bolo and Baby with our cart so I could swim through the crowd of people to get what we need. When we were almost done, Bolo and I agreed to start queuing up for the cash registers. Bolo left me and Baby on the line while he did some few more rounds of getting some last minute items we had neglected to consider earlier.

Rush. Ah, but this week I haven't really been doing that much rushing. Except yesterday when I had to rush to three banks just to encash some checks and pay my credit card bills. This week I have been truly enjoying a Christmas break from the office. Cool huh? To have some Christmas break for ourselves. I feel truly blessed. While I still brought home some work, I've been enjoying some afternoon time with Baby and Bolo either fooling around or watching DVDs. Ah, the DVD player sure been been burning this week especially last night and this afternoon. There are two or three DVDs I've bought but haven't gotten around to watching. I feel blessed to have had the time now. But I am truly grateful for the time I have to be with both Baby and Bolo.

Earlier, I can't help but feel contentment while we all lay in bed watching DVD. Baby's head had been nestled tenderly on my tummy and I could sense he's also enjoying being with both his Tatay and Nanay. Ah, family life could sometimes be such a... difficult experience? But it sure has its rewards too. Like having those moments when you're feeling you couldn't ask more from life...

Pancakes for Breakfast

Our bed, which is next to my computer is littered with liquidation documents of all sorts. As it is, I'm trying to sort out everything. Trying to make sense of everything. Haaay there's just too many attachments needed to liquidate a disbursement even if it would only amount to as little as 200 pesos. Now why is that? Haaay I could write a whole account on the matter -- disbursement and liquidation under government bureaucracy. But that could wait for another day. After all I did not want to begin my day writing about my woes.

Very early on I was already busy working, even steeling myself against the wailing of Baby wanting some attention. It's urgent that I finish this now so we could send it out later. This is long overdue after all. I'm not bemoaning the fact that I had to do such a tedious job at an early hour though. It is after all, partly my fault, having neglected to do this a lot sooner than now.

But enough of work. I wanted to write about how grateful I am this morning since while I was going crazy pouring over the documents, B came in bringing with him some pancakes, syrup and milk hehehe Sure did make up for everything. I always loved pancakes (in colloquial term -- "hotkeyk") in the morning (in the afternoon, at night... hehehe) especially if there's syrup to accompany it with. But what I loved about it this morning is that it was prepared by my other half without my having to tell him to. I love knowing that I'm loved :)

Thank you B for treating me to another one of your "fireworks."

"Hardworked" and Loving It

Well, I think sleeping real late is becoming a habit lately. It's now 2:31 AM and here I am, haven't slept a wink. I just finished coming up with a budget for a training program slated for next year.

It was a proposal I sort of took over. So I guess you could imagine how that is. To me, it is always a lot easier if I write a proposal from scratch than trying to adjust one that someone else made.

To begin with, the idea isn't mine. Though I sometimes kid myself and think that I am, I'm not a "manghuhula" either. So in cases like these, I would usually spent ages just pouring on documents, trying to make sense of everything. After all how can I make adjustments on something I do not understand at all?

Ah, but I'm not complaining though. As it is I'm still quite wide awake. I guess I could even say some trace of adrenaline is pumping through my veins at the moment. If truth be told, I'm actually "writing" this entry at such a fast pace than I normally do. The words just came pouring in like rain...

I guess doing all those figures, as usual, is giving me some kind of a rush. Weird huh? hehehe Too much work and then feel the rush? I know I really should be feeling sluggish and tired. Well, I am tired. But I'm wide awake. I guess all those work proved to be some kind of an exercise for my brain thus this "rush-thing" I'm feeling at the moment.

Well, I guess I really just enjoyed being challenged. And having accomplished quite a lot -- being able to sort through an unbelievably, confusing document; come up with a very thorough, very organized work and financial plan -- I think I feel pretty good about myself. It feels good to be able to work out a challenge and conquered it. (That explains my penchant for solving puzzles too -- crossword, jigsaw, u name it...)

Preparing the WFP had been such a mental exercise. I could picture some parts of my brain gaining a few "muscles" for the effort hehehe I think the "exercise" had done me good -- must have improved my "circulation" up there hehehe

But I really should be sleeping already, circulation or not, everyone needs rest. So do I.

Thank you Father God for sustaining me althrough out the task. Thank you for giving me the chance to over-extend myself again and use some of the faculties you've given me. It feels good to have accomplished a lot. Khublei Mo.

Bolo

Hmm... the clock in the lower right corner of my monitor reads -- 12:15 am. I ought to be sleeping already but here I am staring wide-eyed into the monitor.

Earlier, Bolo really made me laugh because I was caught off guard when he asked if I heard what he was saying. He looked a bit dumfounded that I can't help but be amused.

Well, what's funny I think is that it is I who often had to ask if he'd been listening to what I'm saying. It's a given, men usually tune out everytime women starts to sort of nag or air our sentiments. Rarely do they ever listen. And then there he was saying a line that is usually mine. It's funny really.

Bolo recently had a tooth extraction. A molar. A big one. Yup, painful it was for him. I had to accompany him to the dentist. Well, it just so happen that this adventurous-seems-to-be-scared-of-nothing, big "boy" is afraid of doctors and hospitals. I recently found out it extended to dentists also.

While he had his tooth examined I stood at the sidelines listening as he threw several questions to the dentist -- is it going to hurt, how much is the whole thing, etc. Like a coach (more like a rooting cheerleader) I reminded him not to be nervous lest he would feel the pain more or something like that. I told him he'd better just close his eyes so he won't see the stuff that would go into his mouth i.e. the needle hehehe But apparently he did not close his eyes at all.

I know Bolo well, I knew how scared he must be of the whole proceedings. After a while, I noticed that he seemed pretty composed and relaxed that I was a bit surprised he's taking everything so well. So I sat in the corner and read a magazine. When he's through and we were already out, I asked him if he ever felt any pain. He said he did. I told him I noticed he does not seem scared at all. And his rejoinder was not something I totally expected. He very casually said, "Because you're there." That was enough to melt my heart right through hehehe

Even at the start of our relationship, Bolo had always been open about his feelings. He's not the type who would hide what he feels and pretend everything is fine when it is not. He's pretty expressive too for a guy, which is quite refreshing really. He's not your usual rhetoric, big-with-words, poetic type of guy. When expressing his feelings, he expresses them simply, plainly. Surprisingly, it usually had more impact than big "romantic" (often-not-the-truth) words. I guess that's it really. His simplicity imply truthfulness. And it is something that the heart readily sense and understand, thus the impact it creates.

Ah, I'm learning more about Bolo everyday. And I must admit it's not always the case that I like what I see. There are even times that I find him quite despicable hehehe There are times he really is so infuriating I totally lose my patience with him. But I know deep down, Bolo really has a pure heart. He's pretty much like a diamond in the rough. In his rawness, he could also cause me pain. Yet underneath all that jagged exterior lies his truest value.

Well B, we're definitely in it for the ride. Apparently we had survived our first year -- barely it may seem hehehe And since we had decided to embark on this journey together, we might as well make the whole experience worthwhile and make the ride as comfortable for the both of us as possible. As it is, we are still finding out how we're going to manage doing that exactly hehehe Merry Christmas :)

P.S.

Do continue saying that line you tell me everytime you wake up in the morning and look at me and I think we'll get along just fine bwahahaha! Btw, I think you're beautiful too my dear husband :) You have such a beautiful soul...

Simbang Gabi

Yeah, it's that time of the year again. Earlier Bolo, NC and I went to hear misa de gallo at the Ateneo. Of course :) Ever since college, I never really stopped going. Ah, except last year that is since I recently had given birth to Baby then. I remember feeling a bit empty last year for that reason alone. I guess it felt pretty weird not doing something you've consistently done for the past 10 years? Is it that long already? Hmm... perhaps even longer considering hearing misa de gallo at the ateneo had been a "habit" since first year college.

This morning, I got a bit of a shock to see the signs of age on Fr. Ocampo. Well, I've been hearing Mass on and off at the Ateneo and everytime I see Fr. Bob and the other jesuits of my college years with their age telling, I still get a bit of a shock. Which is weird really. I mean, why be shocked? Of course everybody ages. What was I thinking then? Everything will remain the way as it used to be?

Remain huh? Who am I kidding? Even the "old" campus is no longer the same. There's the imposing Finster Building to begin with, part of which was built on the old tennis court which figured largely on our first year in college. It was where we usually hang out during lunch breaks. I remember it's where Sean, Alex and I would talk about music on end, swap tapes... hehehe CDs were not even the "in" thing yet at that time hahaha

But ah, it felt good to be hearing dawn mass at the Ateneo again. Half the time I was expecting Alav would be turning up, or Nilo... Chris... Rex... Analyn.. Michael Hervas... the old gang who went to those masses those full four years... Those were the days and it had been really fun...

Back to the Finster building.. I'm not "begrudging" it in any way though. I am one of those who truly admired Fr. Finster when he was yet alive. He was one of those who had touched my life in so many ways. Him and his favorite song, "The Impossible Dream" had come to mean a lot of things to me. It had greatly influenced some of my choices back then. I think it is but just fitting that a whole building is named in his honor. It's just a bit sad though noting that what used to be a memorable place was obliterated to make way for some changes...

Well, I guess that's what life really is. Nothing ever really remains the same... Sometimes, even one's sentimentality could not prevent the changes to take place no matter how one desperately tries to hold on to the past...

Oh well, tennis court or not, I could still distinctly remember some of the moments we had had in Ateneo. I guess buildings, landmarks could indeed come and go... but memories live forever in one's heart. Somehow that's a comforting thought :)

Some More Cebu Pictures

Below are some more of the pictures we had while in Cebu last October. These "ride" shots were taken at Ayala Center which is just walking distance from the hotel. I momentarily took off some time from work to see a bit of Ayala considering it is just nearby. Bolo, Juliet and I ended up buying a bunch of Havaianahs fliflops which was on sale. Bolo and I bought 5 pairs in all -- for us both, Mama, Loren and Christine. Juliet bought a pair for herself. Anyway,enjoy the pictures. We enjoyed taking them :)


Bb: Look at me tatay, this is the way to ride a motorbike.


Bb: Hmm... Tatay? I think I dont want to ride anymore...


Bb: Tatay, did u hear me?!


Bb: Tatay, I think we're gonna crash....


Bb: Ah this is more like it...


Bb: Nanay, you sure you dont want to ride?


Bb: Is everything clear Tatay?


Bb: Heeeya!!!


Bb: Hmm... I think I like the color red Nanay


Bb: Tatay, Am I supposed to step on this little thingy on the floor?


No need for costume hehehe. When we got back in Cebu proper from Bantayan, we went to SM to do some pasalubong shopping. We chanced upon kids there in their scary costumes playing trick or treat hehehe It was a good thing they allowed us to take a picture of them with Baby. He's scary enough huh? hehe


Bb: Tatay, that masareal too for Tita Jeni, Tita Dane and Tita Candy, don't forget...


Bb: Brrrom... brooom... look out Nanay!


Bb: Hmm... I think Im bored already Nanay. Hahay.


Bb: Are we paying already? Should I park now Tatay? To that cash register there?


At the airport. Bb: Ay, Tatay, I want to go down!


Some intimate moment with Baby.


Bb: Hehehe I am really sitting here Tatay?


Bb: Read this very carefully Tatay, it tells you what to do in case we crash... But don't worry, I've studied it enough to know it by heart already.


Bb: Err... I think your choking me Tatay

Weaning

"Nursing is an intimate activity that fosters a strong bond between mother and child - and some women find it difficult to let that go."

I was browsing the net awhile ago when I came across the above statement. It partly broke my heart when I read the above statement. And yes, I am starting to wean baby, albeit reluctantly.

I had intended to nurse him until he is two years old. But I guess, intention or not, it is beyond my control really. When Baby had his fourth upper and gained his second lower tooth, he and I already started having these "battles." It must be because he's teething and undergoing some discomfort that he took to "biting" me while nursing. Come to think of it, even when we had no tooth yet, there were instances when he would bite me. Tooth or not, it still was painful and often uncomfortable. When his teeth started to show, that was when it had become almost unbearable.

Well, "almost" because most definitely I endured it. And it wasn't that often either so I guess it was easier to adjust to the nipping. It does not make it less painful though. Still, I endured it because I had Baby's best interest at heart.

A few weeks ago though, the biting was occurring ever so often. I'm suspecting he's turning up a molar. But huh, it was pure torture. As I mentioned, he now has four upper teeth and two lower ones. And God is so good they were all beautifully aligned. I would feel a bit of pride everytime I see Baby smile -- which is quite often -- because his teeth were all neat and pretty even for a milk teeth.

Back to the biting incident, often times Baby would leave a mark. And most of time, I ended up crying for the sheer pain of it. I have been told to push him closer to the breast everytime he does it. And I did, still to no avail. The next time around he would still bite. And the more I push him I guess the more he grew frustrated and the more he would bite. That went on for a week before he totally refused to take a breast. Ahh imagine the pain I felt...

The emotions I felt at the separation proved to be more painful than all his biting incidents combined. And I could see it was painful for him too. A few days ago, while we both were going through the transition, it broke my heart to see him so restless at night. He would not take a bottle and yet he would also not take a breast. Still I could sense him wanting it at the same time with his restlessness. He would continue to toss and turn, probably looking for the comfort that nursing brings. And it had been our pattern for so long. For a year, he took to dozing off at night while nursing on me...

During the transition I still took to offering him the breast and he would continue to bite. That went on until three days ago. I remember one incident that was really so painful. We were concerned about him going starving so when it would have been time for him to nurse, B would prepare his bottle and offer it to him. Bolo had to do something downstairs so I was left with Baby and I was urging him to feed from his bottle. He would look at it but would not take it. Then I asked him if he wants to drink from Nanay. And his response really shook me. He just laid there and whimpered. Even now it still breaks my heart to recall it. He literally whimpered. I tried offering my breast to him but he continued to whimper. Try as I might he wouldn't take neither breast nor bottle. So I just hugged him and reassured him. Bolo took over and he was successful in making Baby feed a little from the bottle until he slept.

That dawn, I offered Baby the breast when he got restless and I almost cried when he took it without biting. He fed for quite sometime before letting go of it. And that was the last of it. I guess he cooperated at that time to make it some kind of "ceremonial" letting-go for both of us. I've been telling him I missed nursing him and that I would have wanted to continue it for some time. I even took to pumping my milk again and have him drink from the bottle. But after some time that even did not work especially when we began mixing it to his soy formula since I'm not producing much for one feeding.

It's been three days now since I last fed him that dawn. During the day I tried feeding him again and he bit me again so I gave up altogether. And somehow, he took to the bottle without complaints anymore. Good thing I had that one last time. At that time I had a hard time really adjusting to the separation...

Ah there he is sleeping so peacefully beside his Tatay. He seem such a big boy already. He had grown so "tall" these past few months. Some of his earlier pajama's have now become "purontongs."

One good thing about this weaning experience is how Bolo rose to the "occasion." Without my having to ask him to, or to implore him even, he took to preparing Baby's bottles, thermos and milk. I was surprised to see him walking in with all the stuff and neatly arranged them close to our bed. I wasn't really expecting anything but I was already bracing myself having to rise up our bed to prepare Baby's milk in the middle of the night. But Bolo proved to be such an angel. While I would stir also as soon as I feel Baby's restlessness, it would be Bolo who would rise and prepare the milk. I know it's his way of telling me it is his turn now.

At one time, I had complained to him about my lack of sleep ever since I gave birth. I told him I had to wake up in the middle of the night and then at dawn just to nurse Baby. I told him I long for the time when I would be able to sleep the whole night through. I remember even telling him he's better off since he would just sleep the whole night without much of a clue. His insistence to just let me sleep and let him take care of the feeding even if I knew how much he value his sleep is making me feel cherished.

Bah! I could swear 'Bolo" is synonymous to "sleep." I could go into fits just to have him awake and still talk to me when we were having a tiff but he would just turn to me and say, he's sorry but he really wants to sleep so we'd better talk in the morning... And yet, once again, typical of him, he took to the role without so much of a fuss. For all our petty fights, Bolo again managed to make me feel so treasured and so blessed...

I am indeed so blessed. Thank you B. Thank you Father God...

On Wanting to Write, Dumbledore, and Sacred Contracts

It's been three days since I had broadband installed at home. I had been looking forward to blogging and writing to my heart's content. And yet, here I am, it took me three days. Well, there are reports to finish... But boy oh boy all the realizations I'm getting these days... not to mention some truths I've stumbled upon even months ago but never gotten around to really thinking about them and threshing out my real feelings and realizations about them.

There is something I find really ironic. A few moths back, while I was documenting for a strategic planning, something hit me in a big way. I was starting to read a book recommended to me by Jeni -- "The Sacred Contract." I was really too busy with a lot of deliverables to give it my full time and attention. So I just managed to read perhaps a few pages of it. What I read though, I liked. Sometimes, I would scan ahead (which I never usually do) and see what the rest of the book talks about. And well, Jeni -- being her usual self -- was spoiling it ahead of me anyway, telling me about some parts of the book. This time, it was easy to forgive her. I knew she was really wanting to hear herself talk about her realizations from reading the book. In short, she was using me as a sounding board. Nothing new about that :) We've been doing that to each other for as long as I can remember. (I love you my sounding board hehehe)

Anyways, I also did not mind it much since I'm like reading the book myself from all the things she's telling me about it. And it's not like the time I had yet to read the last installment of the Harry Potter series and she's telling me someone really important died in it, tormenting me endlessly with her hints and giveaways. I already had the copy of the book at that time but kept putting off reading it since I knew I would be hardpressed at putting it down once I've started. At that time there was a very important deadline to meet so no can do. And there she was, making it difficult for me to resist the book altogether. I remember meeting the deadline and reading the book all at the same time. So, 8 months pregnant that I am, I stayed up the whole night till the morning of the next day reading about Dumbledore being killed. Ah, Jeni could really be such a tormentor, mind you. Are you reading this? :P

But well, what's interesting about that whole experience is my remembering how I cried and got a bit of a shock when Dumbledore died. I mean I knew from how the series is developing, something really big is bound to happen in the sixth installment. But Dumbledore dying? It was something that really got me unprepared so I got a bit of a shock when I read that part. I even remember crying about it a bit hahaha

Hmm.. but back to what I find ironic, as I said I was already reading the sacred contract then. Jeni was telling me at that time too that she's starting to understand herself better, about her different archetypes, etc. etc. Quite truthfully, I wasn't much into the archetype theory. I do believe it though. All I'm saying is that it wasn't about that that really struck me about the book. I was more into the idea of a "Sacred Contract." It's actually just a different take on one's having a purpose in life and realizing it. But what's great about the Sacred Contract is that it delved on relationships too. It suggests that we have sacred contracts with all the people that we come across in life -- encompassing both those who are dear and near to us and those whome we meet in passing but made such a great impact in our lives. The sacred contract is that we "agreed" to meet at one moment in our lives to teach each other lessons we needed to learn at that point. Even the book's take on "lovelife" is interesting. It made me see my husband in a different light.

Oh I knew and believed that there's a reason why the union was between Bolo and I and not with someone else. I knew it happened for a reason and that we are both sharing this relationship now because each of us are instrumental to each other's unfolding of truth and good. I knew about that. But looking at it at the perspective of a sacred contract, it's like elevating the whole thing at a much higher level. It's you and him, agreeing, setting a contract between the two of you to meet and play an important role in the other's life -- that of being a spouse -- to help each other out. The idea of the sacred contract makes it a conscious thing. Not something that happens serendipity. I guess there's something more "weighty" about a contract. It gave an air of certainty, commitment, seriousness...

While the Sacred Contract and its take on relationships hit me in a big way, I was really more concerned about realizing my own Sacred Contract in life. What is really my purpose in life? I remember musing about this even at the tender age of 10. It had been a personal quest since then even if sometimes I'm not really so conscious about such a quest. As I matured and grew over the years, the answers to the question came to me in forms that I was capable of accepting at those different stages in my life. The younger I was, the grander was my perspective. I remember defining my purpose as -- going out there to change the world.. hehehe I was that naive. I still am... but I think of this in a good way...

As I got older, however, and went through several "grounding" experience I realized I could only do so much. I realized it's not really all about "me." I realized there are other people in this world that I was adamant about changing, who are also searching for their own purpose in life. I realized they indeed have such a purpose to fulfill and whether or not it's about changing the world, they too have a role to fulfill... And so I began to look inwards... I started looking at my gifts... What do I have to offer to the world? What is uniquely mine that would serve as my own contribution? What is my purpose?

I remember being preoccupied about reaching my fullest potential and how I pursued things to do just that... but that's another story... and I'm getting ahead of myself...

What I really wanted to write about was how I got a hint of my personal sacred contract while I was involved in that work. There I was growing a bit frustrated at how long it is taking for one organization to come up with their own strategic plan. I got frustrated at how they could linger on, spend so much time arguing on semantics. I mean my Gawd, I'm a technical person, and I majored in Philosophy. I had had my share of arguing about hermeneutics and what truth really is. But I sat there and was like telling myself, "sure semantics matter." One's intention had to be really clear but to spend hours and even a day on just the article "the" and "an"?!? I mean really!

I'm making it clear though I'm not giving any judgment. I apologize if it would appear that way. I'm just saying that the incident lead me into thinking how differently I want things to be. At that point in time I wished training and similar interventions could be less technical and be more "soulful." That's when it hit me in a big way.

I realized that homo sapiens -- in the whole of his history -- is now at the most critical stage of his development. Sure, he had come a long way to have survived the tests of time and the harshness of the environment of the earth. Well, he had even managed to Lord over the environment that was once very harsh on him. He had survived it and lorded over it, subjecting it to his every whim. But that's only the physical aspect of things. Looking at his consciousness, how far had he gone? Where is the homo sapiens in that aspect now? I see him being preoccupied with things that if one would really look closely, does not really matter.

He is concerned with putting food on the table, pursuing all his wants and whims and paying very little attention to nurturing his consciousness... or his state of being... In my mind I see an exodus of people, directionless people in pursuit of false purpose and achievement. I mean, there is nothing wrong with that. People had to eat too of course. They had to survive and of course everyone is entitled to pursue their personal dreams. Even I am guilty of that. I may get these ideas and write about them and yet I'm just like everyone else. And I find that very sad. Not about being like everyone else but about everyone's being too caught up meeting our needs to no longer have time to pursue our spiritual growth -- to develop our consciousness to search beyond what is here and now...

It is at this point when I realized... that's what I wanted to do... to be a part of that changing of consciousness... I want to influence it somewhat... and before I knew it, my life is changing before my very eyes... opportunities that were totally unforeseen in the past just fell right into my lap. It was not so much so I could really go out there and influence everyone... It's more like being in the company of people who are to teach me all there is I needed to learn... These days I'm learning a lot. Thus the need to have them all written down... And one thing I'm learning in a big way now is that "I am the change I needed to see in the world."

There's so much I needed to work on, on "me." So many rubbish inside. These days I'm realizing I'm not exactly an admirable daughter and how I could greatly improve in that aspect. I'm realizing I am not exactly a very good person and I needed to work on that too... that I am a soul and am not my relationships, I'm relearning that all over again, this time at a much deeper level. So I am in the process of learning and unlearning, taking stock of what I have, what I can do away with... And you know what's funny? There's hardly enough time for me to do that... why? because there are reports to finish and I had to be a mother to my son and a wife... Because just like everyone else I had to earn my keep and have roles to fulfill... still, I believe I will have that time, I am taking that time, staking claim on it...

Bantyan Island, Cebu (added more pictures)

Pre-script: I've been wanting to post this entry for the longest time. Not to mention, I've been itching to have the chance to write and reflect but never really had the time to. Immediately following the Cebu trip, I had but one week to prepare for an important training. The week after that, I implemented the training. A week after that, I'm busy preparing for Baby's first birthday! Imagine that. To cut it short, Baby's birthday have been satisfyingly concluded (thanks to the support and love of Candy, Dane and Jeni love u guys. And Bolo too of course and the rest of the family)

I've had a training in Cebu last week of October. It coincided with the MFPI Mid-year Congress. It broke my heart to tell Bolo that he would have to forgo attending the latter. Even at the last minute we were looking for a substitute who could possibly act as Baby's "yaya" while we were in Cebu. I begged Mama to go but she said she could not, owing to a seminar they will be having at school. In the end, we hastily arranged for Bolo's ticket and that of Baby.


At the Davao airport Baby is clowning around as usual while we were waiting for our plane. There's no containing him these days. He had to be up and about.


Still clowning around.


Bb: Nanay, put me down, I wanted to walk around!

It meant eating up at our savings again. But there never really was any hesitation for Bolo and I. To us, savings or not, Baby's welfare is all that matters. It's a good thing though that God truly provided for this trip (as usual, He never did fail me... Thank you Father God). I had a chance at a documentation job and it gave us enough to buy Bolo's plane ticket, some pocket money and allowance for a side trip hehehe Truly, when God bestows blessings, it overflows :)


Baby: Nanay, see me making pa-cute hehehe At the Cebu airport. Bolo feeds Baby while we were waiting for our ride to the hotel.

Even at the last minute Bolo and I were quite hesitant about going on a sidetrip. I was pretty excited about Bantayan. It was supposed to be mine and Bolo's "honeymoon destination" but work and then the pregnancy got in the way. So we had to postpone it for another year. Our anniversary have come and gone. Instead of going to Bantayan, the opportunity to go to Legazpi presented itself so off we went there instead. It wasn't even for a leisure trip but work. And our stay in Legazpi saw Bolo being cooped up in the hotel, taking care of Baby and me being too busy with the training and some take-on work to truly notice we were in a new place. We did appreciate the fact that we were given the opportunity to tour Legazpi on our free day though. I've already posted the pictures of that trip here already.

Back to Bantayan. On our stay in Cebu, there was a brewing typhoon somewhere in the north. And Bantayan being at the north most tip of Cebu, it looked as if the odds are against us. Bantayan, by the way, is four hours away from Cebu City by bus and another hour of ferry-ride from mainland Cebu Island. If it had just been Bolo and I, typhoon or not, it would not matter to us. We would still give it a shot even if it meant we might not be able to board the ferry because of the typhoon. To us, we just might get lucky and be given the clear weather over at Bantayan. However, having Baby meant some hesitation. Of course, we couldn't just risk it. We have his well-being and safety to consider.

But anyway, (I really love to linger at the details huh? Before going on to the meat of the story hehehe sorry. I just love to lay down the details to get them over and done with. And besides, details such as this is really pretty much a part of the experience, if one would think about it...) given the title of this entry, I guess one can deduce that we were indeed able to go to Bantayan hehehe We did, in the company of Juliet -- a PLSD (what my training was about) point person who turned out to be a mountaineer too.

As I said I was on a training in Cebu. And not only that, Ate Jean and I are slaving over some proposal too. So on my last night in Cebu, I did not sleep at all. After the training, I helped Bolo packed our stuff. There were the training materials and equipment that have to be taken cared of and stowed while we will be on our trip so we took care of that first. Then, we packed our clothes. The dirty ones and those we will not be wearing anymore went to the trolley and another bag. That will be stowed along with the training stuff. Our "Bantayan" clothes -- shorts and swim wear -- and that we will be wearing on our trip back to Davao went to a Backpack. Baby's sterilizer, bottles, bowl, spoon and milk went to another.

We were packing when Gladys and Geian arrived -- two of my pamangkins in Cebu. I was so busy I was not even able to squeeze in some time to visit them. So they visited me instead. It was unfortunate that Baby was already asleep when they came...

After packing, Ate Jean and I went down to the lobby (it's the only place in the hotel that had bright lights on) to work on the proposal. Upon Bolo's advice, I showered and changed into my trip attire already. It was a good idea considering at 3 AM he, Juliet and Baby emerged from the elevator adjacent to where I'm sitting all packed and ready to go. We had to catch the 4 AM bus bound for Hagnaya where we will catch the ferry for Bantayan. Ate Jean and I hastily wrapped up everything, making sure I had the files saved to my flash disk. I would have to look for an internet cafe at Bantayan to email the files back to the office. Yeah, work again while on a vacation. I'm not complaining though.

We had to take a taxi for the northbound terminal. Upon reaching there, we made a wrong decision of not taking the Ceres ride. That would have been more comfortable. But there was no one to ask as all of us have never been to Bantayan at all. All that we knew was that it is important that we get to Hagnayan on time to catch the first ferry for the island.

It did not help that it was pre-todos los santos. Many, it seems, were bound for Bantayan or the municipalities along the way. The bus was jam packed. Most of the passengers have flowers with them and some big, tin cans of biscuits. It reminded me that we have to enjoy the little time we will be spending at Bantayan since we had to catch our plane ride back to home to make it for the Nov. 1 celebration.

I was really tired from the training, not to mention the lack of sleep so I was asleep most of the way. At one point I woke up to receive a call from Te Jean as there were some concerns with the participants who were still at the hotel. That's when Bolo and I discussed we were compromising Baby somewhat. It was not a comfortable ride. But Bolo and I are trying to make Baby as comfortable as possible. By the looks of it, he is not feeling any discomfort at all still Bolo and I grew sober. We vowed we won't do any travelling anytime soon. At least not in those conditions.

At 7:30 AM we reached Hagnaya. We had to wait awhile before the offices of the ferries open to buy our tickets. There were two options -- to go by the fast craft or the slow boat. The former proved more expensive but we took it because of the time factor. Still, it took as some time to be on our way since we had to wait for the Mayor of Sta. Fe who is also taking the ferry. It was quite a delay I did not relish experiencing. I was growing impatient by the minute but there was no choice but to sit it out. Once the ferry was underway, I slept along with Baby.


On board the ferry.

It was a good hour before we docked at Sta. Fe. While we were at the ferry terminal in Hagnaya, we were already asking some of the passengers there as to a preferred resort in which to stay. No one really gave us a straight reply so we settled to a place recommended by Renee. She, Bambie, Suzette and some of the guys have been to Bantayan also recently. We were not able to go with them since I was in Cagayan for some work at that time.

We stayed at the Marlin's Place. It was a big room. The beds were tiny though but Bolo, Baby and I managed to share one bed. The other bed went to Juliet. I would have wanted to nap awhile but Bolo was eager to be up and about already. He engaged the services of a tricycle that would take us around the island. The one at the resort recommended some places for us to see. Some were quite at a distance from the resort but he urged us to see them. So, we just changed into shorts and off we went.

First stop was Bantayan proper. It was quite at a distance from Sta. Fe where we are staying. Bolo directed the driver to head straight to the market. We intended to buy some crabs for breakfast hehehe Actually, one of the reasons why we went to Bantayan was because we heard that we could buy crabs at 10 pesos a kilo hehe imagine that. Well, it wasn't really just at 10 pesos but we got it cheap just the same. Bolo bought a kilo, went to one of the nearby bar-b-q stalls and had it cooked there. To Juliet's delight, we found out that it wasn't chicken bbqs being lined in front of the stall but "pague" bbqs. She eagerly told us how it is considered a delicacy in Pangasinan where she is from. She told us too that the reason why it is such a treat in Pangasinan because it is noted for its therapeutic properties. She told us it does wonder for the digestive system. That was enough to convince me that we should order some too.

Bolo left us momentarily to scout for Ukay2x. After awhile, he arrived while the crabs are about done -- empty-handed. He said there wasn't any good finds. We were halfway through our feast of sea crabs ("lambay"), fish bbq and pague bbqs when a lady selling another type of cooked crabs came along. They were bigger than "lambay" and their outer shell looked a lot sturdier... We asked how much she is selling them for. She replied twenty bucks for three. I looked at our half-finished feast and told Bolo, three is fine. I had my back turned to the lady. So I did not see her hand Bolo three large "necklaces" of crabs. Each "lei" has about ten average-sized crabs. When Bolo laid it in front of me I was stupefied hehehe.

It was really a bad thing we were not able to take any pictures then. It should have been documented how our table was filled with a mountain-like pile of crabs. I guess we were very much intent on the feast that we forgot about taking pictures. Haaay, what a picture it must have made. Haaay too late...

Of course between the four of us -- we urged the driver to eat with us too -- it was close to impossible to consume the whole thing. So we had them packed. They will have to do for dinner.

After our feast, off we went. First stop was the St. Peter and Paul Church of Bantayan which is several centuries old church. It was beautiful. And I've been around and seen lots of old churches already...


St. Peter and Paul Church, Bantayan


The church's door


Stained glass window


The altar.


Upclose


Father and son clowning around with the church in the background

After the church, we proceeded directly to Kota Park in the municipality of Madredejos. It was quite far but I was thankful we chose to go there. On the way, Bolo and Baby slept. I came close to sleeping myself but I was the one holding Baby so...


The walkway at Kota Park


Family picture at Kota Park


The Kota Park


Baby holding on to a pre-war canon missle weighing over a ton. Believe me, Bolo and I tried lifting it to no avail...


Bb: Nanay put me down

After Kota Park, we were eager to go back to the resort to finally take a dip in the sea. It was a humid afternoon and our excursion left us all sweaty and thirsty. Getting back at Bantayan proper, I scouted for an internet cafe so I could email the files to the office. I was lucky to have found one. I managed to catch Candy and Sean over at YM. Couldn't resist teasing them about my being in Bantayan hehehe

We stopped at a nearby Ukay2x before proceeding to the resort. It was fun. We were able to buy Janin some sweater that is Indian inspired - really suitable for Baby's Birhtday party. We found a Tiffany jacket for her too which looked brand new and still in good condition. We were also able to buy Baby some Ralph Lauren Sweats. Really nice.

Off to the beach!!!!

After that it was off the beach for us!!! Truly heavenly :) We just changed into our swimwears and off we went. Baby had some moments in the sand. Bolo and I just enjoyed watching him. I feared he would put a handful of sand in his mouth but he did not. Instead, he enjoyed touching the sand for a full thirty minutes. He languished in it, played with it in his hand... At one point he swam in it... After a while, as most babies do, he did manage to put a mouthful in his hand before Bolo and I could prevent it.

It was a treat watching Baby play. Oh well, even when he is asleep, I enjoy the moment just by watching him. It must really be like that for parents. It's as if every nuances of one's Baby is heaven-sent designed to be enjoyed and savored...

Baby: Look Nanay, I have sand in my hand...


Baby: Is that the sea out there Nanay? Baby looking much like a beach model hehehe


Baby: I think I'll practice swimming here first Nanay


Baby: Nanay, come and get me. I think I'm now ready for the sea...


Tatay: Hmm... many sand on your head right here..


Finally enjoying the water...


With Ate Juliet. Bb: Nanay, cramps... huhuhu


Playing around with Tatay...


Mother and Son


Nanay: Okay, are your eyes close now? Bb: Hehe you can close them if you want but I ain't closing mine... hehehe


Bb: Tatay, can I sleep on your back?


Family Picture...


Baby: Brr... Nanay, I think I just had my first taste of sea water...Hmm.. make that the second. I just remembered drinking a mouthful over at Samal...


Bb: Tatay, the water tastes salty hehehe


Ah.. Isn't this baby really something?

The water was really nice and the sand is comparable to Boracay's fine white sand... Hmm.. which had me thinking... Maybe our next stop should be Boracay hehehe I just hope more blessings will come in so we will be able to do just that... :)