It's been three days since I had broadband installed at home. I had been looking forward to blogging and writing to my heart's content. And yet, here I am, it took me three days. Well, there are reports to finish... But boy oh boy all the realizations I'm getting these days... not to mention some truths I've stumbled upon even months ago but never gotten around to really thinking about them and threshing out my real feelings and realizations about them.
There is something I find really ironic. A few moths back, while I was documenting for a strategic planning, something hit me in a big way. I was starting to read a book recommended to me by Jeni -- "The Sacred Contract." I was really too busy with a lot of deliverables to give it my full time and attention. So I just managed to read perhaps a few pages of it. What I read though, I liked. Sometimes, I would scan ahead (which I never usually do) and see what the rest of the book talks about. And well, Jeni -- being her usual self -- was spoiling it ahead of me anyway, telling me about some parts of the book. This time, it was easy to forgive her. I knew she was really wanting to hear herself talk about her realizations from reading the book. In short, she was using me as a sounding board. Nothing new about that :) We've been doing that to each other for as long as I can remember. (I love you my sounding board hehehe)
Anyways, I also did not mind it much since I'm like reading the book myself from all the things she's telling me about it. And it's not like the time I had yet to read the last installment of the Harry Potter series and she's telling me someone really important died in it, tormenting me endlessly with her hints and giveaways. I already had the copy of the book at that time but kept putting off reading it since I knew I would be hardpressed at putting it down once I've started. At that time there was a very important deadline to meet so no can do. And there she was, making it difficult for me to resist the book altogether. I remember meeting the deadline and reading the book all at the same time. So, 8 months pregnant that I am, I stayed up the whole night till the morning of the next day reading about Dumbledore being killed. Ah, Jeni could really be such a tormentor, mind you. Are you reading this? :P
But well, what's interesting about that whole experience is my remembering how I cried and got a bit of a shock when Dumbledore died. I mean I knew from how the series is developing, something really big is bound to happen in the sixth installment. But Dumbledore dying? It was something that really got me unprepared so I got a bit of a shock when I read that part. I even remember crying about it a bit hahaha
Hmm.. but back to what I find ironic, as I said I was already reading the sacred contract then. Jeni was telling me at that time too that she's starting to understand herself better, about her different archetypes, etc. etc. Quite truthfully, I wasn't much into the archetype theory. I do believe it though. All I'm saying is that it wasn't about that that really struck me about the book. I was more into the idea of a "Sacred Contract." It's actually just a different take on one's having a purpose in life and realizing it. But what's great about the Sacred Contract is that it delved on relationships too. It suggests that we have sacred contracts with all the people that we come across in life -- encompassing both those who are dear and near to us and those whome we meet in passing but made such a great impact in our lives. The sacred contract is that we "agreed" to meet at one moment in our lives to teach each other lessons we needed to learn at that point. Even the book's take on "lovelife" is interesting. It made me see my husband in a different light.
Oh I knew and believed that there's a reason why the union was between Bolo and I and not with someone else. I knew it happened for a reason and that we are both sharing this relationship now because each of us are instrumental to each other's unfolding of truth and good. I knew about that. But looking at it at the perspective of a sacred contract, it's like elevating the whole thing at a much higher level. It's you and him, agreeing, setting a contract between the two of you to meet and play an important role in the other's life -- that of being a spouse -- to help each other out. The idea of the sacred contract makes it a conscious thing. Not something that happens serendipity. I guess there's something more "weighty" about a contract. It gave an air of certainty, commitment, seriousness...
While the Sacred Contract and its take on relationships hit me in a big way, I was really more concerned about realizing my own Sacred Contract in life. What is really my purpose in life? I remember musing about this even at the tender age of 10. It had been a personal quest since then even if sometimes I'm not really so conscious about such a quest. As I matured and grew over the years, the answers to the question came to me in forms that I was capable of accepting at those different stages in my life. The younger I was, the grander was my perspective. I remember defining my purpose as -- going out there to change the world.. hehehe I was that naive. I still am... but I think of this in a good way...
As I got older, however, and went through several "grounding" experience I realized I could only do so much. I realized it's not really all about "me." I realized there are other people in this world that I was adamant about changing, who are also searching for their own purpose in life. I realized they indeed have such a purpose to fulfill and whether or not it's about changing the world, they too have a role to fulfill... And so I began to look inwards... I started looking at my gifts... What do I have to offer to the world? What is uniquely mine that would serve as my own contribution? What is my purpose?
I remember being preoccupied about reaching my fullest potential and how I pursued things to do just that... but that's another story... and I'm getting ahead of myself...
What I really wanted to write about was how I got a hint of my personal sacred contract while I was involved in that work. There I was growing a bit frustrated at how long it is taking for one organization to come up with their own strategic plan. I got frustrated at how they could linger on, spend so much time arguing on semantics. I mean my Gawd, I'm a technical person, and I majored in Philosophy. I had had my share of arguing about hermeneutics and what truth really is. But I sat there and was like telling myself, "sure semantics matter." One's intention had to be really clear but to spend hours and even a day on just the article "the" and "an"?!? I mean really!
I'm making it clear though I'm not giving any judgment. I apologize if it would appear that way. I'm just saying that the incident lead me into thinking how differently I want things to be. At that point in time I wished training and similar interventions could be less technical and be more "soulful." That's when it hit me in a big way.
I realized that homo sapiens -- in the whole of his history -- is now at the most critical stage of his development. Sure, he had come a long way to have survived the tests of time and the harshness of the environment of the earth. Well, he had even managed to Lord over the environment that was once very harsh on him. He had survived it and lorded over it, subjecting it to his every whim. But that's only the physical aspect of things. Looking at his consciousness, how far had he gone? Where is the homo sapiens in that aspect now? I see him being preoccupied with things that if one would really look closely, does not really matter.
He is concerned with putting food on the table, pursuing all his wants and whims and paying very little attention to nurturing his consciousness... or his state of being... In my mind I see an exodus of people, directionless people in pursuit of false purpose and achievement. I mean, there is nothing wrong with that. People had to eat too of course. They had to survive and of course everyone is entitled to pursue their personal dreams. Even I am guilty of that. I may get these ideas and write about them and yet I'm just like everyone else. And I find that very sad. Not about being like everyone else but about everyone's being too caught up meeting our needs to no longer have time to pursue our spiritual growth -- to develop our consciousness to search beyond what is here and now...
It is at this point when I realized... that's what I wanted to do... to be a part of that changing of consciousness... I want to influence it somewhat... and before I knew it, my life is changing before my very eyes... opportunities that were totally unforeseen in the past just fell right into my lap. It was not so much so I could really go out there and influence everyone... It's more like being in the company of people who are to teach me all there is I needed to learn... These days I'm learning a lot. Thus the need to have them all written down... And one thing I'm learning in a big way now is that "I am the change I needed to see in the world."
There's so much I needed to work on, on "me." So many rubbish inside. These days I'm realizing I'm not exactly an admirable daughter and how I could greatly improve in that aspect. I'm realizing I am not exactly a very good person and I needed to work on that too... that I am a soul and am not my relationships, I'm relearning that all over again, this time at a much deeper level. So I am in the process of learning and unlearning, taking stock of what I have, what I can do away with... And you know what's funny? There's hardly enough time for me to do that... why? because there are reports to finish and I had to be a mother to my son and a wife... Because just like everyone else I had to earn my keep and have roles to fulfill... still, I believe I will have that time, I am taking that time, staking claim on it...
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