Amazing Three Year Old Logic

Last night, Mama wanted to check on the Empress House since its been a while since either of us have slept there. As usual, she worried over her plants. I just came from a training and was famished so we had dinner first and had to take care of the things that we needed to take home with us. So it took a while before we were able to go.

Baby was already sleepy so we gave him his bottle which his Tatay had thoughtfully prepared beforehand. He was with his Lola at the back but asked to sit on my lap while he took to his bottle. After he was done, we got into a conversation. He was always vocal about wanting an "Innova" because as he claimed, it looks shiny, sleek, and for sure the air-conditioning would be perfect. We also got to talk about “Kongkong” (Hongkong). Seeing pictures earlier of Disneyland gave him the idea. After that, he proceeded to enumerate what he wants me to buy when I already have money. It was a long list that started with “Chukie,” Hany, watch a movie, etc...

After a while I told him when I’m already old, it would be him who would be giving me all those things. I told him he would be the one to buy me food, vitamins, medicine, give me vacation money, my own car… From snuggling comfortably in my arms he sat up suddenly, looked up to me and said, “Bakit? Anak ka?” (Why, are you my offspring?) Hahaha! Amazing logic. I was so taken aback by his reaction that I could not stop laughing for a long time. Really amazing logic, “anak” indeed!

Tired.

Came in from two sleepless weeks of doing technical writing work. Had a workshop that is supposed to be till tomorrow but I have to cut it short and bring someone else in for a prior commitment made which will require my services starting tomorrow till Sunday...

Well, I am grateful for the blessings since work in a way is a blessing and I always have the option to turn them down... Oh well, I did but they still want me anyway, which is a privilege really....

Lenten Reflections

I stood in Church, holding Baby in my arms as I listened to the priest’s sermon. I was called to attention when he invited everyone to be sensitive… to what we hear, see, and feel during the Mass. The priest had said that it is only in being sensitive to everything around would we know what God is trying to tell us in the whole celebration of the Holy Mass.

The gospel was about Jesus’ death and crucifixion and he reminded us that through the Mass we have started a week long celebration of God’s resurrection. There were three readers who read the gospel. One was the narrator of the story line, a deacon reads out Jesus’ lines while another reads out the parts of Pilate and that of the crowd of Jews who had clamored for Jesus’ crucifixion.

When the priest made a reference to Pilates role in that particular part of Jesus’ life I realized that every time we will not own to our own mistakes, or refuse to do something good for our own self-preservation, or turn a blind eye on the truth just because we lack the courage to uphold it, we are being Pilate who helped put Jesus on the cross.

Along with that I also realized that when we are envious of others, bitter about other people’s success and shot at glory just because our lives have remained miserable compare to theirs, we are like the Sadducees and the Chief Priest who have contrived and brought on Jesus’ fate simply because they are envious of Him.

I stood there, realizing that every time we “celebrate” Lent, the focus is always on two things. First, on Jesus’ ultimate, loving sacrifice of suffering through humiliation and dying on the cross for our salvation. Second, on His resurrection that is a reminder to all of us that there is life after death and that because of His sacrifice we too have a shot at eternity.

And yet, as I reflected about Pilate’s and the Sadducees actions, those who gave Jesus bitter wine to drink instead of water, those who raffled off His clothes rendering Him naked, of all those who were responsible and had participated in Jesus’ suffering then, I realized that we too ought to focus on them as well. We ought to examine closely their motives, their actions, how they were because it was them who had put Jesus on the cross.

By reflecting on their motives and actions we will be made aware about that part of human nature that is responsible for Christ’s suffering. It was envy, sloth, apathy, high regard for self-preservation among others that had brought on Christ’s suffering. So that every time we’d feel envious of others, have that malicious dislike of others for one reason or another, we could remind ourselves that these very feelings were what nailed Jesus’ on the cross.

Truly Jesus is great because by living amongst us He had showed us all aspects of human nature, how human nature can be so self-giving yet at the same time be so selfish; be so full of love and could also be so full of hatred and malice… By walking amongst us He had showed us what it means to be truly human through and through…

Prayer Hike

The night before the prayer hike, I had a hard time falling asleep. I’m not sure if it was the coffee I made the mistake of drinking that afternoon (of which I’m not really used to drinking) or something else. I tossed and turn but to avail, sleep really proved elusive. I thought about what I would do just to while the time away. I decided to prepare for the prayer hike and pray. I opened the Bible and the search led me to the Book of Isaiah. As I let the words settle into my being, it dawned on me that this is probably what God wants C4C Davao to be – to go beyond the mere externals of the exercise of faith and to dwell more on what really matters – what is in our hearts.

As I continued to read, soft promptings also fill my head. It dawned on me that it is indeed so true, in our desire to really be of service to others, we devote so much time on the logistics that goes into it – the resources needed, where these resources should be sourced, what the “action plan” should be, who would be responsible for what… And yet, in the Book of Isiah God said, “What do I care for your endless sacrifices?...When you come before me and trample on my courts, who asked you to visit me?... When you stretch out your hands I will close my eyes; the more you pray, the more I refuse to listen, for your hands are bloody. Wash yourselves clean. Remove from my sight the evil of your deeds. Put an end to your wickedness…”

Reading the verse made me realize that God does not care so much on the externals or one’s going through the motion of serving others or of doing good. I think what the verse is telling me is that God is more concerned about knowing where He stands in my life; whether I am continuously and consciously working towards the cleansing of my heart and making sure that my actions are borne out of the purest of intentions.

The verse is clear about God not caring about our sacrifices, all forms of offerings if on the one hand, we continue to live a life that is unpleasing in His eyes. The word that keeps cropping to my head while I reflected on what I had just read is “introspection.” And it is telling me that this would have a lot to do with what we will be hoping to do for C4C Davao.

There would be climbing missions, that is for sure since that is what the organization is about. But along with that, there would be “basecamp sessions” as well, wherein we would try to examine where we are as an individual – where our relationship with our God is concerned; to constantly check our bearings – whether or not our “faith compass” is still pointing at the right direction. And to be really clear about our intentions for doing any activity we might decide to pursue for the organization.

I am remembering one of the things that Ace had shared with me in one of his emails – how we should always start with God, turn our eyes on Him first, since we could not give what we do not have. How then can we share Him to the other people up there if we don’t have Him in our lives to begin with?

Thinking along this line, I am brought to the fact that I still have a long, long way to go where that is concerned. “Cleansing” is a never-ending process especially in my case, who is still very much a work in progress. But who isn’t? I should not let this “minute” detail then get in the way of what we would be trying to do for C4C Davao.

The prayer hike went ahead as planned. What was not planned though was that there would only be Tatay, Rufino and I. But as Ace had said, we could not wait for having the right number of persons, the right time, the right situation before doing something. Otherwise, we would not be able to accomplish anything.

I was feeling a bit low as we started with the hike up the Shrine Hill at a little before 5 AM. Tatay had to go ahead to park the car at the Shrine of the Child Jesus where we will be ending the hike. Rufino and I were already half-way up when we met him going down on foot. He walked the rest of the way with us.

I can’t help but feel a wanting to have with us a few more people. There is certainly strength in numbers. But again, Ace is right. Jesus had said that if there will only be two people who would agree to ask about something, the Father in Heaven would hear them and grant that prayer.

I had prepared a long list of things to pray for. The main purpose of the hike was really trying to discern His plans for C4C Davao. I felt that God had partly answered that already the night before when he planted that restlessness in me and brought me to the first chapter of the book of Isaiah.

The chapter had ended with, “18 ‘Come,’ says the Lord, ‘let us reason together. Though your sins be like scarlet, they will be white as snow; though they be as crimson red, they will be white as wool…”

The words, “reason” and “ together” really struck me then and the image that came to mind is having that constant dialogue with God; to have that intimate connection with Him. I felt as if through C4C, God is extending an invitation… For us to have that constant “conversation” with Him, to “reason” with Him, to argue with Him, to deepen our relationship with Him.

I had always tried to seek God in everything that I do, in every experience I may have. (Although certainly, there are also days when I don’t really bother to try that hard.) I know C4C would give me the same opportunity to get to know Him more fully… I know it will be another avenue for the unfolding of my own truth as an individual…

With C4C Davao I know God is starting something different in my life, another chapter altogether… I couldn’t wait to begin yet another adventure with Him…

Saranggola

Some time ago - at the stage when I dabbled on art and sketching - I had this complete series on "Kites" which I did in watercolors. They showed a father and a son in different acts of flying a kite together. They were special to me and I imagined them to be something that will form part of my future.

Yesterday, owing to how hot it was at home, Tatay, Bolets, Janin and I decided to spend the afternoon at the tree-lined, four-lane, driveway of the subdivision. There were some shady parts there owing to the acacia trees and it was cool and windy. It proved to be perfect for what Tatay had planned of doing that afternoon - fly kite with his son.

Using old calendar sheets, some masking tapes and walis ting-ting, he managed to make two kites. One for Bolets and another for our niece, Janin. Just watching Baby helping Tatay create the kites was enough to make feel grateful for the experience. It was his little comments in that cute, little voice of his that made the experience special -- "Di bale Ate, maya di na mainit" (Don't worry Ate, later, it won't be hot anymore) when his cousin complained about how hot it was out there. Watching them fly the kites together - father and son -- gave me twice the fulfillment.

When I made that complete watercolor series, I was dreaming about my future, about what I hope my marriage would be like. I was wishing for a dotting husband and father to my son. Now, that I'm right smack in the middle of family life, I'm finding out it is not as "quiet," dreamy and as perfect as what the paintings had been. There simply are just realities that one had to contend with. Still, I'm not giving up on the dreamy, quiet part... or the "magical" part for that matter...

Baby's New Antics

Two weeks ago, I called home from a workshop to ask Tatay for something. It was Baby who answered the phone. After the usual greeting and exchange of "I love you's," I told him to give Tatay the phone and then in complete sentence, and without hesitation, he answered me, "Wala si Tatay dito." (Tatay is not here) I felt my heart expand. It was the first "straight" telephone conversation we have ever had. And I felt emotional realizing that Baby is really not a baby anymore. He really could communicate very well already. And it is becoming apparent everyday.

If before, I had to rely on mother's insticts and guess work to figure out what Baby is saying to me, now, there hardly is a need to. More often than not, Baby is straightforward in saying what he wants and in communicating his thoughts with me, with us. And I find that very endearing and refreshing.

And not only can he communicate well, he's logic is faultless as well.Just yesterday, we were having lunch over at the in-laws. Having finished first, I was served iced tea. Seeing it, he also asked for his share. I pointed out he could not have iced tea since he’s not yet through eating. When he got a bit noisy, refused to take another bite unless served iced tea, I got exasperated and told him he could have some but just a little. His rejoinder was quick. With a pout he told me – “Di konti! Marami! O, dami rice ko!” (Not just a little! Look, I have plenty of rice!) How do you argue with that?

We were on our way home after that lunch when we passed by where we usually take the turn for my former office. Good as he is with directions, he immediately recognized the corner and remarked: “Nanay’s work!” pointing at the corner. Then, holding out his fingers and counting them off he said, “Dami office ni Nanay!” (Nanay goes to a lot of offices!) This, in reference to the frequency of their taking me to hotels the past few weeks. Just this morning, dropping me off at this hotel, which had been and will be the venue of weekend workshops till next week, he readily took it for granted that this is my office as well.

There’s this one incident as well last week wherein I was admonishing him for something. I can no longer remember what exactly about. I could remember telling him about what he did was “Bawal!” (A no-no!) He appeared to have accepted my verdict and then grew quiet for some time. And then he said, “Sa ‘yo Nanay, di bawal?” (How about you, Nanay? It’s okay for you to do it?) Cute baby I have here. =)

“Office ni Nanay” (Mother’s Office)

This morning, even though it was a weekend, I had a workshop to document. I was tired, coming from another grueling workshop for the past three days. I would have just wanted to linger in bed. But work is work and in truth, I’m actually excited to be a part of that particular project. It concerns the family and business – the former, being my foremost passion for the moment and the latter, something I’ve been contemplating about getting into more seriously, one of these days. When I have the time that is hehe It’s going to be an engagement, spread out for the next two months. It’s going to take away my weekends for that long but I am certainly looking forward to learning as much as I can from it.

So anyway while I was getting ready, Baby woke up and immediately looked for his Tatay. I told him Tatay is getting the car ready since he’s taking me to work. He immediately got teary-eyed and told me it’s okay for him if I work but that Tatay should stay at home with him. I told him Tatay would have to take me to work but would be right back. That was not good enough for him though. In the end, we had to take him along with us. There is nothing new about that. Being without a nanny for a long time now, we had to constantly tag him along wherever we go. If I had to go to the gym, Tatay had to go some other time since he had to watch over Baby and vice-versa.

So anyway, it did not dawn on me that Baby has been taking note of the places we’re going to and have certain associations for them. Until this morning. The workshop was at a downtown hotel which is a common venue for training and workshops. And it wasn’t the first time they’ve taken or fetched me from there. Just as we were about to turn the corner where the hotel was, Baby suddenly exclaimed, “Oh! There! Office ni Nanay! Yehey! Ayan na office ni Nanay.” (Oh! There it is, Mother’s office!) I was so surprised but at the same time, was also greatly amused. Office indeed! Hehe!

So true, even when I was still working full time or now that I’m doing free-lance work, my world revolves mostly in hotels and training venues. And Baby had grown up spending time in hotels as well especially when the training would be “live-in” and would run for several days. When he was a mere six-month old baby, I had dragged him all the way to Legazpi because I had to be there for five days and I was breastfeeding him. A few months after that, I had to drag him again to Cebu and then Baguio.

It’s just funny how Baby readily associates the hotels as my office. He’d been to my previous office several times and yes, he would readily exclaim as we would drive towards it that there is Nanay’s office. It’s really funny how he thought of the hotels as my office as well just because I’d tell him I’m off to work every time they take me there.

The whole experience drove home the point to me that Baby is really at the stage now that he is taking everything in and associating situations and events with different things. He is really at such a vulnerable age wherein he is starting to define things based on his own experiences from it. Like love. Everything that he is experiencing with us as parents would be something he’d associate with love and how relationships should be. And that whole thing has a lot of bearing on his self-confidence, how he regards himself, and us as his parents. Imagine that. The realization is humbling and puts a lot of pressure on me. I am not perfect and I am afraid I have committed things and may still do things that could harm Baby for the rest of his life.

In one of the sessions this morning, the resource person gave emphasis on the point that a family is a very powerful force that can help build the individual and at the same time, could also be responsible for hampering his/her growth. And I think that “powerful force” is something that is completely in the parents’ hands. Well, at least when the children are still small. How that power is yielded depends solely on them and how they in turn were brought up as kids.

I look at Tatay and his dysfunctional family and I am very much worried indeed. And of course, there is also my own imperfection. But no, I refuse to dwell much on that. That is out of my hands already. It’s been done and there is nothing I can do about it now. However, Baby’s present and future is something that is now my sole responsibility. Definitely, there is something I can do about THAT. And of course there is God, who is the source of all my strength. I may be weak by I am comforted with the thought that He too has a plan where the life of son is concerned. I am not alone in this.

These days, realizing my role as a parent, I find plenty of reasons to be on my knees just to implore Him to make things right for my son and to protect Baby from my own mistakes and distorted take on some things. He had never failed me where providing for our financial needs is concerned. I am counting on the belief that He also would not fail to guide Tatay and I to make the right decisions for our son and to bring him up in the way that he should go. For that particular prayer alone, I put my whole heart and being into it. It is that important to me.

There’s this particular song I particularly liked because it serves as a prayer to me where being a parent is concerned. I have already posted it here but I'll post it again here soon.

Repost...

I keep saying this, how I am still very much a work in progress
still I don't want to hide behind this excuse anymore.
True, I may still be very much a work in progress
but I want to be conscious about my part in this as well.

My life is God's gift to me, what I do with it is my gift to Him.
I pray that at the end of it all I'd be able to weep
not out of shame but out of knowing
that I did my best in working at the unfolding of my own truth
and that it is not my brokenness that I am laying down His feet
but a wholeness borne out of my conscious effort at working for it.

Reading past entries a while back when I came across the above entry. It was on my birthday blog last year and I am immediately humbled. Because, another birthday is just around the corner and yet here I am, still "working on" having a conscious effort at "working for" my own unfolding. And I'm quite ashamed at the thought that just last weekend, I stumbled big time where that is concerned... I'm reposting the above entry to remind myself... Because, I have certainly forgotten...

"Climbing" into Place

Last night I attended a meeting with "Climbing for Christ" (C4C) and I came home feeling as if everything is finally starting to fall into place. The desire to serve communities “up there” is a calling that I had felt even before I stepped out of college. It is the reason that got me into mountaineering. Five years into it and I am still wanting where the “serving” experience is concerned.

The act of finding myself was there – as I wrestled with my own limitations as I try to go beyond myself in order to conquer the mountains I’ve visited. I grew physically, overcoming my own weaknesses as every mountain experience taught me what my limitations are and how it is possible to go beyond them. Spiritually, I grew too. Communing with nature, conquering oneself and not just the mountain, drove home the point of how there is a Being far bigger than I am. The appreciation I have for the wonders of nature is nothing compared to the appreciation and awe I feel for the Creator of these wonders.

There was, however, very little opportunity for serving. Those trips I took were mostly for the adventure of it. In my travels though I’ve met some locals who, by their stories and by simply seeing how they live, touched me in so many ways. I would like to believe that I am also able to touch their lives somewhat by the stories that I also share with them.

Last night, when Ace showed us a video of one of their ministries, Tatay whispered, “Ito na yung inaantay mo ‘Nay.” (This is what you’ve been waiting for ‘Nay). It wasn’t a question. It was an acknowledgment. In that little phrase, Tatay said in words what I was also telling myself silently. What was shown in the video was the very experience I’ve been wanting and envisioning for myself (and very recently for my husband and son as well). It is an experience I very much want to be a part of and I felt a mixture of well-being and trepidation as it dawns to me that I am finally given a shot at it. Here is the opportunity that I’ve been waiting for. And God knows how long I’ve waited. The trepidation I felt was at the thought of the responsibility it also entails. Ah, I catch myself. Fear is borne out of my lack of self-confidence or more appropriately, by my own "self-centeredness." Once again, I am forgetting that this whole thing is not about me. It is never about me but God’s business. And looking at it that way, I know there is nothing to fear really…

Ace and Doc Cecil said something last night about how God sometimes uses our talents, our experiences for a greater purpose later on. I felt as if all those years of waiting, of being involved solely in mountaineering was to prepare me for this greater experience I am about to embark on.

For the longest time too I’ve been praying for Tatay to have that relationship with Him. Oh, he is a believer. He attends Sunday Masses with me and twice accompanied me to community worship. Sometimes even, he prayed the longest than I. But the relationship is not there. It’s as if he revels in the “communion” when he is there but forgets about it as soon as he had stepped out of the church. I longed for him to get to know Him in the way that I do, for Tatay to acknowledge Him in every aspect of his life. And then last night happened.

I am amused at how God saw to answering this particular prayer of mine. Or more aplty, as to how He would court Tatay into having a relationship with Him. I had prayed that He would find a way to Tatay’s heart, to instill in Tatay the desire to get to know Him more. And He had. What could be more fitting than revealing Himself to Tatay in the one thing he is so passionate about – climbing. Looking back, in Tatay’s own confused spiritual path – how he had gone from one religion to the next and then back again – I feel that, that too was just preparing him for this experience now.

This morning I woke up to Tatay snuggling close to me and telling me how he loves me very much. I know it was his way of thanking me for bringing him along last night and for the invitation I extended. Now I know why we had to stay together despite all that we’ve been through. Because He had a plan for this union. As Ace related to us his own teen-age marriage and how the first three years had been a struggle, I felt as if he had also been telling our story. He also related how everything had changed when they invited a third person into their marriage – Him. I had prayed for that to happen in our case but it had been difficult.

Now, I feel as if everything is falling into place and how all the things in the past were really just a preparation for all of this now… I pray that God will continue the work He had started in us last night.

Baby's Initiation to the Community

Just finished working on some PowerPoint presentations. It was the very first thing I did after waking up. It had to be rushed after all, owing to a 10:00 AM meeting I had that wherein I will be needing them. I wanted to do them last night but Baby had needed my attention and slept real late. By the time I managed to have him sleep, I was too sleepy to do the work and so I decided to just sleep and wake up early. And I did.

I was half-way through the task when I felt the need to look for my collection of gospel music and to listen to them while working. While doing so, I immediately remembered what happened last night.

Tatay, Baby and I attended a Charismatic mass. We had intended to attend the Saturday anticipated Mass but Tatay had other plans. So, we decided to attend an early morning Mass instead. But then, we woke up late. Then, just when we were getting ready to attend the afternoon Mass, I got a text message from Jeni urging me to go to the gym.

While I was having some misgivings at the thought of keeping on delaying hearing Mass, I finally understood in the end why it had to be so. We were on our way to the gym when I noticed a sign announcing the conduct of a CLSS that particular weekend. It meant that its last day will be capped by a Charismatic Mass at 6:00 PM. I got excited at the prospect. Aside from the fact that I really want to be a part of it again, I am excited to introduce Baby to the community’s way of worship. I was so looking forward to seeing him sing and dance to the worship songs.

And God did not fail me. I felt my heart expand when I saw Baby raised his hand, danced and mimicked what the rest of us were doing at the end of the Mass. He danced and sang along with the rest of us. It was a glorious moment for me…

Whew!

It's almost 2 am and here I am trying so hard to keep myself awake. I slept real late last night because I made a mistake of browsing on the first few pages of '100 Years of Solitude' that was a Christmas gift from a dear friend.

I knew I had an early call the next day -- this morning. And that I would be documenting an FGD nonetheless that would require my utmost attention. But nah, I thought the book wasn't that good and would be easy to put down. But there I was at 2 am, having to force myself to let go of the book and sleep.

Since it was the first time I will be working with the organizers of the activity, I was eager to make a good impression. That, and the fact that I promise myself to be as prompt as I could with everything else, finally noticing how procastinating for just one day would result in nothing but having my work load pile up -- something very hazardous to my health and my peace of mind :p

So there I was, in my panic, and probably still feeling very sleepy, I got confused with the time and ended up an hour early for the activity. Well, for me, that's indeed a record breaker hehehe

Anyway, it was an important activity that required me to have the outputs sent out also this evening. so while I was looking forward to going to bed real early, here I am, forced to work through half-open lids just to finish the outputs and try to make sense of them at the same time without dozing my head off.

To make things worse, just as when I was emailing the report, there goes the net, playing tricks on me. It took me ages till I was finally able to attach the report to the email. I had to repeatedly disconnect and reconnect to the net bah!

Anyway, time to sleep for me. The book still beckons, after all hehehe

Kung Hei Fat Choy

I just came in from an evening out with the girlfriends (Jeni, Kendi and Rochelle). Got intrigued ever since I heard from the local news that the city is closing out the main street of China Town in celebration of the Chinese New Year. The news said that the main street would be transformed into a night market of sorts. Imagine that :) And so, we checked it out :)

It was fun. There were street wares everywhere from ukay2x to kwek2x stalls. Of course there were also stalls selling Tikoy and all sorts of lucky charms. Even the electronic stores were open.

At one point, we came across old classmates from college. It was fun seeing them as well. Ironically though, we capped the night by having some fries at McDonalds hehehe Some Chinese Newy Year we're having. Actually, in our search for food, we came across this tiny Chinese Restaurant. It was really, traditionally Chinese, the kind you would find in an out of the way street in Hong Kong.

Upon entering the restaurant, you could see pile upon pile of tikoy boxes or some other boxes with Chinese Characters on them. Just like any typical Chinese resto, the kitchen is open, with a large glass window at one side allowing street passers a peek at what is going on inside.

I readily noticed the stack of meat and some innards placed on steel colanders on top of the kitchen counter. I immediately wondered if there is something we could eat in the resto. Jeni and I are vegetarians after all.

I noticed that there are just two tables on the ground floor and one has some ingredients of sorts on it. The waiter pointed us to the second floor and told us there are more tables upstairs. The steps were narrow and Candy jokingly asked if it would be able to hold her weight. I took one step, noticed how it groaned under my weight, and wondered myself. It was made of steel though, so I was confident it would hold up.

On our way up, I felt queasy noticing that next to the stairs are some pipes protruding from the wall. They were large enough to tell me they are not water pipes. There were around 4 tables on the second floor. Two were held jointly and were occupied by a group of men. One table, by a Chinese family. It took a while before the lone waitress managed to come to us and get our orders. It was nice being able to finally sit though. It was only after we've seated that I noticed how tired I was. We had probably walked and stood for two hours on the street, checking out wares that held our fancy. Anyway, while the waitress pointed out they had some egg soup sans the meat, I voiced out my concern that I am not quite comfortable where we are. As soon as I said those words, Jeni and the rest stood up also. So that is how we've ended up with McDonalds hehehe

On my way home, I noticed our car parked at the Shop so I got down and had Tatay take me home. I was not comfortable at the thought of going home alone. Come to think of it, I haven't done that in what... two years?! Hmmm... Anyway, I have just finished reading my supposedly horoscope for the year of the Ox. It turned out it's not a lucky year for me or of any of those born under the year of the Rabbit. Well, I wouldn't dwell much on that. I'll really just try to be good this year, continue being optimistic and I know everything will be alright. My God, after all, is a lot bigger than all sorts of horroscope ;) Happy Chinese New Year, everyone! I'm wishing everyone a really, good, prosperous year of the Ox ;)

All About Marriage

Pre-script: This was an entry written last July but was not published until now owing to the fact that it was unfinished then and got stuck with the hard disk of my former laptop that conked out on me some time ago. The laptop was in the shop for several months with the assurance from the technician that it is going to be fixed. But after several months of waiting, I got it back, unrepaired haaay :) Good thing I was able to access the files from the hard disk so here goes...

Bee and I have recently celebrated our third year anniversary. That was part of the reason for the Roxas-Boracay Trip – to celebrate my birthday, treat Mama and the olds and well, to celebrate our third year anniversary. Soon after that however, I had the miscarriage. In fact, we learned about the miscarriage right on the day we are celebrating our anniversary. And then, amidst all of that we again had one of those trying episodes in our marriage. Anyway, to cut the long story short, let’s just say he and I are again in the process of working on our marriage. Once again, we are giving it another try and looking at ways on how to make it work this time.

First and the most simple of these things, we did away with his moniker – “Bolo.” Undeniably, the name has a very violent connotation. While it may be true that whenever we call him that, there never really was any conscious desire in our part to influence him to become violent, it is also undeniable that words have certain energies. And while these connotations and energies do not manifest themselves physically, they stick to the unconscious, embed themselves in our subconscious and influence us in ways we are not totally aware of.

It takes several practices though. Until now, I still make the mistake and call him “Bolo.” His friends call him that and while he had told a few not to call him by that name, the name had stuck somewhat. But I am not focusing on that. I am appreciating the fact that we are now making progress where that is concerned. There are now a few persons close to us that really make the effort to dispel with the moniker.

Second, I tried to really make the conscious effort to step out of the situation whenever I sense he and I are getting into one of our arguments again. If before my tendency is to fight back and argue back, now I learned not to play along with his drama. I finally recognized those episodes for what they are. They are not about me. They are about Bee and his ghosts coming to haunt him. It’s him as a little child retaliating at the helplessness he finds himself in. If before I see it as an attack against me and thus feel the need to argue back and to set things right, now I see the situation for what it really is. And so, I made the conscious effort to really remove myself “emotionally” from the situation and to try to view it as objectively as I could.

The “operating premise” is – “At this given situation, here is a person that I love, getting caught up in a situation that is beyond himself, trying to battle past insecurities and hurts that had come to haunt him while being confronted by a “so-now” issue that had nothing to do entirely with that past.” Isn’t that always the case? Often our reactions to situations are often “twinned” with echoes from past hurts?

In Bee’s case, his issues had always concerned the family because of the unique household set-up that he grew up with. And so our very situation – as a married couple and as a family – is really the perfect arena wherein his angst and issues are being tested and brought to the surface. No wonder we always fight. Because, being in a household set-up, Bee is being brought back to his own angst. The situations and the issues we face everyday as a married couple and as a family might be reminiscent of “scenes from the past” that had provided him with so much hurt.

Other than that, given his family background, Bee is in no way equipped to deal with familial concerns. Theirs were a “dysfunctional” family, their set up was loose. And here he is, confronted with a wife who came from an entirely opposite experience who have her own set of expectations as to how a family should be. No wonder how even very early on, our marriage is beset with too much conflict. Partly because, it also took me a long time to realize all these things.

Marriage really is that – a union of individuals with different background, different set of experiences, different agenda and different expectations as to how a family should be.

Marriage then is more than just a union of two individuals but a union of ideals, of expectations, of habits, of conditioning, of notions about certain things… And so the “adjustment period” that every one refers to as the7-year inch (I would like to know who coined the term) is really the fine tuning of all of these things. Imagine that!

Holding the above premise close to my heart at all times is a reminder that Bee and I decided to get married because we felt this undeniable bond and connection. There simply is the love. It is unmistakable and undeniable. And this is glaringly clear every time we try to explore the possibility of living apart from each other. It is the same connection that brings us back together every time we would decide to just end everything and walk away. And so if such is the case, then he and I decided to try our best to make this “being together” really work and be a pleasant experience for both of us. Because, it is simply unacceptable that we are together because one of us carries the burden of trying to make things work. Why should it be just the burden of only one? Because one is more intelligent than the other? One is more insightful and so would only have to understand the shortcomings of the other? Hell no! :)

As “sweethearts” Bee and I have always treated our relationship as that of a team. At that time we had always been teammates – team mates during kayaking contests, teammates in adventure races and teammates in trying to make our relationship work. We were a team when we were seeing to the nitty-gritty details of our wedding. We took Lamaze classes because we decided that bringing Baby into this world should be a team effort.

Somewhere along the way we lost that. We lost that sense of “teamness.” We got so caught up with trying to adjust to each other living together, and trying to make things work. We lost sight of the values that used to cement our bond with each other. We got so caught up in our conflicts, in our hurts, in our disappointments, that we lost sight of the things that we have found “attractive” in each other before.

And that is something we are trying to bring back together – to focus on what is good in each other and to highlight that instead. Bolo is such a beautiful person really. Amidst all his scars he is a beautiful person inside. And I see that every time he and I would talk about the things we should do for the sake of the marriage and for the sake of Baby. Bee is a paradox really – wanting/ desiring some sense of permanence (something he never had while growing up) while at the same time resisting it because he is so used to having such a loose set-up while growing up. He is pulled from two opposite directions – (1) torn between wanting to recreate our family into something he had always wanted for himself; and (2) the pulls of the notions, definitions of “family” he grew up with.

I was about to write that we are very much still at an uphill but I refuse to treat our situation as such. It’s quite a challenge alright. Right now, I’m thinking, some kind of drama I chose for myself in this lifetime but for all I knew, this must have just been another chapter to a journey that was started several lifetimes ago…

I’m thinking, marriage is giving me several materials to write about. Reading my past entries on it and on our relationship sometimes amazes me with the amount of insight I am getting and at the same time, managing to pen down. Well, being in this drama has another fringe benefit after all -- besides molding my character and moving me towards the unfolding of my own truth. It is giving my brain some muscle exercise and turning me into a better writer hehe.

Remembering...

I remember this particular incident during my latest trip to Iloilo which I certainly found very funny and ironic. I have this tendency to treat life as one journey, littered now and then with funny and amusing incidents -- thrown to me by the fates or by my light-hearted, full of sense of humor, Father God. So what could be a sense of frustration by some people would be something really amusing for me. Oh I do have my moments, as well, where I get disappointed, frustrated and hurt. I am only human after all.

But having this healthy, light-hearted disposition in life is something that I hold close to my being, because, I feel closer to my God this way. Somehow having this demeanor only strengthens my faith and my belief that – (a) I have a relationship with my Father God; (b) that He is alive in me and working wonders in my life; (c) that He knows every minute detail of my soul, desires and wants; and (d) that by being so, every now and then he teases me with “magical,” amusing experiences, knowing full well I would see Him in them.

I am remembering all of these because I am currently plugged in to my head phones while working on a report. And a while back, a song that is a favorite from the past came full blast along with a memory of that Iloilo trip.

We had arrived very early in Iloilo City having caught the 6:30 am flight. We did not have breakfast yet but we headed straight to the bus terminal, hoping to catch the earliest bus leaving for Roxas City. I was intent about making a lead time. We still have a long trip ahead of us, after all. We intend to sleep at Boracay on that very same day.

Yeah, some kind of a travel companion I am, trying to squeeze in as many things as I could for every travel I took hehe Well, I just want to maximize time and resources -- seizing every moment. Besides, I also make sure that the quality of travel does not suffer thus the incredible amount of research I put into planning an entire travel IT hehe Sometimes I wonder if I should add this to my CV as one of my core competencies hehe Hmm.. maybe I should :)

Anyway, the very second my rear end connected to the seat of the bus, a very familiar music came blaring through the speakers of the bus – Christopher Cross’ “Swept Away.” I almost laughed out loud but stopped myself lest the others might begin to question my sanity hehe I was really so amused. I just shook my head and muttered, “God, really…” Well, it’s a theme song of sorts for a “used-to-be-significant-other’ hehehe That he is residing in Iloilo now and that I am at that very instant in Iloilo while listening to the very song was really too much of a coincidence.

I had closed that chapter of my life a long time ago and was not thinking of him at all while I was planning for the trip. Well, I must admit though that previous trips that work took me in Iloilo always had me edgy as I thought of the possibility of seeing him again. But that was a long, long time ago. And as I think about the whole thing now, I was really just infatuated with the idea of him and not of him as the real person. I hardly knew him after all. But the song was really a fitting theme song at that time. I still like the song when I hear it every now and then but the association with that particular experience is starting to fade.

It’s really just amazing how God could intervene with every minute detail of your life. I treated that Iloilo incident as one of His teasing forays. Indeed He knows me full well and I find great comfort in that. It is very comforting knowing that while I may get confused at times as to what I really want, I know He knows me better than I do. Knowing this and the fact that He actually is in control of my life reassures me. I know He knows even my deepest desire and wish and that I need not have to ask openly for them. I am in His hands, what could be more comforting than the thought of that? :)

Scare

Got a real scare today. Earlier this afternoon we had to rush Mama to the hospital. She collapsed while we were at the Shrine of the Holy Infant of Prague. Cebu was celebrating their Sinulog earlier in the day. Since we could not be there, we made up for it by going to the Shrine instead.

On our way there, we decided to drop by Bacaca to see if Mama Fely would be willing to join us. She was. We had to wait for a while for her though. That was already way beyond one o'clock in the afternoon and we haven't had lunch yet. We had a very late breakfast though and was not feeling any hunger yet.

While at the Shrine, it took us a while to finish the novena, light our candles and say our prayers. We were on our way back to where Mama was seated when Ms. Amparing who took the ride with us rushed to us to inform us that something happened to Mama. And there she was, utterly lifeless, white as a sheet. Looking at her, I felt my heart jumped to my throat. I feared the worst -- stroke.

Noticing her limp form, her seemingly distorted jaw-line, the fear I felt got worst. A thousand other things are running on my mind -- possibilities of Mama having a bad case of stroke and had to endure being tied to the bed.

She had our utmost attention. There were fellow church-goers who offered help. Somebody offered liniment, and someone was able to provide us a glass of hot water. I was so scared but was relaxed at the same time. I whispered soothing words to Mama telling her to relax. I repeatedly told her this and reassured her that we are doing everything to help her. I urged Tatay to get the car so we could take Mama to the hospital. Tatay took a while in coming back. It must have only been two minutes but to me it seemed like an eternity. Bee carried Mama all the way to the car, past the steps and the iron-wrought gates of the Shrine. I ran ahead of him with the car keys, so I could open the doors and fix the seats so Mama could recline comfortably.

Mama Fely and Mrs. Amparing took a while in joining us, probably with the old age and all. Tatay and I had been doing a lot of runs at the gym lately and being a lot younger, we managed to get everything settled at such a short time. And then, just as we were about to go, lo and behold, Janin cried asking her Lola Fely where she left Bolets because he was not with her. Imagine that!

I had to rush back inside the Shrine to look for him. He could be everywhere. I was not able to find him so I doubled back and asked if they have found him already. They said no so I had to run back again and retraced the places we have been to earlier. The panic and the crowd had me very confused. It was hard to keep track of all the kids there. I craned my ear for any sign of crying or any hint of "Nanay!" But every crying I heard were from babies, none of them my son. I was on my way back when I found him with Mama Fely. He was crying. Mama Fely informed me she found him walking towards the chapel from across the large expanse of the ground.

I deduce he must have walked towards the gate where the car was originally parked and retraced his steps when he found out the car was no longer there. (We were parked near the rear gate, farthest from the Chapel. When Mama collapsed, Bee had to drive all the way up to the entrance gate that was closest to the chapel.) I was so concerned with the time we've lost, Mama had to be rushed to the hospital after all. So while I was very worried about Baby and what happened to him, I knew that processing that particular experience would have to come later. Mama had to come first.

Bee and I were having a discussion as to which hospital is closest when Mama managed to speak and repeatedly say that she wanted to go straight home as she is feeling better. She said she just had a case of hyper-acidity and is starting to feel better. We had to argue with her telling her we could not take the risk with her history of hypertension. Why, on any given day, having a BP of 200++ over a hundred is somewhat "normal" for her already.

I asked her if she feel some numbness or distortion in the mouth and she said she does feel a bit numb in her limbs. That decided it for me. Her protests notwithstanding, we went straight to the hospital. Once there, I readily noticed that she had regained her color. Her lips are already turning red compared to its being as white as a sheet back at the church.

I'm not sure if it was just luck or our prayers. Remembering how Mama was at the church made me feel certain she really had a stroke. And she could have. And yet here she is feeling somewhat better. A bit weak yes, but definitely with some color now.

I do not dare think of what could have been's. I'm really just grateful that she was spared that. I could not imagine what being tied to the bed would do to her. And I can't bear the thought of losing her. There are still so many things I wanted to do for her and I wanted for her to experience. She had been through a lot. She had suffered several loses already with Papa and Nino... Plus she always have this pessimistic attitude over her person that I'm not convinced she had really been "very happy" for an extended period of time. I can't have her go that way. I want her to experience what it is to be truly happy, not having any worries of sorts.

Thank you God for turning what could have been the scariest point in my life into a point of salvation and gratitude. I know You again have worked Your wonders. What we had earlier was really a miracle. And I could not thank You well enough. Thank you for your faithfulness...

A Different Breed

Last January 3 I attended the internment of Tita Owa, Jeni's second mother and a well-respected former director of NEDA XI. A week before that we were at her wake and were amazed at the outpouring of sympathies shown the family through the flowers sent and the countless number of visitors who came to pay their respect.

The tags from the flowers indicated that they came from "big" personalities, key players who play equally big roles where development of the region and of Mindanao is concerned. Noting this observation, I remarked to Jeni that Tita Owa and Ate Ditdit -- who went before her (and the others whom I was not fortunate enough to have worked with) -- were really of a different breed. Their working style was different. Their love and passion for Mindanao and their role in it very much apparent. I guess it is the same passion and love that fuels the "working style" being displayed.

Working style. I think about my own working style, my inconsistencies at times -- displaying sheer brilliance and commitment now and then falling short of that in the next instant as I try to juggle being a "passionate" development worker, a mother of a three-year-old son, a wife, being the only daughter.. a niece of an ailing aunt... I remember my moments of "ineptness" (which does not occur often, I hope) and my excuses for them and think about how Tita Owa, Ate Ditdit, and the others like them, managed to do all these things all at once and still remained on the top of their form. I feel a bit of a shame at the thought.

Only a while back I put down the phone feeling utterly disappointed and a bit disgusted at being confronted by "ineptitude" in one of its rawest forms. It's a long story and I don't want to divulge the details but it entailed some "dishonoring" of commitments. It cost me much -- my time, opportunities I turned down, and well, income I have been counting much on. But that wasn't as nearly painful as the knowing that things are not as what they used to be, when integrity and commitment were upheld with the highest regard.

I am not saying I am better than they are. I too am guilty of ineptitude every now and then. And I could only speak for myself -- that every time this occurs, I am ridden with guilt, try my damnedest to pick up where I left off, and remind myself I am not just selling pancakes on the street but is playing an important role -- no matter how minute -- in this field called "development work."

I long for the day when work was tough but was very much rewarding, knowing full well you are making a kind of "contribution to life" somewhat. Now, I'm surprised to be working with some people who claim to be working for Mindanao but shows no "soul" or the "heart" for it. Again, I am not saying I am far better than they are. I have my own struggle with myself, as imperfect as I am.

I guess I really just miss the likes of 'Te Ditdit and Tita Owa who were awe-inspiring, whose display of commitment is a constant reminder to people like me that we ought to work harder, better and with utmost integrity because this kind of work that we do deserve no less than that.

I am still very much in an uphill where emulating their example is concerned. But I am comforted with the thought that I do not have to fill in their shoes (which were both big and noble) but should only be concerned with filling in mine. Being the best that I could be -- in what I do, in playing the role entrusted in my care, in fulfilling His plans and purpose for me -- is my primary task. And it's such a tall order already as it is... I am grateful for my mentors though -- eternally will be -- for their examples, for showing me how things ought to be done... May their souls be at peace...

First Thought

Yesterday, I attended a session in BK and I was a bit embarrassed to have drawn a blank when I was asked what my first thought was -- as the year 2008 came to a close and the new year came dawning in. Honestly, I could not remember what my first thought had been. I remember asking myself several times, "Is it midnight yet?" I had been very sleepy, having very little sleep the day before. Well, I was practically sleepless, tidying up the place and making sure everything is clean and in proper order. This, a legacy from the OC aspect of my personality.

Well, I've always been big on rituals and ushering in the New Year is practically driving my OC self to be more so than the usual hehe To my OC self, it's a no-no to greet the new year without making sure everything is neat and tidy. Everything has to be set, the table and the food particularly. The dinner set had to be special and everything should match. Well, that was before. This year, I was a little kinder to myself (and most probably to the people I live with hehehe). Mama took out a serving dish that did not quite match the rest of the china but I did not make a fuss out of it. I remember thinking it's not worth fighting over.

And that probably was what my first thought had been... What was yours?

Swimming Shades

Writing is such an integral part of who I am. I write when something inspires me; when something upsets me or when something really nice happened. I love the opportunity it gives me to express and "find" myself as writing gives me the chance to sort out the million and one feelings I may be having at one time.

I have been writing for as long as I could remember that it had also become a second nature to coin terms that I think would best express what I'm really feeling. I love playing with words, and maybe that is also the reason why I love flirting over at YM hahaha! Shh... allow me to be a bit defensive though, I don't flirt to everyone at YM just one or a few...err.. select friends hahaha

Anyway, I'm digressing again. I was just made to think about this fun I have over coining terms because of what happened this morning. Bee and I are cleaning house -- part of our ritual of welcoming the new year. By the way, we bought Baby a new cabinet -- out of his earned gift check from the Johnson's contest. Well, I had to augment it in order to make the purchase but it was all worth it. So anyway, the first thing we tackled was Baby's very big carton of toys. We knew we had to get rid of some, as the closet could only hold so much. Some of the old toys were already broken anyway.

Baby was still asleep while we were at the task so it was pretty much dependent upon our judgment. I judged it on two things -- (1) the state it's in, and (2) remembering Baby's own attachment to the toys. Some of the "firsts," no matter how broken, got saved by reasons of sentimentality hehehe Anyway, when Baby woke up this morning and saw the big, clear plastic full of toys, he took a look at them and tearfully asked me if we are giving all of them away. I took pity on him knowing full well his attachment to the toys. I remained firm though and told him that they are all broken anyway and that some kids might enjoy them still so we will be giving them away. As way of processing, I told him to take a good look at the pile and say his 'goodbyes' to them. That somehow appeased him, especially when I told him he could take out anything he might still like since I did put in some really good ones but are no longer age appropriate.

So he took a good look and did take out some toys for his keeping. I was tempted to argue with some of his choices but i knew I had to honor his feelings as well. Besides, I was also busy with cleaning the house. Then at one point, I hear him say something in a tone somewhat akin to horror. In an incredulous voice he asked me, "Nanay! 'Bigay mo tong swimming shades ko?!" (Nanay, are you giving away my "swimming shades?!") I was like, "What the ---- is a 'swimming shades?'" I took a look at what he is pointing at and almost doubled over in laughter. He was crouched over the plastic while holding on to his old pair of "googles." Haha! Swimming shades indeed... really smart baby I have here... ;) I'm wondering if he would take to "writing" as well :) I would surely be grateful if he would but would not be upset either if he'd had other interests :)

But really, Baby is way, way cool :) "Swimming shades" indeed! Haha!

Amazing Technology

I'm currently blogging here while at the same time downloading songs from the internet. But that is not what I find so amazing. Both my laptop and phone have bluetooth. So to spruce up the scanty mp3 collection of my phone, I tried sending via bluetooth some of the songs I have already downloaded in my laptop. While I was doing so, I was prompted if I want some kind of authentication for both devices, for security sake. I don't look at myself as a techie but I do know computer stuff -- which should be the case, considering I took computer science as a course for three years in college hehehe. Anyway, so I did what I had to do and viola! There go the songs from my laptop being transferred to my phone. Bah! If that is not amazing technology, I don't know what else to call it hehehe

Which reminds me, I am truly grateful to be enjoying a lot of good stuff in my life lately. To begin with, I am grateful for my "techie" phone which is a token from Ate; for my laptop which ate up a considerable chunk from my bank account; for my good paying job which enabled me some really good purchases for myself (this laptop) and for my loved ones (the gifts I was able to give them); for having Ate and the kids and some of our closest relatives home for Christmas; and for countless other things. Thank you, Father God.

Who wouldn't be grateful when all of these blessings came without my having to seek them out? The phone for instance was a pleasant treat. I was solely content with the SG something Samsung phone I had. It had no camera, could not store mp3's but it was handy, dependable, and served its purpose. I did wish for an mp3 player though and thought about upgrading to a pricier and a bit fancier phone. I was clear about one thing though -- I did not want to shell out money for either of the two items hehehe And so apparently, I got my wish :)

The laptop was another thing. I was clear about what I want in a laptop. At the same time, I was also clear about the budget I was willing to spend for it. So for some time, I waited till I could find one that perfectly fit the bill. And I found one. The only problem then was that my cash wasn't enough at that time. I don't fancy resorting to purchasing it with a credit card. I must admit though that I was very nearly tempted to go that far. I wanted that particular model very much. And then, by the time I had the money and went back to the store, I was a bit sad to have found out that it was already sold out. Amazingly though, I did not feel any disappointment, it's as if I knew all along that I'll have it no matter what. And I did. It was in another store, exactly the same model I wanted, and on a sale yet -- marking down the cost to what I was prepared to pay for. Well, I had been preparing myself to pay more given that most of the lesser prized units have already come and gone with everyone intent to spend all their hard-earned bonuses on gadgets. But then here I am, another wish granted.

Ate and the kids' being home was one of the best wish granted, however. And I miss them already. I am looking forward to their next visit, which I hoped would be a lot longer than two weeks and where we could all go flit off somewhere for some exotic vacation like in Palawan or something :) I'd be more than willing to save for two years for it so I could pay for Mama and Janine's fare as well wahehe

I'm now thinking wistfully of what to wish for next... I cut myself short... Because, I am not really the kind of person who dwells too much on what I want. So I don't really spend any time thinking about what to wish for. Usually, I would just go by feeling, recognizing what I need and want in my life at the moment and then I would continue doing whatever it is I'm doing. I don't brood or obsess over a thing.

Now, I find myself wishing for a good paying, meaningful job where my passion for Mindanao and helping others, and my thirst for knowledge and spiritual/ personal growth be continuously satisfied. And I would like to add -- where I would be working with light, fun-to-be-with, no hang-ups, honest, hardworking, soulful, equally-passionate about Mindanao individuals...

How exacting could I be? :) Well, I had to be (exacting). Because, I want the "whole" package delivered to me by the universe. Not some hodgepodge-same-looking-but-not-quite kind of thing. I can't have that :) Life is too short to be spent on less than what we deserve and intend to have. I've had had that -- owing to immaturity and not knowing any better. This time, I want to be clear about what I really want and to aim for them and nothing less. After all, I have little wants and desires and more often than not, they are not intended to harm other people or to step on anyone's toes...

Whiling the Time Away

It’s really late. I ought to be sleeping already but I just came in from spending the night out with Ate, the kids and some of their relatives. I’m feeling a bit perked up at the moment. So I’m doing this for a bit of some winding down.

Ate and the kids are leaving tomorrow for Manila. They will be spending two days there before flying out to Hongkong and then eventually to Australia. They’ve been here for two weeks only, such a short time but we’ve really been busy the whole time. There were just far too many gatherings and family outings being squeezed in into an already tight schedule in view of the Holidays.

Oh well, it’s going to be a long time till they’ll be vacationing again. Hope it will be longer next time though and would feature some “really” out of town trips. This time we’ve been to Nabunturan to visit its famous hot spring resort. It also served as a treat to the olds. I’m hoping that next time though we would be going somewhere a little bit further than that like Camiguin or Boracay. I’ve been to both several times already but I wouldn’t mind going to these places again with the family.

Actually, I’ve been intending to visit Manila as well to spend more time with Ate’s kids and to treat Mama but the schedule is not so good with the Holiday rush and all to consider. The thought of spending most of the three days in Manila sitting out a traffic jam is horrendous and well, not seem worth the money and the time. It would be heavenly to spend a few more days with them though but oh well.. next time.

Hey, Ate, Kuya, Tung, Bodok and Lian, it was truly nice seeing and spending some time with you. Looking forward to your next vacation. Take care always, ‘love you.