Demonstrated Co-Leading

 Something funny happened yesterday during theMass. I was a bit irked at Tatay over something prior, so I was really praying that I'd be at the right disposition soon while there. It felt off, it being Easter Mass and all. Then came renewal of baptism time. We lighted some candles and after, the priest and lay ministers blessed everyone with holy water. We were at the back of the church because we were a bit late. When the lay minister came to us, he somehow "showered" Tatay with a bit more water. I heard the candle fizzle at the contact. Tatay was seated behind me. The kids turned to look as well. Tatay then said sheepishly he was quite a sinner thus he was "poured over" generously. I knew he was trying to make me laugh because I was angry at him. He succeeded. I can't stop myself from laughing. I tried to be quiet though. This guy really. Sometimes, I can't! :)

I've been feeling a bit neglected of late and quite vocal about it too. Not neglected because he took me for granted but more since bec he is busy, the managing of the household and the children was left to me. He takes Forest to school though most days and picks her up after too. But the overall well-being chu chu was all passed on to me. Not that I mind really. It's just that I am also really busy at work and I feel that he seem not to acknowledge that too and just left me managing everything. Also, at times, he is a bit short of patience when Forest is late in going home from school because he had other appointments to go to after. An episode of that took us to WW3 hehe I was not hearing his excuses one bit. To me, the children comes first, every time. Bahala na ako. But being extra patient with the children when the situation calls for it, non-negotiable.

But at Apo, during the climb, he was Mr. In-charge again. Ever mindful, ever alaga, ever patient. Teaching the children this, reminding them that.... Ensuring everyone's safety and needs are met.

I was suddenly reminded why I fell for him in the first place. I am independent and always able to manage things on my own. Sometimes, I even prefer to do things on my own. But when it comes to the children, I'm deadset about demonstrated co-leading and co-nurturing because the children need examples to live by. Because the children deserve it.

Now, I'm beginning to understand what the children meant when they tell me my standards are high. I am all for everything, open and non-judgmental on many things. And try to be conscious and mindful all the time. My byline, "To each his own." But when it comes to the children, I am indeed a bit, inflexible. I've set the bar high on certain things. Some values are non-negotiables. But I'm thinking now, I wouldn't want it any other way. I want the children to learn from that as well. Sure, they are their own persons and some of my values they may adapt or may "adjust" according to their truth. I am all for that. There is no way I would wrestle them over that. But I feel, I have to set certain standards for them to emulate and live by. If I set them way low, they would compromise on certain values that shouldn't be compromised at all -- like upholding the truth, trying one's best, being respectful and kind and "demanding" the same for themselves. I wouldn't want them to be "abused" or taken for granted in anyway. By kindness, I meant it had to be reciprocal. They had to be kind but not a doormat. If that is setting the bar too high then so be it. I wouldn't want it to be lower than that.

I am not perfect. I wrestle with my own ghosts too. I fall, become too loud, too demanding, a little bit crazy. But I try my best to be the best version of me, upholding my highest value at moments when and where it matters most. And I hope and pray that is serving the children well too. So help me, God.