Pain

Softly hums
Intensifies
Tears insides apart

Reasons
Holds on to faith
Hope springs anew

Pain abates
Yet never departs
It's a constant ache

Leaving heart tender
Bruised
Scarred

Dora

And so I had my haircut.  Got varied reactions. The conversation in the car after picking me up from the parlor:

Tatay took one look and told me I cut it a tad too short and not to do it again
Rod: Hello, Dora.  (Bwahahaha) Oo nga, Nay.  Di masyado maganda.
Forest: Di gud, Nay. Bagay sa yo.  Maganda ka!
Rod: Well, boys kami ni Tatay so...

And I was like, "So that makes it more valid?" :P

A year ago today: Rod's First Overnight

Am having some slight separation anxiety. Left Rod in school for an overnight activity. Our family's first. I lingered for quite some time, wanting to make sure he is fine.

He was like, "Bye, Nay! Why are you still here? See you tomorrow!" I think he repeatedly said goodbye 5 times, sort of pushing me away. But he did give me a few lingering hugs as well. Sigh! Enjoy your stargazing activity, Rod. Enjoy the moon too!

Forest's Mimicking

Urging Forest to lead our prayer for the meals the "Tuburan-way," she happily did and then excitedly shared, "Alam mo, Nay, may bago kami. Pagkatapos kumain maghawakan ulit tapos magsabi, 'Salamat sa pagkaon.'  Tapos tayo agad." Very quickly she added, in her most gentle voice, "Jay, magtarong ug lingkod..." 

Probably noting my confusion, she said, "Oo, sabi rin ni Tita Vivian." Hehe 

#TuburanCommunity #BabyTales :)

In Omnibus Amare et Servire Domino

We’ve just marked another milestone in Rod’s life.  He had his First Communion this morning.  Last Friday, his Tatay and I went for a “dry-run” of the ceremony.  The parents were walked through the parts where we will be participating: the Recession and the actual receiving of the Holy Host. 

Even then, I was already emotional. It actually caught me off-guard.  I wasn’t expecting to be teary-eyed at all.  At one point, the children were practicing the songs for the Mass.  As expected, they were wrought with meaning, giving voice to my own beliefs and relationship with my God. That’s when I became emotional, when the significance of the occasion suddenly hit me. 

My spiritual journey – although initially was based largely on our family’s tradition – had certainly, along the way, became very personal.  It was a journey that shaped and cemented whatever relationship I have right now with my God.  And today, Rod had taken on that initial step of his own journey.  I know, in time, going to Church would not be something that he only does because it’s what we normally do every Sunday as a family but because he would have that yearning to go. I know, like me, he would find God not just in the confines of his school or in church but in all unlikely places.  I know different events in his life, different mentors and ‘guides’ would help shape for him his faith.  And I pray that he would have a very meaningful journey because his faith would play a very significant role in how he would conduct his life and in the choices that he’d make along the way.  I wish I could just pass on to him my own beliefs and convictions but I knew it’s something that he had to find on his own.  I could ‘show’ him, even tell him about what it’s like in my case but I knew he’d have a Spiritual journey with God that would be their own.

But yes, so much love… I hope and pray he’d find that as well. We prayed for all of that when we were on our way to Ateneo this morning.  I’m just grateful that early on he’d learned about ‘inclusivity’ through my work and the persons he’d come in contact with.

Just the other year, we’ve marked his turning of age having turned 7.  Today, we’ve turned another leaf.  My son is indeed well on his way. I hope and pray we, as parents, would be able to help him as much as we can along the way… serving, 'witnessing' in our own way and being mindful always of maintaining just the right ‘tension:’  neither too tight nor too loose… 

We love you so much, Rod.  Nanay and Tatay are always here for you. It is my deepest, dearest prayer that you will find and understand the true meaning of "In omnibus amare et servire Domino... In everything love and serve the Lord..."

    

Succession Plan

Reading Rod's summative assessment paper. He actually managed to give an essay-like answer (more like analysis) to a question asked, with only a map and a graph as basis.

Hmm... He's only 8 and he made good use of the data like total land area of provinces and able to make comparison. It's amusing to note how his paper is littered with population and land area numbers.

Someone's taking after Nanay :p His  logic is faultless.  I think, with a few coaching on composition, I can already retire :p

I Want...

Intimacy... a kind of knowing that does not require words...
Respect... that does not have to be earned but readily given...
Communion... deeper than "connection"... a sharing that doesn't really care about having similar interests but just the spontaneous desire to share one's thoughts, views and experiences... It's an outpouring with no other intention but to just "be" and being welcomed for it...

Not Quite Fair Trade

Enterprising kids! Saving up for travel funds. Snorkeling fees in Oslob and Underground River entrance fees.  They're selling some meringue candies and junk food :P  They buy it from a sari-sari store for one peso and sell it with 50 cents margin.  Good thing there are other kids buying them just the same. Had to teach them about setting a fair price.

Ormoc

It’s my last day in Ormoc.  And I’m looking at this glorious sunset before me and I think to myself, what a nice way to cap the entire week.  I’m facing the bay and I could see a passenger ship slowly inching its way towards this city’s port. 

The entire week, I feel pretty much like that ship -- just passing by.  All week I’ve visited 3 cities and 5 municipalities in all.  In each, I visited an average of 2 sitios and barangays.  There were good interactions with the community -- with the women and today, with the elderly.  And the latter was such a humbling experience.

This trip had made me feel privileged in every way.  First off, there's the opportunity of being a part of the Review Team.  Secondly, the communities and persons I've interacted with had been so welcoming and warm.  Without hesitation they've shared with me their hopes, apprehension and dreams. 

Being a part of the Review Team was a wealth of learning.  I had to resort to advance reading on M&E-AL (Accountability and Learning) in the humanitarian context.  At first I felt inept.  I am, after all, with experts who had years of experience in this, coming from the Aceh, Sri Lanka and Haiti experience.  But very kind people they were.  Not for once did they make me feel “inferior.”  They pointed out to me, that it is precisely my MEAL in development background that I’m bringing in, into the review.  They made me feel I’m a valuable addition to the team.  And I’m made to realize that there is no better motivation to do well in your work than that.  Without 'self-doubt’ overshadowing my thoughts, I was more focused in my work.  That and the fact that of course, coming from the perspective of gratitude, all the more I was driven to contribute ‘genuinely’ in every way I can. 

To have been welcomed openly by the community and persons I’ve come in contact with was a humbling experience.  At some level I knew I shouldn’t have been surprised by that.  Chalk it down to being Filipino – where everything is always bordering on the ‘personal.’  Of course I ought to expect nothing less.  Being with the team, however, who hails from all parts of the world, I am made to appreciate this fact all the more.  They shared they don’t get this anywhere and even would jokingly ask me if we, Filipinos, are indeed the nicest people on the earth.  How would one reply to that? 

I can’t help but feel privileged to have the women and the elderly talk to me about needs, apprehensions for the immediate future and their hopes for the years to come.  I've also talked with several key local government officials but it’s my conversations with the people in the community that greatly affected me.

Picture this, I would enter their homes, ravaged by the storm.  I could tell they were very self-conscious about it but they welcome me anyway.  Not only once did I get to hear about personal problems, totally not connected about the review I'm making but I listened intently as well.  I got to hear family histories that would eventually lead up to how Haiyan/Yolanda only compounded everything.  It's heartbreaking to realize that these families are very poor to begin with.  One of the women I talked with said, "Kung pwede lang makig-away kay Yolanda, makig-away gyud ko! Pila ka tuig namo gitindog among balay, unya walaon lang sa kadali!" (If only I could fight with Yolanda/Haiyan, I would! It took us years to build our home, only to have it gone in an instant!) 

I could certainly relate.  For Filipinos, family is the greatest treasure, thus the home is also regarded with great value.  So no matter how humble the circumstance, every Filipino longs to have a decent house for the family.  Take the case of OFWs for instance.  Though not true to all, it's significant to note that once family situation becomes better, among the first few things invested on, is the family home.  It has become a common reaction to readily assume that a nice looking house that stood out against its neighbors with much humbler abodes is owned by an OFW. 

Certainly, the communities that we've visited have lost so much.  Most of them (if not all) are looking at the future with so much uncertainty.  What's consoling though is noting that despite all that, they remained hopeful.  They still joke and laugh about their situation.  When one of the community organizers joked with the elderly about them having to forget about livelihoods considering their advanced age, and to forget about the coconuts (most of them in Leyte are coconut farm tenants), they laughed but quickly pointed out that they still need the coconuts (or the income they derived from it) to buy rice.  To me, that moment was poignant.  What that statement underlined is the elderly's concern as to where to source out their food, now that their primary source of income is gone.  

What served as an eye-opener to me in this week's trip is that the elderly often gets lumped in the "most vulnerable" category, one of the very first thing we looked for during rapid assessments.  And the danger in that is that their needs would also be "lumped" alongside the needs of the "others" when a more in-depth look into their needs should be undertaken.  I'm not saying the organizations working on the ground make this mistake.  If anything, I salute every organization that devote time, resources, heart, passion and soul trying to address life-saving concerns in an emergency situation. Without a doubt, intentions in this kind of "work" is always noble (not including the politicians who are doing it for media mileage and for their own self-interests).  What I'm merely saying is, there is a need to ensure that ample time and closer scrutiny is given in assessing the elderly's needs.  Of the 14 international organizations working on the ground now for Haiyan that we've reviewed, there is only one that specifically target the elderly and I truly admire them for it. They are now one of my "favorite" humanitarian organizations (including the one in which I belong to). 

True, an elderly's needs is very different.  In my case, it was such a learning experience.  For a moment, while making the rounds and conversing with them, I found myself at a loss.  Everything I knew about livelihoods recovery (which is not also a lot) took a back seat when I was confronted with the issues and needs of the elderly.  Of course you can’t just launch on a discussion on livelihoods with them.  To begin with, you can hardly expect them to just carry on and plant a coconut once you have given them seeds; or to stand up and start fishing once you supply them with boats and nets (Disclaimer: livelihoods recovery – specially in the context of Leyte where land is “lorded” over by “big” and influential families – is not as simple as providing seeds, boats and nets). 

I can’t describe the feeling I felt when I saw them getting off from habal-habal, some walking unsteadily on their own; or being assisted by a son or daughter just to get to the meeting.  The NGO informed us that they had requested only 10 to come for the FGD but apparently word got around and even those who are from a farther sitio, came in order to participate.  And I was like, we were not there to give anything; not even to promise anything; but to ask them questions.  I acknowledged that for most of them, it must have been difficult to come but they did.  I was torn between being moved with pity and being grateful for their eagerness to lend their time.  Some of them are only 63 years old and yet they look way, way older.  I couldn't help but compare them with my 80-year old Aunt who can still conduct her business on her own.  

At that particular moment, I was once again overwhelmed with the feeling that I’m pretty much like a ship, just passing by, getting a glimpse of their situation, hearing their stories, taking a bit of their lives by taking a bit of their time. 

Stories.  Indeed, I stumbled upon a lot of stories this week and this entry would become a very long narrative if I begin to expound on all of them.  But putting it simply, this week is definitely a gift.  I learned a lot, met beautiful souls from different situations and walk of life.  For a week I was privileged to have trodden a path very much laden with giving… of one’s time, one’s self, one’s life...  And I felt grateful for having the sensitivity to recognize all of that as well.  Coming from the perspective of 'having received,'  I was driven to also give equally, authentically and sincerely.  Thank you God for one of the best week of my life.  

Family Project: Read the Bible in One Year

Before this, we were never really diligent about reading the Bible, sad to say.  We do attend Sunday Mass and have novena days (Wednesdays) but we had yet to have that shared time for reading the Bible.  With Tatay and I having to travel (intermittently) on some days, we do have a problem in keeping everything consistent. Ironically, I get to pray more with the kids when I’m on travel because I make sure I call them up during bedtime.  When I’m at home, it isn’t always the case since they would usually be asleep by the time I enter the bedroom.

I got the idea from the “Daily Devotions” I gave the olds as a gift last Christmas.  It posted a challenge there about reading the Bible in one year.  Finding a common time was easy.  We made use of the time spent every morning driving from home to school/office.  Janin goes off in like 15 minutes from the house and so we have that.   

At first we started with a chapter a day.  So on our first day we had Genesis, Chapter 1.  However, as the “stories” become more and more interesting, they would often beg to add another chapter to it.  And so at times we’d finish 2 or even three chapters in a day.  The funny thing was when we were well into Joseph the dreamer’s story, especially that part when he’d met his brothers again in Egypt after such a long time, Tatay was one with the kids in begging to continue some more.  The account on their meeting again and Joseph pretending he doesn’t know them, must have intrigued him so much that come night time, Tatay even requested that we make that as the bedtime reading instead.  So funny, considering during the first few readings he was like always asking if we’re done already so he could turn on the car’s stereo.  That certainly had me exasperated and I had to bite my tongue to keep from “lecturing” him.

Lecturing.  Hmm… that part I had to be really careful.  I must admit there are times I want to point out to the kids the “lessons” behind the stories but at the same time I was aware that doing so might spoil everything for them.  I don’t want them to associate reading the Bible as a family with one of my “lecturing sessions” again, or worse, as one of “Nanay’s nagging session!”  But yeah, I do ask what struck them the most and yeah, there are times when I’d totally give in to the temptation of pointing out the lesson.  Thank God, that isn’t often though. 

It’s my first time to read the Genesis through and through and I was surprised with the details of the stories.  Having been raised in a “very-Catholic-very-Boholano” family, I grew up following some very strict tradition that goes with the faith.  And having had my education from Catholic schools from day 1 of Kindergarten till my very last day in College, I am indeed familiar with the stories of creation, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob. Who isn’t?  But reading everything through walked me through some “parts” that totally surprised me.  For starters, there were much allusion to “laying down” and with “partners” that are not exactly…err…”conventional,” for lack of a better word.  Since I’m reading for kids, I had to go around it.  Now I fully understood why these details are kept out of my “Christian Living” books and lessons. So in the end, I took to reading the chapters first myself and so I’d know how to tell them to the kids.  And of course I had to tell them about the context of that time.  It’s a difficult balancing act but we pray before each reading. Thanks to mine and now Rod’s “Christian Living” books and the kiddy Bible we have, I know which parts to read only to the kids. 

Next stop would be the book of Exodus.  I had to be away for a travel and so we had to have a pause. But I learned a lot from that first run and looking forward to reading and learning with the kids... God bless us. 

You know, Name?!

While in Manila, had an interesting phone conversation with Rod re his homework:

Rod: Nanay, sino ang unang family sa Davao? Five points pa naman, Nay. (Who are the first family in Davao?"

Me: Teka, di ko maintindihan. (I don't quite understand) First family, as in the one who sits as Mayor? Or first family as in long ago? Can you read your assignment to me?

And he did, quite well at that, in his cute little voice that made me miss him the more.  Then I told him "lumad" is the answer. He didn't quite believe me and even lectured me: "Name man daw, Nay. You know, name? Like Rod, Janin, Rodilyn... ganyan." in an almost condescending manner ::P

Co-Parenting a Son

Pre-script: Titled this initially as "Parenting a Son" but yeah, the truth is I'm co-parenting.  I'm not here on my own, it's a shared responsibility by Tatay and I.  And yeah, while I may be stuck with my own "brand" of parenting, I certainly do not have the monopoly of "doing the right thing" where parenting our children is concerned.  Tatay is such an able partner and father.  He's one of those modern Dads who don't mind taking on some roles normally relegated to "mothers" just to be Dad to his children and I appreciate him a lot for that.  This incident actually happened a few weeks back.  Just able to finish this last night and posted it now.

It's been a while since I reflected upon and wrote something about parenthood.  Well, it's been a while since I wrote my last entry here for that matter.  The incident this morning however made me realize I should really set aside time to do so, if only to give me time to detach myself from "breaking point" situations and gain a better perspective of things. Also, I remember how at one point, my journal had been so full of my thoughts and realizations about parenthood and the almost day-to-day account of "aha" and "hmm-moments" where parenting is concerned.    And as such, it’s like chronicling also my relationship with my son and how it changed over time.  It makes me think it might be something I’d love to revisit once my son would enter that “barkada phase” wherein no amount of cajoling would make him want to spend time with me. 

Anyway, as hubby accused me this morning, I take parenthood a tad too seriously.  Well, I take my responsibilities seriously and I just happen to think that from among the many "responsibilities" entrusted in my care to date, parenthood tops the list.  So yeah, I know where he is coming from and I do feel I need to have a sit-down session with “me” just to check whether or not I'm being way over the top.

It all started with a letter from school asking if Dad's could participate in a basketball tournament of sorts.  Yeah, Tatay plays football.  He'd played it all his life so he feels inept where basketball is concerned.  I forgot about that tiny detail.  What I saw with that letter was an opportunity for him to further foster his relationship with his son.  

I've been "somewhat" pushing him to spend more time with his son.  While I try to be a good parent as I can be, I know I can only do so much for my son. Eventually, it's his father's influence that would spell a big difference in his life.  And so the "pushing."  It's not that Tatay doesn't spend time with Rod, he does. In fact, it's him who picks up Rod from school every day.  He drives Rod in the morning as well but I'm usually there and it's more of a mom-and-son-time than theirs.  And yet to me, that isn't enough.  

When Rod turned 7, we had such elaborate plans for it, marking it as ushering him into "manhood."  He and Tatay went mountain climbing (Rod's first) at the crack of dawn on his birthday.    They even had an exchange of  matching “friendship bonds” when they got to the peak to mark the event.  What I envisioned to happen after that was that Tatay and Rod would have a regular “man –thing.”  But as it was, managing two stores got in the way.  My own hectic schedule did not help things any. Whatever sychro-schedule we do manage to get, we spend catching up as an entire family.  In short, there never was that just-him-and-Rod special moment.  And then that basketball-for-school thing happened.

So we got into this vacuum conversation this morning.  Vacuum, because I was putting forward my argument, bent on getting what I want and focused only on what I thought would be good for “my” son.  Tatay on the other hand was being truthful about basketball not being his thing and how he doesn’t want to make a fool of himself, getting into something he’s totally inept at.  In other words, we were not really making a connection.  We were both blind to the other’s point but our own.  So in truth, we weren’t really hearing each other.  Our ears respectively were tuned in only to hearing the other’s assent.  Getting neither, our argument continued.

As is often the case with me where this is concerned, I got emotional.  To me, at that point, everything else is secondary (if not irrelevant) to Rod’s getting that “manhood apprenticeship” from his own Dad.  At one point I got so frustrated I underlined to Tatay how serious parenting is to me and how it’s a consideration for every decision I had to make.  I emphasized as a mother I can only do so much for our son who is growing up fast every day.  In an outburst I said that if only I could grow a p***$ and manufacture testosterone for myself then I would and take on that role for my son.  That’s when he threw in that “me and parenting tad too seriously” line.

Looking back, Tatay of course has a point.  Asking him to play basketball in front of an entire school community is really pushing him up a wall.  True, I got a point as well but yeah, it’s starting to dawn on me that surely Tatay doesn’t have to go through lengths of embarrassing himself in front of a huge crowd.  Besides, that would also embarrass his son and not helping my cause at all.  And I am really sorry for having missed this point. It wasn't fair of me. Aside from being a mother, I am a partner also and ought to be mindful of his feelings and point of view as well.

There was a stage in my past wherein I considered my being too cerebral (translation: over-think things too much!) as somewhat of a curse but yeah, I’d take that anytime than go through life, half-blind, if at all “awake.”  Over the years, I’ve fine-tuned things a bit and learned to disregard wasteful thoughts (unnecessary fears, “projections” and other things that are really beyond my control) and just stick with what really matters.  So yeah, right now I appreciate the fact that I think things over, and that I afford myself some “breathing/brain space” to think things through.  I would like to believe and take comfort that by doing so, I ensure that I arrive at decisions that are most loving and just for all concerned.  But of course, all of these come hand-in-hand with prayer, meditation and being still...  Thank you, God. 

So Much

My being OC about completing a task I've started made me hesitate about leaving the store's books 'unbalanced' to attend to Forest's sleeping ritual.  Good thing wisdom prevailed and I was able to attend to her needs and also ended up introducing her to that 'Cat in the Hat.'  I tried to keep the reading animated and more interactive, knowing her tendency to turn her back on me and sleep while we're still in the middle of a story. 

For the first time, she was able to see the entire story through.  Soon after she moved to her usual sleeping position --  flat on her tummy with her face turned away from me.  But very distinctly I heard her whisper sleepily, "So much, Nay... Love you so much."

I'd take on extended hours of balancing the books anytime if only to hear her say that again... Thank you, God for making it possible (despite my many roles) for me to spend quality time with my little one.  Thank you for the sustained strength and the guiding Presence that allows me to choose wisely every time...

The Orbital Blog

Pre-post note:  While it hasn't become a "tradition" yet, I do try my best to come up with a birthday blog because it gives me the opportunity to take stock of how I've been leading my life and how far along am I in my journey towards the unfolding of my truth...  The post below was done on the eve of this year's birthday.  In the middle of a very big event, I was grateful to have found the time to sit down, get in touch with my feelings and pen them down...

03 July 2013
11:30 PM
Working on a birthday. I remember a few weeks back how I was mulling the possibility of taking a birthday leave. Was really very busy lately, with quite a hectic travel schedule also thrown in the mix. I figured, I earned 3-day leave credits from having my field visits fall on a holiday and 2 weekend days. I might as well claim at least a day.

Yet, here I am, on the eve of my birthday, just wrapped up a press release article for tomorrow and making a list of the things that needed to be addressed by tomorrow as well. But, I'm not complaining one bit. If anything, thinking about the whole thing got me started on the process of counting my blessings.

For Peace. The activity in question is a "Peace" Summit. I feel privileged to have been given a chance to be a part of it. That I am making a contribution, albeit minute, underlines to me how I wouldn't want to live my life in any other way. Again, I'm filled with a sense of gratitude, thinking about my life and my work that gives me the opportunity to pursue my own passions, beliefs and things that I feel lend more meaning to who I am.

Indeed, I have a lot to be grateful for. This afternoon, while I was busy attending to my task it suddenly dawned on me that some of my closest friends and the recent acquaintances who have come to mean so much are also pursuing the same passion, pushing for the same advocacy, giving so much of themselves to the same causes I also believe in. Sitting there, I suddenly realized how at that very instant I am surrounded with persons who had done and are still doing so much for peace in Mindanao.

It felt good to hear the "veterans" talk.  It is inspiring to realize that they have been in this "struggle" the longest and must have faced countless defeat and disappointments and yet they do not sound jaded at all. If anything the message I hear from them is: "Let us go on!  Let us continue working for peace. Something needs to be done. Let us be proactive and leave nothing to chance.  Let us make things happen!"  Ah, such indefatigable spirit.

And so I count another blessing.  Truly Mindanao is a land of promise.  Personally, more than a promise, Mindanao is a land of dreams.  It is where dreams are made... dreams and longing for peace and better quality of life for every Mindanaoans -- women, men and children...

That I was born and raised amidst the richness of its culture, the bountifulness of its natural wealth and the beauty of its people (such steadfast, earnest people with so much love and passion for nature, for community, for truth...), is such a blessing indeed.  As any Mindanaoan, the land helped shape who I am, what my beliefs and values are, and the things I want to pursue.

God... Abba... Father... truly You have given me so much.  Looking back on how my life was and how it is shaping to be, I feel Your loving presence in every step of the way.  Even on my trying moments I never felt forsaken. I feel Your gentle nudging and constant guidance.  For that, I could not thank You enough.

Thank You for the quality of friendships and relationships You've gifted me with.  Such genuine, loving souls, You've surrounded me.  I could not count with my hands all the people who have loved, inspired and taught me to be the person that I am now.  They manifest to me Your loving, nurturing presence.

It is such a wonderful, wonderful journey, Lord.  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Posts that never got finished: On Leaving 2011 Behind (My thoughts on my work)

I stumbled across several entries saved as "drafts" that I never really had a chance to complete for one reason or another.  Below is one of them.  I think I attempted to write my "new-yearly" blogs but got distracted or too busy to ever complete it.  I felt the need to post it so I would be reminded of how I feel about my work... of working... 

It still surprises me, reading this now, how much value I put into what I do and into being able to make a contribution. Reading this now, I am once again reminded about the things that I value and how differently I "operate."  I put so much premium in finding meaning in everything and I'm sure it could be both a boon and a bane.  It is good to be reminded by this.  So... as I again try to find my center... I can be reminded why I make the choices that I do and why I act a certain way and to try to find my truth amidst it all.

Two days from now and it's another year. 2011 would probably be my busiest (judging from the two entry I've only managed to pen down this year). It's as if I just buzzed through this year, having a lot of things to do. Foremost, I'm a Mom to a daughter who just turned one this year and juggling a career on top of that.

Funny at how I hesitate at having to use the word, "career." To me the word connotes something external, that one actively pursues to gain other people's approval or something. It leaves a bad taste to my mouth, somewhat. My work, the one that I do, is to me something very personal. It is something that is very much a part of "me." To me, my work is not something that I do from without but something that I get involved in, to further shape what's within...

There may be times that I complain about being tired but in truth, I love to work. I love being productive and being able to contribute to a bigger cause out there. While my family may be very important to me, being able to work afford me with another great opportunity for self-expression. In other words, my work helps define who I am and a great deal at that because it allows me to utilize my talents and build my skill on a lot of things. But then, I digress once again.

What I'm really trying to point out is that... 

Finding Center

Restless...
Wanting to be somewhere else but not knowing exactly where...
Present and wandering all at once...
Rooted and yet yearning...
Centered but diffused just the same...
Calm and accepting... and yet also reaching out...
Steady and stretched, all in a bundle...

I miss... you.

Non-profit

Rod, who is ever entrepreneurial, is at it again. When I told him to find ways this summer to grow his travel savings, he proudly told me they made and sold ice candy earlier today. 

I congratulated him on his 6-peso earnings only to be aghast at finding out they made use of our organic cocoa drink which sells at 100++ peso per small bottle. Lugi ang negosyo! Hehe But saluting the entrepreneurial spirit just the same

Being a Man, as St. Joseph Exemplifies

This morning, I attended the Misa de Galleo in Ateneo Grade School chapel since the Grade One community is one of the sponsors.  I’m on my third day this year and hoping to make it till the 9^th.

The priest’s take on today’s gospel was insightful. When normally, it would either be Mama Mary or Baby Jesus who would be highlighted, he focused instead on St. Joseph.  He started by sharing how last night, he had an interview with a young couple set to take the sacrament of the Holy Matrimony.  He pointed out how the excitement and anticipation that both feel for the occasion was very apparent.  He noted that this could very well be how St Joseph felt at the prospect of marrying Mary, only to find out that Mary is already pregnant.

The priest painted a “good” person in Joseph in the latter's opting to just “quietly” divorce Mary.  What the priest did not point out, but what I was made to think of, was that in those times, women like Mary would be executed -- stoned to death.  

On Life Saving and Livelihoods

Note: I accidentally deleted this very same entry earlier.  Posted this last week.  In the process, I also deleted the comments given :( My apologies, but thank you for your kind words :)

It’s Sunday afternoon but I am in the office, sitting in a huddle as we discussed the reports coming from the ground.  Rapid assessment teams had been fielded the day after Typhoon Bopha had wreaked havoc on the various towns in Compostela Valley and Davao Oriental – New Bataan, Compostela, Laak, Baganga, Boston and Cateel the most affected. 

We sat there as reports are being relayed to us.  Most of what was said, we’ve already read on the online reports and seen on television.  However, when the discussion moved on to the affected livelihoods, my interest got peaked and I’m pretty sure, for a lot of us in the room as well.

Visiting Laak

HRC and Oxfam distribute hygiene and water kits to residents of Brgy. Kidawa in Laak

    A resident of Brgy. Kidawa in Laak, Compostela Valley, 51-year old Susan Unuangay looks pensively at the land before her – the muddy, now-unproductive rice fields and the barren mountains beyond. She shared, “Karon pa mi kita na ana diay ang porma anang mga bukida. Sa una, ga-green-green ra na siya, puno ug punuan. Mao bugnaw kini among lugar. Karon, musakit imong ulo, sa kasuga sa adlaw.” (It is only now that we know that the mountains are shaped that way. Before, we see nothing but green because of the trees. We also used to enjoy cooler days now, our heads would ache because of the glaring heat of the sun.)