The act of finding myself was there – as I wrestled with my own limitations as I try to go beyond myself in order to conquer the mountains I’ve visited. I grew physically, overcoming my own weaknesses as every mountain experience taught me what my limitations are and how it is possible to go beyond them. Spiritually, I grew too. Communing with nature, conquering oneself and not just the mountain, drove home the point of how there is a Being far bigger than I am. The appreciation I have for the wonders of nature is nothing compared to the appreciation and awe I feel for the Creator of these wonders.
There was, however, very little opportunity for serving. Those trips I took were mostly for the adventure of it. In my travels though I’ve met some locals who, by their stories and by simply seeing how they live, touched me in so many ways. I would like to believe that I am also able to touch their lives somewhat by the stories that I also share with them.
Last night, when Ace showed us a video of one of their ministries, Tatay whispered, “Ito na yung inaantay mo ‘Nay.” (This is what you’ve been waiting for ‘Nay). It wasn’t a question. It was an acknowledgment. In that little phrase, Tatay said in words what I was also telling myself silently. What was shown in the video was the very experience I’ve been wanting and envisioning for myself (and very recently for my husband and son as well). It is an experience I very much want to be a part of and I felt a mixture of well-being and trepidation as it dawns to me that I am finally given a shot at it. Here is the opportunity that I’ve been waiting for. And God knows how long I’ve waited. The trepidation I felt was at the thought of the responsibility it also entails. Ah, I catch myself. Fear is borne out of my lack of self-confidence or more appropriately, by my own "self-centeredness." Once again, I am forgetting that this whole thing is not about me. It is never about me but God’s business. And looking at it that way, I know there is nothing to fear really…
Ace and Doc Cecil said something last night about how God sometimes uses our talents, our experiences for a greater purpose later on. I felt as if all those years of waiting, of being involved solely in mountaineering was to prepare me for this greater experience I am about to embark on.
For the longest time too I’ve been praying for Tatay to have that relationship with Him. Oh, he is a believer. He attends Sunday Masses with me and twice accompanied me to community worship. Sometimes even, he prayed the longest than I. But the relationship is not there. It’s as if he revels in the “communion” when he is there but forgets about it as soon as he had stepped out of the church. I longed for him to get to know Him in the way that I do, for Tatay to acknowledge Him in every aspect of his life. And then last night happened.
I am amused at how God saw to answering this particular prayer of mine. Or more aplty, as to how He would court Tatay into having a relationship with Him. I had prayed that He would find a way to Tatay’s heart, to instill in Tatay the desire to get to know Him more. And He had. What could be more fitting than revealing Himself to Tatay in the one thing he is so passionate about – climbing. Looking back, in Tatay’s own confused spiritual path – how he had gone from one religion to the next and then back again – I feel that, that too was just preparing him for this experience now.
This morning I woke up to Tatay snuggling close to me and telling me how he loves me very much. I know it was his way of thanking me for bringing him along last night and for the invitation I extended. Now I know why we had to stay together despite all that we’ve been through. Because He had a plan for this union. As Ace related to us his own teen-age marriage and how the first three years had been a struggle, I felt as if he had also been telling our story. He also related how everything had changed when they invited a third person into their marriage – Him. I had prayed for that to happen in our case but it had been difficult.
Now, I feel as if everything is falling into place and how all the things in the past were really just a preparation for all of this now… I pray that God will continue the work He had started in us last night.
