Happy Father's Day!

Err.. this came a bit late. But I had wanted to post it here so here goes :) This "card" I made for B especially for Father's Day is really something. We fought quite hard because of it. Weird huh?

I had been real excited when I was putting this card up together. B had prepared a "magical" dinner for me last mother's day that I felt I ought to reciprocate come father's day. Thus this concept was born.

During Baby Bolet's baptism I had made similar cards as "tent" markers on tables for the reception. They featured several of Baby's pictures from birth upto the day before his Baptism. Anyway, B loved the cards so much that he even kept some of them. I knew I would have to make him another one on some important occasion. What could be more important than Father's day? And it was his first yet. I'm quite strapped of cash at that time since the next day would be Baby's immunization sked but yet I was determined to make good use of whatever resources I have.

It took me almost two days to finish the card since I could hardly work on it when Bolo is around. It did not help that our computer's in the bedroom. I was also real busy at work at that time and so I really had a hard time trying to finish it on time. And imagine how heartbroken I was when after all the effort I did, Bolo and I only fought about it.

Actually, I complained of hunger when I got home. When he knew that the reason behind is that I was not able to eat lunch properly (I worked on the card), he kind of scolded me already. The fight started when he was trying to look for something in my bag. I was so concerned he would see the card and the little gift I bought for him and thus ruining the surprise. In my haste, I shouted at him not to touch my bag. He took it the wrong way, was so hurt by it and so the fight began. Inside I was nursing a hurt considering that for all the effort and my good intentions, it had all come to that. I guess he was also hurting, not understanding why I do not trust him enough or why I shouted at him in that manner. It took us all night and the following morning till we were able to patch things up. It wasn't until I showed him the card did he understand why I shouted at him. Thank God everything went on well still. Father's day was not exactly a blast but we enjoyed it just the same - dined out at the restaurant we frequent even before we got married, ordered some take out pizza (garlic and cheese and vege delight, of course hehehe) and had some quiet moments together . Happy Father's Day B. Thank you for being our son's father, friend, playmate, outdoor guide, travel and adventure initiator, AV operator (for his Barney, Nursery Rhymes and classical CD collections), hugger, kisser, greatest fan, and clown. Thank you for showing to me everyday how much you love our son. Luv u B.

Pounds

Whew! Just finished slaving over some proposal we’re working on. Yep, “slaving over” is appropriate as we are not yet really through with the proposal. From the looks of it we have about another two weeks (even three!) to complete it. Based on the deadline of the tender, we have about less than two weeks to do it. How we will beat the deadline? Beats me hehehe

Haay, at the moment, I’m trying to e-mail a documentation I had for a previous project, finish this blog entry and entertain a friend over at YM hehehe. Talk about making my life complicated.

There are a lot of things I wanted to write in here. There are things lurking around my head that I want to thresh out and examine thus wanting to write about them…

That friend over at YM is telling me about him exercising to shed some pounds off his abdomen. I retorted back that I’m also wearing some around my waist the size of anaconda hehehe

Oh well, I used to tell some good friends these days that if happiness can be translated into pounds then that makes me one VERY happy person hahaha Bolo and I had some exercise session over the weekend. We used to be so fit it’s almost painful for us to see ourselves in the mirror. Really! Hehehe There are even times when I would actually be surprised everytime I pass by that full-length mirror we have at home since I still definitely feel “thin” inside hehehe But we’re both working at it and by the looks of it, we’re getting there :) Getting my fingers crossed though :)

Feeding the Right Wolf

An elder Cherokee chief took his grandchildren into the forest and sat them down and said to them,
“A fight is going on inside me. This is a terrible fight and it is a fight between two wolves.
One wolf is the wolf of fear, anger, arrogance and greed.
The other wolf is the wolf of courage, kindness, humility and love.”

The children were very quiet and listening to their grandfather with both their ears.
He then said to them, “This same fight between the two wolves that is going on inside of me is going on inside of you, and inside every person.”
They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked the chief, “Grandfather, which wolf will win the fight?”
He said quietly, “The one you feed.”


A good friend forwarded the above story to me. She found it somewhere in the internet... And I thanked her for forwarding it to me (Thanks Jen)

Last night, I dubbed some joyful songs for an officemate. The words, "I will praise You with all of my life..." floated right at me. And a certain quiet enveloped me. It's a quiet borne out of a longing, of knowing that an aspect in my life had been neatly folded up and set aside because I am preoccupied with taking on the role of a mother and a wife. I am now not as active as I was with my community in the past. And I long for that part of my life now.

At this point in my life I'm still struggling at tyring to keep a balance between my responsibilities as a family "woman" and that of my job. I want to be good at both. Because, I love both. My love for my family is a given. They always come first. But I believe so much in what we do at work too. I believe this is where I do God's work for Him. This is where I serve Him best. But taking on the role of a mother and wife is not easy. Well, motherhood is fine as I have an angel for a son. It's the wife-part that proved tricky to me.

Being a wife I am confronted with several "tensions" -- being understanding vs. being myopic; being trusting vs. being dubious; being self-giving vs. being selfish and self-centered. I ride these tensions every now and then, being pulled from one end to another. And I'm trying to understand why that is.

As a girlfriend I used to be so secure about myself and where I am in Bolo's life. The thought of losing him, while (very)painful, is something that does not bother me much. The prevailing thought then had been that I am pretty much content the way I am. I have a job I love that pays well enough to afford me some of my hobbies and interests. I have a supportive family too that I could count on at all times. So it wouldn't be that bad really. But now... I don't know, maybe it has something to do with the role? Maybe I've seen enough telenovelas and internalized the scenes in that I am now performing my role as a wife from these "subconscious" feedings? hehehe yeah right. But how else could I explain this sudden change in me? I am thinking it has something to do with expectations. My expectations of what marriage should be, what husbands should be, etc. etc. It's when Bolo fell short of these expectations that would have me in a fit. Thus the tendency to nag.

Yeah, nag. Just the thought of me turning into a nagging wife is enough to give me the shivers. I want to examine my feelings closely so I wouldn't have to go that far. Because definitely, I wouldn't want to feed the wrong wolf in me. When I took my vows almost a year ago (huh! how time flies indeed!), I took them very seriously. I wouldn't just want to be Bolo's wife because of the fact that we were wed and we signed a contract. I want to be a wife to him who will help him see the value of the relationship and who would help him become the best that he could be. I am expecting the same thing from Bolo. If there's something that I want it's that we would both "grow" together, be better persons. That and that Bolo won't feel sorry that he had married me hahaha I'm not :)