Thank you for finding me today, Lord. I've been floundering these past few days (year since Mama took her wings?) and I wasn't even aware. All I knew is that I would be in the middle of work, glued to my computer and then I would feel the urge to just flit off and take a drive. It doesn't even matter where as long as I'm out and about. If not that, I would check out every ad or so and cart almost everything away...
Now, while working ,You just found me. You spoke to me through a video I was watching. It wasn't even what I wanted to check out. Just felt the urge to open it. Suddenly there You were...
It's been a while, Lord since I really found the time to be quiet and listen to my heart. I am tired. I knew this all along. I'm also well aware that I'm near burn out. It's not just work really. It's almost everything. I just felt that if you're so capable about everything, the people around you tend to take it for granted that you can carry their burden too. Well, maybe I do. Out of my desire to be of service, I do take on some burden. And because I want things to be a certain way, I go out of my way to do things on my own. I am so used to being 'reliable' and 'capable.' that I have not learned to 'rely' on other people. It's not my nature to go asking for help or assistance. I never wanted to be a burden so I take on everything. To be honest, for some of this, I even do it happily. I'm happy to be of help, to have had the chance to contribute.
I wasn't aware how taxing that is... to my well-being, my mental health and yes, even physically. I am tired, Lord. And I knew that I don't have to be explicit about the things that truly make me tired coz you know my heart. You've known all along even when I wasn't even aware...
I lift everything up to you, Lord. I cannot do things all on my own. I can't continue doing so. You know the desires of my heart and what my longings are.
Resentment. I sure am in that stage now, Lord. I never thought I would come to that point but here I am. I am too caught up thinking about what others need that I forgot to think about what 'I' need. I am so busy anticipating what would be expected of me that I have forgotten to ask myself what do I really want? I was so busy chasing after other's comfort and security that I forgot about my own.
I just want to feel that my needs are anticipated too. I am running on empty. Please fill my love cup so I can again go and fill the others' cup joyfully.
