Found

 Thank you for finding me today, Lord.  I've been floundering these past few days (year since Mama took her wings?) and I wasn't even aware.  All I knew is that I would be in the middle of work, glued to my computer and then I would feel the urge to just flit off and take a drive.  It doesn't even matter where as long as I'm out and about.  If not that, I would check out every ad or so and cart almost everything away...

Now, while working ,You just found me.  You spoke to me through a video I was watching.  It wasn't even what I wanted to check out. Just felt the urge to open it.  Suddenly there You were...

It's been a while, Lord since I really found the time to be quiet and listen to my heart.  I am tired.  I knew this all along. I'm also well aware that I'm near burn out. It's not just work really. It's almost everything.  I just felt that if you're so capable about everything, the people around you tend to take it for granted that you can carry their burden too.  Well, maybe I do. Out of my desire to be of service, I do take on some burden.  And because I want things to be a certain way, I go out of my way to do things on my own.  I am so used to being 'reliable' and 'capable.' that I have not learned to 'rely' on other people.  It's not my nature to go asking for help or assistance.  I never wanted to be a burden so I take on everything.  To be honest, for some of this, I even do it happily.  I'm happy to be of help, to have had the chance to contribute.  

I wasn't aware how taxing that is... to my well-being, my mental health and yes, even physically.  I am tired, Lord.  And I knew that I don't have to be explicit about the things that truly make me tired coz you know my heart.  You've known all along even when I wasn't even aware...

I lift everything up to you, Lord.  I cannot do things all on my own. I can't continue doing so.  You know the desires of my heart and what my longings are.  

Resentment.  I sure am in that stage now, Lord. I never thought I would come to that point but here I am.  I am too caught up thinking about what others need that I forgot to think about what 'I' need.  I am so busy anticipating what would be expected of me that I have forgotten to ask myself what do I really want?  I was so busy chasing after other's comfort and security that I forgot about my own.  

I just want to feel that my needs are anticipated too.  I am running on empty.  Please fill my love cup so I can again go and fill the others' cup joyfully.