John Ford Coley!!!

I sat there in the darkness feeling a lot of things all at the same time. I felt excited, exhilarated, and happy to be where I was while another part of me was transported to another time. I felt being pulled by memories of high school days wherein some of my classmates and I would just spend hours listening to music.

We were such a happy bunch. Being on the “honor class” meant we were all (well, at least trying to be) serious about learning and studying. But, our thirst for knowledge was in no way only limited to our textbooks or the four corners of our classroom. We were also very passionate about a lot of things. This includes the arts, music. I remember how we would also excel in extracurricular activities – winning caroling contests, speech competitions, with our representatives emerging champions in quiz bees, spelling bees and all that stuff.

Last night, listening to John Ford Coley croon and sing songs reminiscent of that time, I grew nostalgic. I wished my former classmates were there with me to watch the concert. In high school, we would spend hours crouching on our karaoke unit playing tapes. England Dan and John Ford Coley were just two of them. We were crazy about the Bread too, Air Supply, the Beatles Lobo, New Wave, Spandau Ballet, 70’s hits, even the 60’s… Our music preferences were pretty broad and varied. There were also moments when we’d take to rock music.

But it was England Dan and the Bread that I remember the most distinctly. We knew the lyrics by heart. We would exchange tapes, listen to them on hours end. At home, I would practice playing them on my guitar. I know I’ll never be as good as David Gates or JFC but being able to play and finish their songs were one of my happiest moments then. Until now I listen to them. They were among the very first CDs I bought for my collection.

Remembering all of these things made me grateful last night. I was grateful for the fact that I grew up in such kind of environment. I felt grateful for the persons that surrounded me then. I felt grateful for the kind of friendships and relationships forged then, something we still keep until now. I felt that we were all so lucky to be growing up in such a “right” environment.

Teen-age life is a crazy moment in any individual’s life. Everything is just so confusing. At this period we are still trying to define who we are, and what we really want to be. We get obsessed about fitting in, being normal, that we would take on anything to be ours or identify ourselves with all sorts of things. All, in our effort to find ourselves. I am grateful that even in this crazy time, I was surrounded with persons who have such great souls – intelligent, smart, engaging, interesting, a bit crazy at times but generally with a good head over their shoulders. We never got into experimenting with alcohol or drugs or anything of the sort.

But back to the concert last night, when JFC sang “Make it with You” I was definitely floored. I felt like swooning, cannot believe my good fortune. There I was thinking also of David Gates and the Bread and there was JFC playing and singing one of their songs that’s also a favorite of mine.

It was a magical night alright. The show was great. It could still be better if it had been longer and if he’d played all of their songs but yeah, I was very grateful for the experience and the fact that I was able to witness him sing first hand. I wish I could lend do this blog the magical feeling I got last night every time JFC would get into one of his intro’s. The crowd would cheer each time, recognizing the songs just by their intro’s alone. I know like me, they were also probably remembering some earlier times in their lives when everything is so simple, so innocent, so pure and true. Ah, last night was simply magical.

Siblings

It’s 3:57 A.M. I’ve been awake since 3:00 A.M. And ever since, I’ve been texting my sister-in-law who’s due to give birth anytime now. She said she couldn’t sleep since the baby has been moving a lot since 1 in the morning. Being a first time Mom, she doesn’t really know what to expect so anything slight of the ordinary already worries her. The fact that she turns to me first hand is something I appreciate. And as always, I’m glad to be of help any time.

In a way I pity her. Her mom is out of the country, so she lacked that kind of support. It’s always good to have one’s mom around in a time like this. Even if only to make you feel there is someone you can count on, someone who had been there, gone through the experience of giving birth. I remember in my case before, I would listen intently every time Mama would tell me how it was with her when she was pregnant with me. She told me I’m a lot luckier since I did not have any vomiting phase or any difficulty while pregnant. Well, I guess being active and vegetarian helped.

I’m thinking now, I really feel a certain fondness towards this sister-in-law of mine. She had always been solicitous and kind to me ever since. Well, it’s refreshing to me since I never really had a sister. I’m close to my cousins but we were all really too cooped up with our respective lives while growing up that we never really had the time to just bond with each other. There was the age difference to consider really and my female cousins who are around my age are living far away too. I grew up mainly around my uncles (Papa’s younger brothers) and my male cousins.

Anyway, I remember feeling surprised to have the hubby’s siblings take to me from day 1. They were simply, accepting… nope, welcoming I think is the more apt word. It was also a surprise to me how they are to each other. Loren or Cristina would be at the farthest end of the city from where we are but they would always oblige their Kuya who would ask them to go home and fetch something for him. Bolo is also the same. It would be 4 am in the morning but he would drag himself out of bed to go to his sister living at the other side of the city who needed to borrow a back pack for an early out-of-town trip. And you wouldn’t hear any word of complaint or misgiving. They just do it automatically. And that generosity they have for each other was also extended to me. From day 1. Imagine that.

I guess that’s what I missed – growing up around siblings. Niño and I are six years apart and as different as night and day in preferences. Our needs are different too so there was never really any instances wherein we needed something from each other. And we always did fight. I’m the perfectionist Ate, always expecting something outstanding from a younger sibling. I was strict, always nagging him to shape up, be more diligent, be a better student, be a more thoughtful son to Mama.. I think I was overly critical of him while growing up.

There was a time when I was much older that I regret being like that to him. I was young, too caught up with the drama of sibling rivalry – jealousy is more like it – to really be the more loving Ate that I should have been. Well, I was also kind to him of course. I wasn’t always the monster Ate. But it was only when I was much older that I shifted into the role of the loving, nurturing and caring older sibling.

I would always worry about him and always try to be more inclusive. I would always urge him to join me in some of my trips but he would always decline. Mountaineering was never his cup of tea. Basketball was his passion. And I guess he was also at the stage wherein he prefers to be with his friends than with family. He was always out of the house that I was tempted to build him a room right next to the basketball court.

In the last few years, especially following his failed marriage, I was the much better ate who was always solicitous around him. At this time, I knew better. I have already learned enough to know the real value of relationships.

I am just truly grateful that I was given that time, that period wherein I was able to show Niño how much I value him. At that time also he was more open to me. He would openly ask me for favors, to buy him some stuff and all that. And I always felt the urge to oblige no matter what. So that is why.

I just truly wish though that I had matured in that aspect of my life much sooner than I did. I think of all the wasted time being the strict Ate when I could have been more loving towards him. But I have also learned to forgive myself. I was young, too hurt, too caught up with my own drama about being unwanted by my parents thus their need to adopt. I did not know any better. Thank God I woke up from the drama in time to be able to make up for all the time that was lost…

Truly, God gives second chances. We just have to be more sensitive and more awake to be able to recognize it for what it is and be able to make the most out of it. I think it’s a tragedy when one is being given a second chance and just did not know it. Because sometimes, that’s all we’ve got. There wouldn’t be any third or fourth chances… So my advice to everyone, life is too short. Let us spend it to be more loving towards the persons around us no matter how unloving they may be. Let us be less critical, less judgmental… In the end, it is always the love that matters. When someone close to you dies, you don’t think about everything that s/he owed you but what you owe that person… Hug the people around you now, draw them close. You’ll never know when you’d lose them.

Italian Food, Anyone?

I truly love Italian food. I crave it, I want to cook it, want to share it with friends and loved ones. And, I wouldn't mind eating it everyday hehehe the pictures of the previous post were taken during one of those pasta and pizza rendezvouz with candy and her spouse at Pizza Hut. I'm posting some more pictures of that here.

The day before we "remembered" Lola Dicta's birthday, Bolo and I also whipped up a batch of pasta with mussels. Really yummy! We remembered the day Candy cooked us some and felt a craving for it. Candy's version had Alavar Sauce though. Yummy! in our case, we always prepare it with the shells on, its broth and just a little hint of tomato sauce. Some basil and lots of pepper too =) Posting some of the pictures over here as well. Hmm... now, I'm craving for some pasta : (

Fan

I was watching a rerun of Oprah while Baby and Janine were doing their usual “concert” performance. To serve as their microphone, Baby was holding on to an empty bottle of perfume while Janine, a stick of some sort. Typical of them, they were singing spiritedly, jumping all over the place and almost shouting the house down. Twice, I had to shush them up because I could hardly hear what I was “watching.” They would only settle down for a while and then they would be at it again.

After a while, something funny really happened. Baby was using the sofa as his stage. I was sitting cross-legged on a folding bed I had set up next to the sofa, intent on what I was watching and not really paying attention to Baby. Suddenly, Baby called out to me and extended his hand to me. I looked at him perplexed. He was muttering something but I still did not understand what he wanted from me.

Mama, who saw the whole thing, laughingly told me Baby wanted me to shake his hand as if I’m a fan of him. Mama said he did the same thing to her earlier. True enough when I shook his hand, he continued singing then after a while broke off and again extended his hand to me. Mama and I were laughing the whole time. It was so cute and amusing at the same time. Mama and I guessed he got it from watching TV. It was really so cute of him.

Yesterday was mother’s day and watching Baby and his antics these days is driving home the point to me that while motherhood is such a daunting responsibility, there are moments such as earlier that makes me feel that it is all worth it. I am thinking, Baby does not need to extend his hand to me, I would always be his number one fan, no matter what.

He’s so smart. At two, he knows a handful of nursery rhymes already, knows his animals and his alphabets. Yesterday, Nonon, a cousin came to visit and brought cake for the matriarchs in the family. Baby was reading his books and Nonon was confusing him, calling the animals all by the wrong names. I felt indignant, urging my cousin to stop since he might only confuse Baby. The irritation I felt however was soon replaced by mirth when Baby confidently “argued” with his Tatay-Ninong that the “zebra” he was referring to was actually a “giraffe.”

It wasn’t his getting the names right that amused or truly pleased me. It was the confidence he displayed. He felt so sure he was right and he very blatantly told a person much, much older than he is that he was wrong. It was the “spirit” that he displayed that totally floored me. Now, if that is not enough reason to make me Baby’s number one fan, I don’t know what else will. Well, to be honest, Baby only had to turn to me with his bright, beaming face and that would be reason enough : )

To all my cousins, aunts, friends and loved ones, Happy Mother's Day to you! : )

For Gladys (On Karma)

I could tell you a hundred things about the philosophy of karma and of God's love as well. God will never wish anything bad to fall on you no matter how long you have "ignored" Him. He is above reproach. He, after all, is God.

"Bad" things, however, happen to our life for one reason or another... And one could say it is "karma." But karma is a lot more deeper than your being "punished" for whatever wrong you've done or committed in the past. Karma is a Hindu or a Buddhist "concept." If you translate it in simple terms, it really is just a case of "cause and effect" -- what you sow, you reap. Our universe is designed that way. You plant a seed of an apple and you will naturally grow an apple tree, not a mango tree. In other words, if you sow good deeds then good deeds and good things also come back to you, whether you like it or not. So there is also such a thing as "good" karma.
Colloquially, "karma" is always seen in "negative" terms. That is why if something bad befall us, we would readily think that maybe it is "karma." In truth, anything good happening in our lives is karmic as well. It just so happens that it is "good" karma.

I feel for you and all that you've been through. You've worked so hard for all those things you've lost, not to mention some of them have sentimental value. But I am happy too that you've realized that revenge is not the way to go. It will, in fact, just accumulate more "bad" karmic account for you. It's not always easy to deal with loss, whether it's the loss of material posessions or of loved ones but it won't help things any if you go out there and wish ill on the person/s who were responsible for such a loss. You we're right. Better to pray for them instead.

Cheer up and move on =) If anything, let us be thankful that it were material posessions you've lost and not any of your lovedones. The former you can still find and accumulate while the latter... It's important that you let go of those possessions, not with a heavy heart. Forgive and be grateful that you we're not there when it happened and could have been hurt in the process. For sure, in time, you will earn back all you've lost and even more.