Siblings

It’s 3:57 A.M. I’ve been awake since 3:00 A.M. And ever since, I’ve been texting my sister-in-law who’s due to give birth anytime now. She said she couldn’t sleep since the baby has been moving a lot since 1 in the morning. Being a first time Mom, she doesn’t really know what to expect so anything slight of the ordinary already worries her. The fact that she turns to me first hand is something I appreciate. And as always, I’m glad to be of help any time.

In a way I pity her. Her mom is out of the country, so she lacked that kind of support. It’s always good to have one’s mom around in a time like this. Even if only to make you feel there is someone you can count on, someone who had been there, gone through the experience of giving birth. I remember in my case before, I would listen intently every time Mama would tell me how it was with her when she was pregnant with me. She told me I’m a lot luckier since I did not have any vomiting phase or any difficulty while pregnant. Well, I guess being active and vegetarian helped.

I’m thinking now, I really feel a certain fondness towards this sister-in-law of mine. She had always been solicitous and kind to me ever since. Well, it’s refreshing to me since I never really had a sister. I’m close to my cousins but we were all really too cooped up with our respective lives while growing up that we never really had the time to just bond with each other. There was the age difference to consider really and my female cousins who are around my age are living far away too. I grew up mainly around my uncles (Papa’s younger brothers) and my male cousins.

Anyway, I remember feeling surprised to have the hubby’s siblings take to me from day 1. They were simply, accepting… nope, welcoming I think is the more apt word. It was also a surprise to me how they are to each other. Loren or Cristina would be at the farthest end of the city from where we are but they would always oblige their Kuya who would ask them to go home and fetch something for him. Bolo is also the same. It would be 4 am in the morning but he would drag himself out of bed to go to his sister living at the other side of the city who needed to borrow a back pack for an early out-of-town trip. And you wouldn’t hear any word of complaint or misgiving. They just do it automatically. And that generosity they have for each other was also extended to me. From day 1. Imagine that.

I guess that’s what I missed – growing up around siblings. Niño and I are six years apart and as different as night and day in preferences. Our needs are different too so there was never really any instances wherein we needed something from each other. And we always did fight. I’m the perfectionist Ate, always expecting something outstanding from a younger sibling. I was strict, always nagging him to shape up, be more diligent, be a better student, be a more thoughtful son to Mama.. I think I was overly critical of him while growing up.

There was a time when I was much older that I regret being like that to him. I was young, too caught up with the drama of sibling rivalry – jealousy is more like it – to really be the more loving Ate that I should have been. Well, I was also kind to him of course. I wasn’t always the monster Ate. But it was only when I was much older that I shifted into the role of the loving, nurturing and caring older sibling.

I would always worry about him and always try to be more inclusive. I would always urge him to join me in some of my trips but he would always decline. Mountaineering was never his cup of tea. Basketball was his passion. And I guess he was also at the stage wherein he prefers to be with his friends than with family. He was always out of the house that I was tempted to build him a room right next to the basketball court.

In the last few years, especially following his failed marriage, I was the much better ate who was always solicitous around him. At this time, I knew better. I have already learned enough to know the real value of relationships.

I am just truly grateful that I was given that time, that period wherein I was able to show Niño how much I value him. At that time also he was more open to me. He would openly ask me for favors, to buy him some stuff and all that. And I always felt the urge to oblige no matter what. So that is why.

I just truly wish though that I had matured in that aspect of my life much sooner than I did. I think of all the wasted time being the strict Ate when I could have been more loving towards him. But I have also learned to forgive myself. I was young, too hurt, too caught up with my own drama about being unwanted by my parents thus their need to adopt. I did not know any better. Thank God I woke up from the drama in time to be able to make up for all the time that was lost…

Truly, God gives second chances. We just have to be more sensitive and more awake to be able to recognize it for what it is and be able to make the most out of it. I think it’s a tragedy when one is being given a second chance and just did not know it. Because sometimes, that’s all we’ve got. There wouldn’t be any third or fourth chances… So my advice to everyone, life is too short. Let us spend it to be more loving towards the persons around us no matter how unloving they may be. Let us be less critical, less judgmental… In the end, it is always the love that matters. When someone close to you dies, you don’t think about everything that s/he owed you but what you owe that person… Hug the people around you now, draw them close. You’ll never know when you’d lose them.