I remember, almost the same time last year (albeit a different time zone), I felt so at peace heading back to Keble College from Oxford Oratory Church of St. Aloysius Gonzaga. I had to Google the nearest Catholic church to me and had to wake up early despite the previous day's long travel. Of course I had my doubts, fears of being lost and not being certain there would be Mass anyway... Still, me and my penchant for marking and upholding significant days and milestones, I quashed every nagging thought, armed with google map (grateful that the vicinity seems to be neaby, I still got connected to Keble's wifi), went in search of the church. But of course, as direction challenged as I am (I really should stop telling myself this), I got lost despite the map haha But I made it.
I remember passing through some kind of a graveyard, spotting a few tombstones, and a narrow alley just before making it to the church. In true, Oxford sense, it looked really old but not imposing in any way. I felt at home right away and was just grateful to have found a church nearby. I went inside and the altar was... grand but in a quiet, unassuming way. Just they way I would have wanted it. I kneeled down to pray. No requests really... just gratitude. I am away from home on a mission, onto my fourth country on the very day of my birthday. Who wouldn't be grateful for that? I had a full day ahead, being on a week-long conference but was gifted with a chance to go to a church nearby? I was just counting my many, many blessings...
It was not an easy life at all... Not everything was a bed of roses... I too had an angry, disillusioned phase... There were may instances when things were not going my way... or how I'd want things to be, from what my grand brain construed that to be. I did not always have what I want, have love unrequited, was bullied, ridiculed, scoffed over for having weird thoughts and ideas... And yet, if I look back, I am more blessed than I could ever imagine. And I could not thank God enough for His faithfulness...
When the priest came and it became apparent that there is going to be a Mass (on a Monday. What are the odds?), I had all the more reason to be grateful. I grew up saying this novena with my Mom for the Holy Infant Jesus of Prague -- "seek and you shall find..." And I have often sought... always try my best to seek God in places where I find myself to be. In Iraq, on my last year there, I got transferred to Erbil and near the guesthouse is a Jesuit-managed church that house Syrian refugees. Several times, I even got to sit and sing with the choir... In Kenya, I even had the chance to be a reader on what I did not know to be my last day there (thanks to the pandemic. I was just supposed to leave for a meeting and a mission afterwards). But even on times and in countries where I wouldn't manage to find a church (I managed to attend at several in Malawi but not one in Mozambique), I feel that God always finds me instead... I remember wanting to visit Mary's House in Turkey and for the love of me, knows not how I would make it happen. But He made it happen. I got to go, on Mother's day... imagine that...
From that Birthday Mass in Oxford last year until now, I was very fortunate enough to visit churches in Poland, the best of all was the Divine Mercy Church where Sr. Faustina's relic is buried... I was able to come face to face with the Holy Infant Jesus of Prague, in Prague itself... And very recently, finding St. the Baptist in Syria... Each experience has left me in awe of God's faithfulness to me. I try to look back at how life has been all these years and I know every step is peppered with God's love, generosity and faithfulness.. I am not perfect though I always try to live a life that is always pleasing to God but I fail more times than I succeed... And my human brain could not conceive how I could be worthy of all these blessings.. .I am nothing but a sinner and a hypocrite to my faith at times even... But God knows, I try my best to always be faithful to love...
Thank you, Father God. I am not worthy but still You see to blessing me and my loved ones with so much... my cup overflows... Continue to hold my hand as I travel through life... that I may always be mindful of Your will, be true to my values and to be able to sow love wherever I go... I always am not at my best self, God. I stumble and fall... so do lift me up and push me to the right direction each time.. May I always be in keeping to my highest self and value. I love you. Thank you for loving me so...
