Tired...

Exhausted. Physically. Emotionally. And in Spirit. At one point this afternoon, a woman with such a pure heart made me cry. The rawness of her gratitude, her sincerity and simplicity struck me to my very core. Before I knew it, tears have spilled from my eyes before I could control it. Then, only to have all of that dashed down because of one insincere, inept individual.

I don't have to apologize for trying to do a good job. If it affects one so much, that's not my problem any more. Life, as we know it, is breaking down right before our very eyes. It is now the moment for reckoning. Can't we just let go of all our selfishness, defensiveness and try to live authentically? We don't know when and how everything will be taken away from us. Can we just forget about self-preservation and think of others as well? I try to understand a lot of things, or persons' motives or what drive them to do things that are hurtful and uncalled for. But then again, that understanding does not necessarily have to mean I would just sit down and let them tear down my spirit... Please, just take your drama somewhere else.

Thank You!

Forest milestone:  She said "thank you" today.  Although it sounded more like, "tenchu" I was so happy to hear her say the words :) She would have to improve her comprehension though since she said it while pretending to give me something.  Repeated it for like 6x hehehe Maybe she's expecting me to say it and was just mimmicking.  She must have learned it by watching us.  

Brilliant girl you are turning to be, Baby Forest.  You bring us so much joy... Thank you :)

My Entrepreneurial, Five-Year Old Son

I was bent over my laptop trying to work on a report and totally exhausted when my five-year old son approached me and said, "Nay, Lola and Ate gave me money!" He then laid down next to my laptop a five peso coin and one peso coin. Without missing a beat he spread out his three-compartment small bag (an attachment to his Tatay's mountaineering backpack) in front of me and began his litany: "Nanay, this one (his lola's pau de arco ointment) is 5 pesos; this one, (efficascent oil) is 2 pesos; while this one, (a varop rub) is only 1 peso! Pa-haplas ka na, Nay. I know you're tired. Bayaran mo lang ako!"

I smiled wryly at him and asked if I could get it for free as I was indeed very tired and I'm his mother after all. He paused for a minute, probably thinking things through before saying, "Ay! bayaran mo lang ako!" When I did not say anything, he let out a sigh and said, "Sige na nga. Pero sandali lang ha? Kasi tired naman ako hilot kina lola." Huh!

I remember that only that morning, he and his cousin Janin, again set up a DVD-for-rent stall in front of our house. I watched in concern as they amateurishly tied our only umbrella to our gate just so they would have some sort of a shed as they diligently "manned" their stall.

He had tried it twice before and there were no takers. I have prayed hard in those instances that he would be able to make a sale so that his little entrepreneurial heart would not get broken. Still, the afternoons have come and gone and still not a single customer. I think it was not helpful that there are just 6 occupied houses on our street. And, most of the house owners were gone for the day. It could also be that no one really took him that seriously, thinking he's just playing pretend. On those times I wished that I could just rent out the DVDs for his sake but I hesitated, noting how smart he is and that he might not appreciate the gesture.

When he set it up again that morning, I felt relieved at the thought that the previous experiences did not discouraged him at all. I certainly admired his fortitude. The admiration soon doubled when out of the blue I distinctly heard his loud voice, calling out in a "sing-song" manner, "DVD's for rent!" I almost toppled over in laughter. I remember thinking, "This kid is really something." He wasn't discouraged at all. Not only that, he also thought about changing his "marketing strategy" hehe I suddenly had to remind myself that my son is only five years old.

I tried to recall what got him into it when I remembered it all started two Christmases ago. At that time, thanks to his Lolo (father side) and Lola (mama), he discovered the wonderful world of... "retail." I was adamant at not introducing him to the "power" of money so I never gave him any. I try to anticipate what his needs would be and so I had them at hand at home. That way, I wouldn't have to visit a nearby sari-sari store and have him see me buy stuff. But lo and behold! I did not know until it's too late that every time he visits his Lolo, one of their favorite past time would be to go to a sari-sari store so he could choose anything that he wants and have his Lolo buy it for him. On top of it all, he would leave the house with some "baon" in the form of money in his pockets. Always, his Lolo's parting words would be, "Yan ang money ha? Bili ka kung anong gusto mo!" Huh! Mama was no different. A bit subtle but equally as damaging.

And so, that Christmas, he had been asking me to buy him some stuff and more. It's either this toy or that, this candy or that. Wanting to educate him on the value of money, I introduced him to the concept of "earning" them. I told him I'd buy him the things that he needs and some of his wants as a gift. For all the other things that we wants, he would have to earn money for them. Recalling that now, I'm not so sure if it was the wise thing to do. He was only a little over three years old at that time. That would have been too early for his young mind to absorb. But, I knew I had also tried my best to be subtle about it.

Christmas is usually the time when we'd go to DAP office where his Godparents mostly are. We would usually go there so I could leave my gifts for my own inaanaks. That is also the time when we'd find his gifts already waiting for him, some from Ninangs in the office and some, left by his Godparents that were former DAPpers . I thought it perfect to have him bring a bag of candy with him so he could "sell" these to his Ninang's for a small amount. I knew my former colleagues would understand and would play along.

We had a field day then, trying to pick up from the grocery his "perfect" product. I thought candy was inappropriate. At the same time, buying biscuits would be too bulky and too expensive. In the end we settled with "Flat Tops," a chocolate candy hehe And so there he was, not shy at all, approaching his Ninang's to sell them chocolates. I guess he enjoyed the experience so much that it got stuck.

Haaay, I don't know where all these would lead to. I just hope that I could guide him along accordingly. He knows about the value of saving and he's good at it as well. I just hope that I could educate him on how other kids don't have it quite easy. I also certainly hope that he wouldn't grow up to be so gungho about money. I love the fact that he's entrepreneurial even at an early age. I'm just not too crazy at the thought of having him like money too much. What I really want is for him to appreciate how working hard has its rewards. So, help me Father God!

A Day in a Life (Late Post)

Holy Wednesday 2011
Hinatuan

I could feel my sweat literally traversing down my spine. Some “droplets” are forming over my forehead. The overhead fan is doing very little to help ease the heat. Still, it’s slightly better over here than when we were out at sea earlier. The sun had been relentless. The not-so-good-thing was that the banca we hired for the activity had no roof at all. So there we were, getting baked as we made our way back to the town proper of Hinatuan.



I arrived here Monday night. Yesterday, we visited the island of Mahaba. Today, we went all the way to Cabgan. I’m here for work, a writing engagement. I’ll be coming up with two stories featuring a day in a life of two women here in Hinatuan. It’s in conjunction with what I’m doing for Women at the Center, a climate change adaptation project concerning women. The stories we are going to write now will feature what constitutes two women’s everyday life – that of Nanay Nida and Nanay Aida. Nanay Nida hails from Mahaba while Nanay Aida is from Cabgan, both island purok’s here in Hinatuan.


Both visits yielded a well of inspiration for me. There were a lot to be learned from the stories of both women. However, what struck me the most during my visit in Mahaba was the attitude of the children there. Particularly, that of Nanay Nida’s which I think could be attributed a lot to her kind of parenting. In the course of our conversation with her, she would often remark at how she had a lot of things to do -- having to help her husband in augmenting their household income and owing to her involvement with the organization for women – and thus she had to teach her children to take over some of the hings she needed to do a home.


Needs vs. Wants. The first thing I noticed about the kids are their eagerness to help their parents – in doing the household chores, and most specially in shell gleaning (“panghinhas” in the local dialect). At one point while we were doing the photoshoot, one of Nanay Nida’s kids refused to participate in shooting the part where the kids fetch water. He stood his ground and said he wanted to gather shells instead.

In hindsight, he must have known full well that it is the height of the low tide at that time which is perfect for shell gleaning. Delaying a bit more would mean not finishing up till noon and that would have been too hot to do any gleaning. But I did not know it yet at that time. All I knew is that the kids seems very eager to do the task and I wondered a lot about what their motivation was. I watched closely as the children eagerly and very diligently comb the shallow waters of the atoll, stooping every now and then as they collect shells. In just a short time, they were able to fill a very large pail with shells. Again, I wondered what motivates them to work so hard.

My immediate thought was that they would probably be earning something from it. I thought they probably get a share from what they'd earn from selling the shells and thus the eagerness. I was surprised when later that day I was told they do not get a cent out of it. Apparently, the kids hand whatever they earn from shell gleaning to their parents. Yup, every cent of it. And they do it not because they were forced to do it. They just do it naturally, even joyfully and most specially, not begrudgingly. I was told that once they hand over the money to Nanay Nida, they would only ask for some money to buy bread for themselves. Yep, just bread. The whole thing blew me away.

It is such a far cry from what I know about the kids back in the city. The kids back home are not like the kids in Mahaba. Well, most of them at least and this includes my son. My 5-year-old son is entrepreneurial. When school was through, he set up a DVD-for-rent stand outside our house. I watched in amusement as he prepared his collection of DVD cartoon originals and a sticker ID he stuck to his chest bearing his hand-written name. I watched as he prepared his water bottle and some hand-fan. When he saw me eying these, he immediately retorted, “Baka mauhaw ako, Nay and para di mainit.” I did not have the heart to point out to him that his stand is just a stone’s throw away from the house and the water dispenser.

Anyhow, unlike the kids back in Mahaba, my son’s perspective is that his earning is his own. I do not blame him though because his motivation is that his Nanay doesn’t buy him everything that he wants and so he had to earn money. Anything he earns he keeps. Some of it he saves while the rest he buys the stuff I wouldn’t buy for him like game cards. For the kids in Mahaba it is different. They knew how difficult it is at home. Their parents have to work hard so they could afford to buy rice and other things they needed for the home. The difference between them and the kids I know is that they work hard so they could buy the things they need. My son does so he could buy the things he wants.

Not having things easy. Yup, the kids in Mahaba don’t have things easy. And fetching water is just one of them. The kids and/or the women – including Nanay Nida - had to do some paddling for quite a distance in order to fetch drinking water from the other side of the island. And they would have to do it at a particular time – when it is high tide. Doing it during low tide meant the women or the children would have to carry a heavy container filled with water while trudging over a very muddy path, sinking as low as thigh-deep in some parts of it. It also meant they would have to struggle in carrying their banca – probably stuck in “dry” land – back to much deeper water.

That’s what happened to us when we did the photo shoot. We had to linger for a while in order to take the pictures and thus the water had receded a lot farther than we have anticipated. Being unfamiliar with the path, we had to endure getting stuck knee-deep in the muck. It felt squishy. Half the time I was filled with an uneasy feeling, not wanting to know at all what kind of organism is stuck in between my toes hehehe

We were almost where our banca was when the photographer remarked how he would not look at turning on tap water the same way again and I so agreed with him. Indeed, there are a lot of things that we get so used to that we simply take them for granted. We do not know that in some obscure place somewhere, some people don’t have it quite easy.


To have and to hold. Cabgan is another story. What struck me the most was the relationship between Nanay Aida and her husband. When the couple was introduced to us, we were informed that while it is going to be Nanay Aida’s first time to be featured in a story, her husband, Tatay Milo is not new to it. We learned that he often gets invited to national conferences and even had his story featured in a book. I smile now recalling how, upon the mention of the book, Tatay Milo got his copy of it and showed it to us. I knew that he took a great pride in it and who wouldn’t?

In the course of the conversation, it was pointed out that it is Nanay Aida’s time to shine this time. That’s when we learned of her reluctance to go to Manila for the launching. The stories will be featured in an advocacy campaign to be launched there in June. Nanay Aida said she doesn’t want to leave as she had a lot of things to attend do – their seaweed farm and their home. She said that what she hated the most about leaving is how the work gets piled up upon her return. She pointed out that she’s the lone female at home as all her children are boys and as they are, they would just flit off to their tasks without minding the household chores. This was not lost on me. It is indeed most women’s dilemma. Once they get very active in activities in their community, they would have to contend with household chores waiting for them at home.

Anyway, we soon find out that Nanay Aida’s day unfolds very early. She had to do the cooking and tend to the chicken they raise for "special occasions."  As their house is directly on the water, the cages of the chicken are located in some kind of a veranda just outside their kitchen. A few more steps away is where they keep their banca. A little further on is where they dry their seaweeds and where Nanay Aida’s potted vegetables are found. They also have a mini sari-sari store and Nanay Aida had to tend to this as well.

As we went about with the photo shoot and the interview, I learned that seaweed farming is a family activity. Nanay Aida and Tatay Milo go to their seaweed farms early in the morning. They would inspect and clean every line to ensure that the seaweeds would grow very well. Unkept farms would mean the likelihood of having the seaweeds contaminated by certain organisms that attach to them.

I watched as Tatay Milo and Nanay Aida both lowered their banca to the water. I noticed every nuance – the way Tatay Milo held out his hand to Nanay Aida so he could help her keep her balance as she lowered herself to the banca; how Tatay Milo first paddled them towards their seaweed farm located at a distance from their house; and how Nanay Aida took over the paddling so that Tatay Milo can raise the lines and start cleaning the seaweeds. Watching them was like watching some kind of a choreographed dance number. They’re so used to the task --having done it a thousand times by now-- that they readily know how to compliment each other in accomplishing it. It felt nice watching them. It’s as if they are illustrating what true partnership should be.

Once back at the house, Nanay Aida, Tatay Milo, and their two grown sons went back to tying seaweeds on the lines stretched in front of their house. I watched as they sat a few feet apart from each other and diligently get on with the task. The topic of Nanay’s reluctance to go to Manila was again brought up. The COs assisting the community were jokingly enumerating what Nanay Aida would experience should she agree to go to Manila – sleeping in a nice hotel, meeting some of the celebrity who will be attending the launch as well and the chance to ride an airplane. At this, Tatay Milo shared how it was for him the first time he rode an airplane. He laughed as he recalled being reprimanded for trying to pass through the x-ray machine as they made their way inside the airport. Yup, they were that naïve. The good thing about Tatay Milo was that he wasn’t embarrassed at all by the experience. He shared everything to us good-naturedly. He even shared how they also stepped on the scale along with their bags at the airport's check-in counter.

Yes, again, not a lot of us have things very easily. Some of the things we take for granted are for some a great privilege already. On that note, I was once again overcome by the feeling of gratitude. I counted my blessings and one of them is my being there to hear about other people’s story and to learn a lot from them.

They were almost done with the lines and about to move on to the other task for the photo shoot when Tatay Milo was asked whether he agreed that Nanay Aida should go to Manila for the launching or not. He replied that if he is to have his way, he would want her to go to the launching so that she will have a chance to get exposed to a lot of things. He pointed out that it is different being stuck in the island. He said that her going would mean affording her the chance to expand her world and see more than just the four corners of their house. Now, that is my kind of guy... unselfish and truly loving…

Ushering in Summer

Had a chance to work at Eden.  Had the kids and Tatay come along after the workshop.  I needed a quiet place to rush a very important Baseline Report due the next day.  Might as well have him follow me than we go and look for some place else.  We paid for the overnight stay and while I still had to work on the first part of the night, we had a blast the next day. Grateful for the opportunity.

Rod making a wish: Sana healthy si Nanay sa travels niya
and magkaroon kami ng maraming pera.