Baby Grocer

Had to buy some stuff for the house before I leave for Legazpi. Bolo and I took Baby along. We went over to SM since it's a lot closer to the office and there was also something we needed to buy from there.

I looked forward to it since Baby particularly love doing the grocery there using the mini-carts they provide for kids. His first time with the pushcart was really such an experience that I regret not being able to bring my camera at that time. This time, I was really glad to know that Bolo remembered to bring the camera along.

Looking at the pictures and the video, it amazes me to find out how Baby is really growing up so fast. Before, he used to "dangle" from the pushcarts we're using. Now, he's practically commandeering one :) But ah, he's endearing just the same whether as a "dangler" or the "driver." :)

Towi's Fifth Birthday

Attended a birthday party over at Ponce Suites. It was Towi’s 5th birthday party. There were lots of things that I still needed to do in view of my trip to Legazpi but it’s a “family” affair after all. Besides, it was a good opportunity for Baby to again socialize with other kids and so of we went to attend the party. Candy and her daughters – China and Asia – attended the party as well. So for that day we were not friends out “shopping” or enjoying some good conversation together. We were “stage mothers” keeping close eye on our kids as we give them the opportunity to exercise their “social muscles.”

In my case, I watched as Baby seemed intent to develop every muscle in his body as well. He was all over the place – running everywhere. I wouldn’t have mind if the venue was not on the third floor of the building. I couldn’t risk taking my eyes off him even for an instant or not to follow him as closely as I could. He just might find his way to the stairs and that’s certainly a no-no.

The whole affair lasted for less than three hours but I was so tired at the end of it that I felt as if I’ve just finished an entire marathon course. But it was fun just the same :) Good to have the opportunity to be with friends once again.

Morning Walk

This morning Bolo and I did our morning walk after a long time of not being able to. As usual, our destination was the market to buy some stuff for the house. We like the idea as it is like hitting two birds with one stone. It allows us to accomplish our marketing for the house while at the same time give us the opportunity for exercise.

What’s different about this morning though was aside from engaging in just senseless chatter, we playfully talked about our plans and dreams. At the start of our walk, I told him that he help me in visualizing that we are driving our dream car. I asked him what type of car he wants and what color. He played along with me and said he wanted an “off-road” type in black color. I scoffed and said he should concentrate instead on a particular type of vehicle since we have very recently participated in a raffle draw and the grand prize is far from being the “off-road” type he wants, hehehe Talk about being purposive and particular :)

He must be in a good mood that morning since he took my hand and told me he’s imagining that we are cruising along. Then he looked down on my feet and pointed out we’re walking at a rather slow pace so what kind of driving is that? Hehe

For the rest of our walk, I was the one who did all the talking with him just commenting every now and then. I launched on a long speech about a make-believe-life which includes moving out of the country, taking annual out-of-the-country trips and taking our respective families for travel abroad. Every now and then we would talk about the realities that our families face and how we want to change that for the better. Then I would again talk about “our”…err… “my” fantasies and dreams…

Moments like this are what makes me appreciate what Bolo and I have. While our relationship is definitely not “fight-free,” moments like these makes up for the time when we’d be fighting tooth and nails. It makes me appreciate our being friends other than being sweethearts.

I guess it’s really inherent for Filipinos to include in one’s grand plan also the well-being of the entire family. We are just brought up that way – to be inclusive, to think not just of our own but the entire family, if not clan altogether.

In a way I envy a friend who really pursued her plan of working abroad just to help her family. Back in my younger days, when I’m still the idealist that I was (I still partly am), it never occurred to me to pursue life outside of Mindanao. For me, I feel some kind of tie to this land I’ve called “home” ever since I could remember. And for the longest time I desired nothing but to dedicate to it the whole of me and what I’d become. I used to tell my Mom before, every time she would ask me if I have plans of going abroad, how my talents and my brains would be for Mindanao alone.

Now, however, having a family of my own, I feel that I have changed a bit and have reordered my priorities. Now -- while the desire to serve is still there -- I have slowly began to dislodged my head from the cloud I’ve been in for the longest time to direct my eyes and heart closer to home.

Lately, I’ve been noting how my Mom is getting old. More than ever, I’m thinking now of how I could give back to her all that she had given me, us. Mama is one of the most self-less person that I know. Well, to some extent. She gives her all to the persons that she loves. And by all, I mean everything.

I see her now, taking care of Janin and I say to myself how I admire her for taking on the role of a parent to Niño’s daughter without any hesitation. She had done that long before Niño’s death. I’m thinking, now should be the time that she would just think about herself and pursuing things that she really wants to do with her life. But no, she just continues to give herself and her support to her family – to us, to her sisters, to her nephews and nieces. Even Papa was like that – very inclusive. I guess some of that rubbed on me too. Well, I would like to believe so...

So in view of all of that, I now find myself directing my eyes outwards, mulling the possibility of looking for opportunities outside this country. I feel a part of me grow sad at the thought. I wish things were different, that I’d still be able to work for my country and for development while at the same time be able to give my family and my extended family the good life that they truly deserve. In an ideal world, such should be the case. In an ideal world, that is very much possible… I hate to think that life in this country is now far from being ideal… But that is how it seems like. Just read today’s headline…

Ah, but that’s an entirely different topic altogether. Life is short. There is no room for negativity in my thoughts and in my life. I pray that I’ll be able to achieve all that I’ve dreamt about this morning. Most of all, I pray that I maintain my attitude of always taking a positive outlook in life...

Valuing Family (“Losing” Myself Quite Gladly)

The movie incident with Bolo last Friday sure had me pensive for a while. It upsets me a bit to have realized it has become important to me to always include Bolo in the things that I want to do. To me, it was worth reflecting over why I felt this way these days. Have I gotten so used to us doing things together that I no longer feel comfortable doing things on my own?

Since the start of our relationship five years ago, Bolo and I had always been “buddies” other than just being sweethearts. We truly enjoy each other’s company and always felt the urge to do things together. So maybe I have just gotten used to that. And I would pretty much like to shake that kind of feeling off. For sure, I wouldn’t want to be too focused on our “couple-hood” that I’d totally forget about my own interests.

It’s amazing how even now as I write about it, I felt a pang at the thought of my pursuing my "own" interests. Now why is that? It seems to me I have now come to equate “happiness” with doing things with Bolo and Baby. These days, every time I think about “treating” myself after slaving over some work, it’s almost automatic to want to do something with Bolo and Baby. Now, I’m thinking is that so bad? Is it so bad that they have become my priorities now?

Bolo and I have always agreed on our having some personal time to ourselves. He usually has his Saturday nights off. There are also some weekends when he’ll be with his friends over some outdoor activity they’re having. Just like last Sunday. It was a coastal clean up day. So he went off and did some diving over at Pearl Farm. And he’d been on travels on his own too. In other words, he certainly do take advantage of is personal time off. As for me, it’s an entirely different thing.

I do have some “coffee nights” or “Italian resto” moments with Jeni and/or Candy. But almost always, Bolo is sure to show up towards the end of every rendezvous. Either that or we end up going to where he might be waiting for us. In other words, even the times I’ve spent with my friends, Bolo takes part in them too. It’s turning out to be that my friends are his friends too. And that’s not difficult at all for Bolo since he had no trouble fitting in. He contributes fine on our conversations and is also game in taking part on some girly stuff like shopping.

As for me, I could not picture myself participating in the kind of conversation he and his friends enjoy. Sure I had done that too and there were instances when Bolo would invite me to join him in his activities. But it’s not always the same case as he is with my friends. Oh well. I guess I really should start being serious about pursuing my own interests.

But ah… now it’s slowly dawning on me. Losing loved ones in the most unexpected circumstances perhaps have instilled in me the feeling of urgency to be spending most of my time with family. And family now comes to mean Bolo and Baby. They are after all my immediate family now. And of course, this also includes Mama, Janin and the rest of the “clan”… Now, I understand more fully my motives and my feelings. I guess given all I’ve experienced lately, it is but natural to want to hold my loved ones closer to heart. This explains why it has become a priority to be spending my time off with them than pursuing personal interests on my own.

Resources – time and financial as well --don’t come by that easily these days. So I guess, recognizing this, I am now more choosy on how I spend them. These days, it gives me so much joy to be able to spend them with family and friends that really matter rather than on any other trivial thing.

I’m thinking now, am I committing some kind of a mistake? Not giving time for myself? Am I erring on my judgment -- setting aside “building” myself by not pursuing interests that would help me define my own individuality? Am I losing myself in the process? Am I now just being a shadow of my previous self, being too focused on being a wife and a mother?

Honestly? I don’t feel that at all. I’m realizing now that I’ve had had my time for building my “individuality,” so to speak. I’ve spent years pursuing my own interests. I’ve pursued mountaineering with a passion, engaged in sports and other activities that had helped me define who I am now. I’ve spent so many times with my friends in the past. I’ve traveled intensively both for work and for leisure. I’ve read and acquired books that I loved and interested me. I’ve collected CDs and tapes of the kind of music that I like. I’ve watched concerts, plays and movies that I loved. I’ve had had that. So now, I don’t feel as if I’m lacking at all in that aspect.

I guess I’m now looking at “defining myself” within the context of my being a wife and a mother. I’m in a new stage altogether, something I’ve never had been in the past. So I guess that is where my energy is focused now. Besides, I still pursue my own interests – books, music, concerts, movies, sports – these days. Maybe not so much as it consumed me before. What “consumes” me now is my family and dealing with the nitty-gritty of building a family and a home of my own.

So I guess there really is not a “losing of the self” here. In fact, it’s more appropriate to say that I’m “gaining more of me” by pursuing a “different” and a new life altogether. I am a wife now, a mother too. It’s an entirely different “state” to be. And I’m learning more about myself in this aspect everyday.

I’m realizing now, those who fret about “losing their individuality,” in the event of embracing marriage and family life probably did not really have it in the first place. I’m not making any judgment though. That’s just how I feel. I feel now that I’ve had, had my “spot under the sun.” I’ve had my time for myself and had used it wisely and intensively. I’ve totally taken advantage of it. And now is my time for being a family-woman. I should take full advantage of this time as well. I don’t want to be past this stage and feel that I have not done enough or done all that I should. I don’t want to look back at this stage of my life and think that I should have spent more time with my son, or with my husband; that I should have loved more, paid more attention to every detail…

I am now valuing family more than I have in the past. I am now at a stage in my life where my focus is no longer on me and what I really want. No, I take that back. I really am still focused on “me” and the things that “I” really want. It’s just that, there was a shift in my order of priorities and of values. Now, the things that I value and want for myself include wanting things for my family. Spending my time, resources and energy on them is not something that my family is forcing me to do. It is something that I want to do now. It is something that I’m doing for me and not for anyone else. So where is the losing of the self here, when I’m only pursuing the very thing that interests me nowadays? I guess, it’s really just a matter of perspective. And being truthful to oneself…

Addendum to "Extended Weekend"

This is to acknowledge our sorely-missed friend, companion, group clown, super event organizer, very-much-loved-by all Dane delos Reyes-Tuboro for the donation she sent us that enabled us to enjoy our "Dunkin Donut rendezvous" last weekend.

Last weekend, the three of us were somewhat experiencing some kind of a "temporary" dryspell where our cashflow is concernd :D hehehe. So while we were about to die of thirst from doing all the "personhandling" of piles and piles of clothes, we still held on to our few, well-kept pennies thinking we'd better save it for "fare" the next day. Thankfully, Candy offered the "crab-money" Dane sent. Dane promised to treat us for crabs on her first "Dirhams salary" hehehe. See, she's that generous. That is why we love her so much, ehem-ehem :) It's true though, regardless of crab money or not :)

We thanked Candy for the offer. It certainly felt like manna from heaven then hehehe. In turned, I offered to pay it back the next day since I'll finally be able to visit the bank and encash my salary. But then again, that is not what happened :) Dane offered to "replenish" the "crab-fund" instead hehehe. I just learned today from Candy.

Surely, all these get-togethers we're enjoying lately only magnified Dane's absence from our lives. And we can't wait for the day when we'll all be together again... physically that is. For most definitely, the friendship was not at all severed despited the distance... If anything, it made the friendship the more valued... Miss you Dane and Bong. Take good care of yourselves always. God bless...

Extended Weekend

Nope, there wasn’t any holiday of sorts but it sure felt like it. The city experienced power interruptions the whole day today thus it was pretty much impossible to do any work. In my case, our sister organization had a whole day conference-meeting thus most of them were out of the office the whole day. So I was given the rest of the day off. Good thing I did some paperwork over the weekend that I was able to finish my end of the “dirty” liquidation work and was able to turn everything over to our Admin Officer. So it certainly felt like having my weekend extended. And what a weekend it was!

Synopsis (The short-cut version)

Friday, Candy and I saw a movie together. It wasn’t such a great movie in my opinion but Candy and I truly enjoyed each other’s company. But it was nothing compared to what we had last Sunday – almost a whole day of ukay frenzy! And it was such a treat, both literally and figuratively. There were lots of good stuff that day at really low, low prices. Enjoying that with Jenny and Candy – and Baby – sure was an added treat. We capped the day by enjoying some good conversation at Dunkin Donuts.

Oh, I correct myself. That was how I capped the day. I had to leave ahead of them when Baby did his “thing” hehehe I did not fancy cleaning him up in the tiny bathroom they had there so I decided to go home right away.

Apparently, Jeni and Candy spent some more time at the Ukay-ukay over at San Pedro and capped their day eating kwek2x! Both told me the experience was truly fun for them. Something they’ve never really done before. I’m glad to know they had so much fun.

I learned about their so-called escapade only this afternoon over pizza at Picobello. Yeah, sure was an extended weekend. Another long weekend well-spent with friends :)

The Longer Version (Complete with all the details, hehehe)

Pizza Monday. By three o’clock this afternoon, I was already enjoying a few slices of Pizza Marinaio and Siciliano along with Jeni, Candy, Bolo and Baby over at Picobello – another one of our fave local Italian resto :) We took advantage of their buy-one-pizza-take-one promo. It was still quite costly though but the promo lent a “you’re-getting-a-good-deal-out-of-your-money” feeling. And you are actually, given that you’re paying for just one of the really good pizza you’re having.

You can actually choose another “flavor” from the first one you’ve ordered so it’s really such a treat. Whatever is the more pricey one, that’s what you have to pay for. Not bad at all. And come to think of it, over at La Toscana, we usually pay twice as much for whatever we order there. So I take it back, it wasn’t really that costly, hehehe.

Marinaio, as expected was really good. It had seafood as toppings – squid, shrimp, and tuna. Siciliano, on the other hand, was good too. I particularly enjoyed the added flavor and texture lent to it by the slices of hardboiled eggs as its topping. It also has slices of artichokes, eggplants and bell peppers. It was really good. In the past we had sampled their ‘Four cheeses” pizza. As usual, the blue cheese was an acquired taste. It was good but I liked what we ordered today better. But enough of the pizza review :) I intended to write about how it turned out to be another good weekend.

Movie Friday. Friday night, Candy and I had a date of sorts. We went to see a movie. For the first time, we were actually able to catch a movie we’ve been really wanting to see. There had been countless of times when we kept on putting off watching a movie we liked till it’s no longer shown at the theaters-- always to our great disappointment.

We’ve also invited Jeni along but since it was a Tagalog movie we’re watching, she wasn’t quite convinced about choosing it over the report she had to finish. Bolo and I actually had a tiff over my going out that night. Nope, he wasn’t at all against it. In fact, he was really all for it and quite encouraging. It was I who was feeling a bit off at the thought that I was watching a movie without him.

Since we got married and even before that, watching a movie had always been something that we do together. So I was kind of wanting him to come along too. But when he found out it was Candy’s treat, he balked at the thought and said he’d stay home and watch over Baby instead. I made a great deal of out his “rejection” that we ended up fighting over it.

Hmm.. I’m about to digress again here. To me, it’s worth reflecting over why I always feel this need to make Bolo a part of “almost” everything that I do. But that’s an entirely different topic altogether. I’ll reflect and write about it later.

To cut it short, I tremendously enjoyed my time with Candy. I could not relate to the movie which was about infidelity – having an affair outside of marriage. But that did not stop me from sharing insights with Candy as we watched the movie along. It amused me to note that Candy took that of the wife’s perspective. She seems to always have an opinion to say on certain scenes that have got something to do with the wife’s reaction over her husband’s having a mistress. It sure was funny seeing her that way. I can’t help but think if we’d view the movie differently if we were “mistresses” ourselves hehehe I’m pretty sure we would have felt pity for Maricel’s character have we been mistresses instead of the wives that we are.

At one point Candy told me that “mistresses” should see the movie for them to realize that there are not enough excuses that would justify their having to break marriages. She said that while the wives have certain “imperfections” they are not enough reasons for husbands to take on a mistress, or words to that effect. I’m thinking, mistresses watching the movie would think differently. They’d probably see that what the mistress and the husband share was deep and “beautiful” and thus they should have pursued it till the end.

What I “saw” from the movie, however, was not about that. I saw that marriage is really a union of two different individuals. It’s about two persons with perhaps different background and different set of values deciding to start a life together as a couple.

Come to think of it, if one look at marriage that way, marriage is really like making something impossible work. Seeing it in that light, marriage indeed is such a daunting task. So, it would definitely be more difficult if you get married with someone you hardly knew in the first place. That was the case in the movie. I think it is the same thing as getting into something without knowing what it is that you really want.

But anyway, more than the movie, I was glad that Candy and I had that time for ourselves. We truly enjoyed each other’s company. Well, I speak for myself, hehehe.

Uneventful Saturday. Saturday, I just spent it at home. Around lunch time, Candy called and we sort of toyed with the idea of going out and meeting somewhere. I was momentarily short of funds, however, so I was not that keen about going out and Candy was sleepy too so that decided it. Sunday, however, was a different thing.

Not-At-All-Desperate-Housewives’ remedy for bruised pride and ego: Ukay Sunday! Very early, I was already nursing a hurt pride. Bolo was off diving but as early as Friday we have already agreed to go hear the anticipated Mass over at the Ateneo. But since he saw to the laundry the whole of Saturday and was tired, he begged off from our plan. Of course I did not take to it lightly. He appeased me with a promise we’d hear the first Mass the next day.

We both woke up real late that by the time we arrived in Church, we were too early for the second Mass. So we just offered some candles and decided to go home again. To appease me, Bolo said he’d really try his best to come home early in the afternoon.

It wasn’t until I reached home that the whole thing dawned on me. I pretty felt like a kid fooled, asked to dress up and promised an ice cream treat only to be given a popsicle in the end. I was so irked I called Bolo to tell him just that. That I felt I’ve been had. In response he said that he’d really try his best to come home early.

It turned out Candy was also somewhat irked with Archie, hehehe. We’ve decided that we had to remedy our somewhat feeling low. We agreed to go on a ukay frenzy that morning. I’ve been urging her to go to Bankerohan for some cheap but really good finds but we never came around to doing it. Finally, there was the opportunity. I called up Jeni who came and joined us later on.

I had to tag Baby along since Mama decided to go home to Empress that morning. So I was not really able to do any decent ‘hunting.” But it sure was great. When we came across a pile of Old Navy, Gap, Anne Klein, Mossimo, Banana Republic, etc. of really cute dresses, Candy and I almost fainted in delight, hehehe

The fainting was not due to the brand really or the fact that they looked brand new, some even with tags still. It’s more because of the fact that they are on sale for thirty pesos each. Imagine that! We were really like having a feast of sorts.

By the time Jeni arrived, Baby was already feeling up and perky. He was always toying with my hair, making a mess out of it. I was hardly dressed for anything that morning. I was in a hurry to meet the always prompt Candy that I had no time to think over what to wear. I grabbed a pair of old hiking shorts, don on a favorite kayaking shirt and grabbed the very first flip-flops I saw.

So I guess it was really no wonder when at one time, I was mistaken to be Candy’s yaya, haha! Really funny. I was carrying Baby at that time and helping him feed from his bottle. Candy on the other hand was busy leafing through the little girlie sundresses hung on a rack. Then this lady who was also sifting through the piles of clothes gestured to Baby and asked if he’s a “baby girl.” I said no. Then she gestured back at Candy and asked why she is looking at little girlie dresses. I almost laughed out loud when I realized what she was driving at. I politely told her Candy’s looking for dresses for her little girls, clearly implying that the baby I’m holding is my own.

After the lady left I told Candy how I suddenly became insecure about how I looked. She laughed off the incident and told me I was probably just mistaken. I told her I was most definitely not. But it was no big deal to me really. In fact, it was something that I regard as one of the highlights of the day.

Another highlight was Candy’s “Gap-pants-incident.” I’d rather not divulge what happened though as I could end up losing a very good friend haha! Sure was funny though and quite clever of Candy, I’d say.

All in all it was a great Sunday. Even baby’s wrong-timing-pooping was something I appreciated. Because it made me come home early. By the time Bolo texted me that he was already on his way home, I was already well-rested.

We ended up hearing the last Mass that day. Nonetheless it made me happy knowing Bolo was keen about keeping his word to me. One of the highlights that night was watching Baby’s beaming face as he dropped his one peso coin in the collection box :)

Hotdog

Baby ate hotdog today. When he saw Janine eating one, he pointed out to it and said in a very cute voice, "hod-dog." Bolo and I looked at each other. I knew we both felt hesitant to let him have it. But we can't have him feeling deprived too. After all it is difficult to lecture a one-year old baby on the value of vegetarianism.

Mama Fely saw it as another opportunity to tell us Baby needs meat too while he is still at this stage and growing up. Bolo and I knew better but of course we respect what she was telling us too. We knew where she is coming from and what she is driving at. And so we kept quiet. We knew we are all looking at what would be best for Baby. There is no argument in that.

And so, Bolo and I decided we are going out later to buy Baby some vegetarian soya hotdogs and sausages. It's been the very first time he even asked for meat or even showed indication of liking it. There were some "well-meaning" friends and relatives who had playfully offered Baby meat. But Baby would always turn away. What happened this morning was a first. I guess it had something to do with the color and how his "ate" is eating it too.

Oh well, it is always Baby's choice. When he grows up it would always be his choice. Bolo and I could only tell him about the values and principles that made us opt to go vegetarian. In the end it is always his choice. For now though, we would help create the "environment" for him. He could always choose differently later...

I am Grateful

Lord, thank you for giving me the opportunity to work on things I truly do not desire to do. It is teaching me a great deal about patience and about commitment too. It makes me get to know myself even more, what my preferences are and why I have certain attitude on certain things. It pushes me to reflect upon why there are certain tasks that I truly dislike to tackle. On top of it all, I am learning a whole new skill. Something that might come in handy somewhere along this path I call my life.

But most of all, I thank You most for seeking me even in my most “unloving” self. Thank you for reminding me that there are certain things I needed to learn and thus I had to face situations that may not even be to my liking. Thank you for trying to teach me about seeing good in every situation I may find myself in. Thank you…

Hands

Hands

» Jewel

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these

I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear

My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken

Poverty stole your golden shoes
It didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
I am never broken

In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters

I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray

My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken

My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken

We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands
We are God's hands

The Broom Incident (Awakening to the Challenge of Being a Parent and Running a Household)

“Where there are challenges, that’s where there is life…” the priest said during the homily. Bolo turned to me and with a smirk on his face told me, “See?!” He did not, but still I felt as if he stuck his tongue at me.

Yesterday was Mama’s 59th birthday and we went to hear the 7 AM mass at the Shrine. It meant getting up to get ready real early. But it was all worth it. There’s something about being able to start one’s Sunday with an early Mass. Somehow, one is able to relax and enjoy the rest of the day more. Maybe because it meant we don’t have to think about rushing to the church anymore.

Anyway, the smirk on Bolo’s face was in response to the long “lecture session” I had with him the day before that. Sigh. We were discussing some marital woes, our responsibilities and what our attitude should be about them. By lecture, it meant, it was I who was doing all the talking most of the time har-har-har-har :) Probably, Bolo was seeing it as me, bemoaning the difficulty of it all thus the "see-stuck-his-tongue-at-me" gesture of his.

I guess the homily sort of served as a reminder for us both. It’s really not easy being married and becoming parents. It’s such a far cry from one’s being at the receiving end when we were yet young and under our parents’ care. Being parent meant, one is now responsible for the providing part. And Bolo and I - and Candy too, Jeni, Rochelle and the rest of my friends – are finding out everyday how exactly difficult that is.

I remember this one incident that really drove home that very point to me. Mama came to visit one day. She was still living at the Empress home then and there was just Bolo and I living at home. Anyway, she pointed out to me that I needed to buy a new broom as what we’re using could now hardly sweep anything.

Really, that sort of struck me. I was like shocked at having found out that now, even that has become my responsibility. I mean, I never thought about broom replacements at any time in my life before. It simply was never a concern of mine. Until that day when Mama pointed it out to me.

The following days after that I became aware that I am also responsible for all the minute details involved in running a household. I’ve been so dependent that I’ve always taken all these things for granted. Mama was always there to be on top of everything. Should I forget anything, she was always there to remind me. After that broom incident, it dawned on me that I am now the “Mom” in the little “household” that Bolo and I are now sharing and building everyday. Funny how it took a broom to let everything finally sink in all at once.

The minute I become a parent, I immediately made some adjustments to fit the role. I did everything I thought a mother should do… but I guess it never really dawned on me (completely) that it includes running the household too and being on top of it.

I guess the reason for this was that I got a bit of a pampering when I have just gotten birth – from Bolo, from my Mom, my aunts and even my cousins. Somehow, there was always someone to assist me in everything that I had to do… So now that Baby is grown and the support has somewhat been slowly withdrawn… I’m slowly finding myself at the very helm of “household management” – with a broom for a scepter Hahaha What a thought!

On Sundays (UK and Pizza Sunday)

Candy came to visit to the urging of Jeni who left before Candy arrived. Figure that out :p hehehe Sunday morning, Jeni and I met after the ten A.M. mass. I told her I would be going to Bakerohan to do some marketing and asked if she would want to tag along. I've been telling her about how cheap the ukay2x is over there and we've been planning to go for sometime now. And so off we did.

I did not have a decent breakfast so I was really hungry after the mass. We've agreed to walk all the way to Bankerohan from San Pedro. Owing to my hunger, we stopped at Dukin Donuts on the way. We had a donut each and an iced tea for me while she had a cup of hot choco. Before we knew it, we had an hour of "intense" conversation hehehe We were discussing some serious stuff about choices, writing, loving ourselves and growing old -- usual stuff where she and I are concerned :)

It was almost twelve when we decided to resume our walk. Just before the market, we passed by some "boutique-sort" of stall that sell a somewhat "more presentable" version of the Bankerohan ukays. Their stuff are laundered and were neatly hung. I knew it's going to be a lot more expensive there but we could not resist a few good finds. I was able to buy a "skort" for Janine -- a "Dora the Explorer" line -- at P 60 pesos. Expensive alright but it was really cute. I bought myself a brown "Xhiliration" skort too that is too short for comfort. I know from experience that Bolo would not approve but it was really cute so I decided to buy it anyway. For Baby, I was able to buy a really cute, red hawaiian-print polo at P 30.00 hehehe The material of the polo was really nice and it is not your usual loud, hawaiin prints. In fact, it looked real classy so I decided to buy it even if at first the lady there was selling it to me for P 45, which I think is too much for a tiny piece of shirt hehehe Luckily, I was able to haggle it for PhP 30 after I paid for the two skorts.

When we got to the market and found some stuff there -- Anne Klein, Prada, Mossimo, etc. -- at PhP 10 a-piece, I knew we certainly paid too much for our earlier finds hehehe Jeni was so pleased to have found a "Mary Kate and Ashley" really-cute-skirt for only ten pesos hehehe I was able to buy her 3 shirts also at five pesos each as my gift to her for her upcoming birthday.

We were enjoying ourselves so much we were pretty loathe to go when we both felt our stomachs rumbled in protest. It was already almost 2 PM and we haven't had lunch yet. So we decided to go home instead to have our lunch there. That's when Jeni asked me to text Candy to come over. However, when she called home she found out they are having some family-get-together so she went home earlier than intended.


By the time Candy got to the house, Jeni have already left. And so we kept ourselves busy by preparing some mini-pizza for our merienda. It turned out well and tasted quite good. Well, in my opinion anyway hehehe After some time Bolo arrived and served us fresh durian from Jeni. He went over there for some..err.. business transaction... and arrived with a tupperware full of meaty, creamy, really-sweet-and-tasty durian. As Candy would describe it, it was the perfect durian hehehe And it was.

Candy and I discussed some marital woes over our pizza and durian :) And I think it is a sensitive subject alright. I mean, of course each spouse ought to have our own personal time apart from the partnership we have with our husband or wife. But how long should that time be? Hehehe and does it have to fall on a Sunday when it would be best to spend it with the kids? I understand where Candy is coming from as I too have such concerns.

But Bolo and I already have an understanding where our Sundays are concerned. It had to be spent with the family with the stress on going to church together. There are times when he had activities at "work" that falls on a Sunday. Despite that, we had already agreed that we never miss Mass because of it. So we make compromises -- agree to wake up real early to attend the earlier service or that he had to leave early from his activity so we could attend the late afternoon service. It had to be that way. There had to be agreements and compromises. Otherwise, he'd have an incensed wife waiting for him at home who will make sure he'd have hell for a week hahahaha!

Well, not really. Looking back, it took a while really before I was able to impress upon Bolo how important Sundays are for me. I pointed out to him that it is important for me to have my Sundays right as it sets the tone for the week that will follow. I told him, if I do not hear Mass on Sunday and not be able to spend some quality time with him and Baby, I would feel as if my weekend was a total loss. And the feeling would haunt me for the rest of the week.

Actually, what tip it off for me really was when I pointed out to him how little my wants really are. I told him all I ask of him is that we hear Mass and spend our Sundays together. I told him that is enough to make me happy and nothing else. I also shared with him that nothing saddens me more than attending Mass alone and seeing families there. I guess he got my point, since after that he really makes the effort to go hear Mass with me. He also informs me beforehand if he had activities that fall on a Sunday and discuss with me what time we will be hearing Mass to accommodate his plans.

It's not always easy agreeing on things or to make compromises. Sometimes it's so easy to be really selfish and to cling on to what you want than to hear what the other wants. And I think there are really no formulas to a perfect marriage. We keep hearing from others that communication is the key. Maybe that's it. But I guess other than that, there's got to be empathy too and understanding -- knowing full well where the other is coming from and understanding why s/he is making such demands.

I guess it's really just a matter of laying down your cards, making clear what your expectations are and trying to reach at some kind of a compromise. I guess that is a tall order in itself. I think it works for Bolo and I because there is the genuine desire from both of us to make each other happy.

When I harped to him about hearing Mass and how Sundays ought to be spent with the family, I certainly did not win him over. He could only see me "nagging" him about it and not what I'm really trying to tell him. When I factored in the "making-me-happy" issue that's when he finally listened. And of course,there was sincerity for my part too. I did not dramatize the whole "happiness" issue. That would have turned him off completely.

Well, I guess the key really is this -- that each of you have the genuine desire to make each other happy. If you care enough for the person, of course you'd want him/her to be happy too. And of course you do not forget about your own happiness too. After all, if you just concentrate on the other's happiness and you forego your own because of it, pretty soon you'll be running on empty. Then you'd begin to begrudge the other person for that. Both of you will only end up losing in the end...

But then who would want to talk about "losing?" It makes marriage sound like some kind of a competition between husband and wife. And it's not. It should not be that way at all. How sad naman pag ganun :(

Haaay, marriage indeed is something you work at everyday... Bolo and I still have a long way to go where that is concerned. I just pray that we'll continue to be how we are to each other... So that no matter how big we're up against -- years of conditioning (from our childhood) and ghosts from the past -- we'd still be patient in dealing with each other, in helping each other become the best that we can be as a person. So God help us both!

Conversation

I almost jumped when I heard the doorbell rang. I knew immediately that it had to be Bolo since I had talked to him on the phone earlier and he told me he’s going straight to me instead of home. He just arrived in town after spending several days in Gen. San.

I jumped because I was still wrapping up an email and had yet to shut down the computer properly – which takes considerable time given my unit at the office. And of course I knew he hates having to wait for a long time especially if he’s bringing a lot of stuff with him.

True enough when I met him at the front door he had his day pack, a big box and a big plastic bag. He told me the box contained tuna, much to my delight. He warned me though that he was not able to bring much since there wasn’t much fish when they went to the fish port that morning. He said it was ironic considering the city was celebrating its tuna festival.

What surprised me though was when he immediately gestured for a kiss the minute I opened the door. He’s not much of a PDA-type of a person although he could be pretty affectionate too in public if he ever he feels like it. So I sort of kid him about it, saying he must have missed me that much; to which he replied matter-of-factly – “Of course!” Hehehe That was enough to make me feel “light-hearted” for several moments after that, feeling pretty much like a teen-ager hehehe

Moments such as these are what make me appreciate our being apart for some time. Because, they give us the opportunity to miss each other :) Although of course, I always have misgivings every time one of us had to go somewhere for some time. There’s the worry factor. You know, like you can’t help but be worried about his safety or well-being… And then there’s the trust issue as well hahaha Like what if he’ll get into temptations of some sort and would be weak enough to succumbed to it. Bolo had always been reassuring. And if truth be told he never really gives me the reason to ever doubt him. Still, it’s not really him that I don’t trust but the circumstances or the environment he’s in every time he’s apart from me. I had to make it clear though that while I’m worried about it, I don’t obsess much about it either. After all, he and I had already talked about it a lot of times and we’ve had our understanding on the matter already. Besides, I see obsessing about it as really just a waste of energy.

We went to the café next door to wait for Candy whom I already promised to treat for coffee. I’ve been wanting to show here the café next door for the longest time. It’s just a small café but very cozy, a place that anyone could readily appreciate. Personally, it panders to my dream of owning a similar joint. Good thing about the café too is that part of its earnings goes to a “peace fund.” The owners of the establishment assist communities affected by the arm conflict in some parts of Mindanao. So it sort of makes one feel good about throwing a good amount of money on just a cup of coffee.

It took awhile before Candy came. Bolo and I were already catching up on what he had been doing while he was in Gen. San when she arrived. He was so excited in sharing with me the fun they had while participating in the race. He was enthusiastic about the food, which I could pretty much imagine why. That is also what I like about Gen. San – the food! hehehe The freshest seafood, the different kinds of fish – pompano, tuna, sashimi, and diana that literally melts in one’s mouth…sigh! :)

The conversation became even more enjoyable with Candy around. At one instance, I turned to her and pointed out how Bolo and I could get so engrossed talking to each other. I guess that is one thing I appreciate about our relationship. We enjoy each other’s company. I mean, Bolo and I are really friends aside from being husband and wife to each other. That is why it’s so easy for us to talk to each other about anything. Our mornings are usually like that. We’d wake up early but it takes a while before we rise from the bed. We would usually spend the whole time just talking and catching up on things… Hope we'll remain like this for a long, long time :)