One True Source

So I had to take this Tetanus Toxoid shot since I stepped on a nasty nail yesterday.  I went to our accredited hospital.  The funny thing is that it turned out that there is an existing law over here that such shots can only be administered by the public hospitals and not by private ones.  I had then to go to this public hospital.  The good thing was that a nurse from the private hospital accompanied us and it helped in facilitating everything.

I had to wait for a while since they have to check for allergic reaction.  So I sat there in a corner of the emergency room.  Across me, but a little farther away, is a little boy being given blood transfusion, crying his heart out.  I watch while the Mom tries to give him comfort by saying soothing things and rubbing his other hand where no tubes are attached.  I wondered what was wrong with him and why the need for blood.

There was another child who does not appear as badly hurt but is clinging on to his Mom quite tightly.  I've seen a case of a broken nose and what not's.  It was depressing and I felt my energy dropped all the more.

As I tried to get myself settled, and make good use of my time there, I tried to raise my energy, wanting to give an outpouring of support.  I was tired and ailing but I tried what I can.  Just as I was to finish, I turned and saw that another woman was also bowing behind the curtains beside me, saying her evening prayers.

I sat there and noted how awhile back I tried to ascertain how I should pray given the context where I am. Even in my silent, secret praying, I was trying to be sensitive.  And then I simply acknowledged that we really have just One True Source, we just call that Supreme Entity in different names.

Here's sending out a prayer to all who were in that hospital -- both ailing and their families alike.  It also is never easy for family to see their loved ones suffer.  It's especially hard for parents of small children.

I am running on empty as of the moment.  So raw with exhaustion both physically and emotionally.  Here's praying for my "replenishment." So help me, Baba.

Letter to Forest on her Moving Up Ceremony

Six years ago. Two days from now, we'd be marking another milestone - "bridging over." In 2 months, you'd be a full-fledge 7 year old, on the verge of your next phase of growth.

I have little regrets, my Little One. I've always believed in counting my blessings instead. But with you, ah... Nanay missed a lot. I've been away a lot. We've been very creative, bridging that distance and yet I feel the loss each time.

I'm sorry if Nanay had not been there to hold your hand for the most part. I have not for a single day, however, "unheld" you from my heart.  I'm sorry to have missed a lot. Nanay promises to be there more often for the second phase, holding your hand for most of the days.

You are my life. I see so much of me in you and yet you are uniquely, delightfully, your own person. I see that everyday now -- your wit, quick mind, happy, innocent countenance. It was my loss to have missed the first part of your unfolding.  But, I also know who you are and who I am now are bourne out of the set of circumstances defining our recent past. So there is also gratitude in that.

I could only look forward to our soon to be recent present and future. It's the promise if that, where I draw my strength from. Here's shouting to the universe my love for you, Forest and how proud I am of you. I love you, hurot.