Monday, November 14, 2005

On cravings, pregnancy and loving

Craving for a tall glass of ice cold cola drink. Hmm... does that make sense at all? It seems a little late into this pregnancy to have some cravings. But yes, surprisingly, I'm having a lot of those these days. I must be making up for not having gone through such a phase early on in my pregancy he-he-he.

Hmm... looking back, indeed, I did not pass through any "paglilihi" stage. My little one seems to be very considerate :) Either that or I'm being rewarded a good Karma for trying my best not to be of inconvenience to anyone... I did not go through any vommitting phase, of not being able to eat well, of thinking garlic and onion have "disagreeable" smell... Well, at least that's how my own mom and some friends related to me their own pregnancies... My mom even told me I was such a difficult baby to have. Told me she had not eaten any decent meal during her first trimester with me since she could not take the smell of any cooked food... I wasn't so unlucky.

I think, being vegetarian is the reason for it. Come to think of it, my little one is so lucky, he came when my body is at its tiptop shape. I've been vegetarian for almost three years when he was conceived. I was also always active, getting myself involved in various physical pursuits -- runs, race, kayaking,trekking, climbing, including exercising consistently... I guess I could say my body was quite prepared when I got pregnant.

More than three years ago, B and I made a commitment to keep each other healthy. While we did that without having a baby in mind, I'm glad that we made such a commitment then. Since I'm definitely reaping the benefits now... I hope my little one is too.

Fear. Uncertainty. I'm having a good share of them lately. I'm not sure if it is just hormones talking or what. But I sure have some worries about my upcoming "delivery." Not so much for me but for my little one. I want him so badly. And I want him alive, well, normal and healthy. I don't normally ask for anything specific everytime I pray -- trusting that God knows exactly what my needs are -- but these days, I've been praying really hard to have that and a safe and normal delivery. Both for my sake and baby's.

Actually, that is one of the reasons for my taking the lamaze class. The class represented something "solid" to grasp on to while I wallow in the uncertainty of having to deliver a life into this world. I know the class will help me put everything in perspective. Aside from the fact that I'm sure the class will also add some "more" value to the intimacy that B and I share. I know doing the class together will make us closer than we already are. It will also make "my" pregnancy something that he and I both share... Oh he is involved alright. I could not ask for a more attentive, concerned husband that B is to me. If, as a boyfriend he treated me like a princess, in my pregnancy, he treated me like a queen. I have no reason to complain really...

Someone said to me last week that love begets love. Indeed it does... Everytime B shows me how sincere he is in his concern for me and my well-being, I can't help but want to return the regard too. And vice-versa. It never ends really... Thank you so much B, for everything. For holding my hand as I learn, unlearn, and relearn everyday the real meaning of love and self-giving.

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