Apo

Leaning on the railings of the veranda and peering in the darkness, I could just make out the outline of Apo’s peak. I look at it a little wistfully, dreaming of the day that I’ll find myself in her midst again. More than that though, I wonder in what part of that Great Mountain is Bolo, and his company, in right now. It’s as if I believe that if I look at it intensely enough, then I would be able to even vaguely discern Bolo’s figure in the darkness. But, I felt the connection all the same. I felt my heart establish it when the limitation of my eyes failed to do so.

Bolo is on his second climb to Apo without me. The first one, just a couple of month’s ago, proved to be tough for him. He told me he missed me miserably then. In the three year’s we’ve been together as “sweethearts,” we’ve climbed Apo five times – together, never apart.

After we’ve been married, his work took him there twice. On both occasions, he always managed to just stay close to Agco, never scaling her. Even then, he told me the “missing part” was a bit to contend with. It was only very recently that he had to really scale her. And he told me it was tough having to bear the cold and the memories of our moments together there.

Well, if truth be told, they were not all great moments hehe since we did fight a lot then. Most of the time it’s about me making some unnecessary risks or my having to contend with the fact that there wasn’t really enough time for me to enjoy some “alone moments.”

Climbing mountains for me had always been something spiritual and personal. For each mountaineering trip, I always look forward to the time that I’ll be standing in some peak, soaking myself with all the energy the whole experience is affording me. It’s at these times that I connect with myself and my God in the most intense manner. It’s when I reassess how life had been and think about my priorities again and what they should be…

Having Bolo around somewhat changed that. Looking back, it wasn’t really his fault entirely. It’s just that we were both vegetarians then and were most of the time preoccupied with preparing our own meals in the mornings. With that, there was hardly any time left for some introspection. I only find the time to write and think at the end of the day, when we’ve had our last meal for the day and had all our pots cleaned and stowed away.

I miss being in the mountains but just feeling Baby’s warm palm touching my arm now made me realize I don’t really miss it that much. Days before Bolo left for this trip I’ve been teasing him about my having my own mountain trips as well. He did not warm up to the idea particularly on the thought of his not being there to “assist” me. He probably forgot I was into mountaineering long before I met him and that I’ve had some major climbs even before he became my self-appointed “protector.”

Anyway, while I insisted on it then, it’s really more for winning the “argument” than fighting for the desire to go climbing once again. Truthfully, I really don’t have the energy for it. I think I hardly have enough inclination for it to really want to push through with it. Bolo and I have been musing about going this coming Holy Week but the thought of dragging Baby all through that or having to leave him at home is quashing any desire I may have about it. Just thinking of his safety and the preparation that had to go with having Baby along on such a trip zaps whatever inclination I may have. Mountaineering is a lot of work really and having to mind a baby on top of that is like taking on a lot of trouble for no apparent reason.

Baby’s having a high fever right now. And I’m chipping away here to while the time away and to make sure I’m wide awake till it’s time for him to take his medicine again. I could not imagine having to expose Baby to the elements in the mountain just so I could have my cake and eat it too. For now, Baby and his needs is all that matters. I’ve had had my mountaineering time. I’m looking forward to taking it up again but I’m more than willing to wait for a couple more years for that. For now, Baby comes first.