AMOC Reunion of Sorts

Stephen celebrated his birthday yesterday. It has been a while since Bolo and I have been with the AMOC’s. It was fun seeing some of the guys there since not everyone was present. There was a moment when I grew nostalgic of the old days, especially after Renee and Bambie called to talk with everyone there.

Churchill talked to Bolo and Stephen about going on a climb in a few week’s time. I entertained the thought of being a part of it. But let’s see :)

Sweet Baby

Everyone’s been saying lately that Baby is turning out to be such a naughty, little boy. I would very much want to argue but then looking at that ever-present mischievous gleam in his eyes, I am beginning to fear that such might be the case. In truth, Baby is so playful, and such a tease. More often than not, he sports this impish grin, like a warning sign telling you he is up to no good and that pretty soon you’ll be a victim of one of his tricks.

At two years old, Baby is such a bundle of energy, so full of life and mirth. In fact, I always feel rejuvenated arriving at home from work and hearing him squeal in delight – “Nanay!” It’s as if seeing me home after being away all day marks the highlight of his day. Well, I could say the same thing, seeing him after a hard day’s work is something I always look forward to.

Hmm… naughty… maybe Baby is indeed that. But I would also like to say that there is more to him than just that. Yesterday, we were on our way to Mama Fely’s place from Empress when we had a flat tire near Ateneo. Good thing it was a Sunday so there wasn’t much traffic. The bad thing is, most of the shops are practically close so it took Bolo quite a while to find one, and had our tire fixed. By the time he had taken cared of the whole thing, he was practically drowning in sweat. So when he sat down beside me to start driving, I patted him on his forehead and expressed my pity for all the trouble that he had to go through. Then to our surprise, Baby got so excited. He jumped from my lap and turned to Mama who was sitting at the back and said, “Lola! Lola! Panyo! Handkerchief!” Mama then gave him one.

The scene that followed practically floored all of us. Baby, climbed back to my lap, stood up next to the shift gear, reached out to his Tatay with the handkerchief, and then very carefully patted the sweat out of his Tatay’s forehead. It was so sweet of him that I felt the sting of tears. I was so touched that at two years old, Baby already had the initiative to do what he just did. For the love of me, I could not fathom how he came up with the idea to look for a handkerchief to wipe his Tatay’s sweat. Was that “sanskara” as well? If so then Baby really is such a sweet, sweet soul. Naughty or not, Baby would always be a sweet Baby to me for every little gesture that he does that tells me that he is.

I first became aware of Baby’s thoughtfulness one morning when him and his Tatay drove me to the office. Several mornings before that, he and I would always have a discussion brought about by his insistence to go to the office with me. I always had to explain to him that Nanay has to work and that I could not take him with me. But that morning, the moment the car turned at the corner marking the road leading to my office, he turned to me, kissed me by the cheek and said, “Bye, Nanay. Ingat ha? Ingat ha?” (Bye Nanay, take care...)

In an instant I felt the tears come. I was so touched by his gesture that I was loathe to get off the car. For a while I wished he had again insisted on going with me. Walking away would have been a lot easier. That morning, I had to drag my feet off the car and walk towards the office. I felt the desire so strong to just remain where I was and spend the whole day with my son.

Moments such as these make me truly grateful. Grateful for the fact, that I was so blessed to have such a happy, well, naughty, but a sweet Baby as well. I couldn’t ask for any other son. Thank you, Father God.

Night Out with Friends

It was Rochelle’s birthday yesterday and she happens to be in town with her family. She had some work engagement. We agreed to watch a movie in the evening. She’s bringing Benzon along. Candy will also be with Archie. Bolo and I had been discussing watching the same movie over the weekend. And since there was the opportunity, we agreed to watch it last night instead.

But, we very nearly did not make it to the movie. Candy had a sprained ankle and was having second thoughts about going. It turned out also that Mama was stuck at Empress with Baby and Janin. So Bolo and I had to go all the way there just to fetch them.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, Bolo and I were able to catch up with them in the middle of the movie. So it meant we would have to linger and catch the last full show. Last full show – that does not sound appealing at all but knowing that Candy came despite her hurt ankle -- just to show Rochelle we want to be with her on her birthday -- I find it shameful not to show up.

“The Forbidden Kingdom” which starred both Jet Lee and Jacky Chan is not “Crouching Tiger.” Neither it is a “Hero” of sorts but it was a good movie as well. I enjoyed watching it. I also enjoyed the time spent with Rochelle and Candy catching up and making future rendezvous plans with Lourdes and Jeni who were both unable to join us that night.

It turned out that Candy and Archie stuck it out with us. Rochelle and Benzon already went ahead since they also wanted to catch the early trip to Butuan. Half-way through the last full show though, Candy was already dozing off beside me. I pitied her and told her she did not have to wait for us. She told me Archie wanted to watch the movie for the second time.

By the time we got out of the cinema, we were all too sleepy to even think about going somewhere to eat. It was straight home for all of us. We were that tired and sleepy. In our case, home meant going all the way to Empress. Bolo and I were so tempted to look around for accommodations in Davao downtown area. But of course we were also very eager to go home and check on Baby and have him lie close to us. So close I’d feel his breath on my shoulders. It’s like having a taste of heaven here on earth :)

Happy Birthday Rochelle! Wishing you all the best! :) See you soon!

Streams of Consciousness

Bolo and I watched a little TV last night, trying to get ourselves tired enough to go to sleep. A game show was on. It had something to do with music – karaoke style. The contestants had to guess the lyrics of the songs. Their genre was pretty varied – foreign and local artists, oldies to current hits. And that’s when the realization struck me big time – noticing the difference in the songs of the past to that of the most recent ones.

I’ve noticed that the lyrics and the themes of the songs of the past revolved on something “pure,” and unadulterated like deep love for a significant other, for parents, for one’s son or daughter. Most of the songs were about hope, enduring faith… about values.

Compare that to today’s songs? What do you get? You get to hear about violence, lust, children hating their parents, getting a boob job, a nose job.. You get to hear about hatred, disgust, discontent… I’m not saying though that it applies to all of the songs these days. Of course there are also those of love, commitment and other values.

Still, it’s a bit disconcerting realizing how too much of the “bad stuff” are being proliferated in today’s media. Music, just like any art, to me is a stream of consciousness wherein the soul finds a way to communicate the truth and wisdom it holds. If today’s music is that of hatred, of lust, what does that tell us about the consciousness that’s prevailing these days?

I’m thinking, here we are we sit at home, with the kids right beside us and we watch while barely-clothed ladies gyrate their hips to songs that have very “suggestive” lyrics. Some might even find the song “amusing,” not realizing that that’s what we are feeding the minds of our youth these days. For me, I always find it alarming seeing parents encouraging and praising their children who are mimicking the “sexy” dancing they see on TV. Other parents find it “amusing” as well. To me, there is nothing amusing about it at all. Far from it.

Ah, I long for the day back when my lola would croon to me songs about deep love and commitment. The kind of love that one takes to the grave and even thereafter, not today’s kind that would bloom and end within the span of a week.

I find it sad and alarming noticing how these days we are not only polluting our rivers and seas but our streams of consciousness as well. What kind of world and future are we shaping our sons and daughters in?

Of Baby Bottles

I find it very ironic coming across the piece of news above since Bolo and I have just recently bought a glass feeding bottle for Baby. When we watched the movie the other night, we arrived at the cinema quite early so I urged Bolo that we buy Baby’s bottle first.

He is already down to just two with the rest giving way to the usual wear and tear. And it was quite a waste of time and energy having to constantly clean and sterilize them every time we ran out of using both bottles. Resolute about buying glass bottles this time, I stayed away from the really cute and way cheaper bottles available.

It’s unbelievable how many choices are there available these days in the market – Elmo feeding bottles, Winnie the Pooh rubber head in lieu of the usual plain looking bottle cap... You name it, they have it. They look real cute though that in the past, buying bottles would take me so much time. Everything is just so cute that I would linger over my choices.

Last night though, our choices were down to just two – a 5 oz. Pigeon feeding bottle or Chicco which had both 5 oz and 8 oz sizes. Just two since they were the only brands selling glass bottles. Now, why “glass”? Well, with all the talk about hot water on plastic and the possible hazards it poses on children’s health, I guess I am willing to stretch my budget some more.

Paying 450 pesos for an 8 oz bottle, however, is really doing quite a stretch. On the average, “good” plastic bottles could cost around 150 pesos. This already includes the cutsy ones with cartoon character heads for caps. So it’s really like paying 300 hundred pesos more which is already a lot these days. But I guess any mother is willing to pay more where the health of our little ones is concerned.

If Only's

I knew a moment’s weakness earlier looking at some old pictures taken during one of those family trips. Niño was glaringly absent from the pictures. And I felt as if my heart was being torn to pieces remembering the reason for his absence. Mama simply thought it not important to include him. Well, it was a sudden plan and him being all the way at Empress it was much of a hassle having to go all the way there and inform him. (He had a cell phone before but lost it.) We were also taking the van and were afraid with all of us going, there just might not be enough space left.

It had always been like that. I would have to constantly push to include Niño in our trips. Mama sees it as not that important. To me, it had always been important. No matter how “short” or “insignificant” the gathering may be. He is, after all, family also.

I remember how after my wedding, with most of the “clan” being there, on spur of the moment we decided to go visit Aunty Artem’s place in Makilala. We wanted to visit a nearby hot spring resort there as well. I had to urge Mama to move heaven and earth just so Niño could also come along. Good thing he was indeed able to come.

I also remember how I had to fight for Niño’s place as one of the groom’s men during my wedding. Mama thought it much of a hassle having to mind for his Barong and the other stuff he needs on top of the things that needed our attention for the wedding. To me, it was out of the question. Hassle or not, Niño is my only sibling after all. And I don’t see why I would have to bother about the other groomsmen’s barongs and not his. I’d be more than glad to fuss over him than the others.

I remember feeling irritated then why I still had to point this out to Mama. But of course I understood her too. To her, it’s a triviality but to me, it’s an opportunity to make a family member feel he is part of the family. What is a little hassle compared to the opportunity to make someone you love feel that he is important and loved?

I just find it ironic how we always take things like that for granted. We tend to forget that sometimes little gestures such as this counts a lot. True, it might prove to be such a hassle but isn’t it always like that? We wouldn’t mind going through all the hassles, all sorts of sacrifice for a loved one?

I know during all those instances, Mama took it for granted that there will always be next time, next trips that Niño could come and join us without our having to go through all the hassles. To her, it’s just a short trip. We won’t be sleeping over. I’m sure for her, it’s okay for Niño to miss on all of that. I mean who would have thought that Niño would only be lent to us for such a short time? And that there will be no more other trips, other next time with him around?

I guess I’m crying for the missed opportunities, for the times we could have exerted more effort to give him the comfort and the convenience that we could have given him if only we knew then that we will lose him much sooner than we thought. I think I mourn for all those times we could have spent with him but only we did not for one reason or the other. Looking back, remembering the length of time he spent living at Empress alone, I cry for the sheer folly of it. How we wasted all those time living apart when we only have but a little time to spend with him.

A part of me is angry why I haven’t been more forceful, more pushy to make things happen then. And also, to instill in Mama the value of seizing every moment. Ever so often she and I get into some kind of misunderstanding. For a number of times I’ve been urging her to take trips with us. And more often than not such conversations would end up in arguments with both of us not accomplishing anything but hurt each other’s feelings.

To me, she is such a “kill joy.” Instead of warming up to the idea she would just point out to me there are far more important things to “throw” my money on. She would tell me I should rather save the money or pay in full my credit card bills, etc. etc. She would always tell me that I’m very wasteful, could think of nothing but just “fun” and not being wise about money.

I know to her, I’m probably being foolish, thinking only of today and not saving for tomorrow or for the rainy days to come. There might be some truth in that but still, I also think the present is very important. We could not just live our lives always thinking about what is to come. After all, who knows what the future will bring?

Look where did that get us? I feel that we missed out on a lot of things because she is so fearful about a lot of things also; being too preoccupied about the future; or simply being pessimistic. I keep wondering now if she would have acted differently then had she known we would lose Papa and Niño so early on? Would she have made some allowances for time, planned for more trips, see to it that we spend more time together? Because I know I would have.

Earlier, Bolo and I got into a misunderstanding owing to one of his moods again and I felt myself resenting him. I resented the fact that I’ve shared more things and opportunities with him than I’ve had with my brother. I find it ironic especially noting that my brother and I had gone a long, long way than Bolo and I did. I just felt that I did Bolo more favors than I did my brother. And yet here he is, causing me more pain than my brother ever did. I know it’s not good to feel this way at all but I do acknowledge that I feel it now. And I know I also had to honor such feelings.

Just But a Tiny Speck (On Parenthood and Gratitude)

Last night, some sense of pride and contentment washed over me as I watched Baby strut (he does strut, believe me hehe to me, it implies the fact that Baby has some healthy dose of self-confidence :)) his way out of the cinema. It’s his first time to watch a movie at the big screen. I have had my misgivings, after all he’s only a little over 2 years old. I wouldn’t want him traumatized in any way. I don’t know what being inside a huge, dark place, confronted by large images and loud sound would do to Baby.

Prior to watching the movie, I’ve tried to prepare them as best as I could. Janin was there too and it was her first time as well. But she’s already 5 years old so I’m a little less worried where she is concerned. I tried not to entertain thoughts of them both cowering in the darkness or crying out loud, begging to go out. I wouldn’t want that to happen.

To prepare them, I told them that the place we are going to is dark. I told them that over and over just so they would not be shocked upon entering the theater. I told them also that we are going to watch some cartoons but it’s going to be on a very large T.V. Baby was nodding his head the whole time (which was really cute) but I still had my doubts as to whether or not they fully understood what I mean.

The ticket cost 70 pesos each and there were four of us. It was quite costly. But I know we are paying for the experience (Baby and Janin’s) more than the movie itself so in my mind we were actually getting a bargain. I just hoped though that it would indeed be a nice experience for the both of them. And it was! :) And how happy I was. Back at the car on our way home, I couldn’t stop expressing my thank you’s for the experience, for Baby’s being able to take it all in really well, for having the money to watch the movie, etc. I said that while I cradled Baby on my lap. I want to instill in him the value of gratitude this early on. It had become a ritual for both of us every time I feel we have something to be thankful for.

Those are just “little” things true but I just feel that we take these things for granted a lot of times that we miss out on the chance to allow ourselves some “little” scenarios of happiness as well. True, watching a movie might be a common thing to most of us but for some out there, it is totally a luxury. Others don’t even have enough food to eat. This was impressed upon me further when Bolo and I stopped by a gasoline station to gas up.

Bolo noticed this little boy crossing the street on his own, unmindful of the vehicles speeding his way as well. Bolo pointed this out to me and wondered out loud where the “father” of the kid was. I was as concerned as he was but it also caught my fancy how he readily looked for the “father” and not the mother. I wondered a bit if it was a male thing. Bolo readily thought of the father since the role being in question is that of being the protector. It was just a little remark from him but it taught me a great deal about how he thinks on these matters. It also made me wonder about my own reaction. Who would I readily seek out – the mother or the father? Most likely, I’ll ask where the “parents” of the kid are. Taking care of our children after all is a shared responsibility.

Anyway, when the boy came close to Bolo’s window, Bolo lectured him about the danger of crossing the street. He asked the kid where his father was. (I rolled my eyes at this point wondering why it had to be the father hehehe) The kid was asking for money but we did not give him any. That’s when Bolo saw another kid close by doing the same thing. They must have been friends or siblings. So that was why they were there. They were out, risking themselves so they could have money. Hopefully, it is for food and not for something else. They seem to look like they just turned 5 or 6 years old. Bolo and I looked at each other and I told him we really have to take good care of ourselves since we could not leave Baby in such a state. God forbid!

It was an interesting night, another one of those that made me realize I truly have a lot to be thankful for. The movie we watched, by the way, was “Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears a Who!” which was interesting in itself. It was cartoons but I sat there, convinced that the context and the theme with which the whole movie revolves on would best be understood by adult audiences. It is a reminder that there are times that we take things or ourselves too seriously when for all we know, we could just be a tiny speck sitting on a flower being held by a lovable elephant named Horton. :)

Daydreaming

For five days straight I've been glued to my bed, bogged down by a real bad case of flu. I tried to report to work last Tuesday but only ended up calling Hubby to come and fetch me. I know I should have been happy finally getting a break and getting a well-needed rest. But nah! There’s a big difference about lazing all day under the shade, book in one hand and a fruity drink on the other than lying in bed, wheezing and sneezing your way to your last roll of tissue. Not to mention to have a humungous head ache to boot.

Today, the fever is gone though I’m not completely healed yet. I still have a bit of a cold and the occasional cough but thank God gone are the aching limbs and joints that I endured for several days. So right now, I sit here dreaming about having the chance to truly enjoy summer – take a trip with the family probably on some beach escapade or some mountain getaway. I’m so eager to get out of the house that even the thought of checking into one of the Davao Hotels downtown is proving to be very appealing. Haaay, I couldn’t wait to finally get better.