"Shallow Happiness"

It’s amazing how seeing Baby’s used shorts on the floor could fill me with so much happiness. Here’s the context – (1) the “floor” the shorts was on, was directly next to the laundry basket; (2) Since the day he was able to walk, I’ve already been asking Baby to put his used clothes to the laundry. So it really felt amazing to see him finally doing it on his own, without my having to remind him all the time. It filled me with a sense of pride and brought me so much happiness. It made me realize that mothers really have “shallow happiness” (mababaw ang kaligayahan hehehe).

It’s really amazing how Baby is starting to “shape up” under my very eyes. He had this tiny set of drawers that I also labeled. I always grew irritated before everytime I’d see Baby’s clothes are not in their proper places. So one day, I painstakingly labeled his drawers. I also drew on them. I’ve taken to putting in his pajamas on the topmost drawer. Another house his socks, shorts and nickers. The next drawer had his shirts and sando's while the bottom drawer is where his extra sweatshirts are. Each drawer had drawings on them, showing exactly what is in them.

It wasn’t really my intention to use the drawings for Baby’s benefit. When I was doing that, I was really paying homage to my artistic self more than anything else. What I did not know then is that it would come handy when it comes to “training” Baby.

Lately, he had been such a show off, always insisting on putting on his clothes himself, putting on his socks, etc. Every time he does that, I would have to “praise-overload” him least he would give up trying altogether. And it would always amuse me how his face would lit up every time I tell him how “very good” he is. It’s really cute.

So now, everytime I’d ask him to change his wet shirt or shorts, he would run to his drawer, point at the drawing on his drawer and say, “This one, Nanay?” or “Kani, Nanay?” And I would be grateful for the drawings. Just the other day also, while I was folding our newly laundered clothes, I let Baby take charge of his clothes. From where I sat, he eagerly got hold of his folded pajamas and ran to the other room only to come running back to get his folded shirts. When I checked, he had managed to put them in their exact drawers except for a couple of pajamas that strayed to where his shorts are. And while I was checking, he was eagerly waiting for my approval and it greatly amused me. I also felt my love for him doubled a hundred times over. Ah, motherhood truly has its rewards.

Musings

“Why can’t it last?” I turned to Bee and asked. We were still both in bed trying to get our bearings before getting up and start preparing for the day. I have just related how I had a pleasant dream about my crush paying me special attention – asking me how I was, and showing me special concern. And yes, I could talk to Bee about my crushes. Not that there are many or that I have one for a prolonged period of time. They’re usually just individuals with brilliant minds and passion for Mindanao, whom I would greatly admire. Well, I must add that they’re about my age and are not exactly lacking where the physical aspect is concerned hehehe

So, anyway, I was telling Bee about how I woke up feeling good from the dream. And, immediately, he dragged me out of the cloud I was floating on to remind me that “these things” happen only during the courtship stage and soon after will fade to oblivion. That was what the “why-not-last” question about. I asked why it could not last. I argued that it really depends on the couple. If they would make the effort, then certainly the relationship could retain its “courtship-like” atmosphere.

His quick rejoinder to what I said really had me thinking. Very quickly he said, “Lisod man gud mag-love pirmi sa gamug-ot!” Wahahaha! I mean yeah, it’s a simple statement but it certainly means a lot. Indeed it is difficult to feel the love consistently for someone who is constantly frowning or worrying or nagging you.

Come to think of it, the courtship stage is mostly about being your best self. You get flattered so you respond accordingly. You smile a lot, you’re a lot kinder, a lot more patient, etc. It’s no wonder there is nothing but “feel-good” energy during this stage. Now, marriage is an entirely different case altogether. It’s when you get to see the person for who s/he really is. And, it’s not always that you’ll find a reason to smile about. More often than not, there are (somehow) a lot more reasons to frown about.

Now, I’m wondering, can there not be a way to go past all of that? I mean, I’m not saying one should be delusional and turn a blind eye on problems just to maintain that “happy-nothing-is-wrong” atmosphere. All I’m saying is, is there not a way wherein we could tackle “problems” and “knots” in our relationship as something that are just momentary bumps in the road and not the be-all and end-all of the relationship? I mean sure, there are bound to be hardships along the way but do we just stop at that? Hmm… I know it’s easier said than done but really? All I’m trying to say is that sometimes, the way we look at things could spell a whole lot of difference.

What you seek is what you shall find. The “Secret” said something like, “You attract what you feel so strongly about.” So if you constantly focus on the negativities of your relationship then I guess that’s what you’ll get more of. Or is it? Just thinking out loud.