Like a typical, doting Tita, I bought you and
bombarded your days and nights with Mozart’s and classical music for babies. (Maybe that was also the reason why you have
such a distinct, sizeable, heart-shaped head hehehe) You were such a cute, hair-less baby that it
was such a delight to buy you clothes (Mama Gaga, Ate Lian, Ate Tunga and Lola
Linda did the same). You have become
Nanay’s little doll. Sorry for that one,
especially for taking such a long time to notice that you absolutely abhorred
putting on cutesy, little, frilly dresses and blouse.
Today, you’re turning 13, a full-fledged little
woman. If you notice, I refuse to call
you a little “lady” because of the many connotations that go along with the
term. And Nanay has caught on by now,
enough to know that using the word to describe you would be like referring to a
different person altogether. The term
does not fully capture your spirit, your spunk, your strength that you so
carefully hide under that quiet demeanor.
But Nanay has taken notice, Anak.
I see your strength and long so much to see you yield it.
I know Nanay has not always been there but I
would like to reiterate with you today what you, Forest and Rod often talk
about – Rod burst out and came to me the most natural way; Forest sprung out
through a huge CS-section through my tummy; but you came into my life through
my heart. There you have stayed
since.
I know that Nanay might seem so strict with you
before. While not wanting to make excuses,
you came at a time when Nanay was a bit young and so full of ideals about
things. At that time, Nanay did not have
the benefit yet from the lessons and joys learned brought about by mothering my
own offspring – Rod and eventually Forest. Nanay had learned so much since then
and hopefully, had adjusted accordingly.
Know that Nanay loves you very much.
My strictness might be borne out of the wrong assumption that you are
your father’s extension. I love you
father so much, Anak. I miss him
everday. He was the only brother I had
and having him taken away so early has brought on a void that I had
unconsciously thought you could fill.
But Nanay is more aware now and recognizes full well that you are your
own person.
You are now officially a teen. Recalling my own, I know it could be a stage
that could be quite confusing and exciting (Nanay wants to use the word, “exhilarating”
but you might find it puzzling. Look it
up at the dictionary though. Or should I
say, “google it”?) at the same time. It’s
a time when you would be struggling to find your own person, your own
style. It’s a time when 10 or more so
years down the line you would grimace at the pictures of you shown in “baduy”
outfits or things you would never be caught dead again wearing.
But guess what?
I would advise you to embrace such “kabaduyan” or awkwardness. Experiment with clothes. Wear whatever you
feel like wearing. Do not worry about
what other people would think or measure up your own fashion sense to other
people’s standards. I know you go to a
Catholic school (and from my own experience the Sisters might frown on this but
go ahead anyway) but yeah, experiment with different ways of wearing your hair. I know for now you insist on keeping it
long. Should you, however, feel like
wanting to chop them all off, wear curls, or have a shaved nape underneath
those long tresses, go ahead! Nanay will support you on that one (and even
argue with Lola if I have to! Hehehe)
What I’m trying to really say, Anak is that how
you look does not make your person. It’s
what is inside that truly matters and where you should spend more energy and
time on. I’m also saying that teenage
years could be confusing and you’d be struggling with trying to define who you
really are as a person. Well, I’ve got
news for you, that would never stop – that finding who you are. That is a never ending process as long as you
live and no matter how old you get. So
yeah, it’s okay to try on things but yeah within reasonable limits. BE CAREFUL NOT TO DO THINGS THAT LEADS TO LASTING
CONSEQUENCES. Do not trade momentary
“joys” for a lifetime of regrets. At
your age, telling which is which could really be difficult.
Always pray so that you would always be mindful
of God’s guidance. And always talk to
Nanay, Lola and Tatay to ask our opinion on things you’re trying to figure out
for yourself. Each of us might tell you
different things and truths. Take each
one, and listen closely which tugs at your heart the most.
It is Nanay’s wish that you would live up to
your truth, Anak. This sentence could be
quite confusing for now but Nanay is always here to always talk to you about
that one. I could not and never wish to
dictate you on how you ought to live your life but since I’ve been a teenager
once, have and is struggling through adulthood, I could impart lessons and
share with you things to help you avoid unnecessary pains. But yeah, Nanay’s truth could be very far
from your own. Your life’s journey could
be very different from mine. But, Nanay
(and Lola Linda and Lola Fely and Tatay and Mama Gaga, Ate Tunga, Ate Lian and
the rest of the family for that matter) is here to hold your hand, back you up all
throughout. Your Papa might not be here
anymore but his love for you shines and expresses itself through all of
us. Know that you are loved very
much.
I love you very much. Happy, happy birthday. Let’s have this conversation real soon when I’m
back home. Enjoy your day!
