To My Daughter by Heart, Janin

It seems only yesterday when you came so suddenly in our lives.  You were a welcome joy though, the new baby in the family after having Ate Lian fully grown up and leaving for the UK.  You made my being a Tita finally official, being my only brother’s daughter. 

Like a typical, doting Tita, I bought you and bombarded your days and nights with Mozart’s and classical music for babies.  (Maybe that was also the reason why you have such a distinct, sizeable, heart-shaped head hehehe)  You were such a cute, hair-less baby that it was such a delight to buy you clothes (Mama Gaga, Ate Lian, Ate Tunga and Lola Linda did the same).  You have become Nanay’s little doll.  Sorry for that one, especially for taking such a long time to notice that you absolutely abhorred putting on cutesy, little, frilly dresses and blouse. 

Today, you’re turning 13, a full-fledged little woman.  If you notice, I refuse to call you a little “lady” because of the many connotations that go along with the term.  And Nanay has caught on by now, enough to know that using the word to describe you would be like referring to a different person altogether.  The term does not fully capture your spirit, your spunk, your strength that you so carefully hide under that quiet demeanor.  But Nanay has taken notice, Anak.  I see your strength and long so much to see you yield it. 

I know Nanay has not always been there but I would like to reiterate with you today what you, Forest and Rod often talk about – Rod burst out and came to me the most natural way; Forest sprung out through a huge CS-section through my tummy; but you came into my life through my heart.  There you have stayed since. 

I know that Nanay might seem so strict with you before.  While not wanting to make excuses, you came at a time when Nanay was a bit young and so full of ideals about things.  At that time, Nanay did not have the benefit yet from the lessons and joys learned brought about by mothering my own offspring – Rod and eventually Forest. Nanay had learned so much since then and hopefully, had adjusted accordingly. 

Know that Nanay loves  you very much.  My strictness might be borne out of the wrong assumption that you are your father’s extension.  I love you father so much, Anak.  I miss him everday.  He was the only brother I had and having him taken away so early has brought on a void that I had unconsciously thought you could fill.  But Nanay is more aware now and recognizes full well that you are your own person.

You are now officially a teen.  Recalling my own, I know it could be a stage that could be quite confusing and exciting (Nanay wants to use the word, “exhilarating” but you might find it puzzling.  Look it up at the dictionary though.  Or should I say, “google it”?) at the same time.  It’s a time when you would be struggling to find your own person, your own style.  It’s a time when 10 or more so years down the line you would grimace at the pictures of you shown in “baduy” outfits or things you would never be caught dead again wearing. 

But guess what?  I would advise you to embrace such “kabaduyan” or awkwardness.  Experiment with clothes. Wear whatever you feel like wearing.  Do not worry about what other people would think or measure up your own fashion sense to other people’s standards.  I know you go to a Catholic school (and from my own experience the Sisters might frown on this but go ahead anyway) but yeah, experiment with different ways of wearing your hair.  I know for now you insist on keeping it long.  Should you, however, feel like wanting to chop them all off, wear curls, or have a shaved nape underneath those long tresses, go ahead! Nanay will support you on that one (and even argue with Lola if I have to! Hehehe)

What I’m trying to really say, Anak is that how you look does not make your person.  It’s what is inside that truly matters and where you should spend more energy and time on.  I’m also saying that teenage years could be confusing and you’d be struggling with trying to define who you really are as a person.  Well, I’ve got news for you, that would never stop – that finding who you are.  That is a never ending process as long as you live and no matter how old you get.  So yeah, it’s okay to try on things but yeah within reasonable limits. BE CAREFUL NOT TO DO THINGS THAT LEADS TO LASTING CONSEQUENCES.  Do not trade momentary “joys” for a lifetime of regrets.  At your age, telling which is which could really be difficult.

Always pray so that you would always be mindful of God’s guidance.  And always talk to Nanay, Lola and Tatay to ask our opinion on things you’re trying to figure out for yourself.  Each of us might tell you different things and truths.  Take each one, and listen closely which tugs at your heart the most. 

It is Nanay’s wish that you would live up to your truth, Anak.  This sentence could be quite confusing for now but Nanay is always here to always talk to you about that one.  I could not and never wish to dictate you on how you ought to live your life but since I’ve been a teenager once, have and is struggling through adulthood, I could impart lessons and share with you things to help you avoid unnecessary pains.  But yeah, Nanay’s truth could be very far from your own.  Your life’s journey could be very different from mine.  But, Nanay (and Lola Linda and Lola Fely and Tatay and Mama Gaga, Ate Tunga, Ate Lian and the rest of the family for that matter) is here to hold your hand, back you up all throughout.  Your Papa might not be here anymore but his love for you shines and expresses itself through all of us.  Know that you are loved very much. 

I love you very much.  Happy, happy birthday.  Let’s have this conversation real soon when I’m back home.  Enjoy your day!