I can't help but cry a little as I watch Rod's sleepy face through Skype. I was able to talk to him early morning (foregoing sleep) for the traditional waking up and blowing of the cake. But he was sleepy even then and had to rush for school so we did not have a proper conversation.
Then in the middle of a meeting, Tatay sent me photos through viber, signaling that the family is celebrating. I was dying to talk to them then but the discussion was critical :( By the time I was able to get through, Rod was no longer answering properly, probably getting ready to sleep already. After a while, Tatay called through Skype and my heart sank noting the "dark" background. It meant the lights in the bedroom are off. The kids are asleep.
Good thing they were just about to fall asleep. Forest was wide awake and was even chatty, saying repeatedly, "Sleepy ang birthday boy, Nanay!" :) She was so cute.
Rod was already dozing off when Tatay brought the camera to his face :P I engaged him in a conversation and that is when I cried. I asked him about his birthday and how his day was. When I asked him if there was a cake, Forest quipped, "Pizza!" (Rod wanted it so). When I asked what the flavor was, Rod replied it was pepperoni and I was like, "It's meat!" Rod's retort was really funny -- "It was the only thing that was buy-one-take-one." Hahaha! Stringy Tatay huh?
The best thing about today though was that Rod woke up when I asked him if we could pray together for his birthday. We prayed for the usual, that he grow up to be really kind-hearted and be able to make a contribution in his own, little way. We pray that he be guided towards the direction of his dreams and that they all come true. We prayed that he be gifted with mentors and quality friendships. I'm lucky enough in that aspect and I'm wishing the same thing for the children. I can see that Rod appreciated the whole thing and I draw comfort in that.
All in all, Rod's birthday is simple. There was no big party. But I certainly went overboard this year, sharing old blogs as the day neared. The funny thing was that Tatay had to point out to me that he and Rod actually find it tiring to read through all of my musings. So the "sentimental" in me had to step aside to choose blogs that are short and with photos. Better that than having them going through the motion of conversation in a forced manner. It was supposed to be a joyful sharing, not a burden. I know in time, Rod would be able to appreciate the long letters and entries next time...
So yeah, the lengths that I have to go through just to defy the fact that we are apart. I know there is nothing I can do about the physical distance but I've tried in the past -- and there is always a way -- to move mountains just to make the children feel that I am still "there." "Being there" is something I would always work hard at establishing. I know full well that nothing could compensate for the physical presence, to be able to give an actual hug, a kiss... But given the situation, there is nothing I can do about that but I could definitely find creative ways to demonstrate that yes, Nanay is still there for them, in more ways than one. That, and to be able to show them clearly just how much I love them and how much they mean to me. But yeah, soon for the real, warm hugs... I love you so much, Rod.
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