Sacred Contract

You told me, you sit in silence at the top

Thinking, longing for me.

Were you thinking

Of how things are shaping up?

Intention behind certain insistence, 

Suddenly crystal clear?

I come from the position of love.

Always.

Decisions are based on nothing but.

If I give my all

In everything else, 

How much more for you?

You are me.

We are one.

My own unfolding is tied up with yours.

I am much committed to your own,

As my own becoming.

I sit in silence and think

How it had to be me in your life.

Because I would stay

When everyone else had left

Despite self-preservation lashing back

That caused me so much pain.

You see,

There's no pushing me away.

I am whole

Where you are broken.

I have signed up for this

Long before the rebirth.

So lick your wounds

Stop thinking you're unworthy.

You are

Worth all the love

I can give

And much more.

I love you, B.

Working at Loving Better Everyday

Today's gem: Tatay and I texting, with him telling me his back ached from carrying both Rod and Forest for a long time. Ate Janin's celebrity idols are in town for the city's charter day celebration. Since there was quite a crowd, Tatay had to swing Forest over his neck and carry Rod so they both could see the stage.

My heart expanded at the picture he was describing. He almost did not go since Ate Janin disappeared at midday without asking permission. I had to coax him, pointing out it would be a missed opportunity. Good thing he listened. That's what I love about him. Most of the time he listens. And he sure tries so hard to be better at loving the children. We both do.

Thank you, God. We are not perfect parents. We are still very much a work in progress as individual persons but thank You for giving us the grace each time to work at being better persons, better parents... More loving and discerning...  

Of Forest, Treks and Spending Time

There were a lot of "gifts" yesterday.  One was in finally being able to go on a trek in Kurdistan.  While it is not the usual adrenaline-pumping, "conquered-much-of-myself" mountaineering feat, I felt grateful just the same. I never thought I could go on a trek here.

Another one is spending time with colleagues.  Albeit most of our staff are really young, it was fun just spending a day with them. The culture here is not much different from home.  Family is of utmost importance as well.  

Speaking of family, another gem was talking to Forest on the phone.  I miss her and her cute little voice, just thinking about it.  She relayed to me how she got sick one time and I was not there.  She was not certain of the date and so she had to ask Lola when was it she got sick.  She repeated the line, "when Nanay was not here."  My daughter is feeling my absence.  More than anything, she wants me to be there when she gets sick.  Whose child wouldn't? Sigh. A few more months, Anak.  I am grateful we are afforded to see each other every three months.  Others are not as lucky, especially those who gets to go home only every two years.  And yet, it's true.  Whether 3 months or 2 years, I know I am missing much of your growing up years.  I know you have that longing to have me there as often as possible.  

Sending you hugs and kisses, Forest from across the miles.  I miss you so much.

Of Spreadsheets and Intimacy

Today's gem: Tatay and I sharing screens in Skype and worked out an excel sheet of our monthly budget.

It felt very intimate to me no matter how unromantic spreadsheets and numbers could be. I liked the fact that we were working together, making adjustments together. I loved the fact that despite the distance, we still find ways to connect and to make our marriage function as it should.

Thank you, God for the grace.