Be

Today was a good day. There was a lot of learning for me, work-wise and even at a personal level.  I’m not gonna go into the boring details of talking about work.  Also, the urgency I’ve felt to pen these “aha-moments” down is something deeper than my realizations on how I can do my work better…

So I sat there listening, interacting and learning on a more cerebral level.  And then, out of the blue it hit me.  Maybe it had something to do with who the person is but looking at him, I thought about Rod.  I remember a particular incident wherein a classmate tagged him in an fb post and making a reference to his effeminate mannerisms.  I know it is childhood innocence at play but I remember being a bit upset about it. My motherly, protective instinct got amped really high. 

I think some part of me is remembering as well how children can be cruel too.  I’ve had my share of that while growing up.  And yes, of course that is all processed and forgiven.  I’ve come a long way but what I could remember from it, was that it was a pain I want to spare my children from. 

So back to that incident, I remember getting in touch with Tatay right away to check on Rod.  To ask him to ask Rod carefully whether he might be getting somewhat bullied in school but is just not telling us.  I remember getting in touch with Rod right away and asking the same thing.  Of course, I tried my best to handle it really well.  I know ensuring that your child continues to trust you on most things is very important and that very little could break that trust. 

Anyway, so all of these things were running in my head (at, probably, one hundred miles per minute as everything was very quick.  I guess being attuned to the universe, one gains the aptitude for thought processes running within close range of the speed of light wahehe!).   I was also brought back to the time when Tatay and I would have conversations on this and how relieved I was in knowing that like me, our children’s being who they are comes part and parcel of our love for them – unconditional and a given.  And not something that had to be a certain way before we can respond accordingly.  To me that’s a big thing, knowing Tatay loves our children and that he do not have this notion, picture in his head as to how they should be. 

I had an inkling of this when Rod totally shied away from soccer.  I thought Tatay had this dream of having his son follow on his footsteps and become another football “somebody” in his own little way. When it turned out Rod doesn’t want any of it, Tatay did nothing.  He was like, just shrugged it off and that was that.  I guess I was the one more wanting Rod to reconsider.    Me and that image in my head – the should’s and the-what-ought-to-be’s (rolling of the eyes here). 

So, that’s when it hit me.  As parents, we often have dreams for our children.  We work so hard – well, at least in our case – to make sure that we are able to afford them with as much opportunity as we can. And by dreams, we often have this notion that it comes in the form of achieving something – becoming a doctor, a lawyer, a businessman or finding themselves doing something that they love like being a visual artist, a musician, a writer or what have-you’s.  But do we ever for one minute just consider, letting them be, letting them unfold to whoever they want to be. 

Oh this is something we think about and very seriously consider.  But even so, I have to admit that it is something that I am not truly conscious about.  I remember writing about in my letter to Rod when I was still pregnant with him about how I am holding my breath in anticipation to being a witness to his own becoming… I still do, but often being in the world, we lose our way and become trapped in all these societal, popular notion of what “success” looks like and wanting that for our children.  But now, sitting here, thinking about this more fully, “success” should be equated with our children, growing up to be persons expressing their truth (whatever that is) freely, joyfully and without fear.  I don’t even want to talk about “potential” because that gets easily tainted with all those “societal notions.” 

But yeah, how often do we allow ourselves to think and define this so-called success as them, simply becoming their authentic self? To be, become, unfold into the persons they are meant to be?  Like freely choosing, defining for themselves what their sexual orientation would be, food preferences, the things that they value and hold dear, and the causes they would want to believe in and fight for?  To be able to express themselves, their truth in ways they would want to?

And how as parents do we ever "prepare" for that? Right now, the answer that readily comes to mind is really to love... To make them grow up secure in the knowledge that as they define themselves, we are here -- to hold their hand, love without judgment and ever ready to have their back no matter what. That no matter if they would be judged, criticized by others for the choices that they make, they can count on us to be there, ready to listen and have faith in them. That though as parents (as distinct individuals ourselves) we may not often understand what they may choose for themselves, we know that these sprung forth from within them, dictated by their own truth and something we ought to respect as well.  That and maybe also always working hard at being more conscious of our parenting… of being our own authentic self as well… Because, children also learn by watching us.  We are, after all, their “first line” where “education” is concerned.  We are the most closest to them and the one they identify with the most… Whew! Such a tall order.  Abba God, help me.