The Beginning of an End

I was sitting down working at an immediate task but at the same time, thinking also of the things I need to be wrapping up, work-wise, before I leave.  I was suddenly brought back to the time when the family was still deciding on my coming here.

That was  two years ago.  How time flies.  I remember how Rod was giving me a hard time.  He said he does not want to see me go.  He was pretty stubborn about it too, not wanting to talk to me.  But Tatay, when I least expected it, stepped in to say, "But Nanay had to do this for herself, Rod.  She had to find out for herself if she can do it.  We cannot take that away from her.  Then after that she will be home."  Or words to that effect and of course in Tagalog-Bisaya.

And indeed, I've "found out" so much in the past two years.  I've learned that:

- I can do it
- There is always something one can contribute
- I am much, much stronger than I thought
- Indeed it is very difficult to be away from the family, the children most of all
- Love for one's country, one's causes can also extend to places where you find yourself in
- Love comes in various form and levels
- I've reaffirmed that I love passionately and give more of me in whatever "role" and "responsibility" I find myself in
- I am human. I get lonely, gets depressed, can be very petty, and gets tired
- I do rise again... work again... give more of me again despite having bouts of exhaustion
- Love conquers distance.  You always find a way.
- I am loyal, know my limits well and operate within them
- My circle of closest friends can still expand and can be composed of people I've just met, share no history with but have instant connection and shared values (I so love my Kurdish "family")
- My God finds me whereever I may be and continue to bless me immensely
- I am indeed blessed, so much blessed in so many aspects of my life

I've learned so much in the past two years that I've been here.  Now that I'm taking steps of wrapping things up, I get melancholic.

I am finally leaving.  I'm counting the weeks.  Who knew that what was initially planned to be just a three-month "see-for-myself-get-right-back-home" could expand into two years?  I remember telling myself, "Okay, I'll give myself a full four season cycle." But since then, I've spent two of each -- summer, autumn, winter and spring.  I'd be leaving, inshallah, on my third summer  here.  And summer is phenomenal in Iraq hehehe

I remember taking my two-month break last year and came back during summer.  The heat immediately engulfed me as soon as I stepped out of the plane.  Then on my second day, we hit 50 degrees.

Oh! but the warmth I felt here from colleagues and friends. I've been embraced like family and taken into their homes without hesitation.  For which I am truly grateful.  I've suffered indigestion twice after such visits, having eaten so much food! :)  I'll miss all of these for sure.You  don't know just how you've all settled into this tiny chamber in the corner of my heart.

I'd miss Kurdistan's mountains and its landscape's ever changing hue -- white, green, a distinct shade of yellow, brown... and spring's splashes of color here and there... These never fail to enthrall me during my 5 to 6 travel to and from Erbil-Kalar.

But for now, I still have enough time. I've been everywhere but I've been here the longest, away from home.  So, I'm making the most of my remaining weeks.  I'm gonna be working like crazy (that would not change) to properly wrap things up.  But, I would also be hoarding a lot of these memories while I still can...