On my first
day of finally settling in here in Nairobi, quite unexpected, but I was able to
participate in a Mass celebration right away.
As I sat there, I felt validated again by God’s promise that indeed He
finds me (or rather He would be there waiting for me), whether I cross an
ocean, climb the highest mountain or be in a valley. I was beyond grateful and
humbled.
As if I needed
convincing, one Saturday I found myself sitting inside an MOPH Shrine in a
middle of an early morning Mass. The fact that our family family devotion that Mama started is that of Mother of Perpetual Help was not entirely lost on me. I sat
there crying as the final hymn spoke of wanderers’ asking for blessings,
guidance and protection. Am I not one?
Is God favouring me again by finding ways to ‘speak’ to me?
Finding
time to read’s today’s gospel, again He found me while I was just going about
my day. The gospel spoke of a lot of things – about Jesus’ defying an image of
Him being meek and gentle by rebuking the Pharisee’s and calling out Herod
Antipas as a (sly) fox. What struck me the most though was the picture that
Jesus painted of God as a hen wanting (desperately) to gather all of His
children under His wings. It shook me to
the core and I am fighting my tears right now, reflecting about it.
To me, the
image speaks of so much love. The gospel
speaks about God sending one prophet over the other to bring His people back to
Him. And by back to Him, it really meant
to be under His care and protection. And yet, as Jesus pointed out, Jerusalem
killed them all. And we all know that
even God’s own son did not escape from the same plight. The reading pointed out that the message of
all those prophets is really all about God’s love and His wanting to follow His
commandments.
I sit here
reflecting on what that means exactly.
I was amused at one point as I caught myself asking, “Which so-called ‘sins’
are acceptable?” It seems that my “very”
human self is trying to find ways to be able to have my cake and eat it too. It’s
like I was saying, “Sure, I can give it a shot – following God’s will but I
want to also know whether there are certain licenses and ‘leisure’ I still can
enjoy while doing so.” Truly, human
flesh speaking :) But then I grew sober when I got reminded by Jesus’
definition of following God’s will and that is to love God with all our hearts
and to love our neighbours as ourselves. I readily told myself I do love God.
But then again grew quiet as I reflect on how does that love translate into
action? Sure, my heart breaks and tears
readily come to mind in as simple as listening to worship songs and reflecting
on God’s love and faithfulness to me and my family. It does not take much thinking though to be certain
that, that is not enough.
If I am to
think of “key performance indicators” being the MEAL practitioner that I am,
perhaps I could come up with 10 indicators or so. But I am also thinking that my thoughts and
ways would always fall short of God’s own.
What I may think as a way of loving God could exceed or fall short of
what God may want and mean.
I sit here
and think that perhaps the journey alone – that self-journey or the finding of
the self and of pondering on God’s desires for us—might just be what He asks of us. Not some grand gesture or action
that our human brains can conjure.
Maybe, it could be as simple as being our best self in every situation
we find ourselves in. It could simply be, being mindful of our own talents and
skills and putting that to good use or spending time to cultivate them even
more. It could be as simple as accepting ourselves as who we are – strengths,
faults and all – and loving our very selves because God created us so consciously
that He lovingly knows of every detail as the exact number of hair on our
heads (
Indeed,
Your thoughts are not our thoughts, God.
And perhaps your desire is for us to continuously live in awe and wonder
of all the great things that You do. Sya
nawa.
