The Orbital Blog

Pre-post note:  While it hasn't become a "tradition" yet, I do try my best to come up with a birthday blog because it gives me the opportunity to take stock of how I've been leading my life and how far along am I in my journey towards the unfolding of my truth...  The post below was done on the eve of this year's birthday.  In the middle of a very big event, I was grateful to have found the time to sit down, get in touch with my feelings and pen them down...

03 July 2013
11:30 PM
Working on a birthday. I remember a few weeks back how I was mulling the possibility of taking a birthday leave. Was really very busy lately, with quite a hectic travel schedule also thrown in the mix. I figured, I earned 3-day leave credits from having my field visits fall on a holiday and 2 weekend days. I might as well claim at least a day.

Yet, here I am, on the eve of my birthday, just wrapped up a press release article for tomorrow and making a list of the things that needed to be addressed by tomorrow as well. But, I'm not complaining one bit. If anything, thinking about the whole thing got me started on the process of counting my blessings.

For Peace. The activity in question is a "Peace" Summit. I feel privileged to have been given a chance to be a part of it. That I am making a contribution, albeit minute, underlines to me how I wouldn't want to live my life in any other way. Again, I'm filled with a sense of gratitude, thinking about my life and my work that gives me the opportunity to pursue my own passions, beliefs and things that I feel lend more meaning to who I am.

Indeed, I have a lot to be grateful for. This afternoon, while I was busy attending to my task it suddenly dawned on me that some of my closest friends and the recent acquaintances who have come to mean so much are also pursuing the same passion, pushing for the same advocacy, giving so much of themselves to the same causes I also believe in. Sitting there, I suddenly realized how at that very instant I am surrounded with persons who had done and are still doing so much for peace in Mindanao.

It felt good to hear the "veterans" talk.  It is inspiring to realize that they have been in this "struggle" the longest and must have faced countless defeat and disappointments and yet they do not sound jaded at all. If anything the message I hear from them is: "Let us go on!  Let us continue working for peace. Something needs to be done. Let us be proactive and leave nothing to chance.  Let us make things happen!"  Ah, such indefatigable spirit.

And so I count another blessing.  Truly Mindanao is a land of promise.  Personally, more than a promise, Mindanao is a land of dreams.  It is where dreams are made... dreams and longing for peace and better quality of life for every Mindanaoans -- women, men and children...

That I was born and raised amidst the richness of its culture, the bountifulness of its natural wealth and the beauty of its people (such steadfast, earnest people with so much love and passion for nature, for community, for truth...), is such a blessing indeed.  As any Mindanaoan, the land helped shape who I am, what my beliefs and values are, and the things I want to pursue.

God... Abba... Father... truly You have given me so much.  Looking back on how my life was and how it is shaping to be, I feel Your loving presence in every step of the way.  Even on my trying moments I never felt forsaken. I feel Your gentle nudging and constant guidance.  For that, I could not thank You enough.

Thank You for the quality of friendships and relationships You've gifted me with.  Such genuine, loving souls, You've surrounded me.  I could not count with my hands all the people who have loved, inspired and taught me to be the person that I am now.  They manifest to me Your loving, nurturing presence.

It is such a wonderful, wonderful journey, Lord.  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Posts that never got finished: On Leaving 2011 Behind (My thoughts on my work)

I stumbled across several entries saved as "drafts" that I never really had a chance to complete for one reason or another.  Below is one of them.  I think I attempted to write my "new-yearly" blogs but got distracted or too busy to ever complete it.  I felt the need to post it so I would be reminded of how I feel about my work... of working... 

It still surprises me, reading this now, how much value I put into what I do and into being able to make a contribution. Reading this now, I am once again reminded about the things that I value and how differently I "operate."  I put so much premium in finding meaning in everything and I'm sure it could be both a boon and a bane.  It is good to be reminded by this.  So... as I again try to find my center... I can be reminded why I make the choices that I do and why I act a certain way and to try to find my truth amidst it all.

Two days from now and it's another year. 2011 would probably be my busiest (judging from the two entry I've only managed to pen down this year). It's as if I just buzzed through this year, having a lot of things to do. Foremost, I'm a Mom to a daughter who just turned one this year and juggling a career on top of that.

Funny at how I hesitate at having to use the word, "career." To me the word connotes something external, that one actively pursues to gain other people's approval or something. It leaves a bad taste to my mouth, somewhat. My work, the one that I do, is to me something very personal. It is something that is very much a part of "me." To me, my work is not something that I do from without but something that I get involved in, to further shape what's within...

There may be times that I complain about being tired but in truth, I love to work. I love being productive and being able to contribute to a bigger cause out there. While my family may be very important to me, being able to work afford me with another great opportunity for self-expression. In other words, my work helps define who I am and a great deal at that because it allows me to utilize my talents and build my skill on a lot of things. But then, I digress once again.

What I'm really trying to point out is that... 

Finding Center

Restless...
Wanting to be somewhere else but not knowing exactly where...
Present and wandering all at once...
Rooted and yet yearning...
Centered but diffused just the same...
Calm and accepting... and yet also reaching out...
Steady and stretched, all in a bundle...

I miss... you.

Non-profit

Rod, who is ever entrepreneurial, is at it again. When I told him to find ways this summer to grow his travel savings, he proudly told me they made and sold ice candy earlier today. 

I congratulated him on his 6-peso earnings only to be aghast at finding out they made use of our organic cocoa drink which sells at 100++ peso per small bottle. Lugi ang negosyo! Hehe But saluting the entrepreneurial spirit just the same

Being a Man, as St. Joseph Exemplifies

This morning, I attended the Misa de Galleo in Ateneo Grade School chapel since the Grade One community is one of the sponsors.  I’m on my third day this year and hoping to make it till the 9^th.

The priest’s take on today’s gospel was insightful. When normally, it would either be Mama Mary or Baby Jesus who would be highlighted, he focused instead on St. Joseph.  He started by sharing how last night, he had an interview with a young couple set to take the sacrament of the Holy Matrimony.  He pointed out how the excitement and anticipation that both feel for the occasion was very apparent.  He noted that this could very well be how St Joseph felt at the prospect of marrying Mary, only to find out that Mary is already pregnant.

The priest painted a “good” person in Joseph in the latter's opting to just “quietly” divorce Mary.  What the priest did not point out, but what I was made to think of, was that in those times, women like Mary would be executed -- stoned to death.  

On Life Saving and Livelihoods

Note: I accidentally deleted this very same entry earlier.  Posted this last week.  In the process, I also deleted the comments given :( My apologies, but thank you for your kind words :)

It’s Sunday afternoon but I am in the office, sitting in a huddle as we discussed the reports coming from the ground.  Rapid assessment teams had been fielded the day after Typhoon Bopha had wreaked havoc on the various towns in Compostela Valley and Davao Oriental – New Bataan, Compostela, Laak, Baganga, Boston and Cateel the most affected. 

We sat there as reports are being relayed to us.  Most of what was said, we’ve already read on the online reports and seen on television.  However, when the discussion moved on to the affected livelihoods, my interest got peaked and I’m pretty sure, for a lot of us in the room as well.

Visiting Laak

HRC and Oxfam distribute hygiene and water kits to residents of Brgy. Kidawa in Laak

    A resident of Brgy. Kidawa in Laak, Compostela Valley, 51-year old Susan Unuangay looks pensively at the land before her – the muddy, now-unproductive rice fields and the barren mountains beyond. She shared, “Karon pa mi kita na ana diay ang porma anang mga bukida. Sa una, ga-green-green ra na siya, puno ug punuan. Mao bugnaw kini among lugar. Karon, musakit imong ulo, sa kasuga sa adlaw.” (It is only now that we know that the mountains are shaped that way. Before, we see nothing but green because of the trees. We also used to enjoy cooler days now, our heads would ache because of the glaring heat of the sun.)

I could hear from the bedroom Rod calling out distinctly from the kitchen: "Nanay, kunin mo si Forest dito!" And Forest answering in her singsong but equally determined voice, "Hindi!!" Again Rod: "Nanay, kunin mo na talaga si Forest. Kunin mo na talaga!!!" And Forest countering, "Hindi! Hindiii!" Haha! What bliss. Turned out Forest is playong with water and doesn't want to be interrupted tongue emoticon 

Tatay, you're missing a lot! Even your panga and sashimi there in GenSan could not top being with these makukulit na kiddos. Ingat sa byahe.

What's in a brand?

I just found out that the brand of coffee that my mother enjoys (and so we have a common supply at home) is from a company that has been repeatedly accused of unjust labor practices.  Of which, the most alarming is their turning a blind eye on illegal and forced child labor rampant in their cocoa farms.  It had been reported that as many as 100,000 child laborers are working in hazardous conditions on these farms.  There were even reported cases wherein children between 9 and 12 years old are tricked or sold into slavery to these farms for just $30 each. (http://www.laborrights.org/creating-a-sweatfree-world/ethical-consumerism/news/)

To Pass on the Torch

I’m currently developing a concept note for a poverty alleviation project.  Inevitably, I had to surf the net for the country’s latest poverty statistics.  It wasn’t just the tables and figures that I came to.  I stumbled upon reports as well, bearing photographs on its covers showing exactly what poverty means in this country. 

The tables and figures are impersonal, merely black and white representation of the cold facts.  By looking at them, they appear to just be a jumble of numbers, albeit incomprehensible to some.  In contrast, the pictures would immediately leap at you.  You see dilapidated nipa huts with wide-eyed children peering out of windows.  You see pictures of bare-*$$3d, barefooted children, with protruding bellies that seemed an ironic representation of the hunger that beset them every day. 

Samu't-saring Produkto at Kwento sa Women's Market

Imagine this picture in your head: women, from different parts of Mindanao – some from some obscure sitio in the mountains of Lanuza, Surigao del Sur; Some from the hinterlands of Agusan del Sur, of Bukidnon, of Misamis Oriental; Some, from a coastal community in Davao Oriental; And some, from a small island facing the Pacific, in Hinatuan, Surigao del Sur.

Ibuan Visit

I looked in consternation at Nanay Gloria who seemed to be “gliding” up ahead. In contrast, I trudged along, feeling my lower limbs getting heavier and stiffer by the minute. I tried to ignore the discomfort I was feeling as I tried my best to catch up. But, how can one catch up with a 54-year-old woman – with seeming wings on her feet - who have walked the same path day in and day out for as long as she can remember? :P

Of Rain and Hearts

The rain is beating hard on the windshield and I noted with irony how Parokya ni Edgar's take on Apo's "Pumapatak na Naman ang Ulan" is blaring loudly from the car's stereo. Forest is snuggling on my lap. Rod is leaning against my left shoulder. Janin and Mama are seated right at the back. As Tatay and I sang along to the music, I acknowledged the feeling of contentment that washed over me...

I felt grateful for everything: for the comfortable ride that's protecting us from the rain and making our going home not at all that difficult. I know a lot others are less lucky than us and had to endure getting soaked while trudging through flooded streets. We passed by a taxi driver getting out of his unit to check on it. Tatay and I both remarked how difficult it must be for all taxi drivers who had to endure the scorching heat of the sun the entire day only to get wet at night.

Most of all, however, I was very grateful for my family and the fact that we are all together. I was even grateful for the music and how it helps foster that atmosphere of togetherness. We were listening to the entire “Kami NAPO Muna Album.” I could go on and on as to how great it is but that’s a different blog altogether, not to mention, that a lot of raving reviews have been written about it since its release.

Today is Valentine’s Day. For all the hype about it, I can’t help but be among those who marks the date as a “special occasion.” But, if only for the fact that it provides one the venue and the excuse to once again fuss about one’s loved ones.

I’ve been very busy for like forever. I don’t see myself slowing down for another decade or so (God-willing). That is why I look forward to “special dates” to allow myself some breathing space and spend some “extra” special time with family.

These days, the demands of work and other preoccupations could easily take a toll on one’s relationships. Often, we lose sight of the things that really matter like health and family. So, yeah, others may call it corny to celebrate Heart’s Day but if it gives me an excuse to make extra effort to show my love and appreciation for my family and the people that I care about, then I’d take being corny and cheesy any time. After all, what other people thinks doesn’t really matter. Family and relationships are what matters most. That, and their knowing full well how much they are valued and appreciated by me.

Happy Heart’s Day family and loved ones. You certainly mean the whole world to me though I maybe too busy to tell and show you that everyday.

To my family and friends, thank you for the conversations, for the love and the time and the memories. Let’s set aside some time from our busy lives to re-connect once again :) But the good thing about good friends and one’s family is that you don’t need to see each other often just to know that you can always count on them and that the love is there.

To Tatay, thank you for the flowers this morning and the movie date last Sunday. Thank you for taking the time, everyday, just to tell me how you find me in your eyes. Thank you for letting me be who I am and for letting me pursue all the things that matter to me. There may be times that I feel that being married is “crimping” my style, not giving me enough time to accomplish all my work concerns. The truth is, you are my wings. You take care of some of my responsibilities just so you could allow me to pursue what I’m passionate about. You are the greatest running buddy there is, both in the tracks and in life. Thank you for supporting me in more ways than one. I love you.

To Mama, there are no words enough to capture the gratitude I feel for your simply being who you are in my life, in our lives. I love you more than I can show you how...

Weaving Dreams (Why I Love my Job)

True, there might be days (like today) when I'd feel as if there is nothing but endless work deliverables. If truth be told however, I certainly wouldn't want to be doing anything else. Development work can indeed be very taxing not just to the body, and not just emotionally but your soul gets bruise every now and then as well. This morning though, something happened that again reiterated to me why I chose to be involved in what I do and why I wouldn't want to be anywhere but where I am now.

We are on a monitoring visit, visiting one of our Partner NGO's area of intervention. It wasn't the first time for me. I've visited this particular site several times in the past. What makes it special this time, however, is the fact that I am with two photo journalists who are also from Davao. We have an upcoming event come March and part of which is featuring the lives of some women farmers and women fishers. This morning, we are there to interview one of those women.

Without necessarily pre-empting the whole thing, Manang Dolores' story is really compelling. Hers is that of a single mother, giving all she's got in order to ensure the well being of her children. Living in the rural areas, the opportunities are not exactly abounding. She had to make do with subsistence farming in order to make ends meet. The good thing about her -- and the number of women like her in their area who involved themselves in rubber farming -- is the fact that they did not just stop and contend themselves with what life dishes out at them. Instead, they started creating opportunities for themselves and for their families.

During my first visit in the area I was already amazed at the kind of spirit that these women have displayed. But my admiration for them grew even more when I got to know them more intimately.

Rubber is a long gestating crop. With proper handling and following the right protocols, one can only start earning an income from it after five years. That's long alright, especially when viewed against the daily subsistence needs of the children and families of these women. Feeding their children is a daily concern. Sending them to school is a daily concern as well. Attending to the well being of their families is something that these women contend with everyday. It is not something they could postpone for five years -- the same amount of time they would spend waiting for their rubber trees to start becoming productive and bringing in income for the family.

And yet, despite this, these women persevere. After attending to daily household chores, they would walk 2 to 3 kilometers in order to visit their farms and tend to their growing rubber trees. One of the women even shared to me how precious their rubber trees are to them. She pointed out that at times, she had to leave her little children behind just to tend to her rubber trees. That made me wonder. How come these women put so much value on their rubber trees so much so that while they obviously have certain misgivings about leaving their children behind, they would do so, just so they could religiously tend to their rubber farms. Then I suddenly remembered attending several FGD sessions with these rubber farmers (both women and men) a few months back. I remembered how a good number of them have shared that for them, the rubber trees are their "ticket to the future." A good number of the participants had then shared that they look at rubber as something that would ensure the future of their children and even that of their grandchildren. To these women (and men), the rubber trees hold far more significance than its promise of income in the next five years.

I can't help but admire as well our partner NGO for having successfully instilled such value into the people in the community. I've seen several projects and programs in the past and instilling this kind of ownership in the partner communities is something that I very rarely see. More often than not, the energies of the people are only fuelled by their sense of obligation or some kind of gratis to the organizations funding their projects. Once the organizers leave, the projects also die down and the energies of the people are no longer sustained. But this, this is different. The people are totally sold out to the intervention and are giving more and more of themselves into the activities of the project.

I thought to myself that the reason for this is simply because to these farmers, the rubber trees represent their dreams of the future. It was impressed upon them that if they will not do their share, give their best, there is no way that these dreams will ever materialize. These realizations made me appreciate more our Partner NGO's efforts. It made me realize as well how development work, when use properly, can really motivate people to work hard for their dreams. If one manages to do that, to convince even one person to do just that, then I think he had already accomplished more than enough.

It had been said before and several times already in the past but I will nonetheless pen it down again: that development work is really not just about handing out formulas or "solutions-in-a-box" to people to help them achieve success and improve their quality of life. This experience taught me that teaching them how to dream, and to impress upon them that they also needed to invest in that dream by giving all they've got in order to achieve it, is actually doing them more good and would eventually lead to creating a greater impact in their lives. I salute the kind of development workers who are mindful of this and who dedicates time and effort into the whole "enterprise." To me, they are dreamweavers, planting dreams into the heart of people and teaching them to once again hope in the future...

Tired...

Exhausted. Physically. Emotionally. And in Spirit. At one point this afternoon, a woman with such a pure heart made me cry. The rawness of her gratitude, her sincerity and simplicity struck me to my very core. Before I knew it, tears have spilled from my eyes before I could control it. Then, only to have all of that dashed down because of one insincere, inept individual.

I don't have to apologize for trying to do a good job. If it affects one so much, that's not my problem any more. Life, as we know it, is breaking down right before our very eyes. It is now the moment for reckoning. Can't we just let go of all our selfishness, defensiveness and try to live authentically? We don't know when and how everything will be taken away from us. Can we just forget about self-preservation and think of others as well? I try to understand a lot of things, or persons' motives or what drive them to do things that are hurtful and uncalled for. But then again, that understanding does not necessarily have to mean I would just sit down and let them tear down my spirit... Please, just take your drama somewhere else.

Thank You!

Forest milestone:  She said "thank you" today.  Although it sounded more like, "tenchu" I was so happy to hear her say the words :) She would have to improve her comprehension though since she said it while pretending to give me something.  Repeated it for like 6x hehehe Maybe she's expecting me to say it and was just mimmicking.  She must have learned it by watching us.  

Brilliant girl you are turning to be, Baby Forest.  You bring us so much joy... Thank you :)

My Entrepreneurial, Five-Year Old Son

I was bent over my laptop trying to work on a report and totally exhausted when my five-year old son approached me and said, "Nay, Lola and Ate gave me money!" He then laid down next to my laptop a five peso coin and one peso coin. Without missing a beat he spread out his three-compartment small bag (an attachment to his Tatay's mountaineering backpack) in front of me and began his litany: "Nanay, this one (his lola's pau de arco ointment) is 5 pesos; this one, (efficascent oil) is 2 pesos; while this one, (a varop rub) is only 1 peso! Pa-haplas ka na, Nay. I know you're tired. Bayaran mo lang ako!"

I smiled wryly at him and asked if I could get it for free as I was indeed very tired and I'm his mother after all. He paused for a minute, probably thinking things through before saying, "Ay! bayaran mo lang ako!" When I did not say anything, he let out a sigh and said, "Sige na nga. Pero sandali lang ha? Kasi tired naman ako hilot kina lola." Huh!

I remember that only that morning, he and his cousin Janin, again set up a DVD-for-rent stall in front of our house. I watched in concern as they amateurishly tied our only umbrella to our gate just so they would have some sort of a shed as they diligently "manned" their stall.

He had tried it twice before and there were no takers. I have prayed hard in those instances that he would be able to make a sale so that his little entrepreneurial heart would not get broken. Still, the afternoons have come and gone and still not a single customer. I think it was not helpful that there are just 6 occupied houses on our street. And, most of the house owners were gone for the day. It could also be that no one really took him that seriously, thinking he's just playing pretend. On those times I wished that I could just rent out the DVDs for his sake but I hesitated, noting how smart he is and that he might not appreciate the gesture.

When he set it up again that morning, I felt relieved at the thought that the previous experiences did not discouraged him at all. I certainly admired his fortitude. The admiration soon doubled when out of the blue I distinctly heard his loud voice, calling out in a "sing-song" manner, "DVD's for rent!" I almost toppled over in laughter. I remember thinking, "This kid is really something." He wasn't discouraged at all. Not only that, he also thought about changing his "marketing strategy" hehe I suddenly had to remind myself that my son is only five years old.

I tried to recall what got him into it when I remembered it all started two Christmases ago. At that time, thanks to his Lolo (father side) and Lola (mama), he discovered the wonderful world of... "retail." I was adamant at not introducing him to the "power" of money so I never gave him any. I try to anticipate what his needs would be and so I had them at hand at home. That way, I wouldn't have to visit a nearby sari-sari store and have him see me buy stuff. But lo and behold! I did not know until it's too late that every time he visits his Lolo, one of their favorite past time would be to go to a sari-sari store so he could choose anything that he wants and have his Lolo buy it for him. On top of it all, he would leave the house with some "baon" in the form of money in his pockets. Always, his Lolo's parting words would be, "Yan ang money ha? Bili ka kung anong gusto mo!" Huh! Mama was no different. A bit subtle but equally as damaging.

And so, that Christmas, he had been asking me to buy him some stuff and more. It's either this toy or that, this candy or that. Wanting to educate him on the value of money, I introduced him to the concept of "earning" them. I told him I'd buy him the things that he needs and some of his wants as a gift. For all the other things that we wants, he would have to earn money for them. Recalling that now, I'm not so sure if it was the wise thing to do. He was only a little over three years old at that time. That would have been too early for his young mind to absorb. But, I knew I had also tried my best to be subtle about it.

Christmas is usually the time when we'd go to DAP office where his Godparents mostly are. We would usually go there so I could leave my gifts for my own inaanaks. That is also the time when we'd find his gifts already waiting for him, some from Ninangs in the office and some, left by his Godparents that were former DAPpers . I thought it perfect to have him bring a bag of candy with him so he could "sell" these to his Ninang's for a small amount. I knew my former colleagues would understand and would play along.

We had a field day then, trying to pick up from the grocery his "perfect" product. I thought candy was inappropriate. At the same time, buying biscuits would be too bulky and too expensive. In the end we settled with "Flat Tops," a chocolate candy hehe And so there he was, not shy at all, approaching his Ninang's to sell them chocolates. I guess he enjoyed the experience so much that it got stuck.

Haaay, I don't know where all these would lead to. I just hope that I could guide him along accordingly. He knows about the value of saving and he's good at it as well. I just hope that I could educate him on how other kids don't have it quite easy. I also certainly hope that he wouldn't grow up to be so gungho about money. I love the fact that he's entrepreneurial even at an early age. I'm just not too crazy at the thought of having him like money too much. What I really want is for him to appreciate how working hard has its rewards. So, help me Father God!

A Day in a Life (Late Post)

Holy Wednesday 2011
Hinatuan

I could feel my sweat literally traversing down my spine. Some “droplets” are forming over my forehead. The overhead fan is doing very little to help ease the heat. Still, it’s slightly better over here than when we were out at sea earlier. The sun had been relentless. The not-so-good-thing was that the banca we hired for the activity had no roof at all. So there we were, getting baked as we made our way back to the town proper of Hinatuan.



I arrived here Monday night. Yesterday, we visited the island of Mahaba. Today, we went all the way to Cabgan. I’m here for work, a writing engagement. I’ll be coming up with two stories featuring a day in a life of two women here in Hinatuan. It’s in conjunction with what I’m doing for Women at the Center, a climate change adaptation project concerning women. The stories we are going to write now will feature what constitutes two women’s everyday life – that of Nanay Nida and Nanay Aida. Nanay Nida hails from Mahaba while Nanay Aida is from Cabgan, both island purok’s here in Hinatuan.


Both visits yielded a well of inspiration for me. There were a lot to be learned from the stories of both women. However, what struck me the most during my visit in Mahaba was the attitude of the children there. Particularly, that of Nanay Nida’s which I think could be attributed a lot to her kind of parenting. In the course of our conversation with her, she would often remark at how she had a lot of things to do -- having to help her husband in augmenting their household income and owing to her involvement with the organization for women – and thus she had to teach her children to take over some of the hings she needed to do a home.


Needs vs. Wants. The first thing I noticed about the kids are their eagerness to help their parents – in doing the household chores, and most specially in shell gleaning (“panghinhas” in the local dialect). At one point while we were doing the photoshoot, one of Nanay Nida’s kids refused to participate in shooting the part where the kids fetch water. He stood his ground and said he wanted to gather shells instead.

In hindsight, he must have known full well that it is the height of the low tide at that time which is perfect for shell gleaning. Delaying a bit more would mean not finishing up till noon and that would have been too hot to do any gleaning. But I did not know it yet at that time. All I knew is that the kids seems very eager to do the task and I wondered a lot about what their motivation was. I watched closely as the children eagerly and very diligently comb the shallow waters of the atoll, stooping every now and then as they collect shells. In just a short time, they were able to fill a very large pail with shells. Again, I wondered what motivates them to work so hard.

My immediate thought was that they would probably be earning something from it. I thought they probably get a share from what they'd earn from selling the shells and thus the eagerness. I was surprised when later that day I was told they do not get a cent out of it. Apparently, the kids hand whatever they earn from shell gleaning to their parents. Yup, every cent of it. And they do it not because they were forced to do it. They just do it naturally, even joyfully and most specially, not begrudgingly. I was told that once they hand over the money to Nanay Nida, they would only ask for some money to buy bread for themselves. Yep, just bread. The whole thing blew me away.

It is such a far cry from what I know about the kids back in the city. The kids back home are not like the kids in Mahaba. Well, most of them at least and this includes my son. My 5-year-old son is entrepreneurial. When school was through, he set up a DVD-for-rent stand outside our house. I watched in amusement as he prepared his collection of DVD cartoon originals and a sticker ID he stuck to his chest bearing his hand-written name. I watched as he prepared his water bottle and some hand-fan. When he saw me eying these, he immediately retorted, “Baka mauhaw ako, Nay and para di mainit.” I did not have the heart to point out to him that his stand is just a stone’s throw away from the house and the water dispenser.

Anyhow, unlike the kids back in Mahaba, my son’s perspective is that his earning is his own. I do not blame him though because his motivation is that his Nanay doesn’t buy him everything that he wants and so he had to earn money. Anything he earns he keeps. Some of it he saves while the rest he buys the stuff I wouldn’t buy for him like game cards. For the kids in Mahaba it is different. They knew how difficult it is at home. Their parents have to work hard so they could afford to buy rice and other things they needed for the home. The difference between them and the kids I know is that they work hard so they could buy the things they need. My son does so he could buy the things he wants.

Not having things easy. Yup, the kids in Mahaba don’t have things easy. And fetching water is just one of them. The kids and/or the women – including Nanay Nida - had to do some paddling for quite a distance in order to fetch drinking water from the other side of the island. And they would have to do it at a particular time – when it is high tide. Doing it during low tide meant the women or the children would have to carry a heavy container filled with water while trudging over a very muddy path, sinking as low as thigh-deep in some parts of it. It also meant they would have to struggle in carrying their banca – probably stuck in “dry” land – back to much deeper water.

That’s what happened to us when we did the photo shoot. We had to linger for a while in order to take the pictures and thus the water had receded a lot farther than we have anticipated. Being unfamiliar with the path, we had to endure getting stuck knee-deep in the muck. It felt squishy. Half the time I was filled with an uneasy feeling, not wanting to know at all what kind of organism is stuck in between my toes hehehe

We were almost where our banca was when the photographer remarked how he would not look at turning on tap water the same way again and I so agreed with him. Indeed, there are a lot of things that we get so used to that we simply take them for granted. We do not know that in some obscure place somewhere, some people don’t have it quite easy.


To have and to hold. Cabgan is another story. What struck me the most was the relationship between Nanay Aida and her husband. When the couple was introduced to us, we were informed that while it is going to be Nanay Aida’s first time to be featured in a story, her husband, Tatay Milo is not new to it. We learned that he often gets invited to national conferences and even had his story featured in a book. I smile now recalling how, upon the mention of the book, Tatay Milo got his copy of it and showed it to us. I knew that he took a great pride in it and who wouldn’t?

In the course of the conversation, it was pointed out that it is Nanay Aida’s time to shine this time. That’s when we learned of her reluctance to go to Manila for the launching. The stories will be featured in an advocacy campaign to be launched there in June. Nanay Aida said she doesn’t want to leave as she had a lot of things to attend do – their seaweed farm and their home. She said that what she hated the most about leaving is how the work gets piled up upon her return. She pointed out that she’s the lone female at home as all her children are boys and as they are, they would just flit off to their tasks without minding the household chores. This was not lost on me. It is indeed most women’s dilemma. Once they get very active in activities in their community, they would have to contend with household chores waiting for them at home.

Anyway, we soon find out that Nanay Aida’s day unfolds very early. She had to do the cooking and tend to the chicken they raise for "special occasions."  As their house is directly on the water, the cages of the chicken are located in some kind of a veranda just outside their kitchen. A few more steps away is where they keep their banca. A little further on is where they dry their seaweeds and where Nanay Aida’s potted vegetables are found. They also have a mini sari-sari store and Nanay Aida had to tend to this as well.

As we went about with the photo shoot and the interview, I learned that seaweed farming is a family activity. Nanay Aida and Tatay Milo go to their seaweed farms early in the morning. They would inspect and clean every line to ensure that the seaweeds would grow very well. Unkept farms would mean the likelihood of having the seaweeds contaminated by certain organisms that attach to them.

I watched as Tatay Milo and Nanay Aida both lowered their banca to the water. I noticed every nuance – the way Tatay Milo held out his hand to Nanay Aida so he could help her keep her balance as she lowered herself to the banca; how Tatay Milo first paddled them towards their seaweed farm located at a distance from their house; and how Nanay Aida took over the paddling so that Tatay Milo can raise the lines and start cleaning the seaweeds. Watching them was like watching some kind of a choreographed dance number. They’re so used to the task --having done it a thousand times by now-- that they readily know how to compliment each other in accomplishing it. It felt nice watching them. It’s as if they are illustrating what true partnership should be.

Once back at the house, Nanay Aida, Tatay Milo, and their two grown sons went back to tying seaweeds on the lines stretched in front of their house. I watched as they sat a few feet apart from each other and diligently get on with the task. The topic of Nanay’s reluctance to go to Manila was again brought up. The COs assisting the community were jokingly enumerating what Nanay Aida would experience should she agree to go to Manila – sleeping in a nice hotel, meeting some of the celebrity who will be attending the launch as well and the chance to ride an airplane. At this, Tatay Milo shared how it was for him the first time he rode an airplane. He laughed as he recalled being reprimanded for trying to pass through the x-ray machine as they made their way inside the airport. Yup, they were that naïve. The good thing about Tatay Milo was that he wasn’t embarrassed at all by the experience. He shared everything to us good-naturedly. He even shared how they also stepped on the scale along with their bags at the airport's check-in counter.

Yes, again, not a lot of us have things very easily. Some of the things we take for granted are for some a great privilege already. On that note, I was once again overcome by the feeling of gratitude. I counted my blessings and one of them is my being there to hear about other people’s story and to learn a lot from them.

They were almost done with the lines and about to move on to the other task for the photo shoot when Tatay Milo was asked whether he agreed that Nanay Aida should go to Manila for the launching or not. He replied that if he is to have his way, he would want her to go to the launching so that she will have a chance to get exposed to a lot of things. He pointed out that it is different being stuck in the island. He said that her going would mean affording her the chance to expand her world and see more than just the four corners of their house. Now, that is my kind of guy... unselfish and truly loving…

Ushering in Summer

Had a chance to work at Eden.  Had the kids and Tatay come along after the workshop.  I needed a quiet place to rush a very important Baseline Report due the next day.  Might as well have him follow me than we go and look for some place else.  We paid for the overnight stay and while I still had to work on the first part of the night, we had a blast the next day. Grateful for the opportunity.

Rod making a wish: Sana healthy si Nanay sa travels niya
and magkaroon kami ng maraming pera. 

Finding Mr. Right

“If you have to convince him that you are absolutely right for him, then you’d better start walking away.”

I came across this article of the same title while I was still in the hospital two weeks ago. It wasn’t really of interest to me but as it was the only reading material available at the time, I did not have much choice. The article was well-written however that I immediately found myself enjoying reading it.

The article was typical – it sought to answer what must be one of the most important questions that single women have on their minds – “How do you know if you’ve found Mr. Right?” There were five “signs” indicated there but I found sign no. 1 as the most “significant.” Certainly, it struck me the most and I couldn’t recall having read about it before.

“You would know if it is Mr. Right if he totally believes you to be his Ms. Right.” That was sign no. 1 or words to that effect. But that’s not what really struck me. It was the sentence that came after it that did. It said something like, “If you have to convince him that you are absolutely right for him, then you’d better start walking away.” When I read that sentence it felt pretty much like a “light-bulb” moment. It made so much sense.

Typical scenes like women totally frustrated over the men in their lives immediately came to mind. I recall a particular infatuation in my not-so-immediate past wherein I was totally convinced that he is the right one for me – having the same interests, both being opinionated and not afraid to express what we feel about things, and totally passionate about the things we get ourselves into like music, nature, physical pursuits and relationships. We were also both emotional and it’s apparent in the letters and e-mails we exchange with each other. Not to mention the long hours spent chatting and making long distance calls.

But I was much too young then, and very much infatuated that I did not know how to handle the “relationship” well. Until, I found him just slowly drifting away. The e-mails came less frequently, the calls too, until everything just stopped. It took me a while to fully comprehend everything. I could not understand how come everything would come to a halt when he seemed so right for me.

In my mind, everything was so magical – we would exchange emails of pictures we took from our latest climb or nature adventure; I would send him letters bearing the answers to the questions he had laid in his letter that has yet to find its way to me and vice-versa; He would share with me his enthusiasm for a movie he just watched and I would be giving him a complete run-down of the book series I’m currently hooked into, making him love the characters as much as I do. In other words, it seemed to me that we have the perfect formula for the right kind of love – the fairy-tale kind that one usually gets to read in books and see in the movies. At that time I was completely convinced that he was Mr. Right. Apparently, he does not quite think the same way I do.

And it took a while before that particular “detail” totally sunk in. Being convinced that he was the right one for me, I immediately assumed that he thinks the same way too. His moving on to another relationship, however, told me that wasn’t quite the case.

Fast forward that to two years down the line and here comes this person so totally different from me – we don’t like the same music; He doesn’t read books and is not articulate; We both love nature but for him it’s the adrenaline rush while for me it was for the clarity of thought and introspection that afforded me; I shy away from the crowd while he totally basks in the attention. In other words, we’re as different from night and day.

And yet, from day 1 there he is, totally convinced that I’m the right one for him and did not waste time in letting me know exactly how he thinks so. He bombarded me with calls (drop calls to be exact which was quite the thing before for those who are afraid of wasting their cell phone loads away hehehe He is that “kuripot”) – and would suddenly show up un-announced in my doorstep. Every chance he get, he certainly made his presence felt.

I remember how friends would call me just to inform me that they found him braving the heat of the sun, riding his mountain bike just to bring me viand for lunch. True enough, as soon as I put down my fone, there he is handing me the all-vegetable dish he cooked for me. I was purely vegetarian at that time and he would bring me food knowing it would be difficult for me to source out purely vegetarian dishes near the office. Over the years he would be like that. Colleagues would remark about a blouse I’m wearing and how the design is so “me” only to be surprised when I tell them it was Tatay who bought it for me as a gift. In other words, Tatay knows me, and put a lot of thought into what I would like and what would make me happy.

Oh we fight a lot and there are days when I would wail about how insensitive he could get. In fact, in the earlier part of our marriage our “battles” would be phenomenal. It’s understandable given how different we could be. It took a while before we were able to “fine-tune” everything. Now, we still fight but not nearly as explosive as before. We have come to know each other deeply and know what would rub the other raw and thus avoiding them altogether, or at least try to avoid them, most days hehehe.

When I had my recent CS operation, I woke up to find him at my bedside totally concerned and relieved at the same time. He told me how scared he was – seeing me literally writhe in pain, knowing full well I have such a high threshold for pain.

In the following days after that, I saw him being mindful of everything, answering my needs; seeing to the papers and documents needed; sourcing out blood and medicines for Baby Forest; arranging things for our eldest Rod’s orientation week at school; going to the bank and even seeing that our utility bills and housing bills get settled on time. It was no wonder he would collapse right next to me in my hospital bed at the end of the day totally exhausted. And yet, that would not stop him from rising again the next day and doing the same routine all over again. When I had to come home and Baby Forest was left at the hospital, it was him mostly taking care of our needs – seeing that I eat on time, and bring my expressed milk to the hospital twice a day until I was well enough to go there with him and feed Forest myself.

Even now, our days and nights could be long with Forest’s needs to see to. There’s Rod to be taken to school early in the morning also. Last week, I had an engagement for three days straight and he made sure everything is smooth and easy for me. It is him who also tended to Baby Forest at night, waking me up only when it is time for me to feed her.

The other night I woke up to find him snoring silently beside me and my heart reached out to him knowing how exhausted he must be. I appreciated him more for not hearing him complain one bit about it. I looked at him and felt grateful for all the things that he had come to represent in my life. And I said to myself, he is indeed my Mr. Right, not so much for all the things that he is doing for me and our family but simply for “knowing” me.

From the day we met, he already had an inkling as to what I would mean to him. Over the years, he had come to know me better and even valued me more and did not rest until I know exactly how he feels about me. Over the years he had shown me how he knows full well what I need, want and feel without my having to express them. This is telling me that while he might not say it, I know that he thinks about me and the kids a lot. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be able to anticipate our needs and wants…

As I stared at his sleeping form, filled with so much gratitude, he stirred beside me and opened an eye. Seeing me fully awake he looked at me imploringly, expressing in words what I was silently telling him – “I love you, Nay.” He reached out to touch my cheek and said, “Love kaayo ta ka…” and then went back to sleep.

I love you very much too, Tatay. Thank you so much for everything. In a few days we will be celebrating our 5th Anniversary. I look forward to spending many more years with you, with us both helping each unfold our own, individual truths, and become even better persons…

Post-comment:

Here’s an addendum to the five signs indicated in the article, my own personal opinion:

You’d know that he’s the one if both of you are growing in the relationship, becoming better persons, giving each other wings and not dragging each other down. If you’ve become petty and less loving (not just to the significant other but to the persons around you), then you’d better start thinking things through…

This had been my personal “yardstick” over the years. When I feel that the other person is starting to drag me down, I let go of the relationship no matter how painful it may prove to be. True, it may take me awhile before I’d be able to bounce back from the loss and the pain -- Jeni, my ever constant BFF have been a witness to this hehehe -- but the unfolding of my own truth is important to me as well. I know the relationship is not good when being in it is starting to feel like being tethered. While my "enduring" attitude would want me to stay for a while, in the long run, I'd know deep down when is the right time to just walk away...