Recharging Batteries

I was feeling low, having those thoughts when Tatay came on Skype to ask me why I'm not sleeping yet.  I told him what my thoughts are and he immediately called me.  Over chat he had already told me that these things are beyond my control and even made reference to the universe.

Seeing me crying, he urged me to just come home saying I'm stressed in more ways than one being where I am. He then tried to soothe me with small words of comfort, urging me to go to take my much needed sleep.  And I feel grateful.  Tatay knows me well.  He knows me well enough to not dismiss all that I'm feeling as drama... Or even just to wonder why I should feel that way.  And there's affirmation in that, in being understood, on knowing where I'm coming from.

I remember having this conversation with Jenny before, as to how I don't really need a partner who would give me the sun and the moon... someone who would be able to provide me with all the material comfort I need. These things are not that important to me because I know I am more than capable of providing myself those things.  And besides, my needs and wants are simple. I remember telling her, I need someone who would be there for me.  Someone who would hold my hand and listen to me.  I remember saying something like, "someone I can curl up next to, to give me the much-needed hugs, replenishing all the energy that I have lost from pursuing my many causes... I need someone who can 'recharge' me.  So I can go up and leave again and fight my battles anew."

In more ways than one, that's what Tatay is to me.  Though he can also be my source of stress (indeed!), I do know that he is my quiet anchor, next to God and family.  Simply, by "getting" me, "knowing" me in ways that no one would.  I love you, Tay.  Thanks  for being that steady (sometimes erratic pag saputon), source of affirmation.