Hands Are For...

Baby is truly a blessing in mine and Bolo's life. He perks up our days. He's our most immediate source (next to God) of happiness and energy in the morning. No matter how bad we feel, everytime Baby awakes and flash to us his beaming face, everything just lights up. Either that or it is his voice calling, "Nanay?!" or "Tatay?!" the moment he wakes up and we're in the other room.

There is something about babies, particularly one's own, and the little things that they do which would come to mean a lot. In an instant they could erase a day's worth of stress. The moment I enter our house and hear Baby's exurberant, "Nanay!" I would feel as if everything just melts away -- a bad episode in the office, a trying experience, a nagging irritant...

I'd say Baby is almost perfect (as every Mom would say of their little one) but for one thing -- spanking comes easily to him. I think he got it from his cousin Janine who's jealousy of him drives her to be such a bully sometimes. And I admit maybe from Bolo and I too.

For some time, I've really been thinking long and hard as to how to arrest such attitude of his. I've been trying to look for some creative ways as to how to impress upon him that spanking is really bad.

We've tried the "stand-in-the-corner" technique. I've had him stand in some corner everytime he would hit us. The first time was in fact very funny since we had him stand in one corner but then we realized it was quite dark there. So, we transfered him to another corner and then realized again there were some sharp objects nearby so we had to transfer him again. I think we managed to have him more confused than schooled on the wrongness of spanking. But really, it was such a funny experience. Bolo and I were trying to stiffle our laughter the whole time.

Anyway, even now, we still have him stand in the corner. Even if we are in a pizza parlor or some restaurant, we would very discreetly define one corner for him (which is usually the seat where he's at) and let him stand there everytime he gets into some spanking frenzy. And he would stand there, looking forlorn, crying and often reaching out his hand to us. But we would ignore him even though my heart was also breaking. Often times though I would give in, but not until I would ask him to say he's sorry. And he would, in a very soft voice and then he would come up to me for a big hug. That usually melts my heart in a big way. And so he is off the hook quite easily. Somehow, it does not help address the problem.

Until, Ms. Arlene taught me the most creative trick. We got into talking about sanksaras and that's when it hit me. It explained a lot of things to me like the question of whether "bad habits" and "bad attitudes" are hereditary or can be traced in the genes. For a while I had that question noticing how my brother before had some attitudes that are quite different from ours. For a while we entertained the thought that it could be something in his "blood." It was the only plausible explanation then since we would very much like to believe that we've provided him with the "right" enviroment. And then Janin came along also who is displaying attitude of her Mom who've left her when she was only two years old.

Anyway, to cut it short, Ms. Arlene taught me the most creative way of teaching Baby the "alternative" uses of the hands. She told me not to call attention to Baby's actions everytime he would hit us. She said that would only highlight the action more to him. Instead, I would point out to Baby what the hands are for, in a more positive sense like:

- hands are for hugging...
- hands are for patting the back...
- hands are for writing...
- hands are for drawing...
and so on and so forth...

It makes so much sense to me... And I'm trying to apply it now... it's hard though especially when Baby would turn to me and say in his cute, little voice,"Noooo..." hehe His voice is amazing... melts my heart right through... :)