2007 was generally a good year. If by we good, we mean and acknowledge that everything that ever happens to us is intended to help us become the very best persons that we can be.
It has been a trying year. I had a miscarriage, I lost my brother, Bolo and I had some trying moments. Twice last year, I packed up my things and left out of sheer exasperation and hurt. The most recent one, on the 29th of December. So Bolo and I really literally almost ended the year with a big bang. All for having been victims to our old tapes. Unwittingly, I have allowed myself to be so caught up with minute details of my life this year. And it is not without its consequence. The consequence? I have become the most unloving person that I could ever become.
Looking back, last year I could not really claim to having been my best self. At the most I wallowed in my pain, in my loss, in my drama, in thinking some individuals have done me great injustice, etc. etc. On the one hand, I’m thinking if it wasn’t just post-partum blues speaking, after having the miscarriage and all. Yeah, excuses, excuses and that is hardly the point now.
But of course it was not all grief. If anything, if I would really think long and hard, there was actually more of the good stuff – I had more time with my son, we had opportunity for travels again (bontoc, baguio and sagada), there were plenty of blessings and opportunities, the friendship I share with my college buddies was strengthened... Reminding myself of all of these blessings brings about a sense of newness. And immediately, I am filled with a sense of gratitude rather than despair…
Now, more than ever, I am determined to being my best self once again – be more loving, less critical, more understanding, forgiving and “giving.” I want to be more grateful too, focusing more on the good things that I ought to be thankful for (which is actually a lot!) than on the things I bemoan. Well, I want to take it even further. I would very much want to forego bemoaning altogether. I just want to be grateful. Period.
And it seems to me the universe is responding to this particular intention of mine. Because, everyday, there are situations and persons who would talk to me about certain things that serve to help me along.
On our first day at the office after a very looong, Christmas break (this is another thing to be thankful about the job I keep now – we have Christmas breaks), we had our usual New Year ritual. We had a deck of “virtue cards” (A BK initiative) where we pick and choose a few cards and take them to be the things we need to work on in certain areas of our life. These areas being – (1) Family, (2) Self-development; (3) Work; (4) Relationships; and (5) Social Life. On top of this, we also pick a card to represent our “foundation” or that virtue which shall serve as our strength or core as we work on the different aspect of our lives. The cards I picked or which that chose me, are:
Self-Development: Respect. Because I respect myself, I also respect others, nature and all things.
Social life: Gentle. I tread lightly and lovingly upon this earth.
Family: Wise. I act after understanding the past, present and future of every situation.
Work: Fearless. Because my heart is clean and pure, I am fearless in all I do.
Relationship: I got "Respect" again which I think was very significant. But then again I opted to chose another card and I got, “pure-hearted.” My heart is full of pure love for all of God’s creation.
As for my foundation, I had, “content.” I feel full, calm, without desires or expectations.
I feel, as I mentioned before, that I did not choose the cards but instead it was them who sought and found me. Every thing fits. The instant I picked them I knew why it was the virtue that I picked for a particular aspect in my life.
Truly, there are a lot of things to be truly grateful for in one’s life. I am grateful for all the persons I come in contact with. Because, they are instrumental to my own becoming. I am grateful for such persons as Ms. Arlene who saw it as her role to facilitate this activity to us every year.
I think, it really takes a special kind of person to bother about making it their business to help others along, especially if it is in lined with helping them become their best self. And I’m sitting here, thinking, I would want to do that too.
I am not perfect but this time I would not want to think about that. Thinking about it only limits me as to the things I think I can do. I am a soul, ever in the process of becoming the best that I can be. And I know I need not worry because everything is not all about me. There is a higher self, a Higher Being who helps creates things in our lives, who aids us along as we work on our own imperfections.
There’s this saying that I always keep close to my heart that serves as a source of inspiration every time I find myself falling flat on my face. It gives me the strength to move on and continue working on the unfolding of my own truth. It says something like, “The spiritual path is always constant, never changing, even if the seeker may often loose his way.”
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