I'm back!!!

On travelling, self-importance and truth

Yup, again! And nope, this is not the same blog as the one below it =) I'm afraid my future blogs from now on will be sporting similar titles since I'm definitely back at travelling again. Two of my projects are well on their way. One is in South Cotabato while the other involves the Legazpi LGU in Luzon. While the latter would not take me to Legazpi sometime soon, I would definitely be visiting Manila for perhaps a couple of times, sometime in the next six months. Hmm... not bad at all. But I doubt these trips would allow me the opportunity for personal travels. My schedules there fall on a weekend. This means by the time I'm through with work, I would have to fly back again home to tackle work back in the office... Hohum.

I had been reading my past entries here awhile back and I was amused at the ones that conveyed my moments of being at a stand still. I remember feeling really restless at that time, not getting used to being grounded for a long time. Yet now, here I am, just gotten in from a very nice trip spent just a few days ago; finishing some work concerns to travel again tomorrow night for a weeklong activity over at the northern portion of Mindanao. Yup, travelling again tomorrow. It seemed that the time spent in being "motionless" did not happen at all.

Last week's trip -- of a personal, leisure kind -- was really something. It was fun, satisfying, and a lot had happened that had me in a "pensive" mood. Only, all the moving about did not give me the opportunity to pen down my thoughts though my journal was definitely a constant companion then.

Self-importance. Something happened during my trip last weekend that once again gave me a peek at human nature and how each one of us really had different conditions, circumstances, truths that we had to contend with in our lifetime. The incident drove home the point that each one of us really has this "unique" "set of dramas" that we have to live, fulfill and go through, for us to arrive at our future selves -- whatever that may be. By "set of dramas" I mean associating life with a great set or stage wherein each one of us is the main actor in our own play. I am not referring at all to man's tendency for pettiness or on our penchant for blowing everything up to feed our illusion of grandeur...

As usual, having the opportunity of enjoying a long weekend, the group decided to take advantage of it by visiting a place we've never been to yet. Despite the seeming "unsureness" of it all, we went ahead with the trip just the same. Indeed, we encountered a few "glitches" along the way but they were hardly unexpected in a trip such as that. What's really weird, however, was this incident we had when we arrived at one of the places we visited. There was this man we met there. Their place had been featured in some travel shows and magazines. My expectation was that the locals there are probably used to seeing "tourists" already and therefore having new faces show up one day is no longer such a big deal for most of them. When we got quite the opposite reception, I was really caught off guard. I could not understand what all the fuss was for. My usual patient and understanding self suddenly had to keep a tight rein on the irritation I was feeling.

This man asked us a torrent of questions as to why we where there, had we paid courtesy to the mayor, what we were doing at their place on a holy week yet, etc., etc. I did not understand the questions at all. Or more appropriately, why they were being asked. We are supposed to be in a place hailed in some travelogue or the other as a "must-see" haven and should be on the list of any local traveller. And we were just there to see the place, nothing more. And looking at ourselves, I don't think we look like some terrorists of sorts or of any dubious character. The most unfortunate part is that he really lingered with us up until we were getting ready to settle for the night. His narrations were long and exaggerated that my irritation grew by the minute. Then it all sank in. This man is just throwing his weight around so he would be made to feel that he is important. My irritation disolved like a puff of smoke when I had this realization. It was replaced by pity. I was thinking at that time, that this man will be going home that night feeling good about himself for doing something that is out of ordinary from his usual, daily routine. And how I pity him. I felt sorry that he would have to go through such lengths -- short of almost harrassing us -- just so he would be able to feel good about himself. I began to wonder about his own set of circumstances, what his life is like, what constitutes his daily routine. I wondered whether he had a life outside of his life there in some obscure town in the middle of nowhere... Then I looked at myself, my opportunities for travels and going other places... And once again I began counting my blessings...

I remember feeling the same way when I was at the peak of Taal two years ago. I even wrote in my journal then. I was talking to this local there who was really trying to convince me to rent their horse in going back down. I had stubbornly walked all the way up, refusing the offered horse to me unlike the other tourists -- Koreans -- there who were with me in going up. They all saddled up for the ascent. I stood my ground and walked. In going down though, I relented and rented a horse when the lady local there (whose name I unfortunately forgot) explained to me that it's the only source of income they had aside from fishing in the lake. I also realized then that their lives just constitute being where they are and doing their daily routine.

I am indeed blessed. Truly, wondrously blessed.

I'm back!

Yup! Back in Davao and back in the office. This morning, came in real early for some PLSD matters. Yup, that project had officially started. Finally. Te Jean had just left for the airport hoping she had not missed her flight yet. She had a meeting concerning PLSD concerns tomorrow. It meant there are a lot of "documents" for the project that needed to be ironed out before she leaves.

Yesterday, I was sick while in Gen. San. I think the "shell soup" I had for breakfast was the culprit. When I was just about to leave the hotel for the terminal, I suddenly felt real hungry. I thought it funny since I just had my breakfast. That started it. A few moments after, my stomach emptied its contents -- finally, I was able to justify my feeling hungry =) I felt real weak after that. I was torn between wanting to just sleep again and going home where I'd feel much secure and sure of being taken cared of. In the end, I had to go home since Ate Jean called me up to report to the office for the PLSD project. Huh! So weak and hungry, I dragged myself up to take that 3 hour trip back home. Fortunately, I had started feeling better when I boarded the bus. But quite bad for me, I was not able to sleep much on the bus except for a few minutes of shut eye. I had a lot of things on my mind so that kept me awake for most of the trip.

So now, here I am, taking a few minutes break. This morning, I did not have much of a break, rushing those documents that Te Jean would have to bring with her for the meeting tomorrow. I sure hope everything will turn out well tomorrow. I'm real excited to start that project already...

Running an extra mile

In some obscure internet cafe
Purok Malakas, Gen. Santos City

Doing some research for my training tomorrow with the Kablon Farmers. Yup, quite late to do some researching huh? Sigh. This is actually, already running an extra mile for my part. I could do without this entrepreneurial test I'm currently researching for. But then again, why am I in this project? Is it to sincerely help or to just earn my monthly wage? Hmm... both.

I'm itching for some quality time to really reflect and write down my thoughts. A lot had happened the past weeks that I feel I need some time for introspection, discovering my feelings... take note of my realizations... But there are a lot of things that has to be done at the workfront... I feel that they have to take priority over other things at the moment.

Tomorrow, I'm off for Kablon again. Would have to wake up real early again... But I don't mind really. I'm really just praying though that everything will turn out okay tomorrow. Not for my sake but for the beneficiaries (to be politically correct, they should be called "partners" really) of the project. I could have been a streetsweeper, a salesgirl or some officer of the bank. But as it is, God placed me in this work. He had entrusted in my care some people's lives... Well, maybe somewhat, indirectly. With what I do it is inevitable that I somewhat touch other people's lives, as they had mine.... And it's a responsibility I could not just take lightly. Although, sometimes, I'm really guilty of letting tiredness get in the way of my doing a real, good job. But I have my source of strength. It just takes some remembering sometimes... Because sometimes I forget....

Mulling over some work concerns...

Just came in. Been to a lot this week and the weekend before. The past two days I’ve been in South Cotabato for the Kablon project. We had our Project Orientation last Wednesday. Thankfully it went pretty well. However, the whole proceedings and my exchanges with our fielded local expert for the project told me much is still needed to be done where the project is concerned. Next week, we are set to start with the coaching proper on Enterprise Development and the Business Planning aspect of the project. With the way things are, I am not that confident about our “readiness” for such an activity.

Actually, before me are two set of modules of prior trainings we had had on Enterprise Development. I had been leafing through them, trying to see which modules we could use or would be appropriate for Kablon. I’m feeling some misgivings at the moment, thinking these things, supposed to be, should no longer be my concern. But given how things are, they are, apparently. And so, I would have to do what I had to do – leaf through our materials in Enterprise Dev and provide the same to our local coach. And so I must get on with it then.

Small is beautiful. I am exactly where I am meant to be.

Feeling a bit tired. The whole trip yesterday, surprisingly took a toll on my body. I had a difficult time getting out of bed this morning. I wanted so much to just linger there and go back to sleep. But I had to go to the office. The project, having officially started yesterday meant there are a lot of things that needed to be done. So quite unwillingly, I dragged myself out of bed and here I am.

Yesterday's trip was... definitely something. The night before, I saw in the news that two bombs were found very near the KCC Mall in General Santos City. Yup, not just one but two. And yes, that following dawn I am going to where they had just found those two bombs. It's nothing new, however. That my job would take me to where others might avoid going is something I have gotten used to already. It's all part of what I do. Besides, I always adhere to the principle that whether standing or sleeping, in one's home or somewhere less secure, if it's your time to go then it's your time to go, no matter when and where you are. So I wasn't really apprehensive about taking the trip. I must confess though that when I boarded the bus and found several boxes lined up in the center aisle, I grew a bit insecure. he-he-he =) Not only once or twice have I caught myself eyeing the box suspisciously. =)

I read somewhere some time ago that in the everyday of your life, one is always afforded a "magic" moment (or "moments," if one is lucky enough). And that you would just have to be vigilant and aware enough to be able to tell that such moment has come or is taking place. I believe in that, although sometimes I forget it and a day has passed without my being aware that something magical had taken place...

Yesterday's magical moment occured during our conversation with Ms. Mimi back at Koronadal. We were sorting out the details of the project, levelling off with our expectations as to how the project would go. Then it happened. I have been voicing out some concerns with regards to the readiness of the community in what the project intended to do. We were also talking about the possible approaches to use to ensure, not only our being able to to achieve our objectives but most importantly that the project would really be able to help and leave something for the community.

That entire conversation was magic to me. That is exactly how I'd want "project discussions" to be -- wrought with sincerity. More often than not, the focus would be on the deliverables.Sometimes, it is hardly asked whether or not the project would really be something that the community would want for themselves or whether or not the implementers' desired outcome points to the same "direction" the community sees themselves taking. I am not saying that everyone's doing this. It's just that sometimes, I've seen implementers more focused on meeting their deliverables and deadlines than anything else... (Yeah, I do have some issue with regards to this...)

I felt my world stop a bit when Ms. Mimi said, "Yeah, I always believe that small is beautiful," affirming that what we intend to accomplish is really just a "small" thing but our sincerity to help, more than made up for that seeming "smallness." She is right. Small is indeed beautiful. A thing doesn't have to be big and "grand" to be able to make a difference.

The day before I left for South Cotabato, I sat in my desk thinking I have forgotten all about my childish dream of being able to make a difference. I have forgotten that it was that dream that led me to this desk today. Have I really forgotten, I wouldn't be sitting at this desk right now tackling gantt charts, session guides and project proposals. Have I forgotten, I wouldn't be waking up really early to catch a dawn busride to where others wouldn't dare go. Small is beautiful. My efforts are small but my heart is big enough to make up for that minuteness.