A Different Breed

Last January 3 I attended the internment of Tita Owa, Jeni's second mother and a well-respected former director of NEDA XI. A week before that we were at her wake and were amazed at the outpouring of sympathies shown the family through the flowers sent and the countless number of visitors who came to pay their respect.

The tags from the flowers indicated that they came from "big" personalities, key players who play equally big roles where development of the region and of Mindanao is concerned. Noting this observation, I remarked to Jeni that Tita Owa and Ate Ditdit -- who went before her (and the others whom I was not fortunate enough to have worked with) -- were really of a different breed. Their working style was different. Their love and passion for Mindanao and their role in it very much apparent. I guess it is the same passion and love that fuels the "working style" being displayed.

Working style. I think about my own working style, my inconsistencies at times -- displaying sheer brilliance and commitment now and then falling short of that in the next instant as I try to juggle being a "passionate" development worker, a mother of a three-year-old son, a wife, being the only daughter.. a niece of an ailing aunt... I remember my moments of "ineptness" (which does not occur often, I hope) and my excuses for them and think about how Tita Owa, Ate Ditdit, and the others like them, managed to do all these things all at once and still remained on the top of their form. I feel a bit of a shame at the thought.

Only a while back I put down the phone feeling utterly disappointed and a bit disgusted at being confronted by "ineptitude" in one of its rawest forms. It's a long story and I don't want to divulge the details but it entailed some "dishonoring" of commitments. It cost me much -- my time, opportunities I turned down, and well, income I have been counting much on. But that wasn't as nearly painful as the knowing that things are not as what they used to be, when integrity and commitment were upheld with the highest regard.

I am not saying I am better than they are. I too am guilty of ineptitude every now and then. And I could only speak for myself -- that every time this occurs, I am ridden with guilt, try my damnedest to pick up where I left off, and remind myself I am not just selling pancakes on the street but is playing an important role -- no matter how minute -- in this field called "development work."

I long for the day when work was tough but was very much rewarding, knowing full well you are making a kind of "contribution to life" somewhat. Now, I'm surprised to be working with some people who claim to be working for Mindanao but shows no "soul" or the "heart" for it. Again, I am not saying I am far better than they are. I have my own struggle with myself, as imperfect as I am.

I guess I really just miss the likes of 'Te Ditdit and Tita Owa who were awe-inspiring, whose display of commitment is a constant reminder to people like me that we ought to work harder, better and with utmost integrity because this kind of work that we do deserve no less than that.

I am still very much in an uphill where emulating their example is concerned. But I am comforted with the thought that I do not have to fill in their shoes (which were both big and noble) but should only be concerned with filling in mine. Being the best that I could be -- in what I do, in playing the role entrusted in my care, in fulfilling His plans and purpose for me -- is my primary task. And it's such a tall order already as it is... I am grateful for my mentors though -- eternally will be -- for their examples, for showing me how things ought to be done... May their souls be at peace...