Either way, we want to just make the most of this thing...to suck the marrow out the bones of life, to live deeply and without reservation, hesitation or fear. To breathe deep the air of spring and the breath of God, to savor the depths of flavors and the best of God's good earth and to "taste and see" the goodness of God, to hold the things that matter close to the heart, to treasure the hard parts of loving and frolic like a 4-year old in a mud puddle in the good, easy parts.
Don't waste this thing.
It's too good.
Above is a part of an article from the "Daily Devotionals" I subscribe to. I read this particular devotional months ago. The message above really struck me the first time I read it. So much so that I "clipped" it and saved it under the filename, "For Reflection." I had intended to reflect on the subject but have been pressed for time to accomplish other tasks. It wasn't only a while back while cleaning up my hard drive of unwanted files had I came across it again. And once again the message struck me.
Getting married and having a child changed my life drastically. I would admit that there are times when I would daydream about my carefree days when I would think of nothing but myself. But the moment would pass quickly. If only for the mere fact that I don't have the luxury of the time to even think about daydreaming :)
Lately, life had taken on the shape of meeting and fulfilling responsibilies. I rarely have time for myself. Clicking away here, being absorbed on my thoughts is the closest I could get to having some time for "me." And I'm grateful that I still am able to afford myself this.
My proverbial motto had always been, "Carpe Diem!" Which I later elevated to, "Seize the moment!" After all, a "day" is far too long compared to a "moment." That is why over the years I saw myself pursuing all sorts of things -- from travels to races to sport involvements. I filled my days with various activities. And always, I had tried to make myself available to every friend in need of my company for whatever reason. I tried to be present to every birthday party, Christening, wedding, all sorts of get-togethers I get invited to. Not just because I want to be there for my friends but because I value my relationships. Love pretty much figure in every relationship I get myself into. That is why I value them so much.
Now, everything is different. I don't even have time for a walk, much less do the nightly runs I used to engage in, in the past. Everything seems to revolve around this tiny, little being that is entrusted in my care. If in the past, all of my energy gets channelled to various other pursuits, now it's just one directional. Ultimately, everything leads to making sure that this tiny, little being's needs and good are achieved. And I'm thinking - this being focused on just one "thing" - is this tantamount to "getting out" of life or not seizing the moment? Does this mean I'm degenerating and not living my life to the full just as I should? I would like to ask, what does make life "fulfilling" then? Getting involved in sports? Going to all those places? Climbing a mountain one day and then bathing in the sea the next?
During lunchbreak today when I got home, I walked in to see my son lying on his back trying to amuse himself. He looked up when he saw me approach and then his whole face lit up. I felt my whole being expand, it was as if all the emotions I hold in my heart overflowed to fill the entire room. Now I'm remembering how I feel pretty much the same way when I see a beautiful sunset or have just finished a satisfying race. At that moment, I felt like I was on top of Apo again seeing how a beautiful sunrise could bathe everything in a soft, golden glow. I always feel love and God's presence during those moments. I would always feel that God indeed is good and that all is well. Seeing my son's beautiful face earlier made me feel that way too.
I am in no way discounting the fact that I could be as active again as I used to be. I still daydream about climbing mountains and participating in runs and going travelling... But for now, I had to settle down a bit so I could be there for my son. Experiencing motherhood, experiencing falling in love everyday and everytime I beheld my son's face, finding myself as I learn to live life while holding someone else's hand are things that are making my life complete at the moment. And no way are they less exciting than conquering a peak or winning a race. I love you B, you and our little one. Thank you for taking on this adventure with me.
3 comments:
Reminds me of a line (voice over) from one of my favorite TV shows (Grey's Anatomy). Sorry for the length. I just had to share this with you.
Meredith said and I quote:
"Remember when you were a kid and your biggest worry was, like, if you'd get a bike for your birthday or if you'd get to eat cookies for breakfast. Being an adult? Totally overrated. I mean seriously, don't be fooled by all the hot shoes and the great sex and the no parents anywhere telling you what to do. Adulthood is responsibility.
Responsibility, it really does suck. Unfortunately, once you get past the age of braces and training bras, responsibility doesn't go away. It can't be avoided. Either someone makes us face it or we suffer the consequences. And still adulthood has it perks. I mean the shoes, the sex, the no parents anywhere telling you what to do. I mean, that's pretty damn good."
What shoes and what sex?!!! And no parents telling you what to do?! Where and How?!!! Bwahahaha Just kidding. Got the sex part though bwahahaha :p
Thanks for sharing this Carms, it's funny. u really gave me a new perspective on looking at adulthood =)
see, rods? don't say i didn't warn you (about getting married and responsibilities...). but, you see, despite all our problems, our difficulties and all the things that we had to give up, there will always be that one (most of the time, more than one!) special moment where we will be able to say that life is good to us.
miss your company.
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