Finding Answers

"Time is slipping away.  

And as the chaos fades into something more like fullness, I am seeing how damned sacred it all is.

To watch someone come into the world, to know them before you even know their name.  
To attend to their cries, their hunger, their fear.  
To feed them.  
To bathe and change them, to witness them in all their vulnerability, all their naked humanity.  
To accept them as you've probably never accepted anyone before.
To watch your own brain rewire, connecting you to a chain of parents throughout time,
turning you both stronger and more vulnerable at the same time...

Parenting is to know all the previous versions of someone, 
to hold them inside your mind as they grow,as they unfold.
It's slowly learning to let go on the outside as their lives begin to take shape, separate from your own, 
while on the inside, in your strong, tender parent-heart, you never let go at all."

- Lynn Shattuck, Elephant Journal (http://www.elephantjournal.com/2016/01/this-is-parenting/)

As a remote-parent for the most part than not, that bit about time fading so fast as the children transforms from being a baby into little persons, got to me.  

I was just reading awhile back a blog entry I had when Rod was just three years old and how amazed I was at how articulate he was becoming and yet maintaining that sweet little voice of his. I was remembering in my mind Rod's face, little hands and little feet and the kind of assured confidence he had when he speaks whatever was on his mind. Yes, even at three years old. It was a delight seeing him unfold.  

I went to the field for the first time this year. Coming back to the office I was thinking how enriching it was to hear about the women's stories and how we are making a difference, somewhat. I thought that was the highlight of my day.

It wasn't. It was Rod, standing up suddenly to re-position the laptop we have at home. He arranged it so it was directly facing the foot of the bed. My perplexity soon got answered as I saw him gather his pillow and blanket, put it near the foot of the bed and settled down to sleep. I saw him peer at me, checking if I was still looking as I promised and then settled down to sleep.  

It was Forest, making the request in her cute, sleepy voice, "Tingnan mo kami habang natutulog, Nay ha?" (Watch over us while we sleep, Nanay, okay?) 

It was knowing that while it is difficult, we're all one in making it work -- defying the distance and coming up with creative ways to stay connected. i sat there, knowing in all certainty that at this stage in my life, I am a mother first and foremost.  

I am and will always be grateful for my job and the opportunity to pursue my passion, to carve a space for myself and my own becoming. I am grateful that in the process, it is also affording me the opportunity to save up for my children's future. And yet, At the same time, I knew that for that, I am also foregoing being part of my children's "today." I know that in the process, I am not able to witness much of their own unfolding. And I am awake enough to know even when Rod was just in my womb that, that is the most important part of my becoming a mother.  For the past few weeks, I've been pulled from these two opposite directions. I've been grappling with the indecision of whether I hold on for a few months or just throw caution to the wind and just be where I want to be.  

I remember being grateful for this morning's experience. I remember looking out at the field as we're driving towards the office and thinking, I am learning and growing so much as a person in the past months that I have been here. At the same time, I am afforded with the opportunity to somehow make a difference and to contribute in my own little way. I remember thinking, I could probably give it a few more months. It would mean, a few more months of not worrying so much that bills are paid and that we're able to set a side a few more for the children's college fund. And yet, the thought that I'm missing so much of my children's growing up is tearing me up to pieces... 

Deep down I know what I needed to do. Yet the human in me is wallowing in the uncertainty and fear. At the same time, I am giddy at the thought of how amazing the universe is at throwing in my path answers to my questions. It's exhilarating, finding myself in the middle of having different alternatives (in the form of readings, encounters, stories) being laid down on my path for me to reflect upon and affirm what my heart already knows. Here's praying for those moments of fear and uncertainty to just fade away and to simply remain basking in the joy that being certain of the truth brings.

Few More Weeks

A week ago today, I fidget as I waited the person behind the counter get on with my check in and hand me my boarding pass.  I've already web checked-in the day before so I did not think it would take as long as it did.  He was really taking his own sweet time with it so I asked him nicely if it's done yet since my children are still waiting for me outside.  I was fighting the tears the whole time.  The day has finally come.  Days before, Forest would ask me out of nowhere, "Kelan ka na alis, Nay? Pag bukas, sa sunod na bukas?"  (When are you leaving, Nanay?  After tomorrow, the day after that?)  I knew they were counting the days as I was and making the most of what was left.

I smiled when I finally got my boarding pass and then hurried back outside.  When I got in the car, I just found myself bawling over.  The kids were at the cafe, waiting for me to join them for lunch.  I was thinking of how Rod looked at me with sad eyes when I told him I better drop my web-checked baggage so I could buy more time with them.  He then said, "But do come back."  I assured him that it would probably just take me 20 minutes and there would be plenty of time left.

I love my job.  There is nothing else I would rather be doing. That it takes me away so much from my kids is the only misgiving I have about it.  If I could have them both in one place, that would be ideal.

I composed myself and hurried back at the cafe where the kids were.  They have already eaten and was just waiting for me.  I could not swallow anything.  I did not have the appetite but I ate what I could.  We had some pictures taken and then I had to attend to some of Forest's needs.  By the time we went back to the car to get my hand-carried luggage, Rod was already crying.  He was hugging me tight and was loudly sobbing.  What would a mother do in such an instance?  I cried along with him and hugged him back as tight as I could.  Forest came over and gave me a hug as well.  She was crying but not as emotionally as Rod did.  I think Forest is getting used to my being away most of the time.  She was a mere 2 weeks old when I started taking on consultancy jobs again.  I had to.  The bills that we've incurred following the emergency delivery and her hospitalisation since birth I was already taking on consultancy jobs when she was just 2 weeks old and even whisked her away with me travelling all the way to Luzon and Visayas (planes and ferries) when she was barely two months old for an evaluation engagement.  And I had to leave her often after that.

But these few months had been the longest yet.  Three months, four months... I know I am lucky and is certainly grateful for it to be just apart with the kids for that long.  Most OFWs had to count years before they see their children again.  Yet, a separation is still a separation no matter how short or long it is.  It cuts to the heart especially in our case where we put much premium on "togetherness" and "connection."

We're a touch-y, together-y sort of family.  We just love spending time together no matter if we're doing the most mundane stuff or something more exciting.  It wasn't so much the what we're doing that mattered.  It was always that we're together.

I remember on my last night home Rod had to beg about us all watching a movie together. I have not packed yet and there were other things I wanted to see to and so I said they can go ahead and watch the movie after I've left.  But then Rod said it wouldn't matter by then since I would not be watching it with them...  

I sit here, alone and shivering in my cold, little room feeling totally homesick and wishing I'm snuggling next to my children... Few more weeks... God help me.

Happy New Year! Happy 2016!

Here's sending out good cheers, well wishes, love and light and nothing but optimism as we usher in the new year. It's been an exhausting year and I had to face my most trying uphill yet. However, all the blessings, wonderful opportunities and surprises combined more than made up for it. Happy to again be placed in the position to contribute, give what I can and to have the strength to constantly come from the position of love, no matter the circumstances. Thank you, God!

Driving Home

As we drove home after he picked me up from attending former colleagues' party, Tatay turned to me and said, "This is what I missed the most, driving home with you." I did not tell him that every time I go out to field and had to sit in the front seat, I would often remember those many drives we shared.

You and I are on this journey together. Though it may take us apart at times, we are never really that far apart from each other, Tatay.

I Know

I was just about to fall asleep when Tatay rang me up in Skype. What followed was a good conversation like we used to have before. We've always enjoyed talking to each other. I would remember the time when he would be coming in from a trip and he would endlessly talk about the experience or something funny that took place.

We haven't had that for a while. Given the distance, the calls and conversations had mostly been about the kids, whether my statutory obligations have been taken cared of and in order. Yup, the usual domestic stuff. It's either those things or being extremely jealous over nothing. So yeah, it's definitely been a while.

Last night, we talked about a lot of things but what stuck me the most was that exchange we had about my going home and settling there for a while for the children's sake.  We were going through alternatives.  I said I could stay home and be with the kids for a significant time before considering any new engagements.  I told him he and I could tend his store and save on the overhead.  If he needed to go somewhere then I had to be there on my own and vice-versa.  Then he said, I could probably find work quickly and it could be something unrelated to what I'm currently doing.  And I started saying how "not any job" could cut it for me since making a contribution is very important for me. But he sheepishly smiled and said, "Lagi. (I know.)" even before I finished what I intended to say.

It was a one word retort but it spoke so much volume.  That, "I know" does not just pertain to his knowing what I was gonna say but that he knows me and the things I value.  To me that was very touching and reassuring.  There's nothing more "feel-goody" than knowing that your significant other gets you. How sad would that be if someone you love do not know the core of your being or who you are entirely? 

So, thank you Tatay for that "knowing."  It made me feel valued for who I really am.  It reassures me of the kind of partnership that we keep as well.  It would not have been a real relationship if it lacked that  kind of certainty.  I love you.

Remote Mothering (Being There and Defying the Distance)

I can't help but cry a little as I watch Rod's sleepy face through Skype.  I was able to talk to him early morning (foregoing sleep) for the traditional waking up and blowing of the cake.  But he was sleepy even then and had to rush for school so we did not have  a proper conversation.

Then in the middle of a meeting, Tatay sent me photos through viber, signaling that the family is celebrating.  I was dying to talk to them then but the discussion was critical :( By the time I was able to get through, Rod was no longer answering properly, probably getting ready to sleep already.  After a while, Tatay called through Skype and my heart sank noting the "dark" background.  It meant the lights in the bedroom are off.  The kids are asleep.

Good thing they were just about to fall asleep.  Forest was wide awake and was even chatty, saying repeatedly, "Sleepy ang birthday boy, Nanay!" :) She was so cute.

Rod was already dozing off when Tatay brought the camera to his face :P  I engaged him in a conversation and that is when I cried.  I asked him about his birthday and how his day was.  When I asked him if there was a cake, Forest quipped, "Pizza!"  (Rod wanted it so).  When I asked what the flavor was, Rod replied it was pepperoni and I was like, "It's meat!" Rod's retort was really funny -- "It was the only thing that was buy-one-take-one." Hahaha! Stringy Tatay huh?

The best thing about today though was that Rod woke up when I asked him if we could pray together for his birthday.  We prayed for the usual, that he grow up to be really kind-hearted and be able to make a contribution in his own, little way.  We pray that he be guided towards the direction of his dreams and that they all come true.  We prayed that he be gifted with mentors and quality friendships.  I'm lucky enough in that aspect and I'm wishing the same thing for the children.  I can see that Rod appreciated the whole thing and I draw comfort in that.

All in all, Rod's birthday is simple.  There was no big party.  But I certainly went overboard this year, sharing old blogs as the day neared.  The funny thing was that Tatay had to point out to me that he and Rod actually find it tiring to read through all of my musings. So the "sentimental" in me had to step aside to choose blogs that are short and with photos.  Better that than having them going through the motion of conversation in a forced manner.  It was supposed to be a joyful sharing, not a burden.  I know in time, Rod would be able to appreciate the long letters and entries next time...

So yeah, the lengths that I have to go through just to defy the fact that we are apart.  I know there is nothing I can do about the physical distance but I've tried in the past -- and there is always a way -- to move mountains just to make the children feel that I am still "there."  "Being there" is something I would always work hard at establishing.  I know full well that nothing could compensate for the physical presence, to be able to give an actual hug, a kiss... But given the situation, there is nothing I can do about that but I could definitely find creative ways to demonstrate that yes, Nanay is still there for them, in more ways than one.  That, and to be able to show them clearly just how much I love them and how much they mean to me.  But yeah, soon for the real, warm hugs... I love you so much, Rod.

T stands for Tatay Teammate

I watched amused as Tatay read the letter I had written for Rod when I was pregnant with him. I knew it was long and I was pretty sure Tatay would not have the patience to see it through till the end.

True enough, after a mouthful of somewhat difficult English words, Tatay's brow came together and then he said, "Ayaw taasa kaayo, Nay! (Don't make it too long, Nanay!) I almost laughed out loud. Instead, I retorted in an affirming tone, " Yeah, I know. But that's how that is since it was heartfelt." I did agree about looking for a shorter post and made a mental note.

But yeah, I appreciate the fact that Tatay is again one with me on this. On our second day, he was even the one urging me to share the day's installment so that he and Rod can read it when they arrive at home later that day.

Thank you, Tatay for recognizing the importance of this little project.  It comforts me no end knowing that you also value nurturing our relationship with the children. Know that you made me truly happy. Salamat.

100 Hair Strokes

Forest and I had a quick skype call, today.  They had been trying to reach me since at around 5 PM their time.  That would be 12 noon, my time.  I was, however, sound asleep.  I think, several weeks of working non-stop, sleeping really late and having no weekend has finally taken it's toll.  After cooking and having breakfast, I felt sleepy and so I decided to just laze it a bit and went to bed.  I must have dozed off.  Waking up later at 3 PM, I realised I've slept soundly for 6 hours! (This explains why I'm still wide awake till now :P)

I quickly called them back and Tatay's curt opening was, "Asa diay ka?! (Where have you been?)"  He sounded a bit irritated and a tad suspicious :P  So I told them I fell asleep.  He urged me to go back to sleep but I heard Forest's cute, little voice in the background.  

They were already preparing to sleep as it was already 8 PM, their time.  Forest has just finished taking a bath and her hair was at a disaray.  I pointed it out to her and asked if nobody has taken my place to comb her hair 100 times at night.  Her quick reply, "Na-miss ko na nga, Nay.  Nakaiyak nga ako, naalala ko wala na nagasuklay ng buhok ko! (I miss those moments, Nanay.  I remembered it the other day and I cried!)"

What can I say to that?  I told her I missed those moments too and that I'm looking forward to doing that again when I get back home.

I miss you, Baby Forest.  Nanay can't wait so I can enjoy your hugs and kisses again.  While we exchange a lot of those through our skype calls, I know they could never compensate for the real thing.  I love you!

To My Daughter by Heart, Janin

It seems only yesterday when you came so suddenly in our lives.  You were a welcome joy though, the new baby in the family after having Ate Lian fully grown up and leaving for the UK.  You made my being a Tita finally official, being my only brother’s daughter. 

Like a typical, doting Tita, I bought you and bombarded your days and nights with Mozart’s and classical music for babies.  (Maybe that was also the reason why you have such a distinct, sizeable, heart-shaped head hehehe)  You were such a cute, hair-less baby that it was such a delight to buy you clothes (Mama Gaga, Ate Lian, Ate Tunga and Lola Linda did the same).  You have become Nanay’s little doll.  Sorry for that one, especially for taking such a long time to notice that you absolutely abhorred putting on cutesy, little, frilly dresses and blouse. 

Today, you’re turning 13, a full-fledged little woman.  If you notice, I refuse to call you a little “lady” because of the many connotations that go along with the term.  And Nanay has caught on by now, enough to know that using the word to describe you would be like referring to a different person altogether.  The term does not fully capture your spirit, your spunk, your strength that you so carefully hide under that quiet demeanor.  But Nanay has taken notice, Anak.  I see your strength and long so much to see you yield it. 

I know Nanay has not always been there but I would like to reiterate with you today what you, Forest and Rod often talk about – Rod burst out and came to me the most natural way; Forest sprung out through a huge CS-section through my tummy; but you came into my life through my heart.  There you have stayed since. 

I know that Nanay might seem so strict with you before.  While not wanting to make excuses, you came at a time when Nanay was a bit young and so full of ideals about things.  At that time, Nanay did not have the benefit yet from the lessons and joys learned brought about by mothering my own offspring – Rod and eventually Forest. Nanay had learned so much since then and hopefully, had adjusted accordingly. 

Know that Nanay loves  you very much.  My strictness might be borne out of the wrong assumption that you are your father’s extension.  I love you father so much, Anak.  I miss him everday.  He was the only brother I had and having him taken away so early has brought on a void that I had unconsciously thought you could fill.  But Nanay is more aware now and recognizes full well that you are your own person.

You are now officially a teen.  Recalling my own, I know it could be a stage that could be quite confusing and exciting (Nanay wants to use the word, “exhilarating” but you might find it puzzling.  Look it up at the dictionary though.  Or should I say, “google it”?) at the same time.  It’s a time when you would be struggling to find your own person, your own style.  It’s a time when 10 or more so years down the line you would grimace at the pictures of you shown in “baduy” outfits or things you would never be caught dead again wearing. 

But guess what?  I would advise you to embrace such “kabaduyan” or awkwardness.  Experiment with clothes. Wear whatever you feel like wearing.  Do not worry about what other people would think or measure up your own fashion sense to other people’s standards.  I know you go to a Catholic school (and from my own experience the Sisters might frown on this but go ahead anyway) but yeah, experiment with different ways of wearing your hair.  I know for now you insist on keeping it long.  Should you, however, feel like wanting to chop them all off, wear curls, or have a shaved nape underneath those long tresses, go ahead! Nanay will support you on that one (and even argue with Lola if I have to! Hehehe)

What I’m trying to really say, Anak is that how you look does not make your person.  It’s what is inside that truly matters and where you should spend more energy and time on.  I’m also saying that teenage years could be confusing and you’d be struggling with trying to define who you really are as a person.  Well, I’ve got news for you, that would never stop – that finding who you are.  That is a never ending process as long as you live and no matter how old you get.  So yeah, it’s okay to try on things but yeah within reasonable limits. BE CAREFUL NOT TO DO THINGS THAT LEADS TO LASTING CONSEQUENCES.  Do not trade momentary “joys” for a lifetime of regrets.  At your age, telling which is which could really be difficult.

Always pray so that you would always be mindful of God’s guidance.  And always talk to Nanay, Lola and Tatay to ask our opinion on things you’re trying to figure out for yourself.  Each of us might tell you different things and truths.  Take each one, and listen closely which tugs at your heart the most. 

It is Nanay’s wish that you would live up to your truth, Anak.  This sentence could be quite confusing for now but Nanay is always here to always talk to you about that one.  I could not and never wish to dictate you on how you ought to live your life but since I’ve been a teenager once, have and is struggling through adulthood, I could impart lessons and share with you things to help you avoid unnecessary pains.  But yeah, Nanay’s truth could be very far from your own.  Your life’s journey could be very different from mine.  But, Nanay (and Lola Linda and Lola Fely and Tatay and Mama Gaga, Ate Tunga, Ate Lian and the rest of the family for that matter) is here to hold your hand, back you up all throughout.  Your Papa might not be here anymore but his love for you shines and expresses itself through all of us.  Know that you are loved very much. 

I love you very much.  Happy, happy birthday.  Let’s have this conversation real soon when I’m back home.  Enjoy your day! 

Ageing Gracefully

Dear 30 year-old, don't sweat out the small stuff. Listen and be respectful of what others have to say but stick to your own values. You don't have to please everyone so don't go through lengths -- at the expense of having to compromise your own happiness and sense of self -- just so you can earn the "approval" of some people who do not care about you at all.

Value family. And I could not stress this enough.

Invest in yourself -- pursue your passion, have hobbies, travel, read more, learn more... Try your best to always be coming from the perspective of love. It's quite daunting but still try anyway. And this includes loving YOURSELF. You cannot give what you do not have.

And yeah, life is a process of learning, unlearning, relearning... So don't be afraid to make mistakes or change your mind... Just live. Take it a day at a time and enjoy your own "unfolding."

Love, a 40 year old...

Soon

It's a certain longing, a certain yearning that fills my heart when we're apart;
It's that smile and laughter that readily springs when we talk;
It's that lightness that fills me at the very thought of you;
It's the wanting to have your name escape my lips in every five sentences or so;
Its the overwhelming desire to share everything with you;
A thought, a line, an experience, a moment;
It's the wanting to touch, to reconnect, to intertwine in time;
I don't ask for much (though how I long for so much more);
I just want to be at the receiving end of the love reflected in your eyes...

Little Things

I remember having to stiffle a groan (sometimes I couldn't even help  myself) every time Forest would say, as an after thought, that she would need her bottle after all.  This would be just after we've washed up, said our prayers and finished reading a bedtime story.  This would be right around the time when we're just about to sleep and my body settling down for the much needed break.

Yet now, here I am - wishing I'm back home and making Forest her dede. Sigh, this is tough. 

God, grant me the grace to bear this cross. Hold me and my lovedones close to Your heart. Keep us all safe and protect us from temptation. I miss my little ones.

Safety Issues

The other day, we had a bit of plastic balloon day. It was brief since I spent the morning in the office.

Tonight, Rod and I had an interesting conversation. He "scolded" me for not being mindful about the bedroom's lock. 

A few week's back, Tatay had to destroy it since Forest got locked up inside while sleeping. We haven't found the time to replace it yet. Since Tatay is out for the night, the role of "man of the house" got delegated to him once again. And he takes that role very seriously. He double-checked all locks and thus lamented the fact we don't have one for the bedroom. When I told him I was not able to prioritize it because I recently got hospitalized and then there's the ongoing construction of our dining room extension, he wailed, "But what is more important, a beautiful house or our own safety?!" Huh! Where is that coming from? :p

Little Chefs

Yesterday was their third day for the Kiddie Crew workshop.  When we took them there, they told us they are making cheese burgers that day.  Little did I know that they will be provided with chef's hats and aprons.  Since I will be at work, I asked Ate Janin to take photos when they could.  It was a good thing because they all looked cute with their hats and aprons :)

Summer Workshop 2015

Today, the kids had their first day for their summer McDo Kiddie Crew workshop.  It’s the second time for Janin and Rod but truly a first for Forest. 

 It was amusing to note that Forest barely made it past the counter top at the receiving area of the store but she sure did look adorable.  The parents there had a fun time taking pictures and I was one of them.

Chona and Mamay dropped by to catch up with me and my plans about leaving.  It was a good time altogether.

Other photos:

Pain

Softly hums
Intensifies
Tears insides apart

Reasons
Holds on to faith
Hope springs anew

Pain abates
Yet never departs
It's a constant ache

Leaving heart tender
Bruised
Scarred

Dora

And so I had my haircut.  Got varied reactions. The conversation in the car after picking me up from the parlor:

Tatay took one look and told me I cut it a tad too short and not to do it again
Rod: Hello, Dora.  (Bwahahaha) Oo nga, Nay.  Di masyado maganda.
Forest: Di gud, Nay. Bagay sa yo.  Maganda ka!
Rod: Well, boys kami ni Tatay so...

And I was like, "So that makes it more valid?" :P

A year ago today: Rod's First Overnight

Am having some slight separation anxiety. Left Rod in school for an overnight activity. Our family's first. I lingered for quite some time, wanting to make sure he is fine.

He was like, "Bye, Nay! Why are you still here? See you tomorrow!" I think he repeatedly said goodbye 5 times, sort of pushing me away. But he did give me a few lingering hugs as well. Sigh! Enjoy your stargazing activity, Rod. Enjoy the moon too!

Forest's Mimicking

Urging Forest to lead our prayer for the meals the "Tuburan-way," she happily did and then excitedly shared, "Alam mo, Nay, may bago kami. Pagkatapos kumain maghawakan ulit tapos magsabi, 'Salamat sa pagkaon.'  Tapos tayo agad." Very quickly she added, in her most gentle voice, "Jay, magtarong ug lingkod..." 

Probably noting my confusion, she said, "Oo, sabi rin ni Tita Vivian." Hehe 

#TuburanCommunity #BabyTales :)

In Omnibus Amare et Servire Domino

We’ve just marked another milestone in Rod’s life.  He had his First Communion this morning.  Last Friday, his Tatay and I went for a “dry-run” of the ceremony.  The parents were walked through the parts where we will be participating: the Recession and the actual receiving of the Holy Host. 

Even then, I was already emotional. It actually caught me off-guard.  I wasn’t expecting to be teary-eyed at all.  At one point, the children were practicing the songs for the Mass.  As expected, they were wrought with meaning, giving voice to my own beliefs and relationship with my God. That’s when I became emotional, when the significance of the occasion suddenly hit me. 

My spiritual journey – although initially was based largely on our family’s tradition – had certainly, along the way, became very personal.  It was a journey that shaped and cemented whatever relationship I have right now with my God.  And today, Rod had taken on that initial step of his own journey.  I know, in time, going to Church would not be something that he only does because it’s what we normally do every Sunday as a family but because he would have that yearning to go. I know, like me, he would find God not just in the confines of his school or in church but in all unlikely places.  I know different events in his life, different mentors and ‘guides’ would help shape for him his faith.  And I pray that he would have a very meaningful journey because his faith would play a very significant role in how he would conduct his life and in the choices that he’d make along the way.  I wish I could just pass on to him my own beliefs and convictions but I knew it’s something that he had to find on his own.  I could ‘show’ him, even tell him about what it’s like in my case but I knew he’d have a Spiritual journey with God that would be their own.

But yes, so much love… I hope and pray he’d find that as well. We prayed for all of that when we were on our way to Ateneo this morning.  I’m just grateful that early on he’d learned about ‘inclusivity’ through my work and the persons he’d come in contact with.

Just the other year, we’ve marked his turning of age having turned 7.  Today, we’ve turned another leaf.  My son is indeed well on his way. I hope and pray we, as parents, would be able to help him as much as we can along the way… serving, 'witnessing' in our own way and being mindful always of maintaining just the right ‘tension:’  neither too tight nor too loose… 

We love you so much, Rod.  Nanay and Tatay are always here for you. It is my deepest, dearest prayer that you will find and understand the true meaning of "In omnibus amare et servire Domino... In everything love and serve the Lord..."

    

Succession Plan

Reading Rod's summative assessment paper. He actually managed to give an essay-like answer (more like analysis) to a question asked, with only a map and a graph as basis.

Hmm... He's only 8 and he made good use of the data like total land area of provinces and able to make comparison. It's amusing to note how his paper is littered with population and land area numbers.

Someone's taking after Nanay :p His  logic is faultless.  I think, with a few coaching on composition, I can already retire :p

I Want...

Intimacy... a kind of knowing that does not require words...
Respect... that does not have to be earned but readily given...
Communion... deeper than "connection"... a sharing that doesn't really care about having similar interests but just the spontaneous desire to share one's thoughts, views and experiences... It's an outpouring with no other intention but to just "be" and being welcomed for it...

Not Quite Fair Trade

Enterprising kids! Saving up for travel funds. Snorkeling fees in Oslob and Underground River entrance fees.  They're selling some meringue candies and junk food :P  They buy it from a sari-sari store for one peso and sell it with 50 cents margin.  Good thing there are other kids buying them just the same. Had to teach them about setting a fair price.

Ormoc

It’s my last day in Ormoc.  And I’m looking at this glorious sunset before me and I think to myself, what a nice way to cap the entire week.  I’m facing the bay and I could see a passenger ship slowly inching its way towards this city’s port. 

The entire week, I feel pretty much like that ship -- just passing by.  All week I’ve visited 3 cities and 5 municipalities in all.  In each, I visited an average of 2 sitios and barangays.  There were good interactions with the community -- with the women and today, with the elderly.  And the latter was such a humbling experience.

This trip had made me feel privileged in every way.  First off, there's the opportunity of being a part of the Review Team.  Secondly, the communities and persons I've interacted with had been so welcoming and warm.  Without hesitation they've shared with me their hopes, apprehension and dreams. 

Being a part of the Review Team was a wealth of learning.  I had to resort to advance reading on M&E-AL (Accountability and Learning) in the humanitarian context.  At first I felt inept.  I am, after all, with experts who had years of experience in this, coming from the Aceh, Sri Lanka and Haiti experience.  But very kind people they were.  Not for once did they make me feel “inferior.”  They pointed out to me, that it is precisely my MEAL in development background that I’m bringing in, into the review.  They made me feel I’m a valuable addition to the team.  And I’m made to realize that there is no better motivation to do well in your work than that.  Without 'self-doubt’ overshadowing my thoughts, I was more focused in my work.  That and the fact that of course, coming from the perspective of gratitude, all the more I was driven to contribute ‘genuinely’ in every way I can. 

To have been welcomed openly by the community and persons I’ve come in contact with was a humbling experience.  At some level I knew I shouldn’t have been surprised by that.  Chalk it down to being Filipino – where everything is always bordering on the ‘personal.’  Of course I ought to expect nothing less.  Being with the team, however, who hails from all parts of the world, I am made to appreciate this fact all the more.  They shared they don’t get this anywhere and even would jokingly ask me if we, Filipinos, are indeed the nicest people on the earth.  How would one reply to that? 

I can’t help but feel privileged to have the women and the elderly talk to me about needs, apprehensions for the immediate future and their hopes for the years to come.  I've also talked with several key local government officials but it’s my conversations with the people in the community that greatly affected me.

Picture this, I would enter their homes, ravaged by the storm.  I could tell they were very self-conscious about it but they welcome me anyway.  Not only once did I get to hear about personal problems, totally not connected about the review I'm making but I listened intently as well.  I got to hear family histories that would eventually lead up to how Haiyan/Yolanda only compounded everything.  It's heartbreaking to realize that these families are very poor to begin with.  One of the women I talked with said, "Kung pwede lang makig-away kay Yolanda, makig-away gyud ko! Pila ka tuig namo gitindog among balay, unya walaon lang sa kadali!" (If only I could fight with Yolanda/Haiyan, I would! It took us years to build our home, only to have it gone in an instant!) 

I could certainly relate.  For Filipinos, family is the greatest treasure, thus the home is also regarded with great value.  So no matter how humble the circumstance, every Filipino longs to have a decent house for the family.  Take the case of OFWs for instance.  Though not true to all, it's significant to note that once family situation becomes better, among the first few things invested on, is the family home.  It has become a common reaction to readily assume that a nice looking house that stood out against its neighbors with much humbler abodes is owned by an OFW. 

Certainly, the communities that we've visited have lost so much.  Most of them (if not all) are looking at the future with so much uncertainty.  What's consoling though is noting that despite all that, they remained hopeful.  They still joke and laugh about their situation.  When one of the community organizers joked with the elderly about them having to forget about livelihoods considering their advanced age, and to forget about the coconuts (most of them in Leyte are coconut farm tenants), they laughed but quickly pointed out that they still need the coconuts (or the income they derived from it) to buy rice.  To me, that moment was poignant.  What that statement underlined is the elderly's concern as to where to source out their food, now that their primary source of income is gone.  

What served as an eye-opener to me in this week's trip is that the elderly often gets lumped in the "most vulnerable" category, one of the very first thing we looked for during rapid assessments.  And the danger in that is that their needs would also be "lumped" alongside the needs of the "others" when a more in-depth look into their needs should be undertaken.  I'm not saying the organizations working on the ground make this mistake.  If anything, I salute every organization that devote time, resources, heart, passion and soul trying to address life-saving concerns in an emergency situation. Without a doubt, intentions in this kind of "work" is always noble (not including the politicians who are doing it for media mileage and for their own self-interests).  What I'm merely saying is, there is a need to ensure that ample time and closer scrutiny is given in assessing the elderly's needs.  Of the 14 international organizations working on the ground now for Haiyan that we've reviewed, there is only one that specifically target the elderly and I truly admire them for it. They are now one of my "favorite" humanitarian organizations (including the one in which I belong to). 

True, an elderly's needs is very different.  In my case, it was such a learning experience.  For a moment, while making the rounds and conversing with them, I found myself at a loss.  Everything I knew about livelihoods recovery (which is not also a lot) took a back seat when I was confronted with the issues and needs of the elderly.  Of course you can’t just launch on a discussion on livelihoods with them.  To begin with, you can hardly expect them to just carry on and plant a coconut once you have given them seeds; or to stand up and start fishing once you supply them with boats and nets (Disclaimer: livelihoods recovery – specially in the context of Leyte where land is “lorded” over by “big” and influential families – is not as simple as providing seeds, boats and nets). 

I can’t describe the feeling I felt when I saw them getting off from habal-habal, some walking unsteadily on their own; or being assisted by a son or daughter just to get to the meeting.  The NGO informed us that they had requested only 10 to come for the FGD but apparently word got around and even those who are from a farther sitio, came in order to participate.  And I was like, we were not there to give anything; not even to promise anything; but to ask them questions.  I acknowledged that for most of them, it must have been difficult to come but they did.  I was torn between being moved with pity and being grateful for their eagerness to lend their time.  Some of them are only 63 years old and yet they look way, way older.  I couldn't help but compare them with my 80-year old Aunt who can still conduct her business on her own.  

At that particular moment, I was once again overwhelmed with the feeling that I’m pretty much like a ship, just passing by, getting a glimpse of their situation, hearing their stories, taking a bit of their lives by taking a bit of their time. 

Stories.  Indeed, I stumbled upon a lot of stories this week and this entry would become a very long narrative if I begin to expound on all of them.  But putting it simply, this week is definitely a gift.  I learned a lot, met beautiful souls from different situations and walk of life.  For a week I was privileged to have trodden a path very much laden with giving… of one’s time, one’s self, one’s life...  And I felt grateful for having the sensitivity to recognize all of that as well.  Coming from the perspective of 'having received,'  I was driven to also give equally, authentically and sincerely.  Thank you God for one of the best week of my life.  

Family Project: Read the Bible in One Year

Before this, we were never really diligent about reading the Bible, sad to say.  We do attend Sunday Mass and have novena days (Wednesdays) but we had yet to have that shared time for reading the Bible.  With Tatay and I having to travel (intermittently) on some days, we do have a problem in keeping everything consistent. Ironically, I get to pray more with the kids when I’m on travel because I make sure I call them up during bedtime.  When I’m at home, it isn’t always the case since they would usually be asleep by the time I enter the bedroom.

I got the idea from the “Daily Devotions” I gave the olds as a gift last Christmas.  It posted a challenge there about reading the Bible in one year.  Finding a common time was easy.  We made use of the time spent every morning driving from home to school/office.  Janin goes off in like 15 minutes from the house and so we have that.   

At first we started with a chapter a day.  So on our first day we had Genesis, Chapter 1.  However, as the “stories” become more and more interesting, they would often beg to add another chapter to it.  And so at times we’d finish 2 or even three chapters in a day.  The funny thing was when we were well into Joseph the dreamer’s story, especially that part when he’d met his brothers again in Egypt after such a long time, Tatay was one with the kids in begging to continue some more.  The account on their meeting again and Joseph pretending he doesn’t know them, must have intrigued him so much that come night time, Tatay even requested that we make that as the bedtime reading instead.  So funny, considering during the first few readings he was like always asking if we’re done already so he could turn on the car’s stereo.  That certainly had me exasperated and I had to bite my tongue to keep from “lecturing” him.

Lecturing.  Hmm… that part I had to be really careful.  I must admit there are times I want to point out to the kids the “lessons” behind the stories but at the same time I was aware that doing so might spoil everything for them.  I don’t want them to associate reading the Bible as a family with one of my “lecturing sessions” again, or worse, as one of “Nanay’s nagging session!”  But yeah, I do ask what struck them the most and yeah, there are times when I’d totally give in to the temptation of pointing out the lesson.  Thank God, that isn’t often though. 

It’s my first time to read the Genesis through and through and I was surprised with the details of the stories.  Having been raised in a “very-Catholic-very-Boholano” family, I grew up following some very strict tradition that goes with the faith.  And having had my education from Catholic schools from day 1 of Kindergarten till my very last day in College, I am indeed familiar with the stories of creation, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob. Who isn’t?  But reading everything through walked me through some “parts” that totally surprised me.  For starters, there were much allusion to “laying down” and with “partners” that are not exactly…err…”conventional,” for lack of a better word.  Since I’m reading for kids, I had to go around it.  Now I fully understood why these details are kept out of my “Christian Living” books and lessons. So in the end, I took to reading the chapters first myself and so I’d know how to tell them to the kids.  And of course I had to tell them about the context of that time.  It’s a difficult balancing act but we pray before each reading. Thanks to mine and now Rod’s “Christian Living” books and the kiddy Bible we have, I know which parts to read only to the kids. 

Next stop would be the book of Exodus.  I had to be away for a travel and so we had to have a pause. But I learned a lot from that first run and looking forward to reading and learning with the kids... God bless us. 

You know, Name?!

While in Manila, had an interesting phone conversation with Rod re his homework:

Rod: Nanay, sino ang unang family sa Davao? Five points pa naman, Nay. (Who are the first family in Davao?"

Me: Teka, di ko maintindihan. (I don't quite understand) First family, as in the one who sits as Mayor? Or first family as in long ago? Can you read your assignment to me?

And he did, quite well at that, in his cute little voice that made me miss him the more.  Then I told him "lumad" is the answer. He didn't quite believe me and even lectured me: "Name man daw, Nay. You know, name? Like Rod, Janin, Rodilyn... ganyan." in an almost condescending manner ::P

Co-Parenting a Son

Pre-script: Titled this initially as "Parenting a Son" but yeah, the truth is I'm co-parenting.  I'm not here on my own, it's a shared responsibility by Tatay and I.  And yeah, while I may be stuck with my own "brand" of parenting, I certainly do not have the monopoly of "doing the right thing" where parenting our children is concerned.  Tatay is such an able partner and father.  He's one of those modern Dads who don't mind taking on some roles normally relegated to "mothers" just to be Dad to his children and I appreciate him a lot for that.  This incident actually happened a few weeks back.  Just able to finish this last night and posted it now.

It's been a while since I reflected upon and wrote something about parenthood.  Well, it's been a while since I wrote my last entry here for that matter.  The incident this morning however made me realize I should really set aside time to do so, if only to give me time to detach myself from "breaking point" situations and gain a better perspective of things. Also, I remember how at one point, my journal had been so full of my thoughts and realizations about parenthood and the almost day-to-day account of "aha" and "hmm-moments" where parenting is concerned.    And as such, it’s like chronicling also my relationship with my son and how it changed over time.  It makes me think it might be something I’d love to revisit once my son would enter that “barkada phase” wherein no amount of cajoling would make him want to spend time with me. 

Anyway, as hubby accused me this morning, I take parenthood a tad too seriously.  Well, I take my responsibilities seriously and I just happen to think that from among the many "responsibilities" entrusted in my care to date, parenthood tops the list.  So yeah, I know where he is coming from and I do feel I need to have a sit-down session with “me” just to check whether or not I'm being way over the top.

It all started with a letter from school asking if Dad's could participate in a basketball tournament of sorts.  Yeah, Tatay plays football.  He'd played it all his life so he feels inept where basketball is concerned.  I forgot about that tiny detail.  What I saw with that letter was an opportunity for him to further foster his relationship with his son.  

I've been "somewhat" pushing him to spend more time with his son.  While I try to be a good parent as I can be, I know I can only do so much for my son. Eventually, it's his father's influence that would spell a big difference in his life.  And so the "pushing."  It's not that Tatay doesn't spend time with Rod, he does. In fact, it's him who picks up Rod from school every day.  He drives Rod in the morning as well but I'm usually there and it's more of a mom-and-son-time than theirs.  And yet to me, that isn't enough.  

When Rod turned 7, we had such elaborate plans for it, marking it as ushering him into "manhood."  He and Tatay went mountain climbing (Rod's first) at the crack of dawn on his birthday.    They even had an exchange of  matching “friendship bonds” when they got to the peak to mark the event.  What I envisioned to happen after that was that Tatay and Rod would have a regular “man –thing.”  But as it was, managing two stores got in the way.  My own hectic schedule did not help things any. Whatever sychro-schedule we do manage to get, we spend catching up as an entire family.  In short, there never was that just-him-and-Rod special moment.  And then that basketball-for-school thing happened.

So we got into this vacuum conversation this morning.  Vacuum, because I was putting forward my argument, bent on getting what I want and focused only on what I thought would be good for “my” son.  Tatay on the other hand was being truthful about basketball not being his thing and how he doesn’t want to make a fool of himself, getting into something he’s totally inept at.  In other words, we were not really making a connection.  We were both blind to the other’s point but our own.  So in truth, we weren’t really hearing each other.  Our ears respectively were tuned in only to hearing the other’s assent.  Getting neither, our argument continued.

As is often the case with me where this is concerned, I got emotional.  To me, at that point, everything else is secondary (if not irrelevant) to Rod’s getting that “manhood apprenticeship” from his own Dad.  At one point I got so frustrated I underlined to Tatay how serious parenting is to me and how it’s a consideration for every decision I had to make.  I emphasized as a mother I can only do so much for our son who is growing up fast every day.  In an outburst I said that if only I could grow a p***$ and manufacture testosterone for myself then I would and take on that role for my son.  That’s when he threw in that “me and parenting tad too seriously” line.

Looking back, Tatay of course has a point.  Asking him to play basketball in front of an entire school community is really pushing him up a wall.  True, I got a point as well but yeah, it’s starting to dawn on me that surely Tatay doesn’t have to go through lengths of embarrassing himself in front of a huge crowd.  Besides, that would also embarrass his son and not helping my cause at all.  And I am really sorry for having missed this point. It wasn't fair of me. Aside from being a mother, I am a partner also and ought to be mindful of his feelings and point of view as well.

There was a stage in my past wherein I considered my being too cerebral (translation: over-think things too much!) as somewhat of a curse but yeah, I’d take that anytime than go through life, half-blind, if at all “awake.”  Over the years, I’ve fine-tuned things a bit and learned to disregard wasteful thoughts (unnecessary fears, “projections” and other things that are really beyond my control) and just stick with what really matters.  So yeah, right now I appreciate the fact that I think things over, and that I afford myself some “breathing/brain space” to think things through.  I would like to believe and take comfort that by doing so, I ensure that I arrive at decisions that are most loving and just for all concerned.  But of course, all of these come hand-in-hand with prayer, meditation and being still...  Thank you, God. 

So Much

My being OC about completing a task I've started made me hesitate about leaving the store's books 'unbalanced' to attend to Forest's sleeping ritual.  Good thing wisdom prevailed and I was able to attend to her needs and also ended up introducing her to that 'Cat in the Hat.'  I tried to keep the reading animated and more interactive, knowing her tendency to turn her back on me and sleep while we're still in the middle of a story. 

For the first time, she was able to see the entire story through.  Soon after she moved to her usual sleeping position --  flat on her tummy with her face turned away from me.  But very distinctly I heard her whisper sleepily, "So much, Nay... Love you so much."

I'd take on extended hours of balancing the books anytime if only to hear her say that again... Thank you, God for making it possible (despite my many roles) for me to spend quality time with my little one.  Thank you for the sustained strength and the guiding Presence that allows me to choose wisely every time...

The Orbital Blog

Pre-post note:  While it hasn't become a "tradition" yet, I do try my best to come up with a birthday blog because it gives me the opportunity to take stock of how I've been leading my life and how far along am I in my journey towards the unfolding of my truth...  The post below was done on the eve of this year's birthday.  In the middle of a very big event, I was grateful to have found the time to sit down, get in touch with my feelings and pen them down...

03 July 2013
11:30 PM
Working on a birthday. I remember a few weeks back how I was mulling the possibility of taking a birthday leave. Was really very busy lately, with quite a hectic travel schedule also thrown in the mix. I figured, I earned 3-day leave credits from having my field visits fall on a holiday and 2 weekend days. I might as well claim at least a day.

Yet, here I am, on the eve of my birthday, just wrapped up a press release article for tomorrow and making a list of the things that needed to be addressed by tomorrow as well. But, I'm not complaining one bit. If anything, thinking about the whole thing got me started on the process of counting my blessings.

For Peace. The activity in question is a "Peace" Summit. I feel privileged to have been given a chance to be a part of it. That I am making a contribution, albeit minute, underlines to me how I wouldn't want to live my life in any other way. Again, I'm filled with a sense of gratitude, thinking about my life and my work that gives me the opportunity to pursue my own passions, beliefs and things that I feel lend more meaning to who I am.

Indeed, I have a lot to be grateful for. This afternoon, while I was busy attending to my task it suddenly dawned on me that some of my closest friends and the recent acquaintances who have come to mean so much are also pursuing the same passion, pushing for the same advocacy, giving so much of themselves to the same causes I also believe in. Sitting there, I suddenly realized how at that very instant I am surrounded with persons who had done and are still doing so much for peace in Mindanao.

It felt good to hear the "veterans" talk.  It is inspiring to realize that they have been in this "struggle" the longest and must have faced countless defeat and disappointments and yet they do not sound jaded at all. If anything the message I hear from them is: "Let us go on!  Let us continue working for peace. Something needs to be done. Let us be proactive and leave nothing to chance.  Let us make things happen!"  Ah, such indefatigable spirit.

And so I count another blessing.  Truly Mindanao is a land of promise.  Personally, more than a promise, Mindanao is a land of dreams.  It is where dreams are made... dreams and longing for peace and better quality of life for every Mindanaoans -- women, men and children...

That I was born and raised amidst the richness of its culture, the bountifulness of its natural wealth and the beauty of its people (such steadfast, earnest people with so much love and passion for nature, for community, for truth...), is such a blessing indeed.  As any Mindanaoan, the land helped shape who I am, what my beliefs and values are, and the things I want to pursue.

God... Abba... Father... truly You have given me so much.  Looking back on how my life was and how it is shaping to be, I feel Your loving presence in every step of the way.  Even on my trying moments I never felt forsaken. I feel Your gentle nudging and constant guidance.  For that, I could not thank You enough.

Thank You for the quality of friendships and relationships You've gifted me with.  Such genuine, loving souls, You've surrounded me.  I could not count with my hands all the people who have loved, inspired and taught me to be the person that I am now.  They manifest to me Your loving, nurturing presence.

It is such a wonderful, wonderful journey, Lord.  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Posts that never got finished: On Leaving 2011 Behind (My thoughts on my work)

I stumbled across several entries saved as "drafts" that I never really had a chance to complete for one reason or another.  Below is one of them.  I think I attempted to write my "new-yearly" blogs but got distracted or too busy to ever complete it.  I felt the need to post it so I would be reminded of how I feel about my work... of working... 

It still surprises me, reading this now, how much value I put into what I do and into being able to make a contribution. Reading this now, I am once again reminded about the things that I value and how differently I "operate."  I put so much premium in finding meaning in everything and I'm sure it could be both a boon and a bane.  It is good to be reminded by this.  So... as I again try to find my center... I can be reminded why I make the choices that I do and why I act a certain way and to try to find my truth amidst it all.

Two days from now and it's another year. 2011 would probably be my busiest (judging from the two entry I've only managed to pen down this year). It's as if I just buzzed through this year, having a lot of things to do. Foremost, I'm a Mom to a daughter who just turned one this year and juggling a career on top of that.

Funny at how I hesitate at having to use the word, "career." To me the word connotes something external, that one actively pursues to gain other people's approval or something. It leaves a bad taste to my mouth, somewhat. My work, the one that I do, is to me something very personal. It is something that is very much a part of "me." To me, my work is not something that I do from without but something that I get involved in, to further shape what's within...

There may be times that I complain about being tired but in truth, I love to work. I love being productive and being able to contribute to a bigger cause out there. While my family may be very important to me, being able to work afford me with another great opportunity for self-expression. In other words, my work helps define who I am and a great deal at that because it allows me to utilize my talents and build my skill on a lot of things. But then, I digress once again.

What I'm really trying to point out is that... 

Finding Center

Restless...
Wanting to be somewhere else but not knowing exactly where...
Present and wandering all at once...
Rooted and yet yearning...
Centered but diffused just the same...
Calm and accepting... and yet also reaching out...
Steady and stretched, all in a bundle...

I miss... you.

Non-profit

Rod, who is ever entrepreneurial, is at it again. When I told him to find ways this summer to grow his travel savings, he proudly told me they made and sold ice candy earlier today. 

I congratulated him on his 6-peso earnings only to be aghast at finding out they made use of our organic cocoa drink which sells at 100++ peso per small bottle. Lugi ang negosyo! Hehe But saluting the entrepreneurial spirit just the same

Being a Man, as St. Joseph Exemplifies

This morning, I attended the Misa de Galleo in Ateneo Grade School chapel since the Grade One community is one of the sponsors.  I’m on my third day this year and hoping to make it till the 9^th.

The priest’s take on today’s gospel was insightful. When normally, it would either be Mama Mary or Baby Jesus who would be highlighted, he focused instead on St. Joseph.  He started by sharing how last night, he had an interview with a young couple set to take the sacrament of the Holy Matrimony.  He pointed out how the excitement and anticipation that both feel for the occasion was very apparent.  He noted that this could very well be how St Joseph felt at the prospect of marrying Mary, only to find out that Mary is already pregnant.

The priest painted a “good” person in Joseph in the latter's opting to just “quietly” divorce Mary.  What the priest did not point out, but what I was made to think of, was that in those times, women like Mary would be executed -- stoned to death.  

On Life Saving and Livelihoods

Note: I accidentally deleted this very same entry earlier.  Posted this last week.  In the process, I also deleted the comments given :( My apologies, but thank you for your kind words :)

It’s Sunday afternoon but I am in the office, sitting in a huddle as we discussed the reports coming from the ground.  Rapid assessment teams had been fielded the day after Typhoon Bopha had wreaked havoc on the various towns in Compostela Valley and Davao Oriental – New Bataan, Compostela, Laak, Baganga, Boston and Cateel the most affected. 

We sat there as reports are being relayed to us.  Most of what was said, we’ve already read on the online reports and seen on television.  However, when the discussion moved on to the affected livelihoods, my interest got peaked and I’m pretty sure, for a lot of us in the room as well.

Visiting Laak

HRC and Oxfam distribute hygiene and water kits to residents of Brgy. Kidawa in Laak

    A resident of Brgy. Kidawa in Laak, Compostela Valley, 51-year old Susan Unuangay looks pensively at the land before her – the muddy, now-unproductive rice fields and the barren mountains beyond. She shared, “Karon pa mi kita na ana diay ang porma anang mga bukida. Sa una, ga-green-green ra na siya, puno ug punuan. Mao bugnaw kini among lugar. Karon, musakit imong ulo, sa kasuga sa adlaw.” (It is only now that we know that the mountains are shaped that way. Before, we see nothing but green because of the trees. We also used to enjoy cooler days now, our heads would ache because of the glaring heat of the sun.)

I could hear from the bedroom Rod calling out distinctly from the kitchen: "Nanay, kunin mo si Forest dito!" And Forest answering in her singsong but equally determined voice, "Hindi!!" Again Rod: "Nanay, kunin mo na talaga si Forest. Kunin mo na talaga!!!" And Forest countering, "Hindi! Hindiii!" Haha! What bliss. Turned out Forest is playong with water and doesn't want to be interrupted tongue emoticon 

Tatay, you're missing a lot! Even your panga and sashimi there in GenSan could not top being with these makukulit na kiddos. Ingat sa byahe.