It's 12:22 AM but Bolo and I just came in from watching a movie. It's been a while since we were able to go on a "date." We watched "Kasal, Kasalo, Kasali," which is a romantic comedy. The trailer looked funny enough and I've been having friends recommending that I see it.
Well, the movie was funny. Some part of it gave insights on what married life is like. Still, living the life firsthand I could say most of the things presented in the movie are exaggerated (of course! It's fiction, after all). Still it drove home the point that marriage is a "union" of two different individuals with different backgrounds trying to make "being together" work despite the differences. It talks about commitment and making choices.
There was this scene in the movie that I truly found funny but at the same time also struck me. I think the reason I thought it funny was because I identified with it. In the scene, the two main lead (hubby and wife) were trying to resolve a conflict between themselves. They agreed to talk out their issues. The hubby then brought the wife to a restaurant to do just that. It turned out that he brought her to the same restaurant where they got engaged. The girl made an issue out of it. She chided the hubby, accused him of staging everything by bringing her to the restaurant. The hubby's response really threw me :) He said off-handedly that the girl is so full of drama. He said that he did not bring her there for anything other than the thought that she might want to eat some Hototay soup.
Full of drama. This might be an "ungender" thing to say but women do have the tendency to be so over-dramatic. Even I am guilty of that. I tend to put in so much meaning in what is really just an ordinary, mundane experience. This is most specially the case when it concerns romantic relationships.
Putting in much meaning on something where there should be nothing at all. Oh, I'm guilty of this alright. I think I conducted all my relationships from high school up until early adulthood in this manner. Well, truthfully, I think even my present relationships. I am guilty of putting much meaning for every situation I find myself in.
Ah, there's this particular experience that I'm remembering. At one point in my life I had become greatly infatuated with someone. Sure, that is normal and everyone passes through such stage. But hey, become infatuated with someone I haven't really met yet? Well, I met the significant other in the whole wide world of the internet hehe I met him when "chatrooms" are at its earliest phase, when very few could only understand what "asl," "lol" and "roflol" means hehehe Hmm... I guess there is really nothing "normal" about that huh?
Oh, I've seen it happen to others and I guess it's not really as weird as it sounds. All I'm saying is that what fed my infatuation -- I kept at it for three years? on and off? -- was my tendency to put in so much meaning when there is really none in the first place.
That the guy and I shared the same passion on certain things, I took that very strongly. When his emails would somehow "answer" the questions in my emails when they are still well on their way to him -- I definitely did put in so much meaning into that. All the littlest of circumstances I placed in the label of "destiny," of serendipity. It was no wonder I was so infatuated like crazy.
Oh, but this is not to say that I felt sorry all those things happened. That part of my life is something I still value for the reason that there were indeed "beautiful" conversations shared then. That and the fact that it made me get to know myself better in that light.
Back to the issue of putting meaning on things... I guess there is really nothing wrong with that. I mean, it is better to give something some meaning than to look at things and life in such a bleak manner. Yet a part of me also believe that of course this is wrong. It is wrong because it is also tantamount to fooling oneself. And with that there is that degree of "untruthfulness." What the heck, it is being untruthful, period. And truth could and should never be compromised... Especially so if it has something to do with oneself.
Being true to oneself is the one gift -- if not the ultimate gift -- you could give to yourself. I mean, the whole world could go ahead and fool you but yourself? I think, more than anything, we owe that much to ourselves. And yet a part of me disagrees... Because sometimes it is a lot nicer to look at life behind rose-colored lenses. Life seems more interesting, more beautiful that way... And life is harsh enough in itself (sometimes) that it is "good" if we allow ourselves a little dose of indulgence... Still, there is danger in that you know... Especially so if it will compromise your very being.
Reading on too many meaning on things is really tantamount to fooling oneself, making oneself believe there is so much value on something when there is really nothing there to begin with. And indulging in the habit, if one would really look at it more closely, would be like stalling one's own becoming. I mean how can you grow if you are not able to look at things truthfully? If your understanding of situations is colored by your own romantic, dramatic inclinations?
I believe things happen for a reason. I believe persons come into our lives because they have a message to deliver. Either that or they come because we needed a push towards certain directions. If we are to "misread" everything because of our inclination to "sugar-coat" then how can we truly appreciate the real value of every situation and of every person? The real value that would propel us to the right direction of where the unfolding of our own truth is concerned?
I mean, sure, these are harsh words. I find them harsh myself. Why? Because "sugar-coating" is like being drunk, you know. And sometimes there is bliss in momentary intoxication. But I sit here and I think, I have to be faithful to my core values -- no matter how difficult it could be. Because at the end of the day, nothing really matters but the truth -- my truth. And it all boils down to choices really. I know that what would give my life meaning really is reaching my own becoming. And the choices are -- I could do it the shortest, possible, often-more arduous way or the longest (could often lead to being lost and losing sight of your goal) way there is.
Oh, I sure still am a long way to go where this is concerned. So Father God please help me.
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