Aletheia (Tata's page): The List

Thursday, February 10, 2005

The List

I was leafing through one of my journals last night when I came across this list:

Cares so much for other people
Has capacity for depth
Has capacity for deep feelings
Who can be moved by the sight of a sunrise, or while standing on top of a mountain and gazing at all of God's creation below
Who can be equally moved by a simple moment, by a simple situation which is really as equally important as a glorious sunrise or a majestic mountain
Who is "involved" in life and in the world
Has a passion for life and the many possibilities it holds
Has thirst for learning, knowledge

I know I need not elaborate what that particular list is for. I was asailed by many thoughts soon after... And as if on cue, I also came across an old CD I have of the Ally McBeal Soundtrack volume 2. It's been a long time since I've played that CD. I looked at it and wondered what made this particular CD really special that I included it in my compact cary-it-all CD case. It meant I wanted to take it everywhere I go. I knew it was a pretty good collection but I knew there's something special about this CD. I knew it has something to do with a particular song or songs in it. I just couldn't remember what. I could remember though that there was a time that this particular CD has become some kind of a "national anthem" to me. It had become a personal "flavor of the month" for some time. I could vaguely recall playing it over and over before -- as with the other CDs that had become a "theme song" of sorts that somewhat fit whatever state of being I'm in at a given time. So, to find out, I played it.

The first few songs were interesting enough. I said to myself that it is a good collection. At the same time, I could sense myself tensing. It's as if I'm looking forward to a particular song. That was pretty weird. And then... towards the very end of the CD, it played... The "soft" intro itself threw me already. I felt sort of jolted. And then I began to remember... the feelings... the state of being I was in... my past hopes... dreams... convictions...

In hindsight now, that was pretty much of a coincidence -- finding the journal and the CD at the same time. I know the universe is trying to tell me something... And I'm not quite sure if I'm ready enough to finally listen to its promptings and urges. At the same time, I am not confident with how I'm reading all these signs. After all, I could be wrong. What I might construe as real might be untrue altogether. But I have faith and I still cling to this belief -- "that no matter if the seeker could waver and be lost along the way, always trust that the spiritual path is always there and is constant." Or, words to that effect. I got that from Coelho, in one of his books. I have just forgotten which particular book. But it is indeed true. Sigh. Once again, I'm not sure where life may lead me. I just hope that I'd be able to fulfill whatever it is that I have intended to fulfill in this lifetime. I hope my own folly won't take me to a different path, that would take me somewhere else than where God intended...

I Know Him By Heart

(By Vonda Shepard)

There's a secret path I follow

To a place no one can find

Where I meet my perfect someone

I've kept hidden in my mind

Where my heart makes my decisions

'Till my dream becomes a vision

And the love I feel Makes him real someday.

'Cause I know he's out there somewhere

Just beyond my reach

Though I've never really touched him

Or ever heard him speak

Though we've never been together

We've never been apart

No we've never met

Haven't found him yet

But I know him by heart

Am I living in an illusion?

Wanting something I can't see

If I compromise, I'd be living lies

Pretending love's not meant to be

'Cause I know my heart's worth saving

And I know that he'll be waiting

So I'll hold on and I'll stay strong 'till then